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'Red Table Talk' Discusses How To Set Boundaries With The People In Your Life

Reclaim yourself through boundaries.

Jada Pinkett Smith

Red Table Talk leaves no stone unturned when covering topics about life. Whether controversial or enlightening, viewers can always count on getting answers on how to deal with situations that occur in their everyday lives. The latest episode's topic was no different as co-hosts Jada Pinkett Smith, Adrienne Banfield-Jones and special co-host Lauren London got down to the nitty gritty with therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab about boundaries.


Nedra, who wrote about boundaries in Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, defined boundaries as a "preference."

"You might not know what my preference is for something, so it's my job to communicate to you that this is what I want, this is what I need, this is what would work best for me," she said. "But just assuming that they should know because they're your friend...is unfair. It does put us in a space of feeling resentful or upset at them for having to do this, but their boundaries are different."

When it comes to setting boundaries for Jada, the actress revealed that she gets angry when she has to do it.

"I really get angry when I'm forced to set a boundary," she said. "I realized that the other day with a friend of mine. I really have to talk to this person about an issue I'm having, then I got mad at that person for making me have to advocate for myself."

They each shared several stories about having their boundaries crossed, including Lauren who said a friend got mad at her for setting a healthy boundary by not wanting to indulge in a "toxic" conversation.

The ladies went on to examine different scenarios and how to set boundaries when these situations occur. One of the scenarios was about personal space, which was something Lauren dished on.

"I have been in positions like that before, with just people coming to put their arm around you, or taking pictures with you and having their arm around your waist, and just stuff like that," she said. "I've always been like" — she motioned how she would gently remove someone's hand — "this is my body, I don't like being touched by strangers or people I work with."

In Jada's case, she realized that she crosses boundaries often with her loved ones although it's coming from a good place. "I gotta stop trying to fix every damn thing. That's not my job either," she said.

The Set it Off actress gave an example about how she always tries to fix things for her daughter Willow and how Willow has checked her on it.

"I gotta give Willow props because she'll call me, disrupted, and be like, 'I don't need you to fix anything mom, I just want you to listen.' I go, 'Fantastic, I got you.' Because she knows I'm going to go straight to, 'Well we can do this and that.' 'Nope just listen to me, mommy. I just need you to listen,'" she said.

Overall, when it comes to boundaries, Nedra not only believes it's important to set them, but that it is normal if they change over time. "We grow and evolve, it makes sense to shift when we need to," she said.

Do you set boundaries in your life? What was the outcome? Share below!

Featured image by Roy Rochlin/Getty Images

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