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How I Took My Power Back After Fibroids Crashed My 35th Birthday
The issue of fibroids and black women is not new, so I won't bore you with the statistics. Just know that fibroids are almost three times more likely to occur in us than in our white counterparts.
Uterine fibroids are something I've always been aware of in my own family, as my mother and aunts have all dealt with them.
The little round devils would cause major pain, lots of bleeding, and stomach bulges that led to questions of pregnancy or overeating. And by the time I became a 20-something go-getter with a busy NYC social and dating life, I'd convinced myself that they would be strangers to me. I would will them away.
I had men to do, boss moves to make, and an image to maintain.
Back then, my period and I were besties, and she never gave me too many problems. We had a stellar arrangement: Keep it sexy.
I'd mastered when she was heaviest and what OTC pills to take when she was feeling extra feisty. I never gave in to those old-maid, conservative traditions of women who sometimes had whole wardrobes of loose dresses, frumpy sweats, and full booty-coverage briefs reserved for Aunt Flo. (And when it came to sex, those same women oftentimes wouldn't let their men near them when the time for their cycle came around.)
I wore what I wanted, from white-after-Labor-Day to sexy lingerie---no "period panties" over here.
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If whoever I was dating at the time wanted to run the red light, I was down, as long as there were precautions taken to protect my 300-count sheets and personal health. I enjoyed clubbing at least three times a week in a good ole' body-con dress or wearing leggings and short tops---before Fashion Nova became a thing---even during "that time of the month."
I didn't mind being judged about my "alternative" attitude about my menstrual period, and to be honest, it was my body and my business.
I wasn't going to be restricted, shamed, or defined by one of the most natural, healthy, and beautiful things about being a woman.
By my early 30s, I'd matured tremendously and achieved quite a bit in terms of career advancement. I'd let go of the dating roster and the frequent late-night-early-morning routine, and I threw most of my energy into a new career as a self-employed consultant and freelancer. I changed my eating habits, got more into my spiritual health, and lost 30 lbs.
I thought I'd avoided fibroids, but by the time I hit 34, they were already plotting their grand debut.
I got my period one month, as usual, but this time it was heavier and lasted longer. I thought nothing of it at first and brushed it off as a product of stress from all the transitions I'd gone through as a budding entrepreneur.
That is, until they crashed my 35th birthday, causing light-to-heavy bleeding for 13 days. (My normal period lasts five.)
Not only did my period stick around, but she caused a lot of damage in the form of ruined sheets, a favorite freak 'em dress I had to trash, an emergency blood transfusion at the ER, and---above all---a self esteem that went from Sassy Sexy Sue to Debbie Darkness.
I went through at least two packs of extra-heavy overnight pads (with the wings), multiple boxes of tampons, and so many pairs of panties. I was even forced to buy---dare I say it---cotton briefs, which reminded me of the typical underwear people over 60 wear. I wanted to do nothing but work from home and sulk.
This ain't sexy and it ain't me, I told myself.
I thought the worst: Will I have to get a hysterectomy at 35? I have no kids.
I was in the throws of a new relationship---deeply in love---and me and my man would often chat about our desire to have families with kids of our own. The sex is great and uninhibited. Will he dump me?
I love to travel and do it often for client work. Will I have to wear Depends on every flight? Will I be leaking more than Black Girl Magic on a conference stage?
That ain't sexy.
My life is over. I would never feel empowered or confident again.
I finally told my boyfriend about it---crying on the phone with ridiculously doom-focused theories on our future. Turns out, he knew women who had fibroids, and he was compassionate about the whole thing. He even got candid in sharing graphic details of what he knew about them. He wasn't turned off at all and was nonchalant about my fears. "Babes, I care more about your health than some sheets I can replace," he said. "We'll be fine."
(I was not expecting such a response since I knew of a young woman who'd had bladder issues and when her man woke up one morning on pee-soaked sheets, he was utterly disgusted. It caused a major breakdown in their relationship.)
I talked with my mom as well, who gave me advice on how she dealt with them. Then I had a come-to-Jesus conversation with a physician about my options.
The journalist and medical-industry skeptic in me did some online digging of my own, and I found out that the discomfort fibroids often caused could be lessened with exercise, a great diet, and supplements. I started to lift weights again---wearing my favorite workout gear---and I began accepting that it's okay to take more frequent breaks between sets to change my tampon/pad combo.
I also began to accept that it was okay to adjust a few more things in my life, like eating more foods rich in iron, taking meds for pain or anemia, and logging the patterns and symptoms during my menstrual cycles. Only God knows the future in terms of pregnancy and my becoming a mother, so I chose to leave that to Him through prayer, devotions, and meditation.
Hey, I've even become a pseudo-expert in stain removal.
The anxiety has dwindled, my menstrual pain has lessened---for now---and the heavy bleeding has actually lightened since that I'm back on an active workout schedule, eating better, and feeling more confident.
I almost let those hater fibroids throw salt on my game. Now, I think of them like a distant cousin to Aunt Flo that I have to learn to get along with. I'm still considering decisions on the latest noninvasive procedures available, but I won't let age, ticking fertility clocks, societal pressure, or outrageous fears guilt me into making any rash decisions.
I can still be that sexy, driven, ambitious and smart woman who loves to treat herself to a few nice pieces from Victoria's Secret or L'Agent at any time of month.
Fibroids be damned.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissons@xonecole.com
Featured image by Getty Images
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This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Mariee Revere On Her History-Making Million-Dollar Sales And The Future Of MoonXCosmetics
If the name Mariee Revere sounds familiar, it's probably because you heard of her beauty and skincare brand, MoonXCosmetics, or you may have heard about her history-making achievement of making $1.8 million in less than eight minutes. But before starting her million-dollar brand, Mariee was just a teenager trying to cure her acne.
While she grew up in the skincare capital of the world, South Korea, Mariee didn't really experience breakouts until her senior year of high school. Like many people who get their first breakout, she didn't know what to do, and there weren't many products out there at that time. So she decided to experiment. What she didn't know was that what she came up with would ultimately be her ticket to success.
"When I graduated high school, I moved back to America, Georgia, and I ended up making, like, the oil, the Rose Galore oil, which is like the staple product of my brand. I don't know what made me make it, but I did, and it literally cleared my face up," she tells xoNecole in an exclusive interview.
"I end up selling it as a body oil first because, obviously, I'm 17, [and] don't have any background as an esthetician or anything like that. I just made a product that worked for me, but people bought it and was using it, and I reformulated it, and then it just stuck like with me."
While MoonXCosmetics is known for its facial products, it wants to expand to body care and home. It just released its new product, Moon-Gel body wash, and it's only up from there. As Mariee continues to grow the brand, it's more than likely that she will see more history-making moments. And so far she has.
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When asked if she feels pressure to obtain more of those milestones, she says yes and no. "I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more," she says.
"I want to say more reach than more like fast-paced sales. I do want that. Obviously, every girl wants that, but I do want to have a better overall reach for my brand because I did take two years off so I was able to learn, [and] study a lot of different things. See how things have changed from 2020 to now."
"I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more."
Another part of expanding for any company is hiring people. Finding the right person to help you can be a hassle, especially for business owners who are used to doing all the work themselves. Mariee can relate to this, and she touched on this topic in her documentaryThe Million Dollar Story. She recommends having someone be your "right-hand man" who you trust to handle the ins and outs of the company.
"I could say, definitely get, like a right-hand man to help you within the process because that really was what helped me. I never had a job. I literally was 18 now, being like, you know, the boss of over 30+ employees at one point in time, and I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything about no W-2s, no taxes, no clock in, clock out because all I [have] ever known was my brand," she explains.
"So I definitely partner with people who are very skewed and versed in those areas, and they helped me get through it. Even to this day, I still have my same person helping me with hiring, firing, [and] doing everything that I can right now because I'm still learning. But obviously people get jobs young, so they have way more experience than me, but still learning."
And though she is still learning, one thing she makes sure to stay on top of is being consistent. Consistency is what trips many people up when it comes to achieving goals, but Mariee says it's all about scheduling. Whether it's when to post on social media or email marketing, scheduling it out can make a world of difference. That same practice also works when planning out her future goals for the company.
"Right now, future goals would be to drop at least five more products before the end of the year. We always do outreach, where we do drives and all that, but definitely do way more this year, she says. "Then really dive into body [care], and then hopefully open up MoonXBody underneath MoonXCosmetics to let that branch out and be open and definitely get back consistent."
For more information, visit moonxco.com.
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