Girrrrl, you don't even have to say it. I've been single on Valentine's Day for so long at this point, that I'm not sure I'd know what to do if I actually was in a relationship today. The crazy thing is, not being with someone doesn't really bother me (anymore). I think it's because I've moved past just wanting to "have somebody". Now I'm more in the lane of, "If he ain't the one, I'd rather be by myself." And that mindset is what keeps me from throwing daggers with my eyes while looking at couples who are all boo'ed up in public or going into crying marathons while listening to songs by Joe ("So, I Can Have You Back"), Jagged Edge ("I Gotta Be"), an indie sangin' white boy who goes by Britten ("Stick to Your Guns"), Yuna featuring Usher ("Crush") or what continues to be one of the best R&B songs ever—Justin Timberlake featuring Beyoncé's "Until the End of Time".
These days, instead of wishing I had someone to go out or dance with, I treat myself and slow drag in my drawers in my living room. Why? Because Valentine's Day is no longer a day to me that only lovers can play. Shoot, with all of the lessons I've learned about how to love myself, I feel like I have earned the right to get in on the action as well. And sis, so can you.
If it so happens to be that there is no plus-one in your Cupid day plans, here are 10 ways to keep you from going into hiding or acting like Valentine's Day doesn't exist. You can totally still have a good time alone. I've got my own past memories to prove it.
1. Wear Red (or Pink) to Work
Yeah, I know. When we think of the color red and what it traditionally symbolizes, things like love and passion are what immediately come to mind. But did you also know that it's a hue that represents energy, power and determination? As far as pink goes, it's a color that is romantic but it's also really feminine. I don't know about y'all, but I don't know one Black woman, no matter what her complexion is, who doesn't look pretty damn amazing in red. Oh, and since a classic red lipstick is a huge make-up trend right now, why not add that to your outfit while you're at it?
2. Take a Social Media Fast
Personally, I think it's a good idea to take a social media fast, at least once a season. But even if you simply can't imagine not being on Instagram or getting in some sort of Twitter battle for more than a couple of days, trust me—you want to steer clear of social media platforms on Valentine's Day. Well, you do if being single, especially on holidays, is some sort of trigger for you.
I'm telling you, if there's ever a time when folks want to turn up and show out when it comes to displaying their love for their significant other, February 14 would be it. So, unless you are some sort of social media masochist, use Valentine's Day as a day to catch up on some YouTube videos, do a little online shopping or—here's a thought—avoid being out in cyberspace altogether.
3. Send Some Words of Affirmation to Your Homies
No one said that Valentine's Day was only for romantic love; platonic love is special too. Now is just as good of a time as any to take out a few moments to express to your friends what you love, respect and appreciate about them. If they're good friends, they won't leave your texts or emails on read. They will take out a sec to share how they feel about you too. And you know what? Chances are, you'll hear something about yourself that you didn't know they saw in you. Compliments from friends can be super encouraging. I'm saying that from very up close and personal experience.
4. Do Something Your Ex Didn’t Like to Do
All relationships consist of compromise. That said, I'm pretty sure there was something you liked to do that your ex couldn't stand. Maybe it was watching rom-coms. Maybe it was listening to a certain genre of music. Maybe it was eating a particular kind of food or going to a certain kind of venue. Well, guess what? You're single now, baby! Do all of that stuff in honor of not having to give a flying leap about what anyone thinks or wants—but yourself. You survived the break-up. You've earned it.
5. Go Panty Shopping
Last summer, I wrote an article on here entitled, "When Should You Replace Underwear, Make-Up, Bedding, Washcloths & Towels?" As far as your panties go, if it's been more than six months since you've copped some new ones, it's time to do just that. My recommendation would be to get some functional ones (you know, some comfortable cotton undies) and then to pick up a pair of some super sexy ones too. I actually have a hope chest in my living room that is full of lingerie for my future husband. You know what they say—if you build it, they (well, he) will come. And cum. Why not take an act of faith and create your own collection as well?
6. Get in on a Valentine’s Day Restaurant Special
Unless you plan on fasting in protest of Cupid and all of his antics, you do wanna eat, right? It's pretty common for restaurants to have specials on Valentine's Day and no, they do not care if you are with someone or not. From now through Leap Day, Chick-fil-A is offering their nuggets in heart-shaped containers. If you kiss something—it can be literally anything—at QDOBA, they'll give you a free entrée with the purchase of something of equal or more value. If you place an order via Jack in the Box's mobile app, you can get a free shake or slice of cheesecake on February 14. TCBY has a BOGO (Buy One, Get One) deal on Valentine's Day. Chili's has a meal-for-two deal that is $25 (that means you can have leftovers). Get this—if you are down to digitally shred a pic of your ex on Hooter's website, they'll email you are coupon for 10 free wings with a 10-wing purchase. If you live in LA, New York, San Francisco or Boston, a pick of your ex can earn you a free Whopper. All of this sounds pretty good to me. (If you want to fact check all of this, you can do so by clicking here and here.)
7. Jot Down All of the Self-Love Lessons You’ve Learned over the Past Year
Author Paulo Coelho once said, "Every blessing ignored becomes a curse." Author Mary Davis once said, "The more grateful I am, the more beauty I see." And, author Alex Haley once said, "Find the good and praise it." I can't tell you how many husbands and/or wives have told me that they totally regret getting married, not so much because of their spouse but because they didn't know themselves well enough prior to saying "I do". It might not feel like it right at this very second, but singledom has some real benefits. One of them is learning how to love yourself so that you can have a standard for how someone else should love you.
That's why, it can also be a cool practice to break out your journal and jot down all of the self-love lessons that you've learned since this time last year. You might discover that a part of the reason why you're single this Valentine's Day is because your expectations have shifted; that it's not so much "circumstantial" but that you actually choose to rock the single status (for now).
8. Indulge in a Chocolate Bubble Bath
If you take a bath the right way (because yes, there is actually a wrong way to do it), there are some pretty impressive benefits that come from partaking. It can relieve stress; improve your heart's health; clear up your respiratory system; ease achy bones and joints; improve your quality of sleep; balance your hormones, and even strengthen your immune system. This year, pamper yourself in one; only, add a twist to it. While couples will be out here giving each other chocolate candy, how about you soak in some chocolate instead? All you need is some unscented bubble bath, powdered milk and unsweetened powdered chocolate and you'll have a sweet-smelling soak that you'll want to stay in for hours on end. (There's an actual recipe here.)
9. Take a Brief Road Trip
Valentine's Day just so happens to fall on a Friday this year. This means that if you want to make a weekend out of it, you can. If you've got a few extra bucks, use this as a time to take a road trip. Maybe take a couple of girls or even one of your guy friends with you. Making the time to do something you love can be just as wonderful as being in love with someone. For real, for real.
10. Or…Sleep In
Even if the love cynic in you rolled your eyes and everything that I just said, how can you not feel good about this last point? Since Valentine's Day is on a Friday, this means that you can go home, get into some comfy pajamas, binge-watch something on your favorite streaming network, get drunk (if you want) and sleep in for as long as you'd like. C'mon—if there's nothing else to be thrilled about as it relates to February 14, knowing you can chill all day February 15 is it. Happy Valentine's Day, my fellow single, sista.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
If You're Not In Love With Being Single, Ask Yourself These 6 Questions
10 Words That'll Make You Totally Rethink The Word 'Single'
I'm Not Your Relationship Goals: A Word To Single Ladies From A Married Woman
Feature image by Shutterstock
- How To Survive The Holidays: Single Woman's Guide - xoNecole ... ›
- 15 Ways Single Women Can Enjoy Valentine's Day - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 15 Simple Ways To Practice Self Love On Valentine's Day - xoNecole ›
- Single on Valentine's Day Things to Do - 20 Best Valentine's Day ... ›
- Valentine's Day: Things to do for singles in Atlanta ›
- 14 Ways To Celebrate Valentine's Day When You're Single ... ›
- 12 Cool Things To Do In NYC If You're Single This Valentine's Day ›
- Valentine's Day Things to Do in NYC For Singles - Thrillist ›
- Valentine's Day Events and Things to Do for Singles in L.A. ›
- 7 Things To Do On Valentine's Day 2018 If You're Single ›
- The Single Girl's Valentine's Day - Ideas - Things to Do ›
- 30 Things to Do When You're Single on Valentine's Day ›
- Here's what you should do if you're single on Valentine's Day - Insider ›
RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
Riska/Getty Images
1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
Riska/Getty Images
19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by
