'Red Table Talk' Discusses How To Set Boundaries With The People In Your Life
Red Table Talk leaves no stone unturned when covering topics about life. Whether controversial or enlightening, viewers can always count on getting answers on how to deal with situations that occur in their everyday lives. The latest episode's topic was no different as co-hosts Jada Pinkett Smith, Adrienne Banfield-Jones and special co-host Lauren London got down to the nitty gritty with therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab about boundaries.
Nedra, who wrote about boundaries in Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, defined boundaries as a "preference."
"You might not know what my preference is for something, so it's my job to communicate to you that this is what I want, this is what I need, this is what would work best for me," she said. "But just assuming that they should know because they're your friend...is unfair. It does put us in a space of feeling resentful or upset at them for having to do this, but their boundaries are different."
When it comes to setting boundaries for Jada, the actress revealed that she gets angry when she has to do it.
"I really get angry when I'm forced to set a boundary," she said. "I realized that the other day with a friend of mine. I really have to talk to this person about an issue I'm having, then I got mad at that person for making me have to advocate for myself."
They each shared several stories about having their boundaries crossed, including Lauren who said a friend got mad at her for setting a healthy boundary by not wanting to indulge in a "toxic" conversation.
The ladies went on to examine different scenarios and how to set boundaries when these situations occur. One of the scenarios was about personal space, which was something Lauren dished on.
"I have been in positions like that before, with just people coming to put their arm around you, or taking pictures with you and having their arm around your waist, and just stuff like that," she said. "I've always been like" — she motioned how she would gently remove someone's hand — "this is my body, I don't like being touched by strangers or people I work with."
In Jada's case, she realized that she crosses boundaries often with her loved ones although it's coming from a good place. "I gotta stop trying to fix every damn thing. That's not my job either," she said.
The Set it Off actress gave an example about how she always tries to fix things for her daughter Willow and how Willow has checked her on it.
"I gotta give Willow props because she'll call me, disrupted, and be like, 'I don't need you to fix anything mom, I just want you to listen.' I go, 'Fantastic, I got you.' Because she knows I'm going to go straight to, 'Well we can do this and that.' 'Nope just listen to me, mommy. I just need you to listen,'" she said.
Overall, when it comes to boundaries, Nedra not only believes it's important to set them but that it is normal if they change over time. "We grow and evolve, it makes sense to shift when we need to," she said.
Do you set boundaries in your life? What was the outcome? Share below!
Featured image by Roy Rochlin/Getty Images
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You've Never Seen Luke James In A Role Quite Like This
Over the years, we've watched Luke James play countless characters we'd deem sex symbols, movie stars, and even his complicated character in Lena Waithe's The Chi. For the first time in his career, the New Orleans-born actor has taken on a role where his signature good looks take a backseat as he transforms into Edmund in Them: The Scare—a mentally deranged character in the second installment of the horror anthology series that you won't be able to take your eyes off.
Trust us, Edmund will literally make you do a double take.
xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
Courtesy
Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
Getty Images
Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & Morewww.youtube.com
Featured image by Getty Images