

There's an old quote by author and sales strategist Tom Hopkins that says, "You are your greatest asset. Put your time, effort, and money into training, grooming, and encouraging your greatest asset." Simply put, invest in yourself. So many of us are busy constantly investing and pouring into our spouses, our kids, and our jobs that we forget all about ourselves. You probably read that and thought to yourself that you are obligated to invest in the kids, the job, and the spouse. You're right. But that should be at the expense of yourself and certainly not before you invest in yourself. Investing in yourself will help you best serve others.
32 Powerful Ways to Invest In Yourself
Sure, it may take some practice and change of mindset, but the good news is that you can start small and start right now. Here are more than 30 ways you can begin investing in yourself today:
1.Exercise Regularly
Image via Shutterstock
Exercising regularly is a sure way to create not only a healthy body but also a healthy mind. Beginning an exercise routine can seem daunting at first but try not to get intimidated. There are so many different ways to exercise. You can walk, jog, lift weights, do yoga, Pilates, or even jump rope. Start slow and gradually build up. Be creative and have fun!
2.Therapy
Image via Shutterstock
While exercising can certainly help you concentrate and feel mentally sharp, there will inevitably be times in all of our lives that we need to talk to a professional. Therapy is one of those things that I think everyone should try at least once in their lives. The benefits are numerous.
3.Create a Side Hustle
Image via Shutterstock
The great Warren Buffet (whose net worth is more than $86 billion) once said that you should never depend on a single income. In other words, multiple streams of income are the move! I know people who have a second (and sometimes third) stream of income doing everything from tutoring, to writing, to event planning, to interior decorating. If you're not sure where to start, take some time to think about what you're passionate about and start there.
4.Find a Mentor
Image via Shutterstock
So, you've identified your passion. Now what? If you're at a loss as to what the next step should be, it might be beneficial to find a mentor who is an expert in that area. You'd be surprised who would be willing to share their knowledge and experiences. For some, you might have to pay for their services because mentoring could very well be their side hustle.
5.Learn a New Language
Image via Shutterstock
As the world becomes more and more diverse, learning a new language has never been more necessary. The great news is that you can learn a new language right from the comfort of your home and what better time than now to start since we're all spending more time than usual in the house? Resources like Rosetta Stone and Babbel offer online language courses for as low as $6 a month.
6.Travel
Image via Shutterstock
When most people hear the word travel, they immediately think it requires traveling out of the country. However, with COVID-19 still running rampant and so many people out of work as a result, that may not be feasible for everyone right now. Lucky for you, travel does not have to be expensive. You can start small by taking a road trip or even exploring your own city. Travel is more about new experiences than the destination. If you want to travel out of the country, start a travel fund so you can save up and show off that second language you learned!
7.Pay Off Debt
Image via Shutterstock
This is one of the most freeing experiences ever. Being in a ton of debt can cause stress, depression, and anxiety. A popular way to pay off debt is with the debt snowball method which means you pay off your debts in order from smallest to largest. You pay more than the minimum amount due on the smallest debt and pay the minimum amount due on all other debt. Once you have paid off the smallest debt, you move on to the next smallest. Author Dave Ramsey explains more about how the debt snowball works here. Minimizing debt and being debt-free reduces stress, improves your credit score, and gives you financial security.
8.Create a Budget
Image via Shutterstock
The word budget probably makes you want to roll your eyes, or it may even trigger a bit of anxiety. It shouldn't. Think of a budget as simply a plan for what you're going to do with your money. That's it. Creating a budget can help you save money, meet your financial goals, and stop wasting money. Once you stop spending $150 a month on coffee, you'll thank yourself.
9.Start a Savings Account
Image via Shutterstock
Already have one? Perfect! Now start putting money in that thing! Seriously, pick an amount and commit to adding that to your savings each time you get paid. You can start small if you have to and gradually increase. Trust me, it will add up.
10.Buy a Plant
Image via Shutterstock
Plants are not only aesthetically pleasing and sure to make any space look better but they are good for you too. Plants can remove air pollutants as well as help give your immune system a little boost. With flu season right around the corner and COVID-19 still looming, we could all use an immune system boost. If you're worried about not having a green thumb, check out our article to learn more about houseplants that are easy to care for and don't require a green thumb here.
11.Practice Meditation
Image via Shutterstock
With everything going on in the world today, it's easy for any one of us to become stressed. This is where meditation comes in. It just requires a little practice and can be done virtually anywhere. According to Headspace, meditation is not about turning off your thoughts or feelings but learning to observe them. Consistency, not perfection, is key when learning to meditate. The more you practice, the better you will become at it.
12.Schedule a Doctor's Appointment
Image via Shutterstock
At least once a year, you should be going to your doctor and getting a check-up. This will help your doctor determine the general status of your health. A yearly physical is also a good time to ask questions or discuss any changes that you may have noticed in your body.
13.Perform a Breast Self-Exam
Image via Shutterstock
It's quick and painless, so no excuses ladies! Early detection is key. It's so important that you do a self-exam on your breast regularly so that you will get to know what is normal for you. That way you are immediately alerted when something is abnormal.
14.Practice Gratitude
Image via Shutterstock
The benefits of practicing gratitude are endless. I'll keep it short and sweet though, it just feels good. Let me give you an example. A few weeks ago, I had to get some car repairs. When the service technician called me with the total, he told me it was $3,800 to fix my car. I immediately got upset. Of course, that was not a good feeling. But then I took a moment and thought about how a few years ago I would not have had the money to fix my car. Then I thought about how I currently had the money sitting in my savings account to get my car fixed, and I immediately switched to a spirit of gratitude. I instantly felt better and grateful.
15.Learn a New Recipe
Image via Shutterstock
Adding just one new recipe to your arsenal every few months will improve your cooking skills, offer you more variety, and even save you money. Cooking also allows you to create healthy meals at home and you can feel satisfied that you know exactly what you are putting into your body. So whether you invest in a cookbook or scour the web, make an effort to learn a new recipe at least every couple of months.
16.Get More Sleep
Image via Shutterstock
Not getting enough sleep not only makes you cranky the next morning but it can also be detrimental to your concentration and even your health. Likewise, getting more sleep makes you feel sharper and boosts your immune system. Try going to bed just an hour earlier and feel the difference.
17.Stop Procrastinating
Image via Shutterstock
Procrastination is something that we're all guilty of doing a time or two (or five) in our lives. It can seem easier to put off the things we need to do until later, but it's actually easier to just dig in and get them done. You'll feel less stressed and more accomplished after you do. Lifehack shares 11 steps you can take to stop procrastinating:
- Break your work into little steps.
- Change your environment.
- Create a detailed timeline with specific deadlines.
- Eliminate your procrastination pit stops.
- Hang out with people who inspire you to take action.
- Get a buddy.
- Tell others about your goals.
- Seek out someone who has already achieved the outcome.
- Re-clarify your goals.
- Stop overcomplicating things.
- Get a grip and just do it.
18.Get a Massage
Image via Shutterstock
Massages used to be considered a luxury, but over the years they have become a treatment modality for stress and pain reduction. You can get a massage anywhere from the airport to the spa at many different price points. Don't wait until a special occasion. Get one now!
19.Create a Skincare Routine
Image via Shutterstock
Like most things in life, it is easier to prevent damage to your skin than to try to fix the damage that has already occurred. This is why it is so important to create a skincare routine and stick with it. Simple things like washing your face at night, wearing sunscreen, and keeping your face moisturized are key to great skin. If you need help developing a skincare routine talk to a dermatologist or esthetician.
20.Get Life Insurance
Image via Shutterstock
I know that we don't like to think about our mortality but it is so important. Even a small policy can help protect your family and bring your loved ones peace of mind. If the thought of it all has you confused, Fidelity has a great summary here that will help clarify things for you.
21.Create a Morning Routine
Image via Shutterstock
A strong morning routine sets the tone for your day and can help you have a more productive day. A strong routine is going to look different for each of us. It's about what works for you and that's the beauty of it. It's your routine. The routine that helps you be your best self. If you know that scrolling through social media as soon as you open your eyes in the morning makes you feel bad, then cut it out. Instead, try replacing social media scrolling with something that makes you feel good like journaling, setting intentions, or working out.
22.Take a Class
Image via Shutterstock
There are classes available for anything you can think of whether it's boxing, makeup, painting, or writing. You name it, there is probably a class for it. Taking a class is a fun way to discover new passions and enrich existing ones.
23.Declutter
Image via Shutterstock
I don't know about you, but having a lot of clutter in my house causes me to feel overwhelmed, which is why every few months I make sure to declutter. I don't have a set schedule. I just do it as I feel the need arises. I go through my closets, my drawers, or my kitchen and either get rid of things or organize them. Afterward, I feel like I've decluttered my mind a bit and can breathe better.
24.Invest Your Money
Image via Shutterstock
Investing your money is very much an investment in yourself. Financial expert, Chanel Scott's advice to younger generations is to start investing early. If you don't consider yourself to be a part of the younger generation, don't worry. It's never too late to start investing. Do your research, find the way that works best for you, and get started.
25.Write In a Journal
Image via Shutterstock
People journal for different reasons, but I think that everyone who does it would agree that it does wonders for their mental health. Journaling is a healthy way to get all the thoughts out of your head and onto paper, subsequently helping with self-expression, anxiety, and even promoting self-reflection.
26.Network
Image via Shutterstock
I guarantee that some of the world's most successful people got that way in part by networking. Networking is a powerful tool with endless benefits. It opens the doors for new opportunities and can put your name in rooms you haven't even stepped foot in yet. Thanks to COVID-19, you may not be able to do a lot of in-person networking but thankfully virtual events and social media sites like LinkedIn provide opportunities for you to connect with like-minded people.
27.Forgive
Image via Shutterstock
Let me preface this one by saying that forgiveness does not mean that you forget nor does it mean that you keep toxic people around you. Forgiveness simply means that you release the energy of anger and resentment and instead usher in the energy of forgiveness, acceptance, and letting go. Forgiveness is for you, not other people, so whether they are deserving of forgiveness doesn't matter. Do it for yourself.
28.Drink More Water
Image via Shutterstock
How much water you should drink a day is debatable and largely depends on who you ask, but one thing that is not up for debate is that water is undoubtedly good for you. Water promotes skin health, regulates body temperature, and flushes waste from the body just to name a few of the benefits. Start small by drinking at least a glass a day and gradually increase your intake. Trust me, your body will thank you.
29.Read a Book
Image via Shutterstock
Reading a book can be a beautiful escape or a way to expand your knowledge. It doesn't matter if it is fiction, non-fiction, or self-help, reading builds vocabulary, helps to prevent cognitive decline, and improves focus and concentration. Buying or checking out books, not your thing? No worries, download an audiobook and sit back, relax, and escape.
30.Set a Goal
Image via Shutterstock
And then crush it! It can be big or small—it doesn't matter. What's important is that you work toward meeting that goal. Setting and meeting goals give you such a feeling of accomplishment. Once you meet a goal, set another one. It will quickly become a lifestyle.
31.Take a "Me" Day
Image via Shutterstock
With all of the things that you have to do on a daily basis, it can seem like there aren't enough hours in a day making a "me day" seem pretty impossible to achieve but that is exactly why it is so important to take one. If you absolutely, positively can't take a whole day, try to at least take a few hours. Go to the places that you love and do the things that you love to do—or do nothing at all.
32.Love Yourself
Image via Shutterstock
Most people will verbally tell you that, of course, they love themselves, but do our actions reflect that self-proclaimed self-love? Do we pour into ourselves? Do we honor ourselves? Do we show up as our best selves? Truly loving yourself is one of the best ways to invest in yourself. The best part is that it is priceless.
Featured image by Shutterstock
- The 33-Year-Old Accountant Whose Worst Money Decision Was Not ... ›
- This Young Filmmaker Used A $5,000 Self-Investment To Manifest ... ›
- Kandi Burruss: Invest In Yourself - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love ... ›
- Opportunity To Invest In Yourself - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love ... ›
- Why Personal Development Is The Best Project You Can Ever Invest In ›
- Money Talks: 5 Tips Our Favorite Celebs Gave Us About Securing A Bag - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- This Young Filmmaker Used A $5,000 Self-Investment To Manifest Her Dream Life - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- How To Love Yourself More, Better Me Time - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- A Black Woman Helped Popularize Pilates + Other Things To Know About The Exercise - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, & Wellness ›
Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Sometimes I get asked the same question, often enough, that I’m like, “It’s time to address this on a larger platform,” — and for, whatever the reason, as of late, folks have been asking me what different sex acts mean.
No, not from the perspective of positions or techniques. What they’ve basically wanted to know is if making love, having sex, and f-cking are simply different words to describe the same thing or if there truly is something deeper with each one.
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
Back when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
A few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
And finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy