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xoNecole Founder Necole Kane On How Bodybuilding Helped Her Battle Depression
Thursday, July 2, 2015, was a day that many of us will never forget. That was the day xoNecole founder and Editor-In-Chief Necole Kane said goodbye to NecoleBitchie.com, a site that had become a centerpiece in the celebrity gossip realm.
A month after her farewell post, she started xoNecole with the desire to empower and inspire women through lifestyle articles. And as an entrepreneur, she was not prepared for the trials she would face in this new chapter of her life, especially since she had a vision of what she wanted it to look like. From the lack of resources to pure frustration, Necole needed something to take up her time that freed her mind of those anxieties and inhibitions. That's when she found herself in the gym.
During a sincere and unvarnished sit down with BET for their series Body of Work, she shared her business struggles, how her fitness goals led her to fitness competitions, and how they ultimately helped her combat bouts of depression.
As any entreprenuer knows, building a business isn't for the faint of heart. Although xoNecole offered a sense of community and a breath of fresh air to millions of its readers, behind the scenes with no additional funding except for her own, the transition was a difficult one. And even after being acquired, the businesswoman had new territories to navigate within along the journey to xoNecole's expansion as a thriving lifestyle site for Black women and their voices.
Fitness became an unexpected light in her day to day life, and fueled her in the fight to keep striving for a reality that truly aligned with her purpose.
"I was struggling with my business xoNecole, I was kind of frustrated at the time. I was running out of resources and I really wanted to grow my brand but I felt like I didn't have a lot of help, and I didn't know if I could keep my site going. I needed something to kind of take up my time because it was a very rough period and I was going through a lot of depression so I went into the gym. I knew for me to stay in the gym I had to have a goal to work towards. I found out about fitness competitions so I said, 'I'll just do fitness competitions' because I knew if I had that end goal, I'd stay the path."
Within a year into her fitness journey, the founder and EIC of xoNecole gained a new title and a new facet to her already multilayered identity: Pro athlete.
It isn't a feat that many are able to accomplish in their first year of competing, but through hard work, consistency, and dedication, Necole became an IFBB Pro in bodybuilding in August of last year. It further solidified for her that anything she could put her mind to, the Universe was conspiring to help her do.
And for the first time in years, it felt like she had her name back. She shed that old skin of her old life as Necole Bitchie, and proudly, with her shoulders back and head held high, walked into her light as an evolved version of herself: the Necole Kane. Fighting back tears, she shared:
"People for two years would come up to me and say 'I miss your old blog' and that always made me feel.. [pauses] I just remember I used to think 'I hope I do something one day that they don't associate me with that anymore.' I thought it would be my new website, which is doing great but it wasn't until my fitness journey that people would come up to me and say, 'Oh my God' and they wouldn't even mention my old site anymore, they would mention my fitness journey. And say, 'You've inspired me so much. I see how you've been in the gym and your body has changed,' and that was such a proud moment for me when that shift happened."
Photo Credit: Audra Oden Photography
Necole more than survived, she had arrived:
"I used to go through stages of depression all the time. I don't get depressed anymore. I haven't had a stage of depression that has happened since I started this fitness journey, especially this chase for my pro card. I have literally focused on my business and fitness all year so I haven't had time to feel sad about anything. I'm filling my time up with things that I'm passionate about and I recommend people do that. Fill your time with things that bring you joy. It was just about showing my family, my friends, and the people that follow me that I'm not one-dimensional. That I can excel as a businesswoman but I can also go on stage and be a pro bodybuilder and whatever I put my mind to, I can succeed in it."
Since Necole has focused on business and fitness, she has found what makes her happy.
Her ultimate advice to any one struggling to find peace would be to fill your time with things that bring you joy. Following that counsel, has allowed her to live her absolute best life.
I don't think Necole even understands the true impact she has on the lives of women who follow her, including myself. For years, I have watched and admired the strength she possesses. She continues to leave me floored by her capacity to live life with intention – it's so easy to fall victim to society's lens of success. I want to personally thank you, Necole, for your body of work: From your unrelenting fitness goals to the fearless tribe you galvanize daily.
The world is a better place because of your body of work, Necole Kane.
Featured image by Audra Oden Photography.
Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."