I was 17.
He was in his early twenties.
“He’s cute,” my friend whispered to me one day. I agreed. We had both just started working at the same job and were smitten over the new guy. I didn’t know much about him other than that he always wore a hooded sweatshirt and his mom sometimes brought him lunch to work which I thought was cute.
We became fast friends. We sat next to each other and soon had to be separated because we were constantly laughing and telling jokes. He always had a way of putting a smile on my face which was important to me. It wasn't long before we began dating. He had attended private schools and was extremely intelligent and also had a street demeanor which excited me. I was a senior in high school dating an older guy with a car, who treated me like a princess. He was respectful towards my parents and came from a two parent family that was involved in ministry.
I thought I was in love.
Soon the trouble started. I was a very sweet girl and he hated that about me. At this point he was working a new job and now I was the one bringing him lunch. “When you come to my job I want you to start a fight with me,” he said to me one day.
“Why?”
I was so confused by his request. I thought guys wanted girls who avoided drama, not started it.
“Because all of my friends get into fights with their girlfriends, and you are too nice. Just do it, Ok?”
I didn’t. One of his friends had recently been stabbed by his girlfriend and he stayed with her. I believe that my boyfriend, lets call him Jake* wanted a relationship like that. He was always telling me about all of the drama that his friends had in their relationships and he idolized it. Sometimes he would purposely start fights just to argue with me.
It was around this time that I noticed his alcohol dependency. I would watch him drink beer after beer while we watched tv. When I questioned him about it or suggested he slow down he would berate me. He would yell at me until I tried to leave, then beg me to stay with him. One night I was at a friend's house when I received a call from him.
“Baby I just crashed my car,” he told me in a panic. “Oh my God, are you OK?” I asked him both worried and shocked. “Is that it? You aren’t mad? You aren’t going to yell at me?” he asked angrily. “Why would I yell at you? I’m worried about you.” I answered confused. “Just forget it!” he yelled before abruptly hanging up. I had no idea what was happening. I was worried about him and he was berating me for not being mad at him.
He wanted a loud mouth, always angry, fly off at the handle girl, and I wasn’t her.
Now that he no longer had a car he would expect me to take him to the liquor store. I never wanted to do it. I had no desire to watch him become drunk. When I would refuse to buy him alcohol he would become irate. Name calling and yelling would soon follow. If I gave in and took him to buy liquor he would tell me how I didn’t really care about him or I wouldn’t have taken him to get alcohol.
I was tired of being treated this way. Gone was the person who had made me fall in love with his sweet demeanor and sense of humor. I was no longer myself. I always felt angry. He was getting exactly what he wanted. I no longer wanted to be with him and was ready to end the relationship.
One day I received a phone call from my ex-boyfriend. He informed me a mutual friend of ours had been killed in a car accident and I was devastated. I told my boyfriend what happened and he lost it.
“Why the hell is he calling you in the first place?” he yelled. “I just told you my friend passed away and he was telling me,” I wept into the phone. “I don’t give a f**k about that. Why did he have to call you? He couldn’t have had someone else call you?” he yelled. I was completely drained. He had no regard for my feelings and had allowed his personal insecurities to make him act irrationally.
“It’s over,” I remember finding the strength to say. “I just can’t take it anymore. I’m not happy. This relationship is suffocating me and I no longer want to be with you.” I explained. “Ashley, I'm sorry. I swear to God if you leave me I will kill myself. I don’t want to be without you. I love you. I don’t want anyone else but you, please don’t leave. I’ll change I promise I will. I’m about to kill myself. I can’t be without you,” he pleaded. I had no clue what to say. Here I was, mourning a loss of my friend and he was threatening to kill himself. My heart was sinking. It seemed like minutes passed before I responded. “I love you but I just can’t do this Jake,” I said quietly.
“Goodbye, Ashley. Just know I loved you, but I’m going to kill myself.”
He hung up. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to be with him, but I didn’t want him to harm himself. I looked outside my window. Rain and hail poured down from the sky. I knew my parents wouldn’t let me drive in the weather. I called his older sister who didn’t live far from him and told her what happened. “Girl, he is not going to kill himself. I’ll check on him in the morning,” she said nonchalantly before hanging up.
I didn’t know what to do. His parents were out of town and I felt like if I didn’t go to his house, I would forever feel guilty if he did go through with it. I ran to the car in the pouring rain and sped to his house. Hail beat down on the windows of the car and I prayed that I would be safe. When I reached his house all of the lights were off. I banged on the door but he didn’t answer. I went to the side windows to see if I could see anything when I heard a faint voice.
“Ashley....” I heard Jake call my name. I turned to see that he was sitting in an old car in their driveway. I rushed over to him. He held tightly to his side clenching it in pain. “What did you do?!” I screamed over the thunder as I attempted to check if he had harmed himself. He clenched his side tighter wincing in pain. “Please forgive me Ashley. I’m so sorry. I just can’t lose you. Please don’t leave me. Please just stay with me tonight.”
I did. I was so terrified of losing another person I cared about I decided to ignore all of the warning signs he was showing me and I stayed.
By the time I turned 19 he had threatened to kill himself several more times. Emotionally I was a wreck. Each time he thought I was going to leave he would cry those magic words to get me to stay.
I became an extremely unhappy person. I began purposely starting fights in hopes he would break up with me. Sometimes I would secretly wish he would kill himself so I wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.
I was too embarrassed to tell my parents what was going on and found myself confiding in his mother. She was very sweet to me and probably one of the reasons why I stayed so long. She was like a second mother to me and desperately wanted me to be with her son. I believe that it was around this time that she was trying to get him help. He showed constant signs of bipolar disorder and had a dependency on drugs and alcohol.
One day, Jake and I were attending a sports event and he had been drinking heavily. I think he knew I was finally fed up with him. He suspected I was cheating on him and he was right. I had not physically cheated but I had strong feelings for someone else. The only thing that kept me with Jake was my fear of him committing suicide. “Just don’t text him while you are with me,” he told me as we took our seats. I had no clue what to say. It was almost as if Jake had accepted the fact that I had feelings for someone else and was blindly in love with me or so crazy that he would rather stay with me knowing I didn’t love him than leave.
By the time the game ended Jake had downed over ten drinks. I reached for the keys to his car. “I’m driving,” I said preparing myself for a fight. “You are a slut!” He yelled at me in the middle of downtown Chicago as hundreds of people seemed to simultaneously stop what they were doing and stare at us. “You think you can just cheat on me? Why don’t you love me Ashley? Why can’t you just love me?” he screamed as the name calling continued. I was embarrassed. I had no clue what to do. I did love him but not in the way he loved me. I didn’t want him to hurt himself and I wanted him to be happy, but I didn’t want to be with him. I reached for the keys again. “Let’s go. You have had too much to drink,” I urged again, ignoring the insults and cries of love. He tossed the keys into the street as I reached for them. I slowly walked over to retrieve them knowing that this would be the last time I ever chose to see him.
I grabbed the keys and slowly helped him into the car as he continued to yell at me. I was terrified. I had never driven his car before, let alone in downtown traffic and rarely drove on the expressway. I tried to remain calm as I started the car and started driving.
My cellphone didn’t have GPS and he refused to use his. “Just drive!” he screamed at me. I tried to remember the turns we had made to make it to the expressway. In between, he would chime in, yelling directions at me.
Looking back I should have waited to say this to him, but I was completely fed up. As he continued yelling at me I told him I no longer wanted to be with him. He began flailing his body in the car slamming his head repeatedly on the dashboard and hit me in the process. He sat up when he realized what he had done. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You know I would never hurt you.”
“You hit me," I said still in disbelief of the entire situation. “I didn’t mean to!” he screamed as he continued banging his head against the dashboard and window. As we neared a division in the expressway and I had no clue what to do. A huge cement cinder block divided the two lanes and I was getting closer to having to choose a side.
“Which way do I go?” I asked. Hoping that my keeping calm would somehow calm him down too. He refused to answer. I took a guess and headed towards the side I thought I was the right direction.
“Noooo!” he screamed as he grabbed the steering wheel sending the car spinning inches away from the cement divider. I slammed on the brakes and both of our bodies went crashing towards the dashboard. I caught my breath, thankful that we hadn’t crashed.
“You almost killed us,” I spoke slowly. I don’t know how I was able to remain so calm but a part of me knew if I acted irrationally we probably would have never made it home that day.
I continued driving as he continued sobbing to himself and shouting out slurs here and there. I decided to drive him home instead of dropping myself off. I knew he was still in no way capable of driving and didn’t want him to harm himself or anyone else. I called his mom as I passed my house letting her know what was going on. She agreed to take me home once I got there.
“Why would you do that? You just embarrassed me!” he screamed. Once again he proceeded to throw his body around the car. Cars pulled up to the side of us asking if they should call the police but I dismissed their concerns as I neared his driveway. His parents were waiting outside and before I could stop he hopped out of the car and sprinted towards the main road. The neighborhood was close to a factory and large trucks routinely frequented the area. As he took off running towards an 18 wheeler his dad grabbed him and tackled him to the ground where he burst into tears. I was in disbelief as his mother pulled me towards the car.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” was all she could manage to say during the long car ride.
“I love you, like you were my own mother and I'm sorry but I can never see your son again,” I told her as I exited the car and prayed to myself that I would never have to see him again.
And I never did.
Have you ever felt trapped in an unhealthy relationship?
Ashley Renee is a soul food enthusiast, sometimes vegetarian, spoken word poet, who doesn’t trust boxed macaroni or cats. keep up with her @ashleyreneepoet on twitter & instagram also check out her website. www.ashleyreneepoet.com
Ashley Renee is a soul food enthusiast, sometimes vegetarian, writer and spoken word poet, who doesn't trust boxed macaroni or cats. keep up with her @ashleyreneepoet on Twitter & Instagram.
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
The James Room’s Co-Owner Justin Miller On Inclusive Nightlife & Atlanta’s Growing Cultural Scene
The career path we choose sometimes presents itself to us during our childhood. One entrepreneur's desire to maintain and run his own business began around age 12.
Justin Miller, one half of the duo responsible for running Atlanta’s premiere gathering place, The James Room, began his entrepreneurial pursuits by selling his drawings at school.
“I think I was always an entrepreneur,” he tells xoNecole during an interview for Hyundai’s Best In Class series, highlighting entrepreneurs making a difference through their businesses who also happen to be HBCU alumni.
“I just had different hustles, as they call them, growing up. When I went to law school, that was my first big entrepreneurship. I started my own law firm right after law school in 2006, and I’ve been an adult entrepreneur ever since.”
Alongside his business partner, Harold “Poncho” Brinkley, Miller and his team aim to fill a niche that hasn’t been seen before in Atlanta—an upscale lounge environment that is diverse and in alignment with what is currently available to patrons in cities like New York, Los Angeles, or Chicago. Located in Atlanta’s Krog Street District, The James Room offers a wide range of entertainment. From weekly events like live music on Tuesdays, slow jams by a live DJ set on Wednesdays, and b-side vibes on Saturdays.
“People are a little bit segregated in Atlanta,” Miller explains. “People party separately. People hang out separately. So, we wanted to create a space where everyone could come together and enjoy life because we all love the same things, and there shouldn’t really be separation when people are trying to relax and have fun.
"The James Room fills that niche, and Poncho and I, when we started thinking about getting into this field, both of us enjoyed that type of thing. We both enjoyed environments where people are together and enjoying each other’s company, and it’s not separated by Black and white or age, that kind of thing, more just people who enjoy good, fun stuff.”
“People are a little bit segregated in Atlanta. People party separately. People hang out separately. So, we wanted to create a space where everyone could come together and enjoy life because we all love the same things, and there shouldn’t really be separation when people are trying to relax and have fun.
As a product of Morehouse College, Miller also shared how being a graduate of a historically Black college or university (HBCU) has played a significant role in his work as an entrepreneur.
“My network started from, of course, Morehouse, and then branched off to Clark Atlanta, Morris Brown, Spelman, those schools close to Morehouse,” says Miller. “When I was there and made the connections that you need to be an entrepreneur, I think that the network you get when you go to an HBCU is second to none for anybody, but especially a Black person trying to start their own business.”
He adds, “The network you get at Morehouse for a Black man is even double because it’s like becoming a member of the network and a member of a fraternity simultaneously. So you can reach out to people vertically and horizontally, and you all share the same background in a certain way, so people will listen to you that normally would not.”
By day, Miller’s passion for law shines brightly through his work at his law firm, Stewart Miller Simmons, which he and a few friends started with a people-first mindset. One of their first big cases involved representing the daughter of George Floyd after he was murdered by Minneapolis police officers in 2020.
In addition to that high-profile case, Miller shares that the team has also represented the family of Rayshard Brooks, the young Black man who was killed by police in front of an Atlanta Wendy’s restaurant. They’ve also represented the mother of Ahmaud Arbery, the 25-year-old who was killed by two white men while jogging in a neighborhood near Brunswick in Glynn County, Georgia.
“We have some of the biggest cases in the world,” says Miller, reflecting on the nature of his business within the law field. “But my passion, the thing that I love the most, is doing things like The James Room, being able to create things where I can go myself and decompress, So I know if I like it in the environment, it’s good, and it’s relaxing for me, I know it will be for everyone else. This is one of my driving forces.”
Miller’s biggest lesson as a business owner, especially regarding The James Room, is that "you can really have whatever you want.”
“You can do whatever you want. It just requires a commensurate amount of work,” says Miller. It’s completely up to you. If you outwork yourself, you will receive everything you want. If you don’t, then you’re going to see where you’re going to stay and where your business will stay. I played basketball in college, and after that, I learned that you have to work. I didn’t know that same philosophy worked in business the same exact way, but it does.”
When it comes to the legacy that he and Poncho aim to leave behind with The James Room, the sentiment is simple: They want the business to be remembered as providing a different type of space in Atlanta.
"If you outwork yourself, you will receive everything you want. If you don’t, then you’re going to see where you’re going to stay and where your business will stay. I played basketball in college, and after that, I learned that you have to work. I didn’t know that same philosophy worked in business the same exact way, but it does.”
“I don’t want it to be the last of that type of space or one of the few of that type of space. I’d like it to be the beginning of those types of spaces in the city,” Miller notes. “Atlanta is growing. It’s now very multicultural because I am from here. My family’s from Atlanta. I grew up between Athens and Atlanta, Georgia. So I’ve seen Atlanta grow from where it used to be to what it is now.”
“I want the legacy of The James Room to be as Atlanta grows into the multicultural, big city that it is turning into, that the nightlife also corresponds and gives people options other than hookah and chicken wings. There’s nothing wrong with hookah and chicken wings, but you should have other options… sometimes you might just want an espresso martini.”
As their business continues to serve young professionals and creatives alike, Miller and Poncho take pride in continuously creating a place where everyone can come together, mix, and mingle, but in a more relaxed setting where everyone’s story can be heard.
“What I would ultimately like to see for The James Room is it being a nationwide brand. A brand where you could put a James Room in Houston, or you could put a James Room in Nashville,” Miller concludes. “You could put a James Room anywhere because all these places need this type of nightlife. Also, the entrepreneurs there, the people doing the nightlife there, need to see that this thing can work.”
He adds, “We have a proof of concept, and I believe the world needs to see and have it. I am a person who believes that more is better. So if you have more people putting this kind of entertainment out for consumption, you’ll have more people who have choices and more people who can enjoy themselves differently than what’s normally offered to them in their city.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Feature image @jmilleresq/ Instagram