The Secret To Leveling Up Your Professional Career
When I graduated from college, I couldn't wait to be considered an adult. I was ready to get hired by my dream job, make a ton of money, and live my best life. Well, as we all know, that is not exactly the reality of post-grad life. One thing that has personally been nerve-wracking for me about joining the workforce is the idea of always having to prove myself to others in order to get paid. Just typing that out automatically gives me a headache. Sending your resume to dozens of companies, hoping they like you enough for an interview, then if you get the job, you have to make sure you are on your 'A' game at all times. It's exhausting AF in order to keep said job. And don't even get me started with the entrepreneur route.
Let's just say, trial and error are close friends of mine. It wasn't until three years ago that I figured out what that secret was to help me with all my work problems and obtain the keys to success. I noticed that once I mastered this, my professional career became much smoother for me. I was able to see myself level up like never before. The secret is (insert dramatic pause) having a high EQ.
You're probably thinking, OK Kiara, I know what an IQ is, but what the hell is an EQ? Well my lovelies, EQ stands for emotional quotient, also known as emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence, in the general sense, is the ability to manage your emotions and understand the emotions of others. Some may not think emotions are an integral part of navigating the professional world; but the truth is, they are. Emotions are so intertwined in everything that we do, it affects our work life more than you think.
1.You are more tapped into your self-awareness.
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Self-awareness is a key component to having a high EQ. When you are self-aware, you know who you are. You know what you bring to the table and what you cannot bring to the table. You understand what your strengths are and what your areas of improvement are. Don't you hate it when you start thinking to yourself, "I wonder if they think I can do this job. Shit, I wonder if I can do this job." Well, self-awareness gives you the confidence where you don't have to rely on the validation of others. You have such a high sense of self that you can tell yourself, "I am capable and I am going to do the job the best way I can."
Even when you receive feedback from a manager or teammate, you are able to take feedback constructively and not defensively. Being self-aware also allows you to pivot better when there is unexpected change. You are able to look at a situation and identify if the change is a problem you can solve or something that is out of your control and you just try to adapt. Being self-aware helps with being more proactive than reactive. It really helps with reducing stress levels in tense environments and keeps you grounded.
2.You have better time management.
When you are able to manage your emotions, you are more likely able to manage your time too. I know I used to have the problem with over-committing to things. I would say "yes" all the time when asked to complete something. I would be running around trying to juggle 20 things knowing good and well I was only one human. I couldn't do it all. Having a high EQ helped me become more real with myself in how I spend my time. If I know I can complete five things in a certain amount of time, then I have to stick to those five things.
You are much more efficient with your time when you have less on your to-do list than with more.
When you manage your time better, you are more open to setting boundaries to make sure you do not overextend yourself. It can be tricky with saying "no" to tasks sometimes, because you want to impress your boss. I get that. But I guarantee you, if you are transparent with your boss about your capacity, they will be more understanding. Your boss would rather you complete a task giving it 100 percent than to juggle too many things and only giving the task 25 percent. If you explain to your boss that you are able to complete X amount of tasks effectively to get Z results, your boss will respect you and not see you as someone they can take advantage of. Time is more valuable to you when you have a high EQ.
3.You have motivation to grow.
Have you heard of growth mindset vs. fixed mindset? Well, that's kind of how it is when you have a high EQ, you are able to recognize the difference. When you have a fixed mindset, you think that your traits and abilities are things you are born with. For example, if you think you were not born smart, then you will never be smart. A growth mindset is when you believe any trait or ability you have can be developed through hard work, knowledge, and being persistent. Having a high EQ allows you to tap into a growth mindset.
With a growth mindset, you gain a sense of drive within yourself to continue to work towards your goals no matter what. You rely on staying motivated from your own inner wants/desires without needing external forms of encouragement. There is nothing wrong with being motivated by friends or family, but the most important source of motivation is YOU. When you are more motivated from within, you are able to pick yourself back up quicker when obstacles come along. You are less likely to stay in a state of feeling discouraged or knocked down for a long period of time.
4.You become a networking guru.
Your professional career is not just about how you navigate the office, but also how you build professional relationships. You go to events where you meet so many people with all these different backgrounds and careers. It can be challenging to know where to start when you want to connect with someone. Well honey, let me tell you, when you have a high EQ, you know how to WERK THE ROOM. You have that keen eye on who to spark up a conversation with and who to just leave alone. Remember, with emotional intelligence, you are able to understand the emotions of others as well as your own.
So when networking, you are able to communicate with others in a way that is very intentional. The way you interact with people becomes more collaborative and less transactional. Another thing you will notice when networking, is that you are able to read body language and facial expressions. You are able to pick up on nonverbal cues in people more than people who do not have a high EQ. It allows you to be more aware of your surroundings and more observant of the people you meet. Networking brings so many possibilities for you in your career. So, when you know how to say the right things to the right people, you can market yourself for the best collaborations. People who interact with you will get a sense of 'she knows what she's talking about' and be more inclined to work with you.
5.You will be ahead of the game.
CreateHerStockEmotional intelligence is not something you think of as a skill to put on your resume, but you absolutely should. Having a high EQ separates you from the rest. Companies will see you as a person that exudes the team work and leadership qualities they look for in an employee. Companies today struggle with solutions on how to help their employees work well together, stay motivated, manage their time better, and acknowledge their strengths.
When you have a high EQ, you are the top candidate they need. You are already a valuable asset to the company's culture.
Even in the entrepreneur world, having a high EQ allows you to be a leader more than a manager. You can help inspire others in your team and provide high quality supportive that keeps the morale at an all-time high. It is extremely beneficial to have the power to be in tune with every single emotion you have. Being able to identify and control your emotions is one thing but using that to acknowledge emotions in others is similar to using emotions as a compass to climb up the success ladder.
Emotional intelligence is a hidden talent that you can definitely use to your advantage. In order to learn more about emotional intelligence, check outEmotional Intelligence 2.0 by Jean Greaves and Travis Bradberry. Click here to start.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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'K' is a multi-hyphenated free spirit from Chicago. She is a lover of stories and the people who tell them. As a writer, 9-5er, and Safe Space Curator, she values creating the life she wants and enjoying the journey along the way. You can follow her on Instagram @theletter__k_.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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'Love Is Blind' Star AD Smith Shows Us That The Journey To Self-Worth Is Ongoing And She Shouldn't Be Criticized For It
This season of Love Is Blind was undeniably a rollercoaster ride of emotions. From intricate love triangles to deeply rooted attachment issues, it offered viewers a compelling glimpse into the complexities of modern relationships.
Yet, amidst the drama and romance, I think it serves as a poignant reminder of how we can possess a keen awareness of our relationship patterns; we can even find ourselves in therapy for years yet find ourselves repeatedly entangled in the same destructive cycles. Without the necessary tools and strategies to dismantle old habits and embrace healthier alternatives, we are destined to remain ensnared in a cycle of repetition and stagnation.
Amber Desiree “AD” Smith was left shocked and confused at the altar when her fiancé, Clay Gravesande, ultimately decided not to go through with the wedding ceremony. His actions throughout the season consistently indicated hesitancy towards commitment despite initially expressing readiness for a long-term relationship when he and AD first connected in the pods.
Throughout the season, Clay's journey revealed layers of immaturity stemming from childhood wounds caused by generational trauma, along with a clear unpreparedness for a healthy relationship. His relationship with AD began on shaky ground when he hesitated to commit without knowing her appearance first.
@netflix.reality.clips Clay and AD in the pods #clayloveisblind #ADloveisblind #loveisblindseason6 #libs6 #dating show
Despite AD's initial surprise, she decided to give Clay a chance, continuing their relationship. However, this initial compromise led to recurring issues, such as Clay's insensitive comments about potential weight gain and his insistence that AD join a gym if she were to gain weight in the future.
Despite these challenges, Clay and AD left the pods engaged with a road ahead of them of ongoing struggles in the real world. Clay and AD's relationship seemed shallow, mainly revolving around superficial interactions reminiscent of casual social media banter. Clay's fixation on physical appearance and fear of commitment clashed with AD's idealized vision of their relationship, blinding her from facing the reality of who Clay truly was.
Clay often centered conversations around himself, indicating a deep need for validation, which AD eagerly provided. From my point of view, this mutual reinforcement bolstered Clay's ego while fulfilling AD's need for validation in return.
Throughout season 6, Clay grappled with committing to a single partner, influenced by his upbringing witnessing his father's multiple relationships and extramarital affairs. The absence of healthy marriage examples shaped his perception of relationships. Despite these challenges, AD remained steadfast in her support, demonstrating a willingness to confront and overcome obstacles with Clay, given her upbringing in a household where her father was absent, an attachment wound that she has gained awareness about in therapy.
In the season finale, AD's excitement turned to confusion when Clay unexpectedly responded with "I don't" after her "I do." Clay's decision wasn't about AD's worth but stemmed from his own lack of emotional maturity and focus on superficial traits like physical appearance and achievement.
@stephmoneymonster Justice for AD #loveisblind #loveisblindseason6 #fpy #viralvideo #foryoupage #single #dating
Despite Clay's repeated expressions of self-doubt throughout the season, AD was visibly taken aback, holding onto the hope that he would change. AD's desire to be with Clay overshadowed her ability to discern if he was the right guy for her. Throughout the season, she found herself caught up in a fantasy of who she wanted Clay to be and the idea of being married to him. Clay's repeated statements about how AD made him a better man and how he wanted to change for her likely boosted her ego.
Many of us can relate to AD's struggle; grappling with feelings of unworthiness due to childhood trauma and abandonment often traps us in cycles that reinforce our deepest fears.
At the altar, AD was left devastated, questioning her worthiness and desirability. However, it’s not that AD isn’t worthy; she’s just stuck in a pattern of choosing emotionally unavailable partners, reminiscent of her father. Though she desires a different outcome, she finds herself unable to connect with a man who is emotionally present, reflecting her own emotional unavailability.
In our society, there's a common expectation for women to take on the role of nurturing and guiding men, often justified by the belief that “boys will be boys.” Like most women, AD frequently excuses Clay's behavior and does much of the emotional work in their relationship.
Deep down, AD likely felt the need to show unwavering support to Clay, hoping to secure his commitment by accommodating his flaws. For AD, love has become synonymous with earning someone's affection, a belief she reinforced by investing her heart in Clay, hoping to prove her worth to him. Yet, in doing so, she unwittingly perpetuated her own cycle of dysfunction.
AD's journey highlights the importance of being discerning in relationships, distinguishing between genuine compatibility, and settling for something less (the "right" from the "kinda sorta right"). Unfortunately, she lacked the tools to see Clay clearly, especially when dealing with her own attachment issues. Relying solely on physical attraction can be risky, as it often leads to repeating old patterns, with judgment clouded by the intensity of emotions.
Netflix Love Is Blind season 6 Clay and AD/ Screenshot
Engaging in inner work through therapy is undoubtedly a crucial step toward personal growth and healing, but it doesn’t fix us. It provides us with the opportunity to delve into our past traumas, confront deep-seated insecurities, and develop healthier coping mechanisms. However, despite the insights gained and the progress made within the therapeutic setting, applying this newfound self-awareness to real-life situations, especially in the realm of romantic relationships, can be challenging.
For someone like AD, the journey towards self-discovery is ongoing. I love the way Yung Pueblo puts it: “If the pain was deep, you will have to let it go many times.” While therapy equips her with valuable tools for introspection and self-reflection, it doesn't necessarily guarantee an immediate transformation in her dating behavior or decision-making process because she needs to grieve what she didn’t get from her father and create a new identity for herself.
One of the biggest reasons for this disparity between inner work and practical application lies in the complexity of human emotions and behavior.
Despite understanding the root causes of her attachment issues, AD found herself still drawn to partners who perpetuate these dynamics. This phenomenon often occurs because our emotional responses are deeply ingrained and may override rational thought processes, particularly when it pertains to matters of the heart.
'Love Is Blind' Season 6 Finale AD and Clay's Wedding/ Screenshot
Furthermore, the dynamics of therapy sessions differ vastly from real-life interactions and relationships. In therapy, individuals are in a controlled environment where they can explore their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment. However, the unpredictability and vulnerability inherent in dating can trigger old wounds and defense mechanisms, making it challenging to maintain the same level of self-awareness and emotional regulation.
Moreover, societal expectations and cultural norms can exert significant pressure on individuals like AD, influencing their perceptions of what constitutes a successful relationship. The desire for validation, societal approval, or the fear of being alone may cloud judgment and lead to compromising on core values or overlooking red flags.
So, how can we bridge the gap between inner work and practical application in our own dating lives?
Firstly, it's essential to acknowledge that growth is a gradual process and setbacks are inevitable. Instead of expecting instant results, we can practice self-compassion and patience while holding ourselves accountable.
Additionally, we can also work on slowing down, setting boundaries, and practicing assertiveness in our interactions with potential partners. Start getting to know people from the inside out. Not just by what they say but by what they do. These two things should always walk hand in hand.
By clearly communicating our needs and values and slowing down on physical intimacy, we can better discern whether a relationship aligns with our values.
Furthermore, seeking support from wise counsel (trusted friends and family), mentors, or even continuing therapy BEFORE things get too serious can provide us with additional perspectives and guidance as we navigate the dating landscape. Having a support network can offer reassurance and validation while also providing accountability in making healthy choices.
Lastly, by staying attuned to our emotions and paying attention to what our intuition is saying, we can make more informed decisions and avoid falling into familiar traps.
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Feature image Netflix Love Is Blind Season 6/ Screenshot