Dear Queen: To The Woman Who Is Phenomenal & Broken
Dear Queen:
I know that last year made you question your worth in self, in love, and in all relationships. Often, you felt that you were barely making it and that "they" (people, places, things) were celebrating life with quenchless zeal while you were on the sidelines barely able to breathe, barely able to get out of bed, and barely able to make sense of the day. As you force yourself to endure waking up, depression gripping your very soul, you made a choice to put your feet on the ground, you bellowed the last deep cry. You shake yourself, walking to the bathroom with feet of bricks, to shower, then put on clothes as you cover your tear-stained cheeks with makeup and a smile. Queen, you hide your hurts because you feel the mandate of the ancestors to champion causes for others. You don't give yourself a break due to people needing you to be there, in place, without a misstep or change in character.
Queen, right here, this moment, know that you are phenomenal and broken.
Phenomenal and broken, you question. Yes, phenomenal and broken. Queen, this oxymoron does exist. You are the living embodiment of it. Your value has not diminished. You have not stopped operating in the spirit of excellence, but when you get behind closed doors, your mortality hits you like a ton a cement blocks and no one but God can hear your whispers of help because the pain is too great to handle, let alone being able to endure the savage pain of loss, betrayal, guilt, and shame. These demons haunt you as you can barely manage to eat, sleep, gossip with a friend, or even post on social media. As tears run down your face, you seek solace from knowing that tomorrow may be a better day.
Queen, it will.
In your brokenness, know that your worth does not change. Queen, let's look at this example, a $100 bill is a note for tender - money. It is our way of buying the things we need. Before I go to the store, I decide to crumple up the $100 bill. The value of the bill does not change, it is still a $100 bill. If I take the same crumpled bill, and throw it on the ground, I will still have a crumpled up $100 bill ready to use in its condition. If I decided to dig my heels into that same crumpled up, dirty bill, I will still have a $100 bill ready to use with dents and imprints from being stepped on. When I flattened out the bill and smooth it for use, the bill has all of the wrinkles of misuse but never loses its worth. It is still a 100-dollar bill.
Queen, once you come of the seasons of change, your value has not diminished but actually increased.
Queen, you hold genuine lessons that you would not have ordinarily gathered on a simple excursion of this journey called life. That my dear makes you and your experiences phenomenal. You are uniquely equipped to help someone in that same situation once you heal. You are an expert to the pain and an expert to how you have gotten out or over the hurt or pain. Queen, if you are reading this, know that today is a great day of joy! Queen, you withstood the crumpling, the stepping on, the abuse, the manipulation, the misuse, the hate, and the fear that have brought you to this point of greatness.
Pop your collar Queen, you are undeniably and unquestionably ready to fly. You, my dear, are phenomenal and no longer broken.
Dear Queen is a series dedicated to letters from women written for themselves and other women. Have a "Dear Queen" letter? We want to read it! E-mail your letters to submissions@xonecole.com. Subject: 'Dear Queen'
Dr. Camesha Hill-Carter, an award-winning author and speaker, who has helped many women heal from past hurts to emerge to the Queen she is destined to be. She is revered as the girlfriend's girlfriend with southern charm and eclectic wisdom. Join her weekly for Queenly Behavior, a Facebook live talk show found in her group Queenly Behavior and at www.cameshacarter.com
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Russell and Nina Westbrook Dish On The Key Ways To Avoid Resentment In Relationships
Russell and Nina Westbrook are one of those low-key, unproblematic couples we don’t talk about enough. They met in college and got married in 2015. They also have a beautiful family with three kids. While Russell is an NBA star, Nina is a licensed family and marriage therapist and a mental health advocate.
She recently launched the podcast The Relationship Chronicles with Nina Westbrook, and in the latest episode, she had none other than her husband on as a guest. The college sweethearts dived into important topics from marriage to children and how they navigate it all.
One of the topics they touched on was dealing with resentment in your relationship. The former MVP highlighted the sacrifices his wife has had to make in order for him to pursue a career in the NBA, and that’s why it’s also important for him to support his wife whenever he can.
“For me is respecting and understanding what your partner do and the time it takes,” Russell said. “Not kind of downplaying what they do, understanding the time and energy and effort they're doing to make sure whether it’s their job or making sure home is taken care of, and understanding that, I think that is the challenge of not being resentful.”
Nina agreed and also shared her thoughts on resentment. According to her, one of the best things couples should do is have their own identity and passions outside of the relationship in an effort to be fulfilled.
“I also think that when you’re in a relationship, that’s why it’s so important that each individual kinda pursue their own passions and follow their own dreams as I feel like it only becomes or leads to resentment when one person is not feeling fulfilled in what they're doing in their lives,” she explained.
“And so, they will start to look at the other partner who’s happy or excelling or promoting or moving along in their journey, then they’re left feeling stuck like they sacrificed themselves, their happiness, their career, their future and have not pursued it in the name of the relationship or their partner. So, it’s so much easier to avoid those feelings of resentment when you’re each equally pursuing your passions.”
The couple has many passions that they work on together and separately. Outside of basketball and his family, Russell has become known for his eclectic style and started the fashion brand Honor The Gift. Nina has her podcast, and she also started the mental health website Bene. Together, they run the Why Not? Foundation, which works with kids in underserved communities.
“I’m a firm believer that one person can’t be everything to you, so you have to sort of seek out those different friendships or groups or hobbies or activities that help to fulfill you,” Nina concluded.
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Feature image by Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images for Religion of Sports
