
Even though love is a universal concept, it is a unique experience for each individual. Successfully building and maintaining a healthy relationship requires you to learn your significant other's love language. You may be familiar with NY Times best-selling author Gary Chapman and his work known as The 5 Love Languages—a how-to guide about the five ways that people express and experience love. These categories include words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
Unfortunately, many people aren't familiar with their emotional needs or struggle with voicing them altogether. This results in dissatisfaction within relationships, often leading to resentment, if someone's love needs aren't being met.
Whether you're trying to win someone's heart, maintain a thriving relationship, or simply want to make a good impression on your boss, check out the tips below to help you gain (and keep) the key to their heart.
Aries & Their Love Language

Aries is considered the baby of the zodiac as this sign represents the birth of spring and the astrological new year. With that being said, it's important that you make the ram feel like they've got your undivided attention. They aren't necessarily needy as they do have a strong independent streak. It's not so much the amount of time that you spend with them but, more so, the quality of the experience. Aries loves to be on the go and this sign usually is a natural athlete. Take them out for a few rounds of paintball or go to your local arcade. Make sure to put up a good fight and don't let them win just because they like to. The ram enjoys dueling against a worthy opponent.
Even though they prefer to take the lead in a relationship, it's quite the turn-on if you do so from time to time. Your Aries man is likely to be super-machismo, so playing a role in his bondage and discipline fantasy will make an impression. As for your Aries woman, be open to role reversal. Allowing her to drive the boat lets her know that you trust her enough to get the job done.
Taurus & Their Love Language

A way to a Taurus' heart is through their stomach and their bank account. The calm, but stubborn bull, is ruled by Venus, the planet of love and money. Receiving gifts is their primary love language as this sign has an appreciation for the finer things in life. This doesn't mean that you have to go broke dating a Taurus. Even though they enjoy the material things that the world offers, this down-to-earth sign values consistency within their bonds, having a tendency to enjoy commitment due to them being a fixed sign.
Associated with the Earth element, Taurus is known for being one of the most sensual signs, making pleasure their top priority. Treat them to a fine dining experience or a weekend vacation at the wine vineyard. If your pockets are tight, don't worry! Taurus loves to be in the comfort of their home. Offer to cook for them or order takeout from their favorite restaurant. Set the mood by lighting some scented candles, running them a bath, then rubbing them down with warm oil before laying them down in their Egyptian cotton sheets. Keep in mind that this sign is big on receiving—with that being said Taurus men and women alike are big on getting some "face time."
Gemini & Their Love Language

Gemini is known to be one of the more free-spirited, flirtatious signs of the zodiac; their mutable energy makes them notorious serial daters. This can be a bit off-putting for people that prefer a bit more predictability but this playful sign can offer one of the most stimulating, adventurous relationships you've ever had. As a dual sign, associated with the twins, Gemini can portray multiple personalities, keeping their suitor on their toes.
Even though this sign may seem disinterested in commitment, they actually love companionship due to their duality. It's as though they're longing for their "other half", the one who gets them, throughout their entire lives. They need someone who can match their passionate curiosity about life but they also need someone to be their soft landing when they're burnt out from their explorations. Gemini is considered one of the most eccentric, brainy signs that will enjoy checking out an art museum or attending a poetry lounge where you can potentially pick up a cutie to join your midnight Ménage à trois.
Cancer & Their Love Language

The sensitive crab requires an emotionally nurturing relationship that makes them feel safe enough to venture outside of the protection of their shell. As loving as this sign is, they can be slow to open up and let others into their world. Once they do so, they run the risk of overly-extending themselves and being taken advantage of due to their kind, generous nature. Patience and quality time are required to build the trust of your Cancer but once they start feeling comfortable with you, you're in for one of the sweetest romances of all time. Naturally maternal, this sign prioritizes others over themselves to the point that they can neglect their own goals and needs.
You can show your Cancer some love by offering to do something for them as an act of service. Run an errand for them, cook dinner, or clean up around the house. They won't usually voice when they need help so it's important to be cognizant of how you may be taking too much from them. Cancer men are typically attracted to assertive women so dominating them in the bedroom is welcomed. As innocent as your Cancer woman may seem, you'd be surprised at how experimental she is.
Leo & Their Love Language

Pursuing the superstar of the zodiac isn't for the faint of heart or for the prideful. It's important that you make your Leo feel like they're basically the best thing that ever happened to you. This sign is notorious for its big ego but rightfully so, given the success that the Leo often experiences. You can always expect this ambitious feline to be in hot pursuit of his or her dreams. Although they can do well in a power couple dynamic, this sign usually likes to be in the spotlight while their significant other takes a lesser, supportive, yet equally important role.
Words of affirmation are one of the preferred love languages of the sun child. Compliments can go a long way but try not to overdo it to avoid coming off as a kiss-ass. Leo is typically an accomplished sign and their achievements should give you enough to brag about along with their impeccable sense of style. In the bedroom, your Leo man prefers to dominate his prey with choking, hair pulling, and slapping and the Leo woman is equally down for a bit of rough-housing as well.
Virgo & Their Love Language

When you're pursuing a Virgo, it's important that you display consistency and practicality in your approach. They're not apt to long, drawn-out social media affairs and would much rather book a flight to spend some time with their crush. If you live in close enough vicinity to your Virgo, spending quality time with them goes a long way. This ambitious sign is usually focused on their money and their business, so when they do make time for you, take it as a sign that they're really into you.
As one of the more structured zodiac signs, you can impress them by making the date night plans, buying their roundtrip plane ticket, or purchasing that vacuum on their Amazon wishlist.
Acts of service can also go a long way with this sign. Offer to spend the day helping them organize their office or make a trip to Whole Foods to restock their color-coordinated pantry. Although Virgo is known as the Virgin, both men and women of this sign are well-experienced behind closed doors. Virgo men typically like to dominate in the bedroom and your Virgo lady may be into recreating Maggie Gyllenhaal's provocative performance in Secretary.
Libra & Their Love Language

This Venus-ruled zodiac sign is associated with the 7th house, making them naturally relationship-oriented. You'll rarely find a Libra who doesn't have someone on their roster. As one of the most flirtatious signs, words of affirmation can go a long way with them. Don't just focus on their looks though. Libra is well-known for being one of the intellects of the zodiac, so complimenting their brilliant mind will win you some brownie points as well.
This sign is known for compromising due to their diplomatic approach to life. However, they can easily forget their own needs within love, often resulting in imbalances in their relationships. When you're pursuing a Libra, it's important to teach them the value of validating their wants and needs in the relationship. You can do so through acts of service and by giving them gifts. As a giver, the Libra man is a cunnilingus aficionado; while the Libra woman will be down to sixty-nine.
Scorpio & Their Love Language

As one of the most private signs of the zodiac, Scorpio can take a while to open up to someone pursuing them. They are deeply emotional but are typically good at masking their sensitivity. Patience is needed as they won't grant you access to their heart any sooner than they're ready to. Once they let you in, you'll be in for one of the most transformative, intimate romances of a lifetime.
Physical touch is one of Scorpio's favorite love languages. This sign enjoys the pleasure of foreplay and experiences that slowly build up to the big release. Take them out to a Tantra class, then try out what you've learned at the end of the night. As one of the most alluring signs of the zodiac, don't be surprised if you find yourself under your Scorpio's spell after the first rodeo. Their intuitive nature gives them the advantage of knowing exactly what your body needs. They are notorious for being one of the freakiest signs of the zodiac—both men and women likely having an interest in BDSM, anal, and a whole lot of latex.
Sagittarius & Their Love Language

This free-spirited zodiac sign can be a little hard to pin down, especially if you value stability and structure. As a mutable sign, Sagittarius prefers to explore the world, and their options—unless, of course, they can meet someone that is up to speed with them. Their fiery nature makes them passionate romantics who thrive off of adventure. You'll likely find them traveling around the world with their partner or enjoying various rendezvous with the foreigners they meet along their journey. The lively optimism of your Saggie will light up your world.
However, it's important that you're capable of offering this same positivity to them in their time of need through encouraging words of affirmation. As one of the dreamers of the zodiac, there always comes a time in which reality bursts their bubble, so it's necessary for them to have a safe space to lick their wounds before they're strong enough to get out into the world again. Spontaneity is a priority for this restless sign who likely enjoys sex in the car, outdoors, in the fitting room at the mall—basically anywhere they can do it without getting arrested. And even then, they may take the risk just so they can have an epic story to tell later.
Capricorn & Their Love Language

The boss of the zodiac typically likes to take the lead in love, if they even have the time for it, as they're usually more consumed with their plans of taking over the world. However, they could definitely use a sidekick to join them in their takeover. Capricorn has some lofty goals in mind and may need some help breaking down the process into concrete steps. That's where you come in. Acts of service go a long way with this ambitious zodiac sign. Offer to help them complete the minute tasks on their to-do list so they have time to focus on the more important stuff.
As an earth sign, Cappies value their business and financial security. Making an investment in their startup or putting some money towards their school tuition can put you in good standing with them. When it comes to their sexual needs, the Capricorn woman enjoys dominating her partner, settling for nothing less than their reverence. On the other hand, the traditional Capricorn male enjoys a more submissive lover.
Aquarius & Their Love Language

This free-spirited, intellectual sign craves a stimulating partnership both mentally and physically. As an air sign, Aquarius isn't typically into the emotional displays of affection. Instead, they value what they can learn from their significant other. Spending quality time with them, exploring their thoughts, and sharing your own personal experiences is something this sign thrives off of. Aquarius is associated with the 11th house, which has to do with society and humanitarianism.
Participating in acts of service that allow you to give back to the community can make a good impression on them. They also enjoy learning about different spiritual topics so take them out to a law of attraction seminar, meditation circle, or reiki center to show that you support their learning process. When it comes to their sexuality, Aquarius men appreciate receiving some creative nudes or a homemade flick of you partaking in some self-pleasure. As for the Aquarius woman, she particularly prefers more casual, no-strings-attached affairs, but within a commitment she'll be open to inviting another woman into the bedroom.
Pisces & Their Love Language

This sensitive water sign is a hopeless romantic just waiting to pour their love into anyone who's willing to receive it. However, their empathy often lands them in some pretty rough relationships where they end up carrying all of the weight in an attempt to heal or save someone. Pisces' association with the 12th house makes them a magnet for some of the most lower vibrational individuals dealing with issues of addiction, trauma, and mental illness. Over time, these types of relationships can start to wear down on this empathic sign—emotionally, spiritually, and even physically.
If you're interested in pursuing a Pisces, be willing to carry your own emotional weight. They are often considered the "strong friend" so make sure to check in and spend quality time with them. Small gestures like holding their hand or giving them a hug can go a long way. When it comes to the bedroom, Pisces women enjoy extended foreplay and slow, deep sexual experiences that end in pillow talk. The laidback Pisces man in your life enjoys being dominated by his lover and he may even have a secret foot fetish as well so make sure to keep your toes well-manicured.
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Originally published March 28, 2019
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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It’s probably been over the past 2-3 years that I’ve become hyper-focused when it comes to applying certain chemical exfoliants known as acids to my skin. Personally, I’ve come to really appreciate ones like mandelic acid and hyaluronic acid because they have a way of softening my skin, brightening it up and really evening out my complexion overall.
In fact, on my skin, they have been so effective that they have caused me to wonder what would happen if I applied some of them to my hair too — and boy, was it an experiment that paid off big time!
If, while on your continual journey to get the best out of your own tresses, you’d like to learn how to get them healthier than it’s ever been, I’ve got seven acids that are typically known for skin use that can be just as beneficial to your hair as well.
1. Salicylic Acid
When it comes to your skin, salicylic acid is beta-hydroxy acid that is great for your skin if you’re looking for something that will exfoliate it, clear out your pores and dissolve dead skin cells. In fact, this is why it’s an acid that is quite popular when it comes to treating acne.
Your hair will enjoy salicylic acid because, if you’re looking to remove product build-up, you want to soothe an itchy or irritated scalp or you’ve got some dandruff flakes that are totally driving you up the wall, salicylic acid has the ability to treat all of this. Either purchasing a shampoo that contains this ingredient or adding it to your favorite scalp scrub is probably the most effective way to get the most out of it.
Just make sure that if your scalp is sensitive or dry that you approach with caution. In these instances, it could end up irritating your scalp more than helping it out, so use a very little bit in the beginning to make sure that it vibes with you.
2. Lactic Acid
Lactic acid is an alpha hydroxy acid that can help to even out your skin tone as well as slow down the signs of aging. The properties in it help to do this by reducing hyperpigmentation and boosting collagen production in your skin as well as keeping it hydrated.
Why is it great for your locks? For one thing, lactic acid is considered to be a humectant. This means that it pulls water from the air so that your hair is able to remain moisturized.
Another thing that makes it a winner is the fact that lactic acid breaks down dead skin cells on your scalp (so that your hair follicles are able to flourish), it can help to soften and detangle your hair (making it a helpful addition on your wash days) and it also helps to protect your tresses from heat styling tools and UV damage. Applying a hair rinse that’s made up of part lactic acid and part water can work wonderfully (so long as you apply it once a month, tops; more than that might be too “intense” for your hair strands).
3. Glycolic Acid
Glycolic acid is a water-soluble alpha hydroxy acid that is actually made from sugar. Your skin will adore it because it smooths the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, improves the texture of your skin, gently exfoliates, clears your pores and brightens up your complexion overall.
The reasons why you should consider this acid for your hair is because it helps to keep your scalp youthful (and yes, there is such a thing; check out “Your Scalp Ages Six Times Faster Than Your Face. Why It Matters.”), removes excess sebum (that could be clogging up your hair follicles) and it helps to keep your hair moisturized. Your best bet here is to make it a part of your pre-shampooing ritual.
4. Succinic Acid
Succinic acid is an acid that is made from sugar cane and contains antimicrobial and anti-inflammatory properties. Although it doesn’t exactly exfoliate (like many of these other acids do), it can still be beneficial to your skin when it comes to reducing the kind of irritation that is associated with eczema, decreasing the bacteria that leads to breakouts and keeping your skin pretty hydrated.
As far as your hair goes, this is an acid that is worth trying out because it helps to balance the sebum that is on your scalp, remove dead skin and product build-up that can irritate your scalp and clog your hair follicles and, succinic acid is also beneficial when it comes to reducing dandruff and helping to prevent hair loss. Most people tend to apply this as a serum.
5. Hyaluronic Acid
I’ve officially sung the praises of hyaluronic acid on this platform before. One example is via the article, “Why Your Skin, Hair, And Nails Need Hyaluronic Acid Like...Yesterday.” On the skin tip, hyaluronic acid is great because it deeply hydrates your skin, contains anti-aging properties and can even bring relief to vaginal (including vulvar) dryness.
Your hair will adore this particular acid because it aids moisture to it (including your hair follicles), will help to improve your hair’s texture and it also soothes scalp dryness, nurtures the cuticles of your tresses and decreases frizz. Using a serum rich in this acid as a pre-poo or as a leave-in conditioner is recommended.
6. Azelaic Acid
If you’ve never heard of azelaic acid before, this is your lucky day. It’s a dicarboxylic acid that, when it comes to skincare (and hair care) products, is usually synthetic. Anyway, if you are looking for a way to reduce inflammation, even skin tone after a breakout or if you want to use an exfoliant that will improve the texture of your skin overtime, you might want to give this acid a shot.
This one makes the list as far as your hair is concerned because, if achieving more inches is your current focus, azelaic acid might come in handy. That’s because it is able to strengthen your hair, thicken your strands and also stimulate hair growth from within your hair follicles.
7. Glutamic Acid
Glutamic acid is actually a type of amino acid. Skin-wise, it’s great for deeply hydrating your skin as well as protecting it from pollutants and damaging UV rays. Also, if you’re looking for an acid that treats skin dryness or “tightness,” this could be the answer to your prayers.
Since glutamic acid is also considered to be a humectant, it’s another acid that can moisturize your hair. As a result, it can decrease breakage while helping your hair to feel smooth and look shiny.
BONUS: Amino Acids
Speaking of amino acids and hair, please try to keep some amino acids in your diet at all times. The reason why is because, since your hair is made up of mostly protein (keratin, to be exact), amino acids are pretty darn effective when it comes to helping you to maintain the overall health and well-being of your hair.
Ones to prioritize include proline (it boosts collagen so that your hair strands can maintain flexibility); arginine (it increases blood flow to your hair follicles so that they can receive the nutrients that they need); cysteine (it helps to keep your hair follicles healthy); alanine (it helps your system to produce more collagen), and isoleucine (it strengthens the tissues that help to make up your hair strands). All of these are available in supplement form or you can use Google to see which foods contain them.
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Although it might initially seem odd to apply acid to your hair, as you can see, certain ones will work miracles for it. So, test them out to see which one tickles your fancy.
Hell, since they work for your skin as well — it’s a two-for-one deal that is worth every penny!
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