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The Ups And Downs Of Explaining Complicated Careers To Family Members
Recently, I was over my great aunt's house for the day to visit and check in on family. On that particular visit, the conversation was going to a familiar place, one that I always avoid with family—or actually anyone who doesn't work in my industry. I felt it heading into the dreaded direction that I knew it would, when suddenly it came...
"So, how is work?"
Lawd,I hate this question. I hate it even more than the inevitable questions about when I plan to get married or have kids. In comparison, those questions are easy to laugh off, I can deal with those. The work question, not so much.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like to discuss work with anyone, however discussing my line of work is not that simple. And to be honest, it's out of the scope of what most people can comprehend. I respond with my usual, safe answer, "Work is good."
"Oh that's great. What is it that you do again?"
Plotting my escape, I reply, "I work in marketing."
"Oh, so you sell things over the phone?"
"No. That's telemarketing. I'm a content marketer."
Ten minutes later, there I was, trying to explain my day-to-day. I started to see the usual confusion begin to appear on faces as their eyes glazed over and I knew with certainty the very next time I see them, I'd have this exact same conversation again.
But it wasn't until that very moment that I realized, it's not that they don't understand my career. It's just that I am not having the right conversations.
Here's the thing: my industry requires and hosts a very broad skill set. It comes with a varying degree of responsibilities, and frankly could stretch across a multitude of other industries—all industries, to be exact. For example, I work in marketing, yes. But I've worked field marketing, I've worked corporate (or in-house as some refer to it), and most currently, content marketing on a freelance and/or corporate in-house basis. And absolutely no one knows what that means. Our society is only conditioned to understand what it is a lawyer does or a doctor or police officer or hairstylist. Never do they understand that some of us are bloggers, or create digital email marketing campaigns, or are UX analysts.
So, I set my sights on a mission to improve my communication, one parent, aunt, cousin, and grandpa at a time.
Here are some tips and tricks to improve your career conversation with the fam:
Practice
Stressed Issa Rae GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphy
It sounds ridiculous, but one key element to saving a few grey hairs, is to practice. Actors practice, dancers practice, why should you enter the gauntlet unprepared? OK, I'm joking (kind of) but there is nothing wrong with going over talking points for the questions that Aunt Bertha Mae will be grenade-launching at you as soon as you make it to the door. Simply knowing where to take the conversation, where to avoid disaster, and going over it in your mind, will help you to not have to pack your to-go plate so fast.
In many instances, explaining your career comes during those times when you're sitting and soaking up some good ole wisdom with the elders, or at least those who haven't been in the workforce in years. The most questions will come from those that are the most confused. And these elders don't have a filter so don't be offended if they are generally curious as to why you haven't purchased a home yet, but you can afford that trip to the Caribbean.
Speak From a Place of Listening vs. a Place of Explaining
I can't stress this enough: gauge what your family member understands about your career, rather than going into a full elevator pitch. You can simplify your conversation by asking, "How familiar are you with [insert your profession]?" or "What do you know about [your industry i.e. finance, sports marketing, etc]?" And if you know subject matter may go over their head, don't hesitate to water down the conversation. Telling Aunt Jan that you're "creating a video" may be easier for her to comprehend than "uploading a promotional spot for this new CPG client".
Knowing your audience is key, so they may not understand image pixels or blog tags, but they will understand that social media operates within its own methods.
Take the time to seek to the best way to clarify, as if you weren't familiar with your career as well. This allows your counterpart to both engage and feel at ease. Thus, no more of the same questions next year. #yay
Give a Stand-Out Example
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I'll never forget the time, while discussing a few career goals with a family member, that I gave my family member that "a-ha" moment. It felt like I bungee-jumped and loved it. But to be honest, truly helping them connect those dots is the key difference in having a substantial conversation or having a drive-by chat. If they've retired from the railroad, and they understand how a component to their job connects to an element of yours, then stay on that course. Transferable skills lie within every single industry out there. Avoid your industry lingo, and instead tell a funny story about a work assignment. Find common ground in places where there are none.
That way, when sitting at the dinner table next year, at least you know Uncle David will have your back because he remembers that funny work story, and he'll be able to follow-up, relate to, sense opportunity, or simply help navigate a next solid move—because once upon a time, he dealt with this shit too.
Simply Have the Patience
It is important to have patience with anything you're speaking about with family, but it is highly-specified requirement when discussing your career. It's honestly a skill within itself. Patience allows you to get comfortable in the conversation, and maybe even taking it a step further to discuss your two-year phased-out career plan. And if you're that ballsy, I say go for it, but have patience.
Just understand the world is ever-evolving and nothing will make sense to you in ten years either. Being careful in these conversations allows you to attend the holidays next year, picking up where you left off. And most of all, your parents will wholeheartedly be able to support your vision when one—or both—of them calls for the day.
Let us know if these tips helped you have those conversations. Happy chatting!
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Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."