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Everything You Need To Know About Giving Head From The Back

When it comes to sucking dick, it's deeply preferential.

Sex

When it comes to sucking dick, it’s deeply preferential. This preference is, in part, due to chemistry. As in, the more passionate I am about you, the more passionately I want to suck your dick. And that’s on “The girls that get it, get it.” This means that whenever I’m locked in with someone, I’m going to make a valiant effort to please them and shamelessly so. I’ll watch what I need to, ask what I need to — and you already know how raunchy girl talk can get. In fact, it was during girl talk that my friend shared excitedly how she sucked her boyfriend’s dick from the back and often.


And, my curious mind expanded with even more questions on a topic that I had yet to master and clearly had so much more to learn about. Because, how? How? How? What was actually required of a man who desired to have their dick sucked from the back? Does your man need to get on all fours or can they just bend over in a straddle? Does this only apply to those who are overly hung? If you’re anything like me, you’re probably curious too!

But what you have to know is that this position is particularly pleasurable as it provides access to the anus, which is where the male g-spot is located, and also provides some spillover (in that I don’t think you can suck dick from the back without eating ass). However, that also means it requires a lot of vulnerability and fluidity in sexuality.

That said, I don’t think this position is an admitted favorite for several reasons, some of which you can find below.

Vulnerability and Comfortability

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Historically speaking, masculinity is rather fragile and most men are highly opposed to butt play or anything close. With that said, this position will require communication and the creation of a safe space for your partner particularly if this is the first time the two of you have explored this position together. What’s too far? Do you have permission to venture off – place a finger or butt plug in their butt while you suck their dick from the back? You want to know these things before going in.

If you’re already a penis person who enjoys rim jobs, this is certainly a different approach to take as you get the best of both worlds. Real Hannah Montana shit.

Size Matters…Here

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There’s just no way around this. All bodies are not created equally, all dicks are not created equally. A short and stout dick is not reaching the back – it’s just not. Sorry. The average penis size is 5 inches, and I don’t know the tip to anus exact measurement but somehow it doesn’t require me to be a mathematician to see that the math aint mathing.

Reality vs. Porn

In writing this article, I asked a number of my guy friends about this position. As awkward as it was, they admitted this was not something that they had really done. Which makes me wonder if it’s just a fun expression that women like to say for a little razzle-dazzle when hyping up their man, or what? Is it some wild, fancy shit we saw in a porno and thought, ‘That’s a top-notch blowjob,' not giving much thought to the odds and reality? It definitely is a phrase that gets the people going, but I don’t know how desirable it actually is amongst cishet, run-of-the-mill men. It seems to me that it’s another projected concept from porn that’s not for the average couple.

More Comfortable…For Us

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Don’t let any of what I’ve said deter you from trying because one thing I did peep in mentally laying out the logistics is that it might actually be a more comfortable position for those of us whose jaws get uncomfortable when giving head. Why? Because there is now less penis that your mouth has to account for, providing a similar outcome as when you provide a handjob while giving your man head.

In that sense, sucking dick from the back could be a win-win for all parties involved.

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When I was ten, my Sunday school teacher put on a brief performance in class that included some of the boys standing in front of the classroom while she stood in front of them holding a heart shaped box of chocolate. One by one, she tells each boy to come and bite a piece of candy and then place the remainder back into the box. After the last boy, she gave the box of now mangled chocolate over to the other Sunday school teacher — who happened to be her real husband — who made a comically puzzled face. She told us that the lesson to be gleaned from this was that if you give your heart away to too many people, once you find “the one,” that your heart would be too damaged. The lesson wasn’t explicitly about sex but the implication was clearly present.

That memory came back to me after a flier went viral last week, advertising an abstinence event titled The Close Your Legs Tour with the specific target demo of teen girls came across my Twitter timeline. The event was met with derision online. Writer, artist, and professor Ashon Crawley said: “We have to refuse shame. it is not yours to hold. legs open or not.” Writer and theologian Candice Marie Benbow said on her Twitter: “Any event where 12-17-year-old girls are being told to ‘keep their legs closed’ is a space where purity culture is being reinforced.”

“Purity culture,” as Benbow referenced, is a culture that teaches primarily girls and women that their value is to be found in their ability to stay chaste and “pure”–as in, non-sexual–for both God and their future husbands.

I grew up in an explicitly evangelical house and church, where I was taught virginity was the best gift a girl can hold on to until she got married. I fortunately never wore a purity ring or had a ceremony where I promised my father I wouldn’t have pre-marital sex. I certainly never even thought of having my hymen examined and the certificate handed over to my father on my wedding day as “proof” that I kept my promise. But the culture was always present. A few years after that chocolate-flavored indoctrination, I was introduced to the fabled car anecdote. “Boys don’t like girls who have been test-driven,” as it goes.

And I believed it for a long time. That to be loved and to be desired by men, it was only right for me to deny myself my own basic human desires, in the hopes of one day meeting a man that would fill all of my fantasies — romantically and sexually. Even if it meant denying my queerness, or even if it meant ignoring how being the only Black and fat girl in a predominantly white Christian space often had me watch all the white girls have their first boyfriends while I didn’t. Something they don’t tell you about purity culture – and that it took me years to learn and unlearn myself – is that there are bodies that are deemed inherently sinful and vulgar. That purity is about the desire to see girls and women shrink themselves, make themselves meek for men.

Purity culture isn’t unlike rape culture which tells young girls in so many ways that their worth can only be found through their bodies. Whether it be through promiscuity or chastity, young girls are instructed on what to do with their bodies before they’ve had time to figure themselves out, separate from a patriarchal lens. That their needs are secondary to that of the men and boys in their lives.

It took me a while —after leaving the church and unlearning the toxic ideals around purity culture rooted in anti-Blackness, fatphobia, heteropatriarchy, and queerphobia — to embrace my body, my sexuality, and my queerness as something that was not only not sinful or dirty, but actually in line with the vision God has over my life. Our bodies don't stop being our temples depending on who we do or who we don’t let in, and our worth isn’t dependent on the width of our legs at any given point.

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