Quantcast
Dear Queen: An Open Letter To My Ladies Who Always Have Too Much On Their Plates

Dear Queen: An Open Letter To My Ladies Who Always Have Too Much On Their Plates

#tooblessedtobestressed

Dear Queen

Dear Queen:


As you are reading this, you're probably multitasking four different projects, agreed to squeeze in your best friend for lunch despite your hectic morning schedule, and are in the process of finalizing the finishing touches on your new business venture, which you do in your "free time". You do it all and make it look easy, but we know it's a skill – a gift, to be exact.

Some may say the sun makes the world go-round, but it's really us.

We are the emergency call when our friends need someone to review their resumes, the people our co-workers turn to when they need a second look over a presentation, the people who stay up until 2:00am making chili to bring to the church potluck, the moms working full-time jobs and still double checking homework problems, the "I remember today is your birthday" people, the "Don't worry, I gotchu" people, the hands you high-five on a good day, and the hands you hold onto on a bad day.

We are superwomen in a world that constantly needs saving…and we are tiredt.

Far too often, black women are regarded as some kind of magical medicine for societal issues. Time and time again, particularly on social media, I see posts suggesting that the problematic independent decisions of irresponsible people can be cured with a black woman's touch. Our country is a mess? Oprah for President! Kanye is acting a fool? Where's his black mama?

Black women are not your blanket.

The same pedestal that has branded us as being reliable and emotionally invested in always bettering the world around us is the same pedestal from which we can fall to our demise by juggling too many things at once. Right now, we're the coach, player, and referee. Running up and down, down and up, and feel like if we said, "No," the world would fall apart. But, who dries our tears when the pressure becomes too much? Who is our emergency call?

Have you ever stopped and taken the time to think about what would happen if you said "no" for a change? Believe it or not: life keeps moving forward. The same people we have taught to call us 24/7 will find other sources and maybe even step up to the plate every once in a while. I promise.

There is a big difference between being a "yes woman" and "yasss woman".

If it truly excites you, gets your juices flowing, and adds value to your life, say "yasss" to it. But, if you are only saying "yes" out of obligation or fear of disappointing others, say "no" and don't look back.

My grandma loves to say, "Someone who is drowning will pull others down with them."

Translation: You can't help others without helping yourself first, and it's the gospel truth.

We can't save the world if we are constantly running on E with our edges falling out. It will not be easy, but it will be for the best.

Focus on self-care, prioritize your responsibilities, save the world, but k(no)w yourself – say "no", so you can say "yasss" to things you truly care about. Go, girl.

Sincerely,

Your Fellow Overachiever & Newly Converted Yasss Woman

Dear Queen is a weekly series dedicated to letters from women written for themselves and other women. Have a "Dear Queen" letter? We want to read it! E-mail your letters to editor@xonecole.com. Subject: 'Dear Queen'

*Featured image via Raheel Yanful courtesy of the writer

A Black woman in a white bathrobe with a white towel wrapped around her head smiles

With a YouTube channel that boasts millions of views from her hair and skincare tutorials, beauty influencer Candice Jones knows what it takes to look great on the outside. But when it came to her mental wellbeing, Jones started feeling a disconnect. “Because a lot of the things that I was seeing on social media like: take a bath, pour you some wine,” Jones tells xoNecole about her initial attempts at self-care. “I was doing all of those aesthetic things, but it wasn't making me feel better.”

Keep reading...Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.
We Are Still Under SZA's CTRL

This month, SZA released the deluxe version of her debut album CTRL in observance of the fifth year anniversary of the album’s release. Featuring previously unreleased tracks, including an alternate version of “Love Galore,” which fans got an opportunity to hear during one of the Grammy-winning singer’s live performances, the revamped collection of songs has given fans a chance to reflect on life when the album first came out vs. now.

Keep reading...Show less
This Full-Time Content Creator Went From Making $15 An Hour To Six Figures In A Year

Money Talks is an xoNecole series where we talk candidly to real women about how they spend money, their relationship with money, and how they get it.

Full-time content creator Yvette Corinne has made waves in the content creation space. On the outside looking in, while some might feel like you have to have hundreds of thousands of followers in order to make a full-time living as an influencer, Yvette has managed to bring in six figures with a highly engaged Instagram community of more than 24,000 followers. And how did she do it? Well, her journey to wealth wasn't one without struggle. The Los Angeles-based micro-influencer got her start in content creation through blogging in 2016. That would lead to her growing her following on Instagram, which allowed her to balance her part-time retail job with being a part-time content creator.

Keep reading...Show less
Taraji P. Henson Wants A ‘Stress-Free’ Life After 50

Taraji P. Henson has been putting work in Hollywood for decades before finally getting her flowers after she landed her most beloved role as Loretha “Cookie” Lyon on Fox’s Empire. Before Empire, however, she starred in the cult classic Baby Boy in 2001, the 2005 film Hustle & Flow, and the 2008 film The Curious Case of Benjamin Button where she claimed she only made $40,000 and starred in many other roles. She has also released her own natural hair care line TPH by Taraji in 2020.

Keep reading...Show less
The Dating Trends Defining The Way We Date This Summer

The only thing constant in life is change and if these past couple of years have shown us nothing else, it’s that life be life-ing. Amid the pandemic, we saw (and continue to see) a lot of change in the way we lead our lives. It shifted the way we work, the way we approached our health and lifestyles, and the way we dated. This year is shaping up to display change in a different way, as many of us enter a season of a new normal and adapt to dating trends that better mirror who and how we are today. The weather is heating up and so is the potential for romance, as once again, we are shedding our homebody ways and radiating big “we outside” energy.

Keep reading...Show less
Exclusive Interviews
A Black woman looks into the camera and gives a closed-mouth smile. She's wearing a black turtleneck

Miss Diddy Kicks Off BET Awards Weekend With 'A Toast To Black Hollywood'

Her annual event to celebrate the culture has a new name and more intention than ever before

Latest Posts