This Gynecologist Is Empowering Our Women To Take Their Sexual Health In Their Own Hands
Chimson "Dr. Chimmy" Oleka is passionate about helping girls and young women better understand their bodies and reproductive systems.
As an adolescent and pediatric gynecologist, she works daily to diagnose conditions, build treatment plans, and inspire by action through education. In addition to her duties as a 30-something practicing doctor, the University of Louisville graduate has spoken on topics related to fertility, sexually transmitted diseases, self-confidence, and vaginal health for organizations and entities including Texas Children's Hospital, 100 Black Men, and the Children's National Health System.
"One of the things that I really love about it is that I have the opportunity to empower and to be a positive influence on young women during one of the most critical time periods of their lives," Dr. Oleka told xoNecole in an exclusive interview. "I think [the reason] I have an interest in this topic and other topics as it relates to adolescent development is because a lot of the time, who we become as adolescents affects who we become as adults."
Featured image by Janelle Alesia Photography
What's significant about what Dr. Oleka does daily is the impact of conversations she gets to have with her patients, all 21 and under. Being a Nigerian-American with a sense of today's trends and an active knowledge of the power of music, social media, and culture has helped her connect with her patients and boost relatability. And the impact goes beyond the physical and into the mental.
"Let's say I walk in and a girl who looks like me sees that I have braids and she has her hair in braids. When I say, 'Hey, I love your braids,' I just see her become relaxed and she opens up," Dr. Oleka said. "I did have one patient tell me that I look like Megan Thee Stallion—I don't (laughs)—but I think it was nice for her that I even knew who that is. One of the questions I ask patients is, 'What do you want to be or what change do you want to bring to the world?' A lot of them say, 'I want to be an OB-GYN or a doctor.' And I don't know if they're saying that just because I'm asking but I think it's nice that they're setting their sights high. I hope that maybe their interaction with me will influence [their aspirations] in a positive way."
Raised by a father who worked as a dean in higher education and a mother who enjoyed a career as a labor-and-delivery nurse, Dr. Oleka has always held the belief that strengthening the mind goes hand-in-hand with the body.
"My dad used to tell me that knowledge is power. What you're able to learn about yourself, especially as a teenager, is empowering," Oleka says. "You develop this confidence in who you are and you find out what's inside of you is stronger than anything that's around you or that comes to you. That's what resilience is, and I love that. I have the opportunity to introduce that through gynecology. I fell in love with being able to just walk women through different aspects of the things that we go through—empowering women through education, empathy, and compassion."
Featured image by Janelle Alesia Photography
"I fell in love with being able to just walk women through different aspects of the things that we go through—empowering women through education, empathy, and compassion."
Women of color face several challenges when it comes to reproductive health, including disparities in instances of life-altering fibroids, infant mortality and gynecological cancers. One other major issue Dr. Oleka sees among young women of color is contraception coercion, which she describes as the "sabotage of contraceptive methods, pregnancy coercion or pregnancy pressure."
"What that looks like is sabotaging contraceptive methods—where you have a partner trying to actively interfere with their partner's contraceptive methods—to promote a pregnancy," she says. "[It can be] hiding, withholding or destroying oral contraceptives or a contraceptive patch or poking holes in condoms. It can also mean taking the condom off during sex or not withdrawing when that was agreed upon. And then finally the pressure [manifests as] behavior that comes in the way of threatening or acts of violence if the pregnant partner doesn't comply with certain wishes."
Dr. Oleka talks candidly with girls and young women about boosting their self-esteem and gaining knowledge about their bodies or options they have based on their goals or situation, and she's a strong believer in women advocating for and supporting one another through open conversations, consistent doctor's visits and sharing information in a way that is welcoming, authoritative and caring. The sooner women start to open lines of communication with one another as mothers, sisters, aunts, peers and mentors, the better.
"Educate yourself on reproductive health, on understanding that and really seeking to empower girls as it relates to being the most authentic version of themselves," Dr. Oleka urges. "Figure out who you are and allow yourself that space and opportunity to grow—to make mistakes and to learn from them. Once you know who you are, once you're comfortable with learning and growing, it becomes less about what people on the outside are saying or pressuring you and more about, 'Well, what do I think? What do I want to achieve?' I think [it's really about] just validating a young girl's feelings, validating their need for growth. That's the key."
To learn more and keep up with Dr. Chimmy's journey, check out her website and follow her Instagram @withlove_drchimmy.
Featured image by Janelle Alesia Photography.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I think we all can agree that social media really is a double-edged sword. What I mean by that is there is just as much bad that can come out of it as good. At the end of the day, it really is about 1) having your own mind, 2) finding balance when it comes to how much time you spend online, and 3) doing your own research instead of taking random people’s opinions as the gospel (i.e., facts).
Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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Featured image by Juan Moyano/Getty Images