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Why I Will No Longer Cover My Big Breasts From Gazing Eyes
While many of us wake up reciting affirmations and setting our daily intentions, those of us with big breasts are strapping on a different type of armor to get through the day. We call it our full-coverage bra. It's a thin layer of protection for us unwilling participants in a tacky game I call "Lower and Linger". You know, where you're conversing with someone but their line of sight drops from eye-level to chest-level and just stays there?
Yeah, that one. Never mind that I don't want to play.
Some may argue that this behavior is really no different from crotch-watching or slightly objectifying men in gray sweatpants. But I'm here to dispute that fallacy. Very few people would stand in a man's face and gawk below his drawstring. And those few who would stare would more than likely keep the commentary positive.
Put another way, when his cup is running over, the observation and wonder quickly point to his virility. His intelligence doesn't even come into question. Yet, when our cups overflow, we're immediately judged, ridiculed and shamed.
I've gotten the "I-save-my-cleavage-for-whomever-I-am-intimate-with" remarks. (So the assumption is that I purposely flaunt my titties, sis?) And there are the subtle suggestions that tank tops and v-necks may not be the most appropriate attire for top-heavy women. (But, sis, it's 101 degrees, I'm profusely sweating, perspiration is pooling inside this superhero bra and it's severely irritating my skin!)
Any remaining thoughts, comments and actions almost always lean towards lewd, like someone wishing they were that button on my shirt. Ugh! Somehow, we're viewed as easy, improper, incompetent and even unprofessional and we become targets for both street and work harassment. I read an article about a woman who sued her employer because she was "reprimanded for appearing too sexy." Apparently, her "figure and clothing choices were a distraction in the office", despite wearing turtlenecks.
Another well-known corporation faced a multi-billion-dollar lawsuit filed by a group of women who say they were "constantly solicited for sex by co-workers, ranked on their breast size, and fired if they refuse to play along."
Then, there are my humorous and playful sisters who crack on the slight gap between my buttons and say, "That button is one breath away from flying across the room." But peep this: I consistently smashed my annual goals throughout my corporate career, earning multitudes of bonuses and awards. I've also led productive meetings and successful projects. Yet, in that moment, all my colleagues could see was the slight curve of my breasts. I suppose I must warn them that in states like New York, women commenting on another women's breasts inside the workplace can also be a form of sexual harassment.
But my point is, I detect a difference in interactions after my chest swelled with age. I've noticed how others speak to me as if my level of comprehension has declined. Um, I still got it the first time, sir. But perhaps you didn't understand the subsequent four times you repeated it because your focus was elsewhere?
Please know that I'm not trying to be divisive, superficial or petty. But the whole thing is pretty maddening. We want to look well put-together and recognized for our smarts whether we're delivering our presentations in the boardroom, sitting in the pew interpreting the Sunday word, dining across from a potential new love interest or going live in our IG stories. But we're expected to dress in oversized tunics, shawls and scarves to be heard.
It's also worth pointing out that our discomfort transcends beyond appearance. Large breasts are the root cause for physical pain. True story: One of my friends was trying to be sexy for her husband while she cooked topless. But one of her breasts touched the electric grill. She was stuck nursing a serious burn for several weeks.
Gfycat
Some women have gone as far as getting a breast reduction surgery. A study of 31 women who opted for this procedure revealed a combination of the following symptoms and side effects: 81% had neck and back pain, 77% had shoulder pain, 58% had chafing or rash (not fun or cute!), 45% had significant limitation in their daily activity and 52% were just plain old unhappy with their appearance.
I never considered surgery because I'm learning to love the body God has gifted me, with the exception of these fine laugh lines. But I decided to delve a little deeper into the stigma of fuller busts, because as someone on the higher end of the size spectrum, I just wanted to better understand this oversexualizing and stereotyping.
Why do breasts make folks cringe, blunder and blush? What I found in my search, though, was something else rather mind-blowing and it has turned out to be a total game-changer for me.
The average cup size for non-Caucasian women is actually a DD. Not a B. Not a C. But a double D. And before anyone says, "That's because of augmentation, sis," let me explain. Boob jobs aside, our average cup size has increased over the past few decades because we've been eating. A lot. The average weight for women has increased from 140 pounds in the 1960s to 170 pounds today and, consequently, the average cup size has grown from 34B to about a 36DD.
So, what does that mean, exactly, for us? It means we're normal! Our busts aren't the rare art pieces that should be put on public display. And to think society has us walking around with our arms crossed over our chests looking all defeated, defensive and standoffish because we feel violated. And we're not even an anomaly? I think it's time we set some ground rules.
Many of us have a fuller bosom and at times our breasts may pose physical and emotional challenges as well as exhibit other little perceived oddities. Large boobs may occasionally bounce, jiggle, lay low to breathe, pop up for air or pop out to nourish our babies. But please understand that the next time I wear a fitted top or a strapless jumpsuit, uncovered, it's not a green light to demote me to flirty floozy status or diminish my business acumen.
Know that breasts are a natural part of women's bodies, as natural as the eyes on our faces that we implore you to gaze into whenever you talk to us.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.
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I write about lifestyle and women's health and wellness. When I'm not in front of a computer screen crafting stories, I'm in a kitchen crafting cocktails. Follow me on the 'gram @teronda.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."