Just a few years ago, I was a recent grad in a new city with no knowledge of how to play the industry game. Fast Company articles didn't provide enough tips for a young, gifted black woman in Corporate America and I needed a guide on how to break through this tough communications market that is New York. I was lucky enough to find guidance in my mentor, Scheron Brown, who has become the shoulder I lean on as life's lemons turned into lemonade.
Many black women continue to struggle to find someone to lift them up and pull them forward in their career because finding a mentor isn't easy, and we just want to be in the presence of greatness to learn the ropes on how to maximize our own potential. Mentorship has become one of the key ingredients many say is needed to move forward in your career. It's the secret sauce many of us are still in search of as we navigate Corporate America and build our brands and businesses.
Here are a few women who share how they found their mentor and how their mentorship has helped them along the way:
Ericka Hatfield, 36
Her Occupation
Brand Development Director of SJS Consultants and CEO of The BB Group
Her Mentor
"My mentor's name is Florence Mitchell-Brown and her company handles operations for some of the largest production studios and companies in the entertainment business. It started as a business relationship and we had a great rapport. I knew I wanted her to be not only my mentor, but someone who was a part of my life. She is truly my big sister in every way imaginable. I can discuss career strategies, relationships, and my faith with my mentor. I didn't have any set expectations, but I knew that I could learn a tremendous amount from her and she was someone I would benefit from greatly, not only professionally but spiritually and emotionally."
The Impact
"I believe mentorship plays a huge role in career success, access, and opportunities. It is also a great way to learn and grow from someone you trust. I really focused on finding a mentor in 2015. I was in the beginning stages of being at the senior level of my career and realized I wanted and needed an executive woman as a mentor. I had previously had male mentors but I really wanted a woman as it comes with a different set of challenges that men often do not understand. I knew I wanted to diversify my mentors. I had not previously had a black woman as a mentor and felt that it was a dynamic I had been missing."
"I had not previously had a black woman as a mentor and felt that it was a dynamic I had been missing."
Her Advice
"Make the relationship easy and accessible for your mentor. Calls, emails, Skype, social media, and text are great ways to communicate when you may not always have time for a face-to-face interaction."
Zaina Adamu, 32
Her Occupation
Cross-Platform Associate Producer at CNN
Her Mentor
"I have several mentors, but the one I meet with the most is Lashana Williams, a senior director at TBS. Speaking with someone regularly who is in a position I'd like to be in one day is motivating. It's a constant reminder that I can achieve my goals. In every situation, my mentorships flourished from simply establishing and building relationships with people I looked up to. Once I found the value in those relationships, I realized how critical they are in my life. No one gets to the top of their industries alone. We all need help."
The Impact
"When I first found a mentor who was willing to help, I didn't have any expectations, but I've found that they are an essential part of my growth as a professional. Not having one would have made my journey more difficult to navigate. I recognized early that I didn't have all the answers and having someone with more experience and knowledge to guide me has literally been my saving grace. I can't stress enough how important it is to ask for help and be willing to receive it."
Her Advice
"Don't be intimidated by titles. If you see someone you admire, request to meet with them briefly for advice. Everyone loves talking about themselves. Ask them how they reached success in their lives and check in with them periodically to see how they're doing. It's one of the best things you can do for yourself."
Folasade' Ogunnmokun, 28
Her Occupation
Owner of Unskrypted TV
Her Mentor
"My mentor is Latilda Owens and she is a financial analyst for the Virginia Commonwealth, as well as a mom, business mentor, and active member of the Richmond community. She does it all! Latilda and I have mutual friends and would end up in the same circle and she told me about an organization she was a part of that helped small business owners find guidance. She knew that I was working on my video production business and was interested in my work and my marketing method. Her being intrigued, inclined me to ask questions about how she felt about my work and what she thought I could do better to improve. She suggested I find a mentor through her organization Thrive and invited me to a few business events."
The Impact
"Latilda advises me on way more than just career goals. She helps me deal with life. I only expected for her to donate information about events, opportunities, and pitch contests. She has given me way more, like how to approach difficult clients or creative blocks. She's like a big sister who speaks up, even when I want to shut my ears. I thought it was important to find a mentor because I felt lost. I always looked up to my parents for answers but as I started to do things that my parents and older siblings never did, I had to find people who understood me and could help me grow. I don't believe you can do it alone and my parents and siblings got me to a certain point but it's up to me to find the help to go the rest of the way."
Her Advice
"A lot of times we overlook the women right in front of our eyes. We've picked out what our perfect mentor will look like, do, and be. Often times we have marked off our perfect match. Your mentor doesn't have to look like you and they certainly don't have to think like you, but they have to have an interest in seeing you succeed. I truly believe that if you put it out there that you want to learn and grow, that you will receive the person that can get you where you need to be. Be receptive and ready to act on the information being given to you, or expect to lose a great relationship."
"A lot of times we overlook the women right in front of our eyes."
Bee Pollard, 26
Her Occupation
Writer and Freelance Journalist
Her Mentor
"My mentor is a beautiful and successful black woman named Alissa Richardson. She's an award-winning journalist and assistant professor at USC who recently received her doctorate. I wasn't actively searching for a mentor nor did I believe I needed one. However, the moment I met her, I was just overwhelmed with her accolades, her experience, and her warm, welcoming spirit. She really lit the fire under me to hone my skills as a hungry writer, ultimately making me see that I could really make moves with my passion as my bread and butter. I came to her at the end of class about four years ago, and asked her if she minded being my mentor. With a smile, she agreed and our journey began."
The Impact
"She's pushed me to my limit. Mediocrity was and still is not a word in our vocabulary when it comes to my growth. She's presented me with so many opportunities for writing, editing, producing, and pitching. We've worked together on personal and professional projects that exposed me to the ins and outs of the industry. Allissa's always made time for me, being a shoulder when I needed it, a stern voice when I slacked, and a champion for all my wins. Our mentoring relationship has turned into a true friendship as I see her as my sister. She's given me so much confidence and made me believe that my voice was important. As a black woman in this world, much less this industry, I needed that so desperately."
"She's pushed me to my limit. Mediocrity was and still is not a word in our vocabulary when it comes to my growth."
Her Advice
"Find the person that mirrors your passion, your energy, your drive, and your appearance. There's something so comforting about having a black woman with a similar journey and similar-but-diverse narrative who I can relate to on levels unmatched. Your mentor should not only enrich your life as a career woman, but also be a source of light in your personal times of darkness. My mentor became my sister in a matter of years organically; I encourage all black women to find someone who can do the same."
Donicia Hodge, 30
Her Occupation
Brand Creative Project Associate at BET Networks
Her Mentors
"I have been lucky enough to have several mentors in my life during every stage of my professional career. One of my mentors' name is Assemblyman Bob Sweeney, retired. He inspired me to travel and get my Master of Science International Communications degree from St. John's University. I just always remember him saying, 'Don't let anyone take away your dreams. You go out there and make me proud.' If it wasn't for him, I would've never gone back to school or travel as much as I do now. My other mentor, Kai Brown welcomed me with open arms at BET. We have our bi-weekly check-ins and she makes me think about my future, which has helped me in my career thus far."
Her Advice
"It's already hard enough for young black women to move up in a higher position and better salary in the work environment. Surround yourself with people that have similar interests as you and you may find your mentor in that space naturally. When it happens, you'll know. Last, but not least, closed mouths don't get fed!"
These women found people to uplift them and pull them forward in their careers. Do you have a mentor? How has your mentor made a difference in you life?
Featured image by Getty Images
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Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
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Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
