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5 Women Share How They Found Their Mentors & How It Changed Their Lives
Just a few years ago, I was a recent grad in a new city with no knowledge of how to play the industry game. Fast Company articles didn't provide enough tips for a young, gifted black woman in corporate America and I needed a guide on how to break through this tough communications market that is New York. I was lucky enough to find guidance in my mentor, Scheron Brown, who has become the shoulder I lean on as life's lemons turned into lemonade.
Many black women continue to struggle to find someone to lift them up and pull them forward in their careers because finding a mentor isn't easy, and we just want to be in the presence of greatness to learn the ropes on how to maximize our own potential. Mentorship has become one of the key ingredients many say is needed to move forward in your career. It's the secret sauce many of us are still in search of as we navigate corporate America and build our brands and businesses.
Here are a few women who share how they found their mentor and how their mentorship has helped them along the way:
Ericka Hatfield, 36
Her Occupation
Brand Development Director of SJS Consultants and CEO of The BB Group
Her Mentor
"My mentor's name is Florence Mitchell-Brown and her company handles operations for some of the largest production studios and companies in the entertainment business. It started as a business relationship and we had a great rapport. I knew I wanted her to be not only my mentor but someone who was a part of my life. She is truly my big sister in every way imaginable. I can discuss career strategies, relationships, and my faith with my mentor. I didn't have any set expectations, but I knew that I could learn a tremendous amount from her and she was someone I would benefit from greatly, not only professionally but spiritually and emotionally."
The Impact
"I believe mentorship plays a huge role in career success, access, and opportunities. It is also a great way to learn and grow from someone you trust. I really focused on finding a mentor in 2015. I was in the beginning stages of being at the senior level of my career and realized I wanted and needed an executive woman as a mentor. I had previously had male mentors but I really wanted a woman as it comes with a different set of challenges that men often do not understand. I knew I wanted to diversify my mentors. I had not previously had a black woman as a mentor and felt that it was a dynamic I had been missing."
"I had not previously had a black woman as a mentor and felt that it was a dynamic I had been missing."
Her Advice
"Make the relationship easy and accessible for your mentor. Calls, emails, Skype, social media, and text are great ways to communicate when you may not always have time for a face-to-face interaction."
Zaina Adamu, 32
Her Occupation
Cross-Platform Associate Producer at CNN
Her Mentor
"I have several mentors, but the one I meet with the most is Lashana Williams, a senior director at TBS. Speaking with someone regularly who is in a position I'd like to be in one day is motivating. It's a constant reminder that I can achieve my goals. In every situation, my mentorships flourished from simply establishing and building relationships with people I looked up to. Once I found the value in those relationships, I realized how critical they are in my life. No one gets to the top of their industries alone. We all need help."
The Impact
"When I first found a mentor who was willing to help, I didn't have any expectations, but I've found that they are an essential part of my growth as a professional. Not having one would have made my journey more difficult to navigate. I recognized early that I didn't have all the answers and having someone with more experience and knowledge to guide me has literally been my saving grace. I can't stress enough how important it is to ask for help and be willing to receive it."
Her Advice
"Don't be intimidated by titles. If you see someone you admire, request to meet with them briefly for advice. Everyone loves talking about themselves. Ask them how they reached success in their lives and check in with them periodically to see how they're doing. It's one of the best things you can do for yourself."
Folasade' Ogunnmokun, 28
Her Occupation
Owner of Unskrypted TV
Her Mentor
"My mentor is Latilda Owens and she is a financial analyst for the Virginia Commonwealth, as well as a mom, business mentor, and active member of the Richmond community. She does it all! Latilda and I have mutual friends and would end up in the same circle and she told me about an organization she was a part of that helped small business owners find guidance. She knew that I was working on my video production business and was interested in my work and my marketing method. Her being intrigued, inclined me to ask questions about how she felt about my work and what she thought I could do better to improve. She suggested I find a mentor through her organization Thrive and invited me to a few business events."
The Impact
"Latilda advises me on way more than just career goals. She helps me deal with life. I only expected for her to donate information about events, opportunities, and pitch contests. She has given me way more, like how to approach difficult clients or creative blocks. She's like a big sister who speaks up, even when I want to shut my ears. I thought it was important to find a mentor because I felt lost. I always looked up to my parents for answers but as I started to do things that my parents and older siblings never did, I had to find people who understood me and could help me grow. I don't believe you can do it alone and my parents and siblings got me to a certain point but it's up to me to find the help to go the rest of the way."
Her Advice
"A lot of times we overlook the women right in front of our eyes. We've picked out what our perfect mentor will look like, do, and be. Often times we have marked off our perfect match. Your mentor doesn't have to look like you and they certainly don't have to think like you, but they have to have an interest in seeing you succeed. I truly believe that if you put it out there that you want to learn and grow, that you will receive the person that can get you where you need to be. Be receptive and ready to act on the information being given to you, or expect to lose a great relationship."
"A lot of times we overlook the women right in front of our eyes."
Bee Pollard, 26
Her Occupation
Writer and Freelance Journalist
Her Mentor
"My mentor is a beautiful and successful black woman named Alissa Richardson. She's an award-winning journalist and assistant professor at USC who recently received her doctorate. I wasn't actively searching for a mentor nor did I believe I needed one. However, the moment I met her, I was just overwhelmed with her accolades, her experience, and her warm, welcoming spirit. She really lit the fire under me to hone my skills as a hungry writer, ultimately making me see that I could really make moves with my passion as my bread and butter. I came to her at the end of class about four years ago, and asked her if she minded being my mentor. With a smile, she agreed and our journey began."
The Impact
"She's pushed me to my limit. Mediocrity was and still is not a word in our vocabulary when it comes to my growth. She's presented me with so many opportunities for writing, editing, producing, and pitching. We've worked together on personal and professional projects that exposed me to the ins and outs of the industry. Allissa's always made time for me, being a shoulder when I needed it, a stern voice when I slacked, and a champion for all my wins. Our mentoring relationship has turned into a true friendship as I see her as my sister. She's given me so much confidence and made me believe that my voice was important. As a black woman in this world, much less this industry, I needed that so desperately."
"She's pushed me to my limit. Mediocrity was and still is not a word in our vocabulary when it comes to my growth."
Her Advice
"Find the person that mirrors your passion, your energy, your drive, and your appearance. There's something so comforting about having a black woman with a similar journey and similar-but-diverse narrative who I can relate to on levels unmatched. Your mentor should not only enrich your life as a career woman, but also be a source of light in your personal times of darkness. My mentor became my sister in a matter of years organically; I encourage all black women to find someone who can do the same."
Donicia Hodge, 30
Her Occupation
Brand Creative Project Associate at BET Networks
Her Mentors
"I have been lucky enough to have several mentors in my life during every stage of my professional career. One of my mentors' name is Assemblyman Bob Sweeney, retired. He inspired me to travel and get my Master of Science International Communications degree from St. John's University. I just always remember him saying, 'Don't let anyone take away your dreams. You go out there and make me proud.' If it wasn't for him, I would've never gone back to school or travel as much as I do now. My other mentor, Kai Brown welcomed me with open arms at BET. We have our bi-weekly check-ins and she makes me think about my future, which has helped me in my career thus far."
Her Advice
"It's already hard enough for young black women to move up in a higher position and better salary in the work environment. Surround yourself with people that have similar interests as you and you may find your mentor in that space naturally. When it happens, you'll know. Last, but not least, closed mouths don't get fed!"
These women found people to uplift them and pull them forward in their careers. Do you have a mentor? How has your mentor made a difference in you life?
Featured image by Getty Images
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Brittney Oliver is a marketing communications professional from Greater Nashville. Over the past three years, Brittney has built her platform Lemons 2 Lemonade to help Millennials turn life's obstacles around. Her platform is known for its networking mixers, which has brought over 300 NYC young professionals, entrepreneurs, and creatives together to turn life's lemons into lemonade. Brittney is a contributing writer for Fast Company and ESSENCE, among other media outlets.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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