Valentine’s Day is so interesting, right? While on one hand, we all hear — and perhaps even say — that it’s an overly hyped, commercialized holiday that really shouldn’t conjure up as much (potential) stress (whether you’re in a relationship or not) that it actually does. However, when we do find ourselves in the position of not having a boo — or even a possible one — on February 14th…it can cause a lot of us to feel some type of way. Oftentimes to the point where we want to pretend that the day doesn’t exist at all.
This year, please don’t do that. Even if there are no romantic plans or a Galentine’s Day party on the radar, you can still celebrate — and it can go beyond picking up a rose at your local grocery store and listening to love songs that remind you of an ex (or some bomb sex) from your past.
Below, I’ve got 15 things that you can do to make this Valentine’s Day one that’s worth remembering to the point where it just might rival some of the ones you’ve had when you were actually seeing someone (here’s hoping, anyway).
1. Download the TOBEE App
GiphyIf you’ve never heard of negative bias before, best believe you’ve witnessed it. It’s basically when people lean towards the negative side of things instead of the positive. For instance, say that someone asked you to list five things you like about your body and five things you don’t. I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if you started off with the things that you don’t prefer first — and that, my dear, is an example of negative bias.
On days like Valentine’s Day, it can be easy to be a negative bias person if you’re single yet want to be in a relationship. Something that can help you to stay focused on the upswing of having a single status is reading articles like, “10 Bona Fide Benefits Of Being Single” and “10 Words That'll Make You Totally Rethink The Word 'Single'” and downloading apps like the TOOBEE one.
If you’re unfamiliar with TOOBEE, it’s a mindfulness app filled with positive affirmations, tips to keep you calm, and ways to keep you encouraged in under a minute. Download it today and start making it a part of your morning routine moving forward. For more info on it, click here.
2. Upgrade Your Bedding and Sleepwear
Listen, even if someone won’t be joining you in your bed this year (le sigh), that doesn’t mean that your bedding shouldn’t get an upgrade. Since deep hues and all-white bedding are both big trends this year, why not treat yourself to some new bamboo sheets or a new comforter altogether in one of those styles? While you’re at it, pick up a few down feather pillows. I recently did and have absolutely no regrets (you can never have enough pillows)!
While we’re on the topic of bedding and bedtime, what’s your sleepwear been looking like lately? I recently read somewhere that silk nighties, floral print satin robes, pattern-clashing pajamas, cotton rompers, and huge, satin, button-down pajama tops are all the rage for the rest of the year — so get yourself a few to rotate throughout the week.
Nothing says, “If you build it, they — well, he — will come” quite like getting your sleepwear game together…and there’s no time like the present, chile.
3. Pick a New Lipstick Color
Does it surprise you that many sources say that lipstick started to really evolve in Egypt thanks to royals and even spiritual leaders who lived there? Although I personally don’t wear a lot of make-up, something that I am good for is some waterproof mascara and some lip color.
Over the next few days, treat yourself to a new lipstick shade. I mean, if you’re gonna be focusing on speaking more positivity into your life, your lips might as well look gorgeous as you do it. Straight up.
4. Also, Cop a New Body Scent
GiphyAt this point in the game, I’m not sure if I read and research or write more. I think it’s because I enjoy learning new things. Take Scientific American’s article, “Do scents affect people's moods or work performance?.” Read it when you get a chance. For now, the bottom line is “yes.” Scents that you like will put you in a good mood and scents that you don’t…won’t.
I also once read somewhere that if you constantly wear the same scent over and over, you’ll begin to grow numb to it and that could put you in a state of stagnation. (Wild, right?) That’s why, in the name of self-love and positivity, there really is no time like the present to invest in a new/different scent. If you want to take a quick quiz to help you find one that suits your personality, I located one here and Cosmo has one here.
5. Write Yourself a Love Letter
A deep dive that must be done far more often is the fact that a lot of people fail at relationships because they actually expect someone else to put forth more energy and effort into loving them than they are even willing to do for themselves. Not only does this make absolutely no sense but it can keep them in a pattern of settling because they have not raised the bar via their own actions.
This is a part of the reason why I’m a HUGE fan of women writing themselves love letters. It’s a great way for you to see, in literal black and white, who you are, what you are deserving of (which means qualified for), and why you should wait until those sentiments are reciprocated. For tips on how to write this kind of letter, check out “Every Woman Should Write A Love Letter To Themselves.”
6. Then Write a Letter to Your “Future Wife” Self
If you honestly have no desire to ever marry — because not every woman does — you can totally skip over this one. However, if this is one of the deepest desires of your heart, while you’re in the letter-writing mood, pull out some really nice stationery and pen a letter to your future married self. You can write it from the perspective of things that you want to tell yourself on your wedding day or your first wedding anniversary.
And just what is the point of this kind of "exercise?" In the now, it helps to give you hope. In the future, it helps you to see how far you’ve come. Both are necessary for the journey toward wifedom (ask any healthy wife who you know and she will certainly vouch for that).
7. Use Flowers for All-Natural Beauty/Pampering Purposes
GiphyRed roses symbolize love which is why they’re basically the official flower of Valentine’s Day. And you know what? Even if you don’t have a boo thang this year to receive some from, that doesn’t mean you can’t purchase some for yourself or even have some delivered to your office or home.
If that only made your eyes roll, upcycle a dozen fresh roses by turning them into rose petals for a bathtub soak; making them some homemade rosewater (rosewater is so bomb and it’s good for skin and hair); putting them into a vase, so that they can become some homemade potpourri; putting a few into a spray bottle along with some lavender oil and distilled water and turning the mixture into a fresh mist tonic; crushing some petals into a mason jar along with sweet almond oil, letting the combo sit for 14 days in the sun so that you can have some DIY rose body oil, and/or grinding some almonds and rose petals together into a paste then adding a tablespoon (or two) of manuka honey so that you’ll have a body scrub to exfoliate with.
8. Buy Some (Black-Owned) Self-Love Tees
Even though the first day of spring (this year) is March 20, there’s no time like the present to stock up on some new/more tees, right? As a self-professed T-shirt hound myself, one of my favorite brands is Tahylor Made. And since wearing graphic tees is basically like being a walking billboard, why not affirming yo damn self with messages like their “I’m that song you skipped and found out later it was fire!” one (here)? Or how about this “All Natural Sistah” shirt (here) by High Level GA or maybe this Vivrant Thing sweatshirt (here) from MokaQueenzCreations?
Basically, be intentional about getting some gear that celebrates who you are and how much you dig yourself— at the very core.
9. Plan a Trip and Start a Traveling Fund
In the very near future, we’ll talk about how wanderlust/love is a current dating trend that people can’t seem to stop talking about. Case in point — if any of you watch Kendra G’s online dating show, then you know that if there’s one thing a lot of women say, on loop, that they’re looking for in a man is someone who likes to travel.
There’s no time like the present to get some stamps on that passport of yours (because you DO have your passport…right?). Listen, a little “love” sister of mine divorced a couple of years ago and has seen more of the world than she ever would’ve married. So yeah, get those coins together! A three-week trip to Europe will (currently) run you somewhere around $5,000 which is roughly $420 a month.
Hit some of your girl (or guy) friends up and make a group trip out of it. This is the season of life when you can fully do life on your terms without pausing for other people. Relish in that very fact.
10. Memorize Matthew 7:6 (Whether You Follow the Bible or Not)
GiphyBack when I would do signings for my first book, I would include the verse Matthew 7:6. The New King James Version of it says, “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.” Listen, whether you’re a Christian, a disciple (John 8:31-32), someone of another religious belief system or you’re not a believer at all, this is a verse that is still awesome when it comes to affirming your level of self-worth.
The reason why I say that is because, while I don’t believe men are dogs (or that women are female dogs), one definition of dogging something/someone out is “to retreat, flee, renege, etc.” and one definition of swine is "a coarse, gross, or brutishly sensual person” while another is “a contemptible person.” Meanwhile, a pearl is a gem that oftentimes went through a lot in order to become of great value (Matthew 13:45).
You see where I’m going with this? I don’t care if an ex pops up out of the blue or you’re horny for some random dude who’s been breadcrumbing you (giving you just enough to keep you hanging on) — if ever there was a time to hold onto a Scripture like your life depended on it, Valentine’s Day would be the day.
Do not give your precious self to someone who has reneged on their words to you or a brutishly sensual or contemptible person, no matter how lonely you feel in the moment.
PERIOD.
11. Get an Anklet (to Put on Your Right One)
One of my favorite quotes is by an international spiritual leader by the name of Thich Nhat Hanh who actually passed away in early January 2022. The quote is, “Walk as if you are kissing the earth with your feet.” That said, ever since I once read that anklets, in part, represent our connection to the water, sky, and earth, I’ve owned a few of them. I just make sure to wear mine on my right foot because the left means that you’re married.
Anyway, it’s a really feminine and even sexy piece of jewelry. You can even take its beauty up a notch by getting one that has the following tip attached to it.
12. Also, Treat Yourself to a Self-Love Crystal
Just about every year, I find myself copping a new crystal that represents where I am in my own life journey. If self-love is something that you want to focus on, especially so, over the next several months, there are stones that can help to pull you into that kind of energy.
- Onyx helps you to tap into your inner child;
- Rose quartz is connected to your heart chakra;
- Peridot is a meditation stone that helps to calm and relax you;
- Sugilite encourages forgiveness and self-satisfaction;
- Pink opal is full of self-love and positivity;
- Citrine increases one’s self-worth;
- Amethyst puts you on a journey toward the spiritual side of developing self-love.
And these are just a few of the many stones and crystals that do so, to tell you the truth.
A great place to find these stones (or jewelry that’s made out of them) is on Etsy’s site. I stay up on there.
13. Try Some Bergamot Essential Oil
GiphyI can’t tell you the last time that I wore perfume. Over here, I’ve been rocking with various blends of essential oils for several years now. I like them because, not only does their scent oftentimes last longer than perfume (or cologne) does, but they also come with a myriad of health benefits too.
That said, if you happen to like sweet and citrusy smells, bergamot is one that you should try. As a bonus, it symbolizes things like self-love, self-worth, healing from emotional pain, happiness, empowerment, and a sense of stability.
So, when are you gonna cop a bottle, sis?
14. Have Your Favorite Dessert Delivered
If there is one day when you should give yourself complete and total permission to forego whatever dietary boundaries you’ve got set into place, it’s when Cupid comes to town. In fact, don’t stress yourself out by standing in long grocery store lines or staring at couples in restaurants. Hop on a delivery app and have your favorite dessert delivered to your front door. In fact, articles like RetailMeNot’s “42 Restaurant Deals for Valentine’s Day” might even point you in the direction of a discount or two (don’t forget to tip the delivery person!).
15. Purchase a (New/Upgraded) Little Black Dress
One more. To be honest, it doesn’t have to be today or even in honor of Valentine’s Day. I’m just planting a seed in your ear that if there’s one thing that every woman needs, it’s a little black dress — preferably three: one for work, one for a date, and one for a formal affair. However, I’m mentioning it today because something that makes ALL women look sexy AF is this kind of outfit. So, buying it on Valentine’s Day seems beyond appropriate.
Anyway, whether you apply one or all of these 15 tips, don’t forget that being single is about being unique, exclusive, and rare — and that is always worth getting excited about.
Valentine’s Day included. #wink
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- A Single Girl's Guide To Getting Through The Holiday Season ›
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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A part of the reason why this is so important to me is that I have worked from home for years now. Yet whether or not that is your personal testimony, I want to take out some time to encourage you to do all that you can to make your weekend hours at your own house feel as much of an oasis as possible. After all, an oasis is the perfect word for what most of us need right through here, don't you think?
Oasis: something serving as a refuge, relief, or pleasant change from what is usual, annoying, difficult, etc.
If this is exactly what you want, but you need a little help finding some inspiration, I've got 15 tips to help get you started. Ready?
1. Invest in Some Greenery
There are a few awesome reasons to have plants in various rooms of your home. They're proven to be able to help to improve your mood, make you more creative, and decrease your stress levels. Growing up, there were quite a few plants in my house, but I must admit that I like my place to be on the darker side, so I don't have any around at present. What I do have is a huge faux tree in one of my rooms, and I adore it to no end.
So, whether it's the real deal (which can also decrease indoor humidity and noise levels) or something that's just for show (click here for some of the best fake greenery around), add some plants to your place. It will definitely—and immediately—create an oasis effect.
2. Make Your Own Scented Candles
Personally, I don't know anyone who isn't close to being totally in love with candles, especially if they're scented. If you happen to be one of them but you've never contemplated the benefits that come from lighting a few of 'em up, candles provide a calming effect. Based on the scent that you choose, they can also appeal to your sense of smell and put you into a better mood. Plus, candles are a wonderful complement if you're someone who likes to meditate, pray, or journal. And, if your oasis is going to consist of a partner being in your space, candles are mad romantic too.
Thing is, candles aren't always or necessarily the cheapest things on the planet. So, if your budget is super tight, something that you might want to do is make some of your own. It might sound like quite the feat at first, but they're actually easier to make than you might think. You can get a thorough walk-through by checking out this article right here.
3. Get Some Big Throw Pillows
Other than the pillows that you've got on your bed, how many other ones do you own? Something that I dig about big throw pillows is that they immediately make a room look warmer and more appealing. Plus, there's nothing more comfortable than putting a couple of them on the floor and lying on them while listening to some music or watching a movie. As a bonus, many throw pillows are pretty inexpensive.
You can find them everywhere, from Target and Walmart to Big Lots and Bed Bath & Beyond (Apartment Therapy did a feature on where to get some higher-end ones; you can check it out here).
4. Switch Up Your Wall Art
I'm not sure what makes us think that just because we've hung up a particular picture, we can't switch it out with something else. By rotating your wall art, based on your particular mood or even season of the year, not only is it a simple way to avoid getting bored with your décor, but it can totally shift the energy of any given room in your house.
If you want some one-of-a-kind pieces, I've found some really unique and affordable prints on Etsy. Just go to the site and put whatever your favorite kind of art is in the search field.
5. Use Natural Light As Much As Possible
There are a few reasons to make the most of natural light. On the financial tip, it's cheaper than relying on your overhead lights and lamps. Also, natural lighting keeps seasonal depression at bay, helps you to get more vitamin D into your system, and can improve your quality of sleep as well.
If you're someone who is hesitant to open your window treatments up because you're worried that someone can peek in to see what you're up to, there is something called mirror window film that you can apply to your windows. It's cool because it makes it possible for you to look out of your windows while preventing others from being able to look inside of 'em.
Just know that this is designed to work during the day, not at night (as far as looking outside from indoors). Anyway, you can find rolls of the film at a pretty reasonable price at your local home improvement stores.
6. Add More Neutral Hues
If you speak with interior decorators, many of them will say that nothing welcomes the feeling of calm and tranquility quite like neutral colors do. For the record, the four basic hues of neutral are white (which represents purity and cleanliness), black (which represents sophistication and affluence), grey (which represents maturity and reliability) and brown (which represents authenticity and warmth); however, "near neutrals" (which are lighter or darker versions of the four) are great too.
Speaking of colors that are wonderful for creating an oasis-like feeling, pale pastels can also provide a feeling of serenity.
7. Cop Some Seasonal Blankets
I think one of the best things that I ever did to pamper myself was to purchase several throw blankets. At this point, I believe I've got around 10 of 'em. I just like stringing some along my loveseat and ottomans, so that I can curl up in one at any given moment while I'm chillin' in pretty much any room of my house. Just make sure to get the ones that match the season you're in. Cotton and fleece are ideal for spring and summer, while wool, cable knit, and cashmere are more ideal for the fall and wintertime.
8. Take a Milk Bath
The reason why I wrote the article, "Did You Know There's A Right & A Wrong Way To Take A Bath?" around this time last year is because the reality is, not all baths are created equal. The reason why I also wrote, "Make 'National Bathtub Party Day' Your Favorite Day Of The Year" (which rolls around at the top of every December, by the way) is because soaking in your tub is one of the most cost-effective yet also luxurious ways to pamper yourself. If you opt for taking a milk bath from time to time, depending on the kind of milk that you choose, it can perform mini miracles for your overall health and well-being.
Coconut milk and buttermilk contain lauric acid, which supports the skin and the production of collagen. Oat milk soothes dry skin and eczema-related symptoms. Goat milk helps to gently remove dead skin cells. Plus, all of these milks will moisturize your skin in a way that is simply incomparable. Just pour two cups of your preferred milk under warm running water. Then add 1/3 cup of your favorite carrier oil (like coconut oil, grapeseed oil, sweet almond oil, jojoba oil, or avocado oil) and a few drops of your preferred essential oil to provide an aromatherapy effect. I promise that you will struggle with getting out of your bathtub once you set the stage with all of this holistic healing stuff.
9. Create Your Own Massage Oil
In a perfect world, we'd all have a man who lived to give us massages on demand. But if that's not your personal testimony (mine either, chile), that doesn't mean that you have to deprive yourself. Self-given scalp massages are divine. So is rubbing your feet while you're watching your favorite show on Netflix, Hulu, UMC or a free streaming site Tubi. Just make sure you pamper your scalp or skin with an oil. Warming up something like olive, avocado or Jamaican black castor oil is good for your scalp. As far as your skin is concerned, why not make a divinely scented one? I actually happened upon a site that lists a whopping 22 different DIY massage oil recipes. You can check it out here.
10. Play Some ASMR or Soothing Music
The reason why there are articles on this platform like "Before You Pull Out Your Playlist, This Is How Music Affects Your Sex Life" is because there's no way around the fact that music is powerful—and powerfully influential. From a scientific standpoint, music is proven to do everything from slow down your breathing and heart rate and reduce stress and anxiety to relieve muscle tension and trigger the production of serotonin so that you're calmer and are able to sleep more soundly.
As far as ASMR goes, while it's only been close to a couple of years now, it has gotten to the point where I never turn in for the night without some rain or ocean waves playing in the background. There is an article I once read that said that ASMR actually has the ability to produce "brain orgasms" from a physiological standpoint. So, if you wish you could be at a beach house, trapped indoors on a rainy day, or could hike through a tropical rainforest, hopping on over to YouTube and putting in your favorite nature sounds can be almost just like being there.
11. Sign Up for a Wine Subscription
If there is one thing that gets y'all super hype on this platform, it's wine! I ain't mad about it either because wine is an alcoholic drink that has a significant amount of health benefits; especially if it's red wine. Red wine is scientifically proven to contain antioxidants known as polyphenols that will help to keep your heart healthy, the plant compound resveratrol that helps to lower your blood pressure and improve your cognitive functions, and other properties that assist in lowering depression-related symptoms. Wine also has nutrients that support you having stronger immunity and glowing skin. You can always run up to your closest liquor or even grocery store to get your favorite bottle. Or, if you're like me and you prefer to be indoors as much as possible on the weekends, another option is to join a wine club or subscription box service. You can find over 20 of the best ones by going here.
12. Order Some Takeout
Eating out isn't always the cheapest thing, especially if you're ordering food to be delivered. I'll give you that. But if you want to support local eateries in your area and enjoy a good meal without having to prepare it, that is always an option that you can take advantage of. If you'd prefer to help out a Black-owned restaurant specifically, Eat Okra is a new app that features those in your local area.
13. Or, Eat Some Calm and Comforting Foods
Really. What's the point in cultivating the perfect ambiance if you're gonna be a nervous wreck either way? Sometimes, in the effort to find a little peace and tranquility, we mess up by chowing down on foods that ultimately cause us to climb the walls (umm, like sugar). Certain foods that promote a sense of harmony are featured in the article on our site, "8 Foods That Will Keep You Cool, Calm & Totally Relaxed". Some other foods that didn't make the list, that are both calming and comforting, include homemade soup, sautéed spinach, avocado toast, grilled salmon, and turkey melts.
14. Put Your Phone on Vibrate
Tell me something. If you were on vacation right now, at your favorite spot, would you have your phone with you, 24/7? Unless you're a parent and your kids aren't with you, if your answer is "yes", please check out "8 Solid Reasons To Put. Your Phone. Down." We've got voicemails on our phone for a reason; one of them is so that we can have moments when we're not constantly checking social media notifications or even chatting back and forth with other people.
If you want to create a sense of calm and serenity on your weekends, put your phone on a charger in another room. Whatever is awaiting you on it…it can wait. It really can.
15. Sleep In
While recently checking out a pretty extensive sleep survey, I noticed that two-thirds of Americans claim to not sleep well during the week. That's a lot of people. If you're one of them, why not use the weekend to get some extra rest in? For the record, there really is no such thing as "catching up on your sleep," but being able to have a couple of days when you don't have to be a slave to your alarm clock—that can be super refreshing and a perfect way to recharge for Monday.
So, definitely make it a point to either go to bed earlier or to stay in bed a little longer on the weekends.
Get some new bedding. Sprinkle some lavender essential oil on your sheets (lavender oil is a natural de-stressor). Drink a little tart cherry juice (the melatonin in it will have you out like a light!). Sleep is a very simple way to get the peace that you've been looking for while you're in the oasis atmosphere that you created for yourself. Make sure that you get some this weekend, aight?
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Originally published on September 12, 2020