So it’s Valentine’s Day again and you’re still single. You weren’t in matching pajamas on Christmas. You didn’t have a kiss on New Year's. And at this age, it seems like you’re the last single person left. Half of the internet is telling you to self-love your way out of desiring companionship while the other half is saying maybe it’s something you need to work on within yourself as to why you can’t find a partner.
What if I told you that it’s safe to be vulnerable? How much of your feelings would you say out loud and admit if you knew you wouldn’t be judged? What if I told you that self-love doesn’t replace romantic love? What if I told you that being single isn’t necessarily a sign of a personal defect? What if I told you that being sad and lonely is completely honest and 100% okay to admit?
I’d love to get on here and force-feed you words of encouragement. I’m very good at shining a light in dark spaces. But there’s a such thing as toxic positivity and it would be toxic of me to silence your truth with words of inspiration when what you really need is the room to feel your feelings in their entirety.
The truth is, this holiday can be very lonely for those of us who aren’t married or in relationships that actually still want to be. This holiday can be a reminder of all the holidays in the past you spent with lovers that aren’t in your life anymore. This holiday can simply make you feel like maybe you should give up trying and be alone forever.
There. I said it all so you don’t have to. I’m lonely today. I’m a little sad today. I’m a little less hopeful today. And that’s okay. Because I know that my sadness is just as valid an emotion as my happiness and my vulnerability is just as admirable as my strength.
It’s Valentine’s Day and we’re alone.
We didn’t get flowers and phone calls from some special person and we’re probably going to binge-watch Sex And the City for the millionth time and in my best Tabitha Brown voice, “That’s okay 'cuz that’s our business.”
I find that the tears that run the longest are the ones we refuse to let flow. If it’s on your spirit to cry today, please cry. If it’s on your spirit to say eff this day, then eff this day! If it’s on your spirit to stay in bed with ice cream, then that’s cool too. Just don’t judge yourself for being a human being and having real emotions. Because people will act like they don’t also feel these things, but people be LYING.
Happy or not-so-happy Valentine’s Day. Let’s try this again next year.
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Feature image by LWA- Sharie Kennedy/ Getty Images