I have a mostly traditional view of relationships and consider myself to be very monogamous by nature. If a future together is the goal, I'll rock with you until I have nothing left in me to give, and from my partner, I expect the same. Now, there has been a time or two where the door to our bedroom has been opened to another, but they were only guests, never mainstay attractions in our relationship and never more than us adding depth to the bevy of our sexual experiences together. I take commitment seriously, but like many things in life, and many things pertaining sexuality, I don't believe in a spectrum that is all black and white.
Thus, I'm always curious about different lifestyles and seeing how the other half lives. Monogamy is very important to me in a relationship, but I'm well aware that it is not the only way we have relationships in this day and age. I had questions, especially while catching up on one of my favorite podcasts, The Sexually Liberated Woman.
In one of her more recent podcasts, Ev'Yan Whitney confessed to listeners intimate details about her marriage through an open dialogue with her husband aptly titled "Non-Monogamy and My New Marriage." The most common myth Ev'Yan Whitney has heard is that someone polyamorous must be dissatisfied with their relationship, but it's one she isn't afraid to readily dispel.
“This common misconception that something is inherently wrong with us, that we are in denial about something, that something is missing, is hogwash. For my husband and I, it does not apply. And polyamory does and can work," says Whitney.
Becoming polyamorous was a decision she and her husband of nine years, Jonathan Mead, did not take lightly and occurred only after they were open and honest about one another's views on love and marriage. By definition, polyamory is having "many loves," and can be expressed in relationships in different ways, including having sex with people outside the relationship without emotional connection (i.e. wife-swapping, swinging) and having multiple wives and multiple husbands.
“At the crux of it," Whitney says, “Polyamory means you believe that there is no such thing as one soulmate, one love, that there are many people that you can have sexual, emotional, and romantic connections with and that you honor that by dating other people and being with other people."
How She Met Her Husband
Having not been a believer of love at first sight, soulmates or other romantic clichés, her and Jonathan's love story is something she says went against her every intention at 19 and newly single, “We met on MySpace and within the first of week of talking we were madly in love with each other. I was pretty jaded about relationships because of my parents going through a divorce after 20 years of marriage. Their divorce made me feel like love doesn't matter, but Jonathan came into my life and changed everything. Six months into us dating, we were living together. And by the end of the first year, we were married. It was serious and fun."
How Polyamory First Came Into Play
In the beginning of their 10-year relationship, monogamy was very much a part of how they approached their relationship. They were both raised in monogamous households, so complete faithfulness was their default. Until three years into their marriage, and a day after the couple watched a documentary on concubines together, her husband confessed to her that he had romantic feelings for someone who shared those feelings with him. “The way that he told me wasn't like he was telling me he had feelings for this woman and they had consummated their feelings, and he wasn't asking me for permission. It was him coming to me, being open and asking that we have a conversation about it because he just didn't know what to do with it. That was the first time I heard the word 'polyamory.'"
Understandably, Whitney felt betrayed and describes that turning point in their relationship as a very tough time with the word “divorce" even rearing its ugly head in conversation. Six months later, however, Whitney developed feelings for someone else. In her realizing her feelings for someone else, she also uncovered her bisexuality and queerness.
“I wanted to uncover and live a part of myself that I didn't really have the opportunity to do because I got married so young. My queerness is very important to me, and I didn't want to feel like my sexuality or my individuality was hindered because of being in a relationship with someone. That's when we started to have a real conversation about what it would look like if we had a non-monogamous relationship."
"I thought I owned him. You don't own anyone."
The Transition Into Polyamory
The transition from a monogamous marriage to a marriage that was polyamorous was not a smooth one. There were a lot of road bumps along the road to the seemingly blissful place it is now several years later. “We had to unlearn a lot of our beliefs that we learned about love and relationships and marriage and sex and sexuality. That was rocky for us both. I learned I had some really messed up views of who my partner was. I thought I owned him. You don't own anyone."
Whitney had no idea the benefits that would come from engaging in a polyamorous marriage, but she says she has maintained her individuality, autonomy and sovereignty even while fully committed for life to another.
“The sex is amazing," she says with a smile.
“When I know that partner desires someone else, but he chooses me, he chooses to come home to me, he chooses to share his life with me––that is the biggest compliment and the biggest gesture of love there is. It's also really hot that I can go out and date other people and experiment with queerness and to uphold that and figure that out and my partner supports me. It's so beautiful to me."
Whitney is a champion for polyamory relationships, namely because it works so well with the dynamic she and her husband have established, but she doesn't want people to get it twisted and see her marriage as #goals. “Non-monogamy is not for everyone. Monogamy is also not for everyone. When we take the time to question the way that we are going along with templates, I think it's important for us to choose how we want our relationships to look and the kinds of relationships we want to have."
"Non-monogamy is not for everyone. Monogamy is also not for everyone."
5 Things to Do Before Becoming Polyamorous:
- Ask your partner questions about jealousy, ownership, and independence.
- Have conversations about what healthy love looks like.
- Discuss and discover your true stance on monogamy.
- Read books. Start with Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open by Tristan Taorimino and work your way through The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. Read them alone and with your partner.
- Make sure that the foundation of your relationship is strong enough to withstand the dynamics of polyamory and introducing new people inside of your relationship.
Connect with Ev'Yan on other spaces around the web via her blog and Instagram.
- I'm A Bisexual Woman, Bisexuality Misconceptions - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Why I'm Considering A Polyamorous Relationship Style - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 'Harlem' Black Male Bisexuality, Evolution On-Screen ›
- 3. Monogamish - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Stretch Marks Are A Part Of Pregnancy—But Here’s How To Minimize Them Safely
A mother’s stretch marks are battle scars made with love. Every mark represents nine months of her body caring, protecting, and molding one of the greatest loves of her life. It is a reminder that once their life began, the life she once knew ended for a greater purpose. Although stretch marks represent the beauty of life, it is also okay to want to keep them at bay. Pregnancy is a major time of transition that can be hard to accept. Mothers deserve to love their bodies.
It's perfectly normal to want to keep stretch marks to a minimum. Becoming a mother doesn’t mean you can’t also want the best for your skin while wanting the best for your baby. Both can co-exist! Andi Assebia, an NP-C and Skin Health Expert at Derm Artisan, believes pregnancy is the perfect opportunity for expecting mothers to love on their skin. “Pregnancies are all about improving the health and appearance of skin texture as our belly stretches,” says Assebia.
Here is a list of ways to practice skin health and minimize stretch marks during pregnancy.
Moisturize.
During this time of transition, it is important to keep the skin moisturized. This is because the skin is most likely to experience dryness, which makes stretch marks more potent. Applying moisturizer will help soothe and smooth out the area. Assebia adds, “To help prevent stretch marks, keep your skin hydrated with a nourishing crème like Avène’s Moisturizing Melt-in Balm. Remember, consistency is key.”
Assebia also advocates combining hydrating ingredients like Environ Alpha Hydroxy Derma Lac Lotion with Environ Body Oil daily. This is in pursuit of locking in as many oils as possible. Although Assebia’s recommendations are credible, it is always best to consult your physician before moving forward.
Drink Lots Of Water.
Hydration starts within the body. You’ll have to increase your water intake to keep your body hydrated. The average water intake for women is about 11.5 cups. Your intake of other liquids (hello, tea, juice, and fruit lovers!) could also affect how much water you drink. However, it is more than likely your water intake will increase as your pregnancy continues. Drinking for two is fun! Drinking 8 to 12 cups a day is advised. This will help your body’s elasticity, preventing scars, wrinkles, soft lines, and stretch marks.
Be Mindful About Your Diet.
When pregnant, it’s easy to fall into those cravings and blame it all on your little one. However, a well-balanced diet can enhance your skin's health. It’s important to consider taking prenatal vitamins and focusing on a whole-food diet filled with vitamins C, D, and zinc. Being mindful about your diet can also prevent overstretching due to excessive weight gain. Yes, weight gain is normal and acceptable during this time, but to minimize the appearance of stretch marks, we should focus on healthy weight gain.
Massage Your Skin.
A classic tummy massage can show gentle love to yourself and your little one. Give your skin the love it deserves by massaging it once daily with an oil of your choice (with a doctor's approval, of course!) or body lotion. This allows the product to seep deep into your pores, creating a foundation for the skin to be deeply moisturized. Did we mention it also enhances blood circulation, giving you that incredible pregnancy glow? Yeah, that’s right!
Soak Up The Sun.
More research must be conducted, but vitamin D is a holistic approach to stretch mark prevention. This study suggests that a healthy amount of vitamin D can improve skin electricity. In addition, another study showed that vitamin D can be helpful for fetal growth and reduce preterm birth. Both are highly beneficial to the mother and baby during pregnancy. However, it is important to be mindful of how much sun exposure you’re getting. Remember to soak up the sun in moderation, always wear sunscreen, and stay hydrated.
Treat Stretch Marks immediately.
Don't delay treatment if you spot a stretch mark in its early stages. Waiting to nurture stretch marks can make them more prominent in the future. As mentioned before, moisturize the area abundantly and apply your favorite oils with your tummy massage. Key ingredients for healing stretch marks are vitamin E, hyaluronic acid, and shea or cocoa butter. Also, check in with your primary doctor or dermatologist if unsure of which ingredients to use during your pregnancy.
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Featured image by PeopleImages/Getty Images