'Red Table Talk' Discusses How To Set Boundaries With The People In Your Life
Red Table Talk leaves no stone unturned when covering topics about life. Whether controversial or enlightening, viewers can always count on getting answers on how to deal with situations that occur in their everyday lives. The latest episode's topic was no different as co-hosts Jada Pinkett Smith, Adrienne Banfield-Jones and special co-host Lauren London got down to the nitty gritty with therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab about boundaries.
Nedra, who wrote about boundaries in Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, defined boundaries as a "preference."
"You might not know what my preference is for something, so it's my job to communicate to you that this is what I want, this is what I need, this is what would work best for me," she said. "But just assuming that they should know because they're your friend...is unfair. It does put us in a space of feeling resentful or upset at them for having to do this, but their boundaries are different."
When it comes to setting boundaries for Jada, the actress revealed that she gets angry when she has to do it.
"I really get angry when I'm forced to set a boundary," she said. "I realized that the other day with a friend of mine. I really have to talk to this person about an issue I'm having, then I got mad at that person for making me have to advocate for myself."
They each shared several stories about having their boundaries crossed, including Lauren who said a friend got mad at her for setting a healthy boundary by not wanting to indulge in a "toxic" conversation.
The ladies went on to examine different scenarios and how to set boundaries when these situations occur. One of the scenarios was about personal space, which was something Lauren dished on.
"I have been in positions like that before, with just people coming to put their arm around you, or taking pictures with you and having their arm around your waist, and just stuff like that," she said. "I've always been like" — she motioned how she would gently remove someone's hand — "this is my body, I don't like being touched by strangers or people I work with."
In Jada's case, she realized that she crosses boundaries often with her loved ones although it's coming from a good place. "I gotta stop trying to fix every damn thing. That's not my job either," she said.
The Set it Off actress gave an example about how she always tries to fix things for her daughter Willow and how Willow has checked her on it.
"I gotta give Willow props because she'll call me, disrupted, and be like, 'I don't need you to fix anything mom, I just want you to listen.' I go, 'Fantastic, I got you.' Because she knows I'm going to go straight to, 'Well we can do this and that.' 'Nope just listen to me, mommy. I just need you to listen,'" she said.
Overall, when it comes to boundaries, Nedra not only believes it's important to set them but that it is normal if they change over time. "We grow and evolve, it makes sense to shift when we need to," she said.
Do you set boundaries in your life? What was the outcome? Share below!
Featured image by Roy Rochlin/Getty Images
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Why We'll Probably Never Hear Lupita Nyong'o Share Her Relationship With The World
Lupita Nyong'o is sharing a transparent look into her life after a recent breakup.
In a cover story for NET-A-PORTER, the A Quiet Place: Day One star shed light on the significant heartbreak she experienced following the end of her relationship with ex-boyfriend and TV host, Selema Masekela.
As a public figure, Nyong'o, 39, sought to divulge the news of the breakup in hopes of presenting a more authentic perspective on the pain that follows a separation.
"I was living in a lot of pain and heartbreak," she told the publication. "I looked at the environment of my social media and thought I don’t want to be a part of this illusion that everything is always coming up roses. Surely there is a lesson for me to learn in this, and I just want to be real about it."
The Black Panther star went on to explain that her choice to be transparent with her fans about her breakup came from the certainty she felt after ending the relationship. “In my mind, when I shared my relationship status with the world, it was because I felt sure about it,” she said.
While she didn’t know how the news would land with her fans, she found relief in knowing she wasn’t alone in her experience.
“I knew how it could be interpreted; I knew it would have a life of its own,” she reflects. “But then I started to see the comments and people were being so loving and supportive. The ones that moved me the most were other people sharing their pain and their heartbreak.”
Nyong'o and Masekela went Instagram official in December 2022, publicly announcing their relationship in a couple's video. In October 2023, Nyong'o took to her personal Instagram account to share the news of her breakup in her caption, writing, "At this moment, it is necessary for me to share a personal truth and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer trust.”
She continued the vulnerable note, "I find myself in a season of heartbreak because of a love suddenly and devastatingly extinguished by deception. I am tempted to run into the shadows and hide, only to return to the light when I have regained my strength enough for me to say, 'Whatever, my life is better this way.' But I am reminded that the magnitude of the pain I am feeling is equal to the measure of my capacity for love."
These days, Nyong'o tells NET-A-PORTER that she is prioritizing profound self-discovery that extends beyond her career. She notes having a deliberate and unhurried approach to understanding herself.
She also alludes to keeping her relationships private moving forward after noting it was "very, very sage" of her not to talk about her private life professionally in the days before her last relationship. "I'm going back to those days by the way," Nyong'o shares of her reinstated boundaries around her personal life.
Earlier this month, Nyong'o made headlines alongside her new boyfriend actor Joshua Jackson. Nyong'o and Jackson went through public splits from their respective SOs in October 2023, with the latter splitting from his long-time partner Jodie Turner-Smith following her divorce filing from the Dawson's Creek alum.
The pair have been spotted together as early as December 2023, but nothing screamed "couple" quite as loudly as their recent getaway to Mexico for Nyong'o's 41st birthday featuring passionate displays of affection.
"Our purpose in life is to love. And so you have to get back in it," she tells the outlet, seemingly alluding to her budding new romance.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Taylor Hill/Getty Images