Mentor Mondays: 7 Ways To Find & Develop A Relationship With A Mentor
For some, it may be hard to believe that a person who failed English courses all throughout school is now a Senior Contributor for Forbes as well as a celebrity ghostwriter…unless that someone is Pauleanna Reid.
Pauleanna Reid On Leveling Up & Evaluating Your Friends Circleswww.youtube.com
Pauleanna Reid, a college dropout turned six-figure entrepreneur, understands firsthand what it's like to have naysayers and people who don't believe in you, your talents, or your dreams. Conversely, she also knows how important and powerful it is to have a mentor - someone who believes in you and will help guide you along your professional journey. Throughout her career, she's been blessed to have up to six mentors, but she also dedicates her time to mentoring women through her mentor program, New Girl On The Block.
Needless to say, she knows more than a thing or two about mentors. So, during a special edition of the xoNecole "Mentor Mondays", Pauleanna shared some magnificent tips about mentorship with an exclusive group of more than 100 xoTribe members.
1.“Reduce stress, add value.”
Find ways to do this when it comes to finding a mentor, as well as building relationships and partnerships. "People like to know what the benefit or transformation will be as a result of working with you," Pauleanna explained. It's about understanding the difference between your self-worth and your market value (thanks to Amanda Seales); knowing the difference between what you think you deserve versus what you actually bring to the table. If possible, find a way to assist them or volunteer for them.
2.Put in the self-work before you ask someone else to do the work.
I like how Pauleanna defined a mentor as someone who can "help take you to the next level AFTER you've utilized your resources and have taken the first steps." Nonetheless, mentorship requires a lot of time, resources, and sacrifice. So, before you ask someone to give their time and resources, make sure you're making the best use of your own. Before you ask someone to mentor you, ask yourself: "Am I doing everything that I should be doing?"
Like Pauleanna said, "If you want someone's time, then show them a receipt."
In other words, find a way to get in a room with them or sign up for one of their programs, workshops, or conferences. Furthermore, instead of asking "can I pick your brain", consider requesting an informational interview for no more than 15-20 minutes.
3.“Don’t ask for directions from someone who hasn’t been where you want to go.”
Like Pauleanna said, "I don't take advice from people who I wouldn't trade bank accounts with." You have to ask yourself: do they (the potential mentors) and their lives align with the type of woman you want to become?
4.Let the relationship develop and grow organically.
For some of her mentors, Pauleanna was introduced to them and they developed from pure, genuine relationships. For others, she asked them directly. Similar to any type of relationship, regardless of how it may start, the best thing to do is to let it flow and grow naturally. Don't try to force it.
5.Mentors shouldn’t be monolithic.
Your mentors don't have to necessarily be in the same industry, age bracket, or even be the same race. Like Pauleanna said, "They can be dead or alive, and they can even be a mentor in your head." Regardless, if you're going to have multiple mentors, strive to have a variety in different areas so they can provide different perspectives.
6.“The best way to thank a mentor is to show them that the advice given has been applied.”
Mentors are designed to help take you to the next level, but AFTER you've utilized any available resources including YouTube, Google, etc. Make sure you do the self-work. Actually show them how you've applied what you've learned to your own life or business.
7.“Be a vibe!”
Simply put, if you want to be around interesting people, then be interesting. As Pauleanna put it, "Once you're a resource, people will always want to mess with you. So, build a network before you need it." Whether the mentor is peer-to-peer (horizontal) or vertical, include people who are near where you are in life, as well as those who are five levels ahead of you because it opens your mind to greater possibilities. If you don't have a peer-to-peer group that you can go to for business advice, solutions, or discussions, then you may want to re-evaluate your relationships. Otherwise, you could decide to step up and be the one who starts to normalize those types of conversations.
To watch the playback of this Mentor Monday's session and other exclusive workshops, join our xoTribe membership community today!
Featured image via Pauleanna Reid
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Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You've Never Seen Luke James In A Role Quite Like This
Over the years, we've watched Luke James play countless characters we'd deem sex symbols, movie stars, and even his complicated character in Lena Waithe's The Chi. For the first time in his career, the New Orleans-born actor has taken on a role where his signature good looks take a backseat as he transforms into Edmund in Them: The Scare—a mentally deranged character in the second installment of the horror anthology series that you won't be able to take your eyes off.
Trust us, Edmund will literally make you do a double take.
xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
Courtesy
Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
Getty Images
Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & Morewww.youtube.com
Featured image by Getty Images