I already know what some of y’all are on: “Shellie, no matter how much you try and give a ‘glass half full’ approach to being single on Valentine’s Day, I ain’t buyin’ it. I wanted to be with someone this year and the fact that I’m not has me feelin’ some type of way.”
Noted. Heard. Understood. The point of writing articles like this one (or the one I penned last year that’s along the same lines: “Single Women, Valentine's Day Is Upon Us. Here's How To Flip That Ish In Your Favor.”) isn’t so much to get you out of what you want; it’s to encourage you to make the most of your time…in the meantime.
Besides, since V-Day is supposed to be about celebrating love, wouldn’t it make all the sense in the world to honor who you should love above all else — whether you’re in a relationship or not? YOU.
Yeah…my point exactly. So, instead of trying to act like February 14 doesn’t exist this year, decide that this is the year when you’re going to indulge yourself by doing at least a few of the following 15 suggestions. Because since you are totally in love with yourself…why not acknowledge it?
1. Revisit the Definitions of “Single”’
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Probably until I fade out into the sunset as far as this platform is concerned, whenever the topic of singleness comes up, I’m probably always going to mention the article, “10 Words That'll Make You Totally Rethink The Word 'Single'.” That’s because, although most folks only think of “not married” (the original definition which means A LOT of people are relationally single; some of y’all will catch that later) or not boo’d up to be what “single” means, it’s so much more than that.
A single person is unique. A single person is exclusive. A single person is rare. And everything about those words is beyond wonderful and fantastic. So, this year, instead of focusing so much on not having anyone (single), think about how bomb you are by being such an exceptional woman (another word for “single”).
2. Make Time for Unconditional Love Meditation
If days like Valentine’s Day tend to ramp up your stress and anxiety levels, use it as a time to do some meditation. Meditation can definitely help to calm you down. In fact, I actually stumbled upon a site that features tracks that help you to do what is known as “unconditional love meditation” which, at the end of the day, basically means that you will hone in on self-love while removing your ego and increasing your compassion levels; including self-compassion (check out “What Loving Yourself Actually Looks Like” and “12 Ways To Be Far More Self-Compassionate Every Day”).
You can see more of what the site has to offer in this realm here. Oh, and if meditation isn’t something you do often, it’s a fairly simple practice. You can learn how to do it, even at work, by reading this article here.
3. Speak Your Love Language to Yourself
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Words of affirmation. Physical touch. Quality time. Acts of service. Gifts. Whatever your top two primary love languages are, the fact that they are how you like love to be expressed to you (most) means that you don’t have to wait for someone to do them for you.
Write down some adjectives that describe what you like most about yourself (words of affirmation). Give yourself a head or foot massage (physical touch). Turn off your devices and read a book or take your own self out to eat (quality time). Ask someone to help you with something that has been stressing you out to take the load off (acts of service). Hit the mall and buy yourself something — just because (gifts).
So many people are down on themselves on Valentine’s Day because they think that everyone else BUT them should show themselves love. And that’s a damn shame because, so long as you love you and express it well, any day can be amazin’. V-Day included.
4. Set Some “Self-Love Goals” for the Rest of the Year
Even though it is kinda wild that, already, March isn’t too far away from us, you’ve still got plenty of time to put some solid plans into place for the rest of the calendar year. And what better way to make 2024 your best year yet than by setting some self-love goals? Plan a spa trip in another city. Buy yourself a self-affirmations journal (and actually write in it). Consider getting into some therapy or seeing a life coach. Take a solo trip to another country. Something that I’ve been doing lately is going on dates alone — and they have been nothing short of fabulous!
It might sound corny or cliché yet that doesn’t make it any less true: the more that you love yourself, the easier it is to discern the people who also love you…personally and professionally…romantically and platonically.
5. Take Advantage of Valentine’s Day Deals and Discounts
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Something that A LOT of people tend to overlook on Valentine’s Day is all of the deals and discounts that are out here when it comes to restaurants, candy, flowers, and lingerie. And while I get that it would be awesome if someone else was making the purchases for you, why wouldn’t you take this opportunity to get a steak for a cheaper amount or some new panties while they’re on sale? Parade has a list for this year that’s fairly extensive. You can see it for yourself here.
6. Eat a Salad
For the record, I think that if there’s any day when you should feel guilt-free about eating whatever the hell you want, V-Day would be it. The only reason why I’m suggesting a salad (even if it’s simply an appetizer) is because dark leafy greens are full of magnesium and magnesium is a nutrient that actually helps to keep you calm and relaxed. So, even if you’re not interested in having one for your Valentine’s Day dinner, how about for lunch while you’re at work?
7. Buy Yourself Some Flowers
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Although flowers on Valentine’s Day are typically associated with romance, there are other reasons why they are hella beneficial. Research reveals that flowers put us in a better mood and automatically make us feel more excited about life. And guess what? If you opt for something non-traditional like lavender, hibiscus, or pansies, you can steep the petals and turn them into a tea that is good for your overall health and well-being on several different levels. You can read about all of that here.
8. Rub Rose of Sharon Essential Oil on Your Pressure Points
At the end of the day, pressure points are simply parts of the body that are connected to other parts. When you “apply pressure” to them, they can reduce physical discomfort and bring the kind of relief that makes it easier to relax, boost energy levels (and your libido) and even give you a better night’s rest. That said, I’m a huge fan of essential oils and one that isn’t brought up often (in mainstream media) is the Rose of Sharon.
I like it because, one of the things that it symbolizes is, the beauty of the beloved. Beloved means “greatly loved,” so why not invest in a bottle of this particular one and “anoint yourself” with lots of love on various pressure points this Valentine’s Day?
9. Get Something That’s Red or Pink
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On V-Day, red and pink aren’t just limited to women in relationships. C’mon now. And besides, if there is one hue that pretty much every Black sistah looks absolutely amazing in, it’s red. So, get yourself something that is red or pink. Red symbolizes things like passion, love, and energy. Pink is all about femininity, compassion, and having a nurturing nature. You know, there is plenty of research out here to support the fact that color actually has a significant amount of influence on our mindset. So, if you want to feel more energized on Valentine’s Day, wear something red. More feminine? Wear something pink.
10. Invest in a Pearl
In the other “single on Valentine’s Day” article that I referenced earlier, I mentioned that one of my favorite Scriptures is Matthew 7:6; it’s a verse where Christ speaks against casting pearls before swine. On the heels of that, another Scripture that I like is Matthew 13:45-46 where it references a merchant selling everything that he had for one precious pearl. Since I’m a June baby and the pearl is one of my birthstones, I automatically have an affection towards it. That’s why I revisit the breakdown of how a pearl is formed at least a couple of times a year.
If you’ve never heard the story before (you can read the gist of it here), a lot happens for a pearl to come about. Why not get yourself a pair of pearl earrings or even just one freshwater or saltwater pearl to symbolize all that you’ve survived and how beautiful you are now as a direct result?
11. Treat Yourself to a New Pair of Shoes
I’m a sneakerhead myself although I’ve got plenty of friends who are shoe fanatics. I mean, they are so caught up in them that I just had to do some research into why footwear is such a phenomenon for women (did you know that there is a documentary on the topic? It’s calledGod Save My Shoes and you can currently watch it on Tubi). From what I’ve read, a lot of women like shoes because they are a confidence booster, they make them feel sexy and the shift of a shoe can totally change the look of any outfit.
And when the shoes are high heels, they can elongate your legs, give you the appearance of great posture, and take your femininity levels up a few notches. Hmph. Seems to me that while ladies who are in a relationship are out getting lingerie, single gals should treat themselves to a pair of new shoes. ‘Cause…why the heck not?
12. Do a Lil’ Forest Bathing
Shinrin-yoku is the Japanese word for forest bathing. If you’ve never heard of this type of meditation before, it’s basically going into the forest (or someplace where there is more than one tree) and doing some deep breathing there. You know, one of my all-time favorite books isThe Celestine Prophecy and, even though it’s fictional, it talks about how you can get messages from nature if you’re willing to turn off your devices and get really still and quiet.
Science cosigns on this because there are studies to support that being in nature can reduce stress as well as decrease depression and anxiety-related symptoms. So, if this Valentine’s Day has you a little stressed out, why not go to a park or take a hike? It could be just what your heart needs.
13. Soak in a Dark Chocolate Bath
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Last fall, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “12 Ways Dark Chocolate Can Benefit Your Body From Head To Toe” and if there are two things that have Valentine’s Day written all over them, it’s red roses and chocolate. As far as chocolate goes, have you ever wondered how it became the signature candy for that particular day? From what I’ve read and researched, when the Victorian era was at its peak, Cadbury came up with a chocolate candy heart (hmph, kind of reminds me of how the origin story of De Beers’s going broke and coming up with “a diamond is forever” to get folks into buying diamond engagement rings — it’s all about capitalism at the end of the day, y’all).
Anyway, just like dark chocolate is good for your health, it’s also good for your skin because it contains properties that moisturize your skin, reduce inflammation, and decrease stress. So, if a bath is on the top of your to-do list on Valentine’s Day, take a dark chocolate one. There are a few recipes to help you take one correctly here.
14. Create Your Own Signature Cocktail
If you’ve been to more than just a few weddings before, you may have noticed that at least one bride and groom had a signature cocktail at their reception. I really like those because it’s cool to concoct your own cocktail (or mocktail) based on your favorite drink ingredients. Even though couples made this popular, they don’t have a lock on it. Use this V-Day to come up with your own signature cocktail and then keep the recipe in mind in order to toast yourself regularly (because you’re constantly doing something that is super bomb…right? Why not celebrate it with your own invented drink?).
15. Dance Before Turning In
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Question: When was the last time you danced? I don’t mean to go out dancing; I mean, you turned on some of your favorite songs and danced in your living room for at least a good 30 minutes. This Valentine’s Day, consider doing just that because not only is dancing good for your heart (pun intended), but it also helps to build your core, makes you more flexible, increases your self-esteem, reduces your stress levels, and is great for your mental health overall.
BONUS: Go Out with a Guy Friend
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A few years back, I wrote, “Unpopular Opinion: Men And Women CAN Really Be 'Just Friends'” because I can personally attest to the fact that they indeed can. Personally, I have several male friends who I enjoy talking to, hanging out with, and catching a meal with. So, as we close this out, even with all that I just said, if you really want to be in the company of a man for V-Day, ask one of your single male friends if they would like to go to lunch or dinner.
Trust me, a lot of them have women who come out of the woodwork on Valentine’s Day, so they would jump at the chance of hanging out with a woman who comes with your pressure or potential drama. LOL. Why not let her be you? Happy Valentine’s Day, sis.
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Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
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Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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