I Use Jewelry To Tap Into My Spirituality & Sexuality
I honestly was just looking for a part-time job; not a spiritual awakening. So when I became a fine jewelry consultant, little did I know I was in for a journey. The job was meant to be temporary and I never thought that it'd become anything other than something to do three to four times a week. But I quickly fell in love with the jewelry, taking the time to really appreciate the art and design of the pieces.
I was attracted to the beauty and the delicateness of gemstones and gold.
After setting aside a few coins, I decided to indulge myself in a 14-karat white-gold anniversary band with one-carat worth of diamond accents. It was the first piece of fine jewelry that I had ever purchased for myself. It was also the first piece of jewelry that I wore daily. It soon became a piece I'd never take off.
Before buying the ring, I had never paid much attention to my hands. Mainly because I'd consider myself to have chubby hands, and I never grew up with an appreciation for them. But by wearing my ring every day, I began to see my fingers and hands in a whole new light. They seemed tender, delicate, and sensual.
I began paying extra attention to getting my nails done, keeping my hands soft and supple, and being more intentional and graceful in the movements of my hand. I noticed all of these subtle changes in my behavior and attitude about my hands from just from wearing the ring.
After that, I wanted to see what else I could use jewelry to tap into.
As I worked my way through the ranks and worked in various levels of the fine jewelry industry, I added dozens of pieces of jewelry to my collection: delicate gold necklaces, bracelets, earrings, anklets, waist chains, golden bralettes, and more rings to my collection.
Each piece has helped me tap into sides of sensuality and sexuality that I didn't even know I was repressing.
Feeling the gentle touch of the stones and metals awakened senses in erogenous zones all over my body. Neck, wrists, ankles, tips of toes, tops of fingers, the ears, the waist, lips, nose and the chest are all considered by sexual health experts to be the top erogenous zones (otherwise known as areas most sensitive to touch).
Wearing jewelry that grazed against the tender skin made me pay more attention areas, and made me start to fall in love with all the different parts of my body.
I fell in love with the way that gold necklaces felt hugging my neck, drawing attention from my clavicle all the way down into the shadows of my cleavage.
Anklets made me pay more attention to my ankles and feet, and in turn I began to feel more grounded.
Bracelets made me feel tall and graceful; feeling the cool gold on my wrists made my arms feel lighter.
Waist chains and golden bralettes were my own little secret, pieces that the public didn't see but I could feel. I would be in a meeting and could feel the cool metal against my skin; the touch of the jewelry making me love the curves of my hips, the roundness of my belly, and the soft spots below my breasts.
Wearing a small diamond in my lip piercing made me pay attention to my pout, put me in a kissing mood, and made me conscious of how I speak and how I let words form in and flow out of my mouth.
I began to hone in on parts of myself that I took for granted, and was able to vibrate higher than before. Learning to love myself though jewelry made me want to care for my temple even more. I started taking my skincare and my eating habits even more seriously, wanting not only for the gold of the jewelry to glow, but for my skin to glow as well.
Loving the way my body looked made me want to make sure that I was doing all that I could to make sure I loved how my body felt.
Along with the sensual awakening and experience I would have when wearing jewelry, it also served as a source of attraction. My golden bralette would peak beneath my blouse and catch the eye of my date and I'm sure they would wish that they were as close to me as that chain. The jewelry would also serve as a kind of foreplay. Taking off the pieces layer by layer added another level and element to intimacy that I hadn't experienced before.
Not only was it something that could give me pleasure when worn, but it also gave my partner something new to explore on my body.
I also used stones, gems, and metals to attract certain energy and to manifest visions. I wear my citrine ring when I need to manifest joy and abundance. I wear my green quartz to channel my negative energy into positive energy. I use my tanzanite to uplift my spirit and to put warmth in my heart. I wear emeralds for prosperity, diamonds for elegance, and amethyst for healing and protection.
Tapping into my spiritual side through jewelry has not only been a way to indulge in luxury, but also a channel through which I can focus my energy. Just as one would adorn an altar with crystals, wands, and points, I adorn myself with crystals and gems for attraction and protection.
I love seeing black women indulge in luxury and all the while find their strength. I would love for all women to have a piece of jewelry that they wear regularly, and let it serve as a reminder to love, honor, and explore your body and your spirit.
Featured image via Giphy
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images