

Thank You Beychella: 6 Reassuring Realities Every Woman Should Embrace
Whenever you witness a Beyonce concert – whether live or virtually – you will almost certainly GET YOUR LIFE! Her latest Cochella performance – which has now been appropriately renamed as "Beychella" – was no exception.
The iconic Slayonce wowed festival-goers and live streamers alike as the first black woman to ever headline the nearly two-decade run of the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival. Queen Bey reportedly had 11-hour rehearsals leading up to the big event and it definitely showed in the flawless execution that the singer gave during the two hour HBeyCU-inspired performance where all of us pledged BDK with pride.
I wish you could've seen me rushing to my computer to see what was easily one of THE best performances I've ever witnessed…and I've been to A LOT of Beyonce concerts. #Beyhive
Prior to watching the performance, little did I know that I was going to receive a good word at church that morning, followed by another encouraging and uplifting message from the "Queen" herself. May you be inspired by a snippet of what I believe were some of the major life lessons from Beychella.
1. Black girl magic isn't a fairytale, it's a reality.
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The mere fact that Beyonce was the first African-American woman to headline Coachella was wonderful enough, but she took it a step further (figuratively speaking) when she played aloud a snippet from Malcolm X:
"The most disrespected woman in America, is the black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America, is the black woman."
In a society where often times white is celebrated and black is condemned, and then on a platform where the audience was primarily white, Beyoncé used the Coachella stage to celebrate every black woman in the world. She put everyone on notice and let everyone know that black women matter ; we are smart, we are powerful, we are talented, and we are everything that some people think we are not. We are as valuable as every other human being on this Earth. It was a testament to the fact that when other people underestimate us, God upgrades us.
2. Embrace who you are and where you are.
I used to be so scared of my "thirties" because I did not want to let go of my twenties. Being that I'm the same age as Beyonce and after seeing her do what she did, I'm even more encouraged to accept who I am and where I am at this present moment.
For instance, remember when Beyonce used to do the back bend to "Deja Vu" and when she used to squat all the way down on certain songs like "Get Me Bodied"? This time around, I noticed she didn't execute these dances all the same, but she STILL brought it (performed her tail off). She was basically like, "I'm grown. I've had three children, and I'm not about to bend all the way down and I'm going to use this bench to twerk on." I was here for all of it, because the same is true for me and many of us – I can't do it like I used to…and that's okay.
3. One woman's healing can be a part of another woman's healing.
I think it's pretty obvious that Beyoncé has had some life challenges as it relates to having children, career-related changes (early on), and more recently, her highly publicized marriage. Even if we weren't paying attention to news or the blogs, we could hear it in her songs, we saw it in her videos, and more importantly, we felt it in our hearts because at some point or another we have been where she's been.
Her performance was proof that you can turn your pain into power, and you can bounce back despite what you may have gone through.
There was a moment when she was sitting on one of the bleachers and there were ladies to the left and right side of her laying their heads on one another. For me, it was a reminder that we carry each others' burdens, but we also carry the healing and power that comes with it. That's why Beyoncé can sing a song, I can write a book, or women can recite a speech and touch so many women across the world. It's not because our lives are exactly the same. Instead, it's because we can relate to each other. It is my hope that we can be more open to women and their stories, and allow their experiences to help encourage and inspire us along our respective journeys.
4. You can find love without losing yourself.
In other words, your life doesn't have to end just because you fall in love, get married, or have children. I think we can all admit that Beyonce probably has a lot more help than most of us everyday women. Nevertheless, she has found a way – in between being a global superstar, wife, mother, daughter, sister, humanitarian (amongst other things) – to still live her life.
Yes, she is a wife, but she is also a boss and clearly she still makes time for her loved ones and friends. She is still committed to pursuing her passion and it doesn't look like she's close to giving that up anytime soon.
5. There is room for everyone to shine.
I love the quote that says, "A candle doesn't lose its light by lighting another candle." When you're aware of what God has called you to do and when you know He has created a path specifically for you, then you don't have to cut down another woman and it makes it that much easier to stay in your lane.
A woman who is confident enough with herself is able to acknowledge the confidence and beauty of another.
Beyonce had no problem giving so many different people their time to shine. From the Destiny's Child reunion, Solange's appearance, the Les Twins, her dancers, the choir, her background singers, the guest dancers, her band, the marching band, and everyone in between – she made it so that everyone felt a part of HER show. She knew this was a HUGE moment for her at Coachella, but it was obvious that she wanted so many others to be a part of this special night.
As my dear sister Andromeda (founder of Women by Choice ) likes to say, " W hen women support women, we all win ." Beyonce is winning because she genuinely wants her squad and all of those around her to win. Ask yourself, "when is the last time I encouraged or allowed another woman to shine?"
6. Pursue your passions persistently even when life throws you a curve ball.
We can plan all day for stuff, but life has a way of throwing some unexpected detours at us along our journey. However, when the unexpected happens, keep moving forward anyway.
During the show, Beyonce was performing and being the phenomenal superstar that she is, but towards the end, I noticed she started having issues with her wardrobe. Beyonce had given it all she got that her wardrobe was starting to fall off of her. Nevertheless, and in good ol' Beyonce fashion, she kept it moving and didn't miss a beat. She made adjustments, but she didn't let that stop the show. Not to mention the fact that although she planned to perform last year, she embraced the natural and blessed interruption that was her pregnancy. She used that time to dream up and develop what was ultimately one of the greatest, if not THE greatest shows of all time.
Don't allow disruptions to deter you from your destination.
What were some of your favorite moments from Beychella? Feel free to comment below.
*Article originally published on Shonda Brown White
Featured image by Giphy
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Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog .
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find , there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecole exclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause , marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression , anxiety , like all of it, mental health challenges , all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry ’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy . If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures , and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood , her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff , which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You , which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
Victoria Monét Opens Up About Feeling ‘Validated’ Months After VMAs Turned Her Down To Perform
Victoria Monét has had an incredible year. Thanks to the success of the widely popular “ On My Mama ” that went viral, the singer/ songwriter’s Jaguar II album debuted in the top 10 of Billboard’s Top R&B Albums chart. She also went on to headline her own sold-out tour . So, when the MTV VMAs happened in September, everyone was surprised to learn that Victoria’s team was told that it was “too early” for the “Smoke” artist to perform at the award show. However, a couple of months later, the mom of one received seven Grammy nominations, including “Best R&B Album” and “Record Of The Year.”
Victoria is currently in London and stopped by The Dotty Show on Apple Music and shared how she feels “validated” after being dismissed by the VMAs.
“It really does feel nice and validating because, in my head, the reason why I wanted to be a performer at the VMAs or award ceremonies like that is because I felt like I am at the place where I should. I would work really hard to put on the best show that I could, and I was excited to do so,” she said.
“And I guess the best way to describe it for me is like when you're like on a sports team, and the coach is like, ‘No, you gotta sit this one out.’ When they finally put you in, and then you score all these points, and it feels like that feeling. You're like, yes, I knew it wasn't tripping, but I knew I worked hard for this, and so it's been super validating to just have these accolades come after a moment like that, and I know the fans feel vindicated for me.
While her fans called the VMAs out on their decision, the “Moment” singer kept it cute and is still open to performing at the iconic award show. “I feel no ill towards them because it's just maybe that's just truly how they felt at the time, but I hope their mind has changed,” she admitted.
Aside from recognition from the Grammys, she has also received praise from legendary artists such as Janet Jackson , Kelly Rowland , and Usher .
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Feature image by Amy Sussman/WireImage for Parkwood