

Self-love has been at the forefront of many conversations to date. For generations, women of color have had to put their self-love on the backend. Our mothers and grandmothers were feeding love into their children, grandchildren, husbands, and community while overlooking their own. Sadly, as their daughters, the cycle of giving all our love and remaining "strong" continues in our hearts to this day. Growing up, my mother showered everyone with love except herself.
As I got older and began dating, I found myself giving all my love to men who didn't know how to love me. For years, I felt highly unfilled in my relationships. As time went on, I realized how much pressure I put on others to love me because I didn't know how to love myself.
Fast forward to a new self-loving and self-aware version of myself. Knowing my love language and using it as a tool to fill my cup has been my most significant flex. I am no longer co-dependent on others to make me feel whole, loved, and accepted.
Here is my journey to using my love language (physical touch) to practice self-love.
Touch My Body
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Since my love language is physical touch, I genuinely enjoy self-care practices that incorporate such. Massages have been a great self-care practice that allow me to connect with myself. The warmth of massage oils touching my skin fulfills my inner child. As a little girl, I lacked the warmth of a mother's touch. Getting massages allows me to feel the warmth I craved for so long.
Touching my body in ways that give me warmth helps me immensely. I enjoy using coconut oil, warming it with my hands, and massaging it into my skin. This method allows me to take time to connect with myself genuinely. I've realized through this simple practice, I feel more empowered physically communicating with myself and my needs. I have also not sought out relationships that are purely physical.
Breathing Into Validation
I know some people don't see deep breathing as a physical touch practice. I disagree with this narrative. I believe breathing in general can be a very loving and healing practice. Deep breathing can also be a tremendous physical touch practice if you choose to incorporate it.
I generally start by finding a comfortable position, either sitting up or laying down. I slowly begin to take deep breaths and incorporate a four-count—breathing-in for four counts and exhaling four counts.
Now, here's where it gets real. During my in-depth breathing sessions, I think of my triggers. I ask myself: What has triggered me in the past or present? And where do I feel that on my body? Wherever I feel the hurt on my body is where I place my hand.
This healing practice has helped me acknowledge any pain, hurt, or emotional trauma I have encountered in my journey. I validate myself so others don't have to.
Sun-Kissed
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Girl, I craved hugs and kisses as a child, so why not let mother nature do it? Mother nature is a beautiful way to connect with yourself. She helps us find answers when we are lost, peace when life is chaotic, and heal us when we feel broken. She loves and accepts us in every season of our life. During my season of healing, I turned to her.
This may sound a bit cliche, but I love letting the sun kiss my skin. When my touch isn't enough, I will take advantage of going for a nature walk in my local neighborhood park. Having the sun's warmth on my skin is mother nature hugging me (in my head). Through my walks in nature, I've learned that sometimes all a dying rose needs is a little bit of sun to bloom again.
Final Thoughts
Taking time to learn the way I receive love has been a healing experience. I have noticed a massive difference in the way I carry myself in my relationships. For example, I no longer seek only a physical connection with someone because I can fulfill that need for myself. Therefore, my relationships have gotten more profound with a greater purpose.
Through this experiment, I've learned that learning your love language will bring you closer to yourself. In return, you're more likely to step into the world as your most aligned self.
Learning to love yourself is a feeling that won't ever expire, let you down, hurt you, or break up with you. Learning to love yourself is the greatest timeless reward you'll ever receive.
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Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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Tisha Campbell Shares Why She Got A Mommy Makeover & And We’re Here For The Transparency
Tisha Campbell is still here. Here. Here. Here. (If you know, you know.) The 56-year-old actress and singer is living her life loudly and without apology, all while keeping it real about the work she's had done.
While gracing the 2025 BET Awards red carpet last week, the My Wife & Kids alum let it be known that she has nothing to hide as she revealed to Entertainment Tonight that she recently had a mommy makeover. "I had extra skin from the baby and a little bit of droppage here and a little bit of droppage there," she shared with the outlet as an exclusive. "They tighten me together."
The mother of two shared that changing her body wasn't about anyone else; it was first and foremost about pleasing herself. "I'm a single mom, not ready for dating," she added. "But I just wanted to feel good for me."
Why Tisha Campbell Chose to Share About Her Plastic Surgery
Tisha isn't new to keeping it a buck and has always been transparent about subjects that others might shy away from, whether it's about her decision to walk away from the show that put her on the map as an actor or her decision to walk away from a 22-year marriage to ex-husband Duane Martin. Cosmetic surgery is simply another topic for the Tisha to be open about.
Even in a post-BBL era, cosmetic procedures are something that is still taboo to talk about, especially among women in Hollywood who have spent decades in the public eye, like Tisha. The self-proclaimed "open book" shared her why behind disclosing her surgery:
"I just think it's more important for people to know why one does it. If you wanna feel good about you. And I just wanted to be honest about it," she told ET. "I think it's more important, to be honest, to know that you know I didn't all this by myself. It's nice to be a little bit more snatched around that area."
Tisha Campbell is serving confidence and honesty about her mommy makeover 👶✨ #BETAwards #tishacampbell #kyliejenner #mommymakeover
So, What Is a Mommy Makeover?
For those who are unfamiliar, a "mommy makeover" refers to a combination of cosmetic procedures and can differ for every woman depending on her personal goals. While the overarching intention of a mommy makeover is often to "restore" their bodies to their "pre-baby" status, the procedures are customizable and ultimately based on what feels good to her personally.
This might look like a tummy tuck or liposuction, a breast lift, reduction, or augmentation, a labiaplasty, or any other nips and tucks that support how they feel in their bodies after giving birth.
What stood out in Tisha's clip wasn't just her transparency in action, but also the intention behind her decision to have surgery. She waited until her sons Xen, 23, and Ezekiel,15, were older to have her procedure and made it clear that she centered herself in her choice. In her new season life, this is how she is honoring herself.
"For me. It's not for everybody, it's for me."
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