

Have you ever felt like there are never enough hours in the day? Like, if you had to count off your checklist items on your fingers, you would be down to your fingers and toes?
Not to mention that it's officially November, so it's basically Thanksgiving-Christmas-New Year's, meaning you have two months to cross off your NYE resolutions from this year and somehow catch up on your resolutions from last year. And, you still have to function day-to-day while there are still passion projects that have yet to be started, plane tickets that have yet to be booked, and waists that have yet to be snatched.
You want to do it all, but time is not on your side. How do you find balance and manage stress when your life is constantly a tightrope?
Related: An Open Letter To Overcommited Ladies
I recently connected with one of my mentors to discuss juggling a full workload while maintaining a decent quality of life and she dropped a gem that has shaped the way I view balance. She said:
"Balance is not something you find, it is something you create."
Let that simmer for a bit. Yes, it's so simple, but a powerful philosophy when truly maximized.
Many of us are attempting to go with the flow in day-to-day lifestyles that are more akin to whitewater rafting. It's remarkable how stressed we can be about companies we don't own, people who take us for granted, and problems we did not create.
Time to meditate or even visit a mental health professional will not magically find their way into our crazy schedules unless prioritized. The stress we have justified as "normal" can compound and manifest into truly toxic conditions if not actively managed. Per CDC and ADA research cited by Dr. Inger E. Burnett-Zeigler in her Op-Ed for the NY Times:
"Black women are more likely than white women to have stress related to family, employment, finances, discrimination, or racism. Black women are more likely to be depressed, and when they are, their symptoms are more severe, last longer, and are more likely to interfere with their ability to function at work, school, and home. Black women are more likely to have feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and worthlessness. And yet fewer than 50 percent of black adults with mental health needs receive treatment…
"Many of us [black women] have been conditioned to believe that we must be strong to survive. But we cannot hold up the strength of black women without acknowledging the stress that comes with it. Otherwise, we set unreasonable expectations for what black women should be able to endure."
Creating balance is not just a "nice thing to do". It might be your lifeline.
Are you struggling to create balance in your life? Here are 6 tips to point you in the right direction.
Say “No” And Prioritize Your Non-negotiables
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I'll say it now and you'll hear it time and time again. The holy grail of time management truly is: "just say no". Yes, hell will threaten to freeze over. Tears will be shed. You might even threaten to renege your refusal, but stay strong. You teach people how to treat you — how to need you. There are certain exceptions that you will determine on a case by case basis, but that promotion and raise may not have the same long-term value if you have a mental breakdown and cannot return. Make sure you are actively prioritizing self-care regimens that help you balance stress, especially eating and sleeping properly. It all comes full circle.
Disconnect
Our generation, in particular, struggles with self-induced stress, unrealistic expectations, and paranoia from constant social media consumption.
You were perfectly fine with your job and your apartment, but suddenly, you feel hopelessly behind since you learned that your line sister's cousin's sister who you follow on Instagram has just been promoted to partner at 26 years old and is moving into a brand new mansion with her part-time model/NFL player fiancé.
All of the notifications, instant messages, and retweets can grow to become major stressors, if not a considerable distraction, eating away at your valuable time.
Social media aside, spending countless hours checking emails and taking work calls during your personal time also adds to your stress levels. When it's within your control, step away and disconnect every once in while. "Balance" what energy and expectations you set for yourself.
Protect Your Peace
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That being said, protect your peace. Everyone has that one friend who never has anything positive to say. You were already stressed before, but her energy brought your happiness from a 6 down to a 3.5 within minutes of meeting up. Her energy is not a destressor, it's a stress inducer.
Life is too short and your time is too valuable to stretch yourself so thin for those that do not add value to your life. We want to be there for everyone, but sometimes, we have to put ourselves first. Protect your peace.
Know Your “Top 5”
When I was a freshman in college and trying to join every club and activity under the sun, a mentor sat me down and taught me to live by the "Rule of 5": You should never fully invest your time in more projects and activities than what you can fit on your 5 fingers.
Work/school is one finger, sleep is another finger, being in a relationship is a finger (maybe even two!), and so on… You really don't have as much capacity as you think.
There is no way you feasibly juggle work, exercise, a prayer life, a hectic family schedule, 6 boyfriends, 18 best friends, 32 passion projects, and a good night's rest all at once. You can try, but things will fall through the cracks. Pick your Top 5 and fully invest. Know your equation.
Plan Ahead
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Organization is key. When your time is particularly limited, it is truly within your best interest to stay organized and proactively schedule important dates and events into your calendar. And, don't forget to block out dates in your calendar just for YOU.
*pencils wash day into calendar*
Procrastination as a general habit can add layers of stress and imbalance to your life - even if it's a fine tuned "skill" that you have learned to depend on. Don't put off organizing your life and being intentional about the things that bring you balance.
Related: 5 Things You've Probably Said If You're A Procrastinating Perfectionist
Be Mindful Of Your Diet And Exercise
Last, but not least, your diet and exercise have been scientifically proven to be integral components in regard to maintaining energy and reducing stress. You know this, I know this. That 30-minute power walk just might give you the 3-hour boost you need to finish that pitch presentation.
Prioritize healthy living so you can maintain the schedule that you so desperately need to balance.
Balance starts and ends with what you let in, by, and around you. Don't let your life run you ragged. Take your power back.
Learn more about time management and self-care from leading ladies in xoNecole's on-going series: Finding Balance.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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Self-Validation, No Meals After 5 P.M. & The Wellness Rituals That Helped Lizzo Take Her Power Back
Don't let the "weight release" fool you, Lizzo's transformation wasn't just physical. It was spiritual, emotional, and deeply personal. In her Women's Health cover story, the "Good As Hell" artist opened up about the low point that became the catalyst for radical change in her life, inside and out.
In the summer of 2023, Lizzo found herself at the center of what she calls painful allegations when some of her former dancers filed a lawsuit against her. The 37-year-old singer has denied their claims, and though she has experienced "backlash my entire career," going through such legal woes coupled with public scrutiny proved to be detrimental to her mental health, leading her to one of the darkest periods of her life.
She told Women's Health, "I got very paranoid and isolated. I wasn’t even talking to my therapist. I wasn’t present. I wasn’t open. I wasn’t myself anymore."
After spending months in isolation, Lizzo, whose real name is Melissa Viviane Jefferson, decided to go to a tour stop on the Renaissance World Tour. She was nervous that the public would shun her, boo her, or reject her, but instead, she was embraced. It shifted something in her and after feeling so in the dark, she saw the light again. "It made me feel like, wow, maybe I don’t want to die," she shared with Women's Health.
"That was the kick-starter to me being like, ‘Okay, Melissa, get your ass in gear and take your f*cking life back.’"
Her first step in Operation Get Your Life Back? Cutting out the external noise. She gave her team total control of her social media and stopped looking at comments. "My validation was from external sources, people telling me they loved me, or that I look good, and accepting me," she explained. "But if that’s all I’m getting my validation from, when it changes—and it will, because people are not always going to like you—what happens? Where are you going to get your love from?"
Lizzo continued, "I can convince myself that I’m beautiful, my body fine, no matter how big or small. But reminding myself that you can’t let others tell you who you are—that was hard work."
Lizzo started going to therapy again, she started practicing quigong meditation, reading books, journaling, and doing sound baths. She released unhealthy relationships, drank echinacea tea, and began incorporating Pilates as a means to "feel sacred" and "be gentle" with herself.
But what many have interpreted as a "weight loss transformation" after she popped out sharing she met her "weight release" goal earlier this year, Lizzo has clarified that it has been something deeper for her than the aesthetic of a smaller body. "I wanted to be big-girl skinny," she told the mag. "Every big girl knows what I’m talking about. Big-girl skinny is 250 pounds." According to her, it was her back issues that inspired her to take the physical part of her wellness journey seriously.
I DID IT! #weightrelease
@lizzo I DID IT! #weightrelease
Through her friend Kelly Rowland, she linked up with her now-trainer Marvin Telp and developed a fitness regimen that prioritized strength and intention. Her weekly schedule now includes moves like single-leg deadlifts, reverse flies, and lateral lunges, along with infrared sauna sessions and cardio. Add to that a change in eating habits after realizing her vegan diet no longer served her (to be fair, she wasn't doing the vegan thing the "healthiest" way).
All the meat substitutes, bread, cashew cheese, and soy left her bloated and lightheaded, so now she's switched things up a bit to fill the nutritional gaps. When it comes to diet, it's heavy on the protein and vegetables for Lizzo. A typical day eating looks like scrambled eggs and cauliflower hash browns for breakfast, Thai chicken salad or lettuce wraps for lunch, and turkey meatloaf with greens for dinner.
She also has a strict cutoff of no meals after 5 p.m. to support her GERD and give her body the time it needs before bed to digest her food sans the acid reflux. Of her relationship with food and wellness, she told Women's Health, "There's a balance. I think that's what true health is."
Read Lizzo's full cover story with Women's Health here.
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