What do people say about you when they hear your name?
It's the question everyone should know how to answer as they create their own narratives of who they are and who they want to be. For black women, that narrative is even more important as we constantly work at demystifying myths in the workplace and constantly dealing with the pressures of how people perceive us at work and online.
Personal branding helps us navigate how we are perceived at work and online by displaying are authentic selves and controlling our narratives.
For many of us, our personal brands can be the gateway to creating the type of life we want. Personal brands can lead to promotions, new job opportunities, and salary increases if we play our cards right. Here are four women who manage their personal brands and full-time careers. Read how they monetized their personal brands and how they used their personal brand to create opportunities in their full time role.
Cwanza A. Pinckney, M.D.
By day she is the Medical Director, Emergency Physician for CHI St. Luke's Health in Houston, TX.
By night, she is the "The DJ Doctor ™", which she started as a personal lifestyle brand to combine her love for music, medicine, mindset coaching, and being a DJ in a way that was understandable to clients and patients. "Having a personal brand was important to me because I needed to feel that my representation to the world truly embodied my spirit, was authentic, represented all of my gifts, and was aligned with my values and entrepreneurial goals," Cwanza shared.
Three Goals She Had for Her Brand:
"First, I wanted to keep my brand multidimensional so that my gifts could be expressed through many different products and services. I also wanted to make a brand that has room to grow as I develop new products and services." Lastly, she created a brand that "people find engaging and leaves a solid platform for meaningful conversations with consumers."
How She Funnels Her Additional Income:
"My brand includes DJ services, mobile medicine patients, private concierge patients, and coaching for personal development. Each product has its own unique sales funnel tied under my overall brand that has allowed me to earn additional income based on my passions and purpose."
"In one year, I was able to earn an addition six figures based on my passions."
How She's Established Her Brand's Worth:
"As a physician, I was able to leverage my advanced expertise and create a more convenient platform for patient care services. As a DJ DR, I was able to leverage the perception of what a doctor looks like to create interest in my DJ services because you won't find too many DJs who are doctors; clients love and find it fascinating and relatable. The diversity of my lifestyle brand attracts my coaching clients because they are able to find validation in being a multifaceted individual who doesn't have to be stuck in a box and labeled based on one career path."
How She Leveraged Her Personal Brand with Her Employer:
"I re-negotiated my hours to the most profitable shift slot that allows me to be in the hospital only three days per week and have my weekends free. By strategically scheduling my shifts in the Emergency Department, I always know my schedule and can block my schedule so that I can effectively schedule meetings, meet patients, coach clients, and DJ throughout the other four days of the week."
Adriana Crawford
By day, she is a Program Management Specialist for the Federal Government
By night, she manages a relationship and lifestyle blogging site, Adri Speaks and a career coaching and professional consulting firm, Anaford Consulting.
By creating opportunities for herself outside of her full-time job, she's been able to offer her expertise outside of the core of her job function to work on special projects as a direct result, which has led directly to an increase in salary and bonuses.
Her Personal Brands Developed Out of Circumstance:
"One came about as a need, the other, a professional desire. I began blogging as a way to cope with a bad breakup almost 10 years ago. Before I knew about therapy, I blogged about my journey through pain, loss and healing almost as a series of love letters to myself. This began during college while I was also finding my way professionally and trying to discover who I was and what kind of woman I wanted to be."
"I knew that I wanted to help people - Black women specifically."
"At the same time, I'd been working in the nonprofit world developing and managing programs, working as a freelance career coach, and doing a lot of pro bono consulting in the nonprofit and career coaching space without any real strategy. I knew I needed to have a distinct brand that was separate from my career coaching."
How She Established Her Goals:
"First, I wanted to organize my thoughts and professional goals in spaces that were separate from my job. I work in government and I enjoy working for the public, but I have to feed my soul's purpose and I knew working a 9-5 alone would not get me there. Then, I wanted to earn additional income to fund my scholarship for women in college, Adri Speaks 4 Books."
Her Coaching Has Becoming Lucrative:
"Management and career consulting can be a very lucrative field. I've earned additional income by providing resume critiques, career coaching strategies, strategic planning services, business process improvement consulting, and a myriad of other tools and services that help improve the career prospects of my individual clients and organizational health of my corporate clients. I've also earned income by providing life/love coaching services. This service offering will be amplified after I publish my book this year!"
Her Content Establishes Her Brand's Worth:
"Writing for publications with platforms that I love, maintaining a blog that has international reach and readers, and having several professional references and mentors to help guide me has been the key."
"I do this work because I love it, and having the content has been the best way to establish my brands."
Neysa Ellery Taylor
By day, she's the Director of Communications for the Tennessee Department of Correction.
By night, she's an author, blogger and speaker on all things love, relationships and marriage.
Her Personal Brand Gave Her Freedom:
"Freedom is what I gained the minute I understood my personal brand."
"My first goal was to merge my lives. I had a work life and profile, a personal life and profile, and a freelance profile. Storytelling ties them all together. It gave me the freedom to be authentic across all platforms and no longer worry if what I shared on one adversely affected another."
Referrals Keeps Her Money Flowing:
"Once I totally understood my brand as a storyteller, I was able to do freelance scripting for events, communications consulting work for small businesses, and become an author. Branding helps people know who and what they are getting when they reach out to you and when they refer you to another friend or business connection. My previous clients share my work and successes because they know the brand and then turn around and reinforce the brand when they refer me to another person."
Her Personal Brand Helped Her Grow Her Team:
"I work in an industry that historically hasn't been very transparent. As a storyteller, I have to explain to people why the Department of Corrections matters, how the work we do impacts communities, and how the offenders we supervise are entitled to and deserving of second chances. To accomplish that mission, I've had to expand my team and add a graphic designer, a videographer and another Public Information Officer. The team is growing because of my Commissioner's trust in me and the storyteller brand."
Jasmine Sweet
By day, she is the Digital Marketing and Communications Manager at Meharry Medical College
By night, she manages her lifestyle brand at JasmineSweet.com where she shares sweet moments with her audience to inspire and uplift them.
Her Brand Allows Her To Share Her Perspective:
"I went to school for broadcast journalism, and I thought I wanted to be a news reporter, but I always had an interest in so many other industries as well. I wanted to be able to live the things I loved, as well as tell them from my perspective. Whatever I'm experiencing, I'm sharing. To be 28 years old, I've done a lot of living and I'm willing to share the ins and outs of it."
Her Goal Is To Stay Authentic:
"It's cliche, but I simply wanted to be my true and honest self and be accepted for just that. That is still my goal. As a young black woman, I'm facing all kinds of adversity. When I build my brand, I'm thinking about women like me, women who've come before me and those coming up behind me."
"My brand is bigger than me."
Her Large Social Follow Attracted Clients & Partnerships:
"As long as I have the internet, I am making things happen by all means necessary. I don't just manage my 9 to 5 and my brand, I have freelanced for a plethora of small businesses and brands. I also serve as the communications manager to Grammy Award-winning artist, Dom Flemons and worked for international recording artist Valerie June as a social media manager for nearly 10 years. Her songs can be heard on shows like Queen Sugar. As my personal brand continued to grow, I started working with brands last August after I realized it could be an avenue of revenue. I was simply blogging for nearly eight years just to tell my story, and now, I'm working with brands to collaborate on the efforts of sharing a true life experience with a product or service."
Her Brand is a Reflection of Her At All Times:
"That same energy that I give my brand and my blog, I give to all other facets of my job. When you're in tune at work, you can be in tune otherwise. Don't neglect your duties at your 9 to 5. That's like robbing Peter to pay Paul and we all know that doesn't work. Moreover, my brand is a reflection of me at all times. I don't want to compromise either situation. The only conflict that I find between the two sometimes is time. I can't wait for the day that I can give 100% to my blog. I can't wait until the day that I can have a staff and a boardroom full of women just like me whom are working their 9 to 5s to stay alive, but remarkably navigating building their own personal brands."
"Building a personal brand while managing a full-time job is no easy feat, but understanding your purpose makes it all worth the while. It means you are controlling your narrative and creating the life you want to live."
*Featured image via Jasmine Katrina
Originally published May 14, 2018
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
____
Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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Featured image by Giphy