An Open Letter From A Former Teen Mom To Her Now HS Graduate
The chains are broken. You broke them. I broke them. We broke them together.
Born to a teenage mother, perpetuating the troublesome cycle, at 17, I too became a teenage mother. Yet, MY truth be told, I became way more than that. I became your mother, I became me.
Your birth altered the course of my life and altered the course of my reality. Your birth placed me in a position to have to fight the greatest battle of all time (well in my mind); it placed me in a position to RISE up, rise up out of all the woes condemned for a teenage mother and rise up out of all the woes condemned for a child of a teenage mother.
Your birth was revolutionary, it changed my life, which universally, has and will continue to change the lives of many.
I remember living in the "projects" (as they call them, we call them "pyramids") in Irvington, New Jersey with no food to eat. All I had was spaghetti noodles and sauce, and even the sauce we were running out of. I calculated my money and I had enough to get back and forth to work, but not enough for the both of us to eat, so I didn't. I didn't eat for three days so you could. I went to work and drank coffee to keep me going, I added half a cup of creamer and eight packs of sugar to make it filling. Gross, right? I know. On the last day of the three, I picked you up from work, you were sick and threw up on the bus.
The author pictured with her daughterCourtesy of Dr. Malachi
Hungered, and frustrated, I said, "Oh nooo Sareen, maaaan come on." Another passenger said to me, "It's not her fault," and I responded, "I know, I'm sorry, I'm so very sorry, I'm just exhausted." By that time, we were already on our fourth bus, one hour into our two-hour journey home. When we got home, I had nothing to feed you that would soothe your aching belly, all I had was those spaghetti noodles and sauce. So, I boiled water, boiled the noodles and put a hell of a lot of spices in it and called it soup. You ate it and you felt better. I was still hungry, but I didn't care, all that mattered was you felt better. On this very day, I said NO MORE.
Teenage mother or not, I refused to allow my child to experience these circumstances.
I refused to allow you to live in the "projects", a home filled with roaches, where bloods were tagging up the building, and drug transactions were taking place in the stairwells.
I refused to allow you to live in a neighborhood where victims of the crack epidemic roamed freely in the streets, looking for their next hit, pipe in hand. I refused to allow YOU to become another statistic, a "fatherless", "born to a teenage mother", raised in the "ghetto" (as they call it, others call it "home") statistic.
On this day, I became a warrior, a fighter, I became sister Betty Shabazz. I became Queen of Sheba. I became Oshun's daughter. I became courage, strength, fortitude, destiny. I became the best version of your mother I could possibly be. I dropped to my knees in plight and rose to my feet in strength and I began to fight!
I fought EVERY SINGLE destructive thing that would get in my path. I balled up my fist, I stuck out my chest, and I fought.
I fought as you watched. You watched me rise. You watched me scream out when I felt like I would break and could no longer endure. You watched me cry out when I had a broken heart, you watched me in fury, you watched me in rage, you watched me roar like a lioness in the jungle watching over her cub. You watched me come up against oppressors, you watched me in elation, you watched me praise. You watched me rise. You watched me become a Social Psychologist (of all things), the President and Chairman of Determined to Obtain Pure Excellence youth development program, an author, and a woman of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Innnnnnncorporated. You watched. You watched me win the war, the battle I fought with all my strength so that you could win.
We won.
Lord God, I still have no idea what that rise looked like from your eyes and still, I may be too sensitive to hear it, to hear your truth. But in my sensitivity, I will never shield you from telling it, as I've always taught you to speak your mind and to SPEAK YOUR TRUTH.
The author's newly graduated daughterCourtesy of Dr. Malachi
This morning, I woke up and realized that I can finally put my weapons down, that the battle is over and I no longer have to fight for you to live.
Graduating from high school with a 4.1 weighted GPA, I no longer have to fight. Graduating from high school with approximately $1,000,000 in scholarship offers, I no longer have to fight. Attending a top performing arts school in the fall, I no longer have to fight. Selected to speak at Kenwood Academy's high school graduation, I no longer have to fight. The war is won man, it's over! Statistically, we were slated to fell, yet, we won! We fucking won! We rose above our circumstances, no we soared above our circumstances.
Battle scars, bruises to our egos, bruises to our spirit, bruises to our hearts, bruises to our soul, bruises that will heal and fade in time, bruised but victorious -- we are victorious!
Now that we've won, I've taken off my armor, my shield is down and I can be vulnerable once again. Vulnerable and soft; a feminine-energy-that-can-heal-a-nation kind of soft. The kindest, most loving, most giving version of myself that I can be for you, your sister, the world and most importantly for me. However, this does not mean I will ever stop fighting for you; I will tear up the concrete from the road with my bare hands should something happen to you. It sounds impossible, but I am certain I possess this kind of strength. For because of you, I know where the strength of a mother lies. I know where my strength lies.
The chains are broken. We broke them. Together, united as mother and daughter, in a single solitary queendom, we broke them. The chains are broken.
Be Blessed my Daughter,
Mom
Dr. Niama T. Malachi is a Social Psychologist, Author, and President and Chairman of D.O.P.E., Inc. (Determined to Obtain Pure Excellence).
Featured image courtesy of Dr. Malachi
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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This Content Creator’s Journey To Clear Skin Began With Trusting With The Process
In About Face, xoNecole gets the 411 on IGers who give us #skincaregoals on a daily. Here they break down their beauty routines on the inside and out, as well as the highly coveted products that grace their shelves and their skin.
Kyra Joe is the Queen of all things beauty. She regularly lets us in on her beauty routine while sharing updates on her dating life. The content creator debuts flawless skin and aspirational makeup routines in each video. As a consumer, it's easy to assume that Joe has always had the perfect canvas for the beauty world. However, that is not the case.
Like most of us, she's experienced her share of struggles with acne and hyperpigmentation. “I saw a dermatologist when I was 14, and the products he recommended didn’t work because I wasn’t consistent,” Joe said. The responsibility and consistency required of Joe in her adolescence made skincare feel like a job rather than a self-care act.
In 2020, things began to take a pivotal turn for Joe when she found herself regularly consuming skincare TikToks during the pandemic. “I saw people showing me how to use skincare products to get rid of hormonal acne and hyperpigmentation. That made a huge difference for me.” Her enjoyment began to arise as she tried recommended products from her favorite skincare content creators.
Joe added, “I was finally starting to enjoy skincare because I was finding products that worked for me through TikTok. I had undereye patches and creams and began building a routine.” What was once a chore has now become a passion. Joe has since grown an online community of more than 200,000 across TikTok and Instagram, sharing her beauty secrets underneath the moniker Kyra Nikole.
Courtesy
“I learned early on in my journey to keep things simple. I also try to encourage this in my content,” said Joe. Being able to get to the root when a breakout occurs is why Joe chooses and encourages skincare routines to be simple. “If I have a breakout, it’s easier for me to figure out what product causes it if I don’t have an extensive routine.”
Keeping things simple has allowed Joe to clear up her hormonal acne and manage her hyperpigmentation, and keeping things minimal has given Joe a clear canvas for her makeup.
She gave us an inside look into the skincare routine that’s changed her views on self-care:
Kyra Nikole's Daytime Skincare Routine
Step One: Hyper Skin Hyper Even Facewash
Hyper Skin
“I love this because it’s specifically made for hyperpigmentation, and it’s a gentle cleanser.”
Step Two: Pixi Glow Tonic
Pixi
“It’s an exfoliating toner, but it’s light enough to use daily. I use this for both day and night.”
Step Three: Glazing Milk Essence By Rhode Skin
Rhode Skin
“I have eczema and dry skin, so this helps give me the moisture that I need.”
Step Four: La Roche-Posay Moisturizer
La Roche-Posay
“This is just a regular moisturizer that I love because it sits well under my makeup.”
Step Five: Kiehl's Better Screen UV Sunscreen
Kiehl's
"There is no white cast, no peeling, it works under makeup, and it’s SPF 50; there’s nothing better than that!”
Kyra Nikole's Nighttime Skincare Routine:
Joe uses the same products for her nighttime skincare routine, except for sunscreen. Her main goal is to lock in hydration to last the entire evening. Aquaphor is her ointment of choice to ensure her skin gets the moisture it deserves.
Final Step: Aquaphor Healing Ointment
Aquaphor
"Aquaphor does a great job of holding in the moisture.”
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Featured image courtesy