I remember feeling like I won the lottery after receiving a job offer about two years ago.
Accepting it would mean I would be making well over $10,000 more than I was making at that moment, receiving bomb ass benefits including tuition reimbursement for my dream graduate school, and working for an institution that would give credibility out here in these corporate skreets. I thought the universe had heard my cries and prayers over the years where I worked jobs that I admit were pretty fun, purposeful, and life-altering but left me straining in the finance department.
Three months in, struggling to get out of bed in the morning and waking up with the anxiety that comes with a demanding corporate environment, I was facing a reality that comes from the failure to read the fine print. I realized God had indeed blessed me with a lesson early on in life that some have to wait a lifetime to learn:
Money is not the root of your happiness because nothing...I mean NOTHING outside of yourself can make you happy.
I admit I played deaf during my interview when they proudly exclaimed, "We have a high turnover rate at around 1-2 years," because as a recent graduate with more credit card debt and loans to pay off than I anticipated having, securing a job that would pay me the most money regardless of my role within it, seemed like the best option for me at the time.
I come to you humbled, urging you to be more specific with your prayers and to really determine what it is that you value the most in your everyday life. Is more money worth it at the expense of your work-life balance? Is pursuing a position with a generous vacation package really worth it if the demands of your job will basically prohibit you from reaping the fruits of your labor? Do amazing health benefits seem as attractive when you know that the stress of your position will weigh heavily on your health?
Before you chase the bag, define it.
I know that the bag that I am chasing is full of purpose, peace of mind, and the ability to use my natural talents to bring joy and hope to many while affording a comfortable lifestyle.
I propose that while carefully planning your next move to bigger and better career opportunities, that you learn how to find the value in your life and income now, so that when you receive career offers that seemingly will add to the bag, you can look at them with a clear-eyed view in reference to your purpose and your visions. Here are some questions to ask yourself for further clarity:
Does Money Burn In My Pocket?
When Kanye had some sense left, he uttered, "I have a problem with spending before I get it", and that is an issue that will lead to misfortune no matter how much you make. Overspending is more mental than derived out of actual necessity because most of the time after you run up your credit cards or burn through your check, you will find that you have little to show for it.
A great remedy to this is affirming that you see the value in your every day life, which means that you take a hard look of all that you have been blessed with presently and find the use of it. You have a fridge, a stove, a place to lay your head, and two working hands?! Instead of dining out, stay in and cook with friends or family. Instead of happy hour with the girls, invite them back for some homemade margaritas and mimosas. Fill your life with experiences that will create long-lasting positive feelings and memories more often, and you will learn the best things in life are free or at least super affordable!
Am I Spending Out Of Habit Or Out Of Necessity?
Does the thought of leaving your debit card at home on a mundane Tuesday sound like a nightmare? That can be a sign that you are doing more swiping during your downtime than what is healthy for your budget. 'No spend days' are the days of the week where outside of emergencies, your debit card should be safely tucked into your wallet. This is a great way to be intentional about your spending.
Just as social media fasts help clear your mind from the constant notifications of the virtual world, designating at least two days of no spending will show you how many times you reach for your card when it is plain old unnecessary. Just because it's on sale does not mean it's a sign from the universe for you to buy it. Just because you have a few bucks left from your paycheck from last week does not mean you need to spend it.
Is There A Way I Can Pay Myself Back?
When you change your attitude towards money from, "I can never have enough" to, "I have money everywhere, and it comes to me easily," just watch your circumstances change. There is actually a microsavings app called Digit, that will show you that even when you think you do not have a whole lot coming in, there is enough to stash away for something special. By looking at your spending habits, the app tucks away small increments as low as $.50 to as high as $10 at a time in a way that is painless and goes into a savings account that is out of sight and out of mind. If that is not your style, there are plenty of cards with a cash back bonus or a point system that allow you to accumulate air miles. Unfortunately, the freedom of adulthood comes with many expenses, so if you are going to spend it anyway, it is great to have some added perks.
Taking a serious look at your habits and thoughts about money will lead you to make better decisions when you get that raise or that higher paying position, and will remind you that there are parts of your life that are more valuable than how much you make. Let's start focusing on what we make of it.
Feature image by Getty Images.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Want That Promotion? Lily Doxy Says You Have To Treat Your Job Like A Business – Read More
Chef Ashley Rouse Left Her Corporate Job To Pursue Her Dreams, Here's How You Can Too – Read More
4 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Give Up On Your Business – Read More
This Is Why Millennials Crave Work-Life Balance – Read More
RELATED
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Eldest Daughter Syndrome had its viral moment online last year, and for good reason. The term gave language to the silent pressures so many eldest daughters tend to carry as a result of their birth order. Beyond that very needed conversation, birth order as a whole can offer insight into not only our traits and tendencies, but also how we show up in life, love, and even our work.
Below, we’re breaking down the traits most commonly associated with each birth order. Keep reading to learn what your birth order might say about you.
If you are the oldest...
Let's be real, being the firstborn often comes with a lot of responsibility. And it's usually not by choice. From early on, they’re the ones who set the tone, carry the weight, and take on the title of "the responsible one." Because of that, they often grow into reliable, high-achieving adults. But the pressure of being "the blueprint" and the one to "lead by example" can also be a heavy burden to bear.
Oldest child traits may look like:
- Natural leaders that take charge even when they didn’t mean to (read: she's bossy, but keeping it cute)
- High standards (for yourself and everyone else)
- Motivated, goal-oriented, and always chasing that next accomplishment
- Reliable and conscientious
- Perfectionist tendencies that can lead to burnout
- Struggles with being controlling or micromanaging
- Often cautious, craving stability over spontaneity
- Finds it hard to rest or ask for help
If you are the middle child...
Season 2 Netflix GIF by Gilmore Girls GiphyIn the grand scheme of the birth order lineup, the middle child can be the quiet MVPs. As the child who falls in the order "in-between," they’re used to being the one who keeps the peace while also fighting to stand out. But being the “in-between” can also mean feeling overlooked or forgotten. In some families, especially ones with toxic dynamics, the middle child may even take on the role of the "black sheep," while their siblings are seen as the golden children. Still, despite (or maybe because of) that, middle children tend to thrive socially and can read a room like the back of their hand.
Middle child traits may include:
- Top-tier peacemakers who can smooth over almost any situation
- Adaptable and easygoing (even when they’re lowkey screaming inside)
- Often feel overlooked or like they have to do the most to be seen
- People-pleasers who put everyone else first
- Social butterflies and community-minded, with strong friendships outside the family
- Can be rebellious when they feel boxed in
- Thrive when they’re allowed to define success on their own terms
- The ultimate go-between, translating vibes between generations, personalities, and moods
If you are the youngest...
Season 1 Ff GIF by FreeformGiphyThe baby of the family walks through life knowing how to charm, persuade, and perform. They often grow up with more freedom and fewer expectations, which fuels their adventurous and carefree side. But that same freedom can sometimes lead to entitlement, or a tendency to seek validation by being the "fun one."
Youngest child traits might include:
- Social butterflies who light up a room and don’t mind the spotlight
- Natural charmers, funny, flirtatious, and usually down for anything
- Can be a little self-centered or attention-seeking (but you still love them for it)
- Tend to keep things uncomplicated… unless they’re not getting their way
- Known to be manipulative when trying to get what they want
- Free-spirited and bold in their choices
- Often underestimated, but capable of big things when they focus
- Thrive in spaces that let them express, explore, and be a little extra
If you are the only child...
High School Drama GIF by HBO MaxGiphyOnly children can be the ultimate "one woman show" as they are often a mix of all the birth orders rolled into one. Without siblings, they learn to entertain themselves, advocate for their needs, and navigate adult conversations early. That independence can make them magnetic, mature, and deeply introspective, but it also comes with a deep craving for validation and control.
Only child traits can include:
- Mature and wise beyond their years, often viewed as old souls
- Conscientious and responsible, usually the go-to person in their circle
- Seek approval and validation more than they let on
- Natural leaders with big ideas and even bigger plans
- Can be sensitive and deeply affected by criticism
- Prefer structure, routines, and control (sometimes to a fault)
- Like things done their way (and don’t love compromising)
- Thrive in solitude but still want to feel seen and celebrated
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by KALA STUDIO/Getty Images