Since the release of the recent August Alsina and Angela Yee interview, the internet has been ablaze with opinions of August, Jada, Will, marriage, relationships and everything in between.
The hour-long interview was conducted in support of his latest studio album, The Product III: stateofEMERGEncy. During the intimate conversation with Yee, the "NOLA" singer was asked about his rumored relationship with actress Jada Pinkett Smith, August spoke about his love and devotion to Jada, his love for their family, the blessing given by Will Smith and how walking away from the relationship was probably the hardest thing he will ever experience in this lifetime.
"I actually sat down with Will and had a conversation, due to her transformation from their marriage to life partnership that they've spoken on several times, and it, you know, not involving romanticism... He gave me his blessing. I totally gave myself to that relationship for years of my life, and I truly and really, really, deeply loved and have a ton of love for her."
While people have speculated for years on the details of Will and Jada's marriage and whether or not they are in what most people would describe as an open marriage, they've been pretty elusive to whether or not they date other people. Though they have shared some pretty thought-provoking gems on their marriage. In a 2018 interview with Tidal, Will had this to say:
"We don't even say we're married anymore. We refer to ourselves as 'life partners,' where you get into that space where you realize you are literally with somebody for the rest of your life."
"There's no deal breakers. There's nothing she could do — ever. Nothing that would break our relationship. She has my support till death and it feels so good to get to that space where you're not complaining, and worrying, and demanding that a person be a certain thing."
Although Jada has since publicly denied the relationship, people have also been speculating about a Red Table Talk conversation between Jada, Will, her mother, and the couple's daughter, Willow, where Jada said:
"If you marry me, know this. We're going to be together. We're gonna be under the same roof. You might be on one end of the joker with somebody and I may be on another end with somebody else, but we're gonna be together."
I don't know August Alsina. I don't know Will Smith or Jada Pinkett Smith. I'm starting to know marriage, and I'm constantly learning and redefining love and what it means to, and for me.
After watching the August Alsina interview with Angela Yee and taking a trip to Twitter, I realized the thoughts I had after watching the interview were so far from what others, mostly single people, felt.
I read tweets basically saying Jada had taken advantage of August and she should have known better considering his mental state at the time. I saw things saying she should have had August sign an NDA and some saying August "does this every time" he has a song or an album coming out. While ultimately we are only hearing one side, and a very small portion of what he says, the alleged romance was a relationship that went on for years.
August Alsina was 21 when they met. He was impressionable, battling with mental health and was vulnerable. He was going through loss and pain. Needed a mother and comforter, Jada provided that and more. The power dynamics were never in his favour and he was clearly burnt.
— Ugo (@UgoIkeakor) July 1, 2020
There's something about Jada. Tupac said she made him climax without sex. August Alsina is ready to die because loving Jada fulfilled him. WTF is Jada doing to these men??!😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/CCqqReXGU7
— S.C (@sphesihle_cm) July 1, 2020
August Alsina just admitted that he fucked Jada Pinkett Smith WITH Will Smith’s complete blessing and is in love with her...is that who he wrote Kissin’ On My Tattoos for??? pic.twitter.com/3cGYys82P1
— en•dee•yuh (@endeyuh) July 1, 2020
This August ,Jada and Will shit is seriously alot to take in 😯😭💔🚶 2020 just got to a whole new level #AugustAlsina pic.twitter.com/pqEkbYL2eF
— Amogelang Mayvee (@AmogelangMayvee) July 1, 2020
Amongst the many opinions, mine included, of August and Jada's relationship, a few facts remain, Jada is married. August knew she was married. August is, and was single. August and Jada are both and were consenting adults. According to August, Will was not only aware of his and Jada's relationship, him and August sat down and talked about it, so what is the problem? I personally don't feel there is one in what August described as their non-romantic relationship. He loved her. He loved her so deeply he felt he gave all of himself to the connection and can die knowing he gave everything he had.
He loved her so deeply, despite them no longer still having the same form of a relationship as they once had, he still loves her.
How many single, married, dating people can say they have experienced a love like that? How many people can agree that they too have literally given their all in any form of a relationship? It's so rare to hear of people even speaking of a love so deep, and even more rare for most people to be able to comprehend what it means to fall so deeply in love with another person that you can die knowing you gave yourself to another person in any capacity.
While most of us will never know the ins and outs of Jada and August's alleged relationship, we can all aspire to experience a deep love for someone. People can disagree with a "lifestyle" or relationship that they have heard only snippets about, but the overall message remains, August had an earth-shattering love for another person. A love that transcended reason. A love that again, he can die knowing he gave.
And that, to me, is beautiful.
Featured image via Getty Images for BET
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AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
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I thought that it was important to address this term for a couple of different reasons. One is for the reason that is mentioned in the origin story of sobergasms that I will address in just a sec. Another is because…people who are in long-term committed relationships? I think it’s pretty safe to say that, unless they both have some sort of substance abuse situation going on, most of them have sex some, if not most of the time, without alcohol (and certainly without drunkenness) being involved. Those who engage in casual/recreational sex, though? Well, I’ve got some stats included in this piece that will show you how much alcohol and copulation go hand in hand in a lot of those instances.
And although some studies say that casual sex (i.e., hook-up culture) isn’t quite as rampant as it was, even just a few years ago, at the same time, let’s not act like it isn’t still happening. Hell, every time we hop on social media, we see evidence (and sometimes fallout) of that. Plus, while many people are out here declaring that they don’t want or need marriage anymore (chile) — do you hear them saying that they feel the same way about sex?Yeah…exactly.
With all of this being said, let’s take a moment to look into what sobergasms are really all about and why, if you are sexually active and are not in anything serious, you should strongly consider having (more of) them.
The Origin Story of Sobergasms Is…
GiphyAight, so here’s the backstory of sobergasms. Last year, right around the holiday season, the sexual wellness brand Lovehoney decided to partner up with an alcohol-free drink company (CleanCo) to create a mocktail (I will share the recipe in just a sec) — you know, a cocktail that doesn’t have any alcohol in it. They did it because their UK (where they are based) research revealed that people tend to drink almost 40 percent more during the holidays (in the US, Americans reportedly drink twice as much as they usually do around that time).
If you add to that the fact that Lovehoney conducted their own study which cited that 64 percent of participants have admitted to having sex while being intoxicated and yet only 20 percent said that they actually enjoyed it.
And that was the main motivation for why Lovehoney came up with sobergasms: it’s a way to encourage people to be more intentional about going without drinking (so much) so that they can engage in the kind of sex that they will actually find to be pleasurable; especially since their findings also discovered that only 29 percent of men and 11 percent of women have consistent orgasms when they are drunk compared to 45 percent of men and 15 percent of women who do when they are sober.
As I thought about all of this, I decided to go on my own fact-finding mission about alcohol and its relationship to sex. It helped me to come up with even more reasons to cosign on sobergasms — and I’m hoping that it will do the same thing for you.
Before I share 10 interesting stats, first, the recipe for the mocktail that Lovehoney and CleanCo came up with:
Sobergasm Clean Drink
25ml fresh lime juice
50ml CleanCo Clean T
1 tbsp fresh orange juice
1 tbsp hot honey
Sea salt, chili flakes, and lime for garnish
You can click here for thorough instructions on how to make it. Over on this side of the pond, we’re pretty big on mocktails ourselves and so, if you'd like to test out some other recipes, check out “10 Spring/Summer Cocktails (& Mocktails) That Your Vagina Will Truly Enjoy” and “Sexy Sips: 8 Fall-Themed Mocktails That Are Aphrodisiacs Too.”
And while you’re pondering which mocktail you would actually like to try first, let’s get into some other reasons why oftentimes “less is best” when it comes to mixing sexual activity with alcohol consumption.
10 Stats to Keep in Mind When It Comes to Mixing Sex with Alcohol
GiphyWhen it comes to how many people partake in alcoholic beverages, Gallup cites that 65 percent of Americans who are over the age of 21 claim to do so. Out of those, the average amount of drinks that they consume on a weekly basis is around four. The preferred drink of choice? Wine (31-35 percent) with liquor being a close second (30 percent). Now factor all of this into your mind as you read the following information about alcohol and its relationship to sex:
1. One study revealed that almost 30 percent of participants were less safe when it came to their sexual decisions due to them having alcohol in their system.
2. About half of the sexual assaults that happen on college campuses involve alcohol whether it’s the perpetrator, the victim, or both.
3. Among college-aged women, when they are having sex while in a relationship, alcohol is involved 20 percent of the time. When it’s casual sex? Alcohol is involved 53 percent of the time (heavy drinking happened a whopping 36 percent of the time).
4. 42 percent of college students binge drink and 400,000 of them have sex without using a condom while consuming alcohol.
5.One study revealed that almost 72 percent of college students regretted their sexual decisions at least once. Out of the ones surveyed, almost 32 percent said that alcohol was involved when they did.
6.Of people aged 18-25, more individuals regretted having sex while having alcohol in their system than they did when it came to weed or ecstasy.
7. Women tend to participate in “non-traditional” sexual acts and masturbate more when they are intoxicated than when they are sober.
8. Although a small amount of alcohol in a woman’s system can arouse them sexually, high amounts will decrease it and can even make it harder for them to become naturally lubricated.
9. Alcohol increases the probability of having more sex partners for women.
10. Alcohol can make it more challenging for women to climax.
When you take all of this in, although I certainly appreciate how Lovehoney has brought to our attention that too much alcohol can make sex less physically pleasurable, as you can see, it can also make coitus more risky, potentially more dangerous and it can cause us to make some pretty unwise decisions, if we’re not careful as well.
And so honestly, this additional intel should further solidify why you should be uber cautious and super careful if you are going to bring alcohol into the picture when it comes to having sex with another person — again, especially if it’s recreational sex. Because even though intercourse, on average, lasts between 3-7 minutes (Google is right there), that small window of time can result in a lifetime of consequences that you may not wish to experience.
Besides, it’s not like sober sex doesn’t have its own benefits…
5 Benefits of Having Sex While You’re Completely Sober
GiphyYou know what’s interesting about the word “sober”? It doesn’t just mean that you aren’t drunk; it also means that you are “rational,” “self-controlled” and “level-headed” — and yes, when you are about to have sex with someone who you aren’t in a serious, long-term or exclusive sexual relationship with, it’s best that you are all of these things. Because while alcohol can initially make you feel like sexual activity will be more fun, sober sex has the following five proven things to offer.
1. You can better trust your decisions. Recently, I watched a video of four women who taped and posted themselves driving drunk. Moments later, all of them were ejected from the vehicle that they were in and only one survived (and she is in critical condition). Imagine if they could go back in time and go without having alcohol in their system before getting in that vehicle. SMDH.
When it comes to today’s topic, no matter what pop culture tries to tell you, any act that can potentially result in you conceiving or contracting something that doesn’t have a cure is serious as all get out. That’s why, especially when it comes to casual sex, you want to make sure that you go into the act as level-headed as possible — and you can only really do that if/when you are sober.
2. You can clearly articulate your needs and expectations. We’ve all seen a movie (or personally know someone) where a woman got tipsy and wanted to do certain sexual things; however, as alcohol began to affect her system even more, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go further or not. When you’re sober, it’s so much easier to articulate what you want/don’t want and what your expectations are. T
hat said, there are so many people who have sex-related regrets and a big part of the reason is because alcohol totally clouded their judgment and sometimes altered their thoughts and words. Definitely something to (always) keep in mind when it comes to consuming alcohol in the presence of others.
3. You’re more present. I also want to make sure that I touch on some of the things that prompted Lovehoney to come up with sobergasms in the first place. As far as the purely pleasurable side of sex goes, ask anyone who has a satisfying situation in their bedroom and I’m willing to bet that one thing that they will advise is to not overthink the experience and to remain in the moment.
When you’re intoxicated, your mind tends to be all over the place. When you’re sober-minded, it’s easier to remain focused.
4. Sex definitely tends to be more pleasurable. I’ve already shared with you that you are wetter and it’s easier for you to climax when you don’t have a lot of alcohol in your system. A part of the reason is that, since your brain is your biggest sex organ, it’s important to keep in mind that alcohol has a way of negatively affecting the communication pathways of your brain; when that happens, it can cause your moods to become erratic and you tend to become less coordinated too.
Not well-lubricated. Not climaxing. In a bad mood. Do those that sound like the keys to an awesome sexual experience? Right…absolutely not.
5. There is a lot less regret. Once you have sex with someone, you can’t take it back. That’s why it’s so important that you go into the act feeling like this is something that you really want to do (the person and the acts included); you significantly decrease the chances of you having this type of certainty when you’re not sober. And sexual regret can sometimes be one of the hardest things to get past.
____
Sobergasms. Although there seem to be new terms that come up daily, one that I can definitely get behind is that. Because it encourages everyone to be sober-minded and sexually responsible in order to ultimately have a more fulfilling sexual experience.
And I will certainly raise a mocktail to that.
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