For some, it may be hard to believe that a person who failed English courses all throughout school is now a Senior Contributor for Forbes as well as a celebrity ghostwriter…unless that someone is Pauleanna Reid.
Pauleanna Reid On Leveling Up & Evaluating Your Friends Circleswww.youtube.com
Pauleanna Reid, a college dropout turned six-figure entrepreneur, understands firsthand what it's like to have naysayers and people who don't believe in you, your talents, or your dreams. Conversely, she also knows how important and powerful it is to have a mentor - someone who believes in you and will help guide you along your professional journey. Throughout her career, she's been blessed to have up to six mentors, but she also dedicates her time to mentoring women through her mentor program, New Girl On The Block.
Needless to say, she knows more than a thing or two about mentors. So, during a special edition of the xoNecole "Mentor Mondays", Pauleanna shared some magnificent tips about mentorship with an exclusive group of more than 100 xoTribe members.
1.“Reduce stress, add value.”
Find ways to do this when it comes to finding a mentor, as well as building relationships and partnerships. "People like to know what the benefit or transformation will be as a result of working with you," Pauleanna explained. It's about understanding the difference between your self-worth and your market value (thanks to Amanda Seales); knowing the difference between what you think you deserve versus what you actually bring to the table. If possible, find a way to assist them or volunteer for them.
2.Put in the self-work before you ask someone else to do the work.
I like how Pauleanna defined a mentor as someone who can "help take you to the next level AFTER you've utilized your resources and have taken the first steps." Nonetheless, mentorship requires a lot of time, resources, and sacrifice. So, before you ask someone to give their time and resources, make sure you're making the best use of your own. Before you ask someone to mentor you, ask yourself: "Am I doing everything that I should be doing?"
Like Pauleanna said, "If you want someone's time, then show them a receipt."
In other words, find a way to get in a room with them or sign up for one of their programs, workshops, or conferences. Furthermore, instead of asking "can I pick your brain", consider requesting an informational interview for no more than 15-20 minutes.
3.“Don’t ask for directions from someone who hasn’t been where you want to go.”
Like Pauleanna said, "I don't take advice from people who I wouldn't trade bank accounts with." You have to ask yourself: do they (the potential mentors) and their lives align with the type of woman you want to become?
4.Let the relationship develop and grow organically.
For some of her mentors, Pauleanna was introduced to them and they developed from pure, genuine relationships. For others, she asked them directly. Similar to any type of relationship, regardless of how it may start, the best thing to do is to let it flow and grow naturally. Don't try to force it.
5.Mentors shouldn’t be monolithic.
Your mentors don't have to necessarily be in the same industry, age bracket, or even be the same race. Like Pauleanna said, "They can be dead or alive, and they can even be a mentor in your head." Regardless, if you're going to have multiple mentors, strive to have a variety in different areas so they can provide different perspectives.
6.“The best way to thank a mentor is to show them that the advice given has been applied.”
Mentors are designed to help take you to the next level, but AFTER you've utilized any available resources including YouTube, Google, etc. Make sure you do the self-work. Actually show them how you've applied what you've learned to your own life or business.
7.“Be a vibe!”
Simply put, if you want to be around interesting people, then be interesting. As Pauleanna put it, "Once you're a resource, people will always want to mess with you. So, build a network before you need it." Whether the mentor is peer-to-peer (horizontal) or vertical, including people who are near where you are in life, as well as those who are five levels ahead of you because it opens your mind to greater possibilities. If you don't have a peer-to-peer group that you can go to for business advice, solutions, or discussions, then you may want to re-evaluate your relationships. Otherwise, you could decide to step up and be the one who starts to normalize those types of conversations.
Featured image via Pauleanna Reid
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Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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