You've seen them—women who are completely about their business. And they are damn good at it, too. Some refer to them as bosses and others refer to them as Queens, but no matter what you call them, know that they didn't get where they are without hard work and determination. And their road to success always includes an intentional daily routine for healthy body and mind.
Mindfulness is essentially the ability to be aware and fully present of what you're doing and where you are. And because you are fully present, you aren't easily overwhelmed by what may be going on around you (i.e. a whole pandemic). So often we find ourselves becoming distracted, overwhelmed, and dare I say obsessed over what's going on around us or even what may occur in the future. This can lead to anxiety, getting off track, and eventually becoming stagnant which will without a doubt affect your ability to level up in your career. Practicing mindfulness or developing a mindfulness routine takes practice. It's both a mindset and a lifestyle.
I reached out to 5 successful career women who so graciously spilled the tea on their morning routines, intention-setting, and how practicing mindfulness has helped them in their careers. They even shared advice on things they do to stay present and in the moment. Take notes.
Her Mindful Morning Routine:
"To be completely honest, I am not a morning person! Never have been, never will be, which makes disciplining myself in the morning even more important to set the tone for my day. First, I absolutely must make my bed. There's something about this small accomplishment—a tidy room and home—that keep my mind decluttered as well. Second, I meditate and pray. Even if only for 10 minutes, while sitting on the floor or standing in the shower, I take a moment to pause, thank God for another day and be present with the breath flowing through my lungs to remind myself that I am human and it's a blessing just to be alive and healthy.
"After indulging in my skincare routine, brushing my teeth, and getting dressed, I spend another few minutes brewing and sipping my coffee while listening to some music or a podcast. All of this is before I pick up my phone to scroll through Instagram or jump on my laptop to check emails. At some point, I'll work some exercise into this routine, but for right now, that's my morning. It's taken a lot of practice, and working from home without a commute can make one lazy, but doing each of these things before getting the workday started makes me feel energized and ready to conquer anything thrown at me."
Setting Her Intentions:
"If you don't set intentions for your day, your day has the ability to set its own course. The external world is not something that you can control, but when you focus on what is within your control, that sense of empowerment can fuel you to overcome any potential procrastination, dreadfulness and negativity."
"Setting positive intent for myself and my life has been my lifeline lately. I've been working from home for my full-time, product marketing career in fintech and my side hustle interior-design business in complete isolation for about nine months now. Without prayer, therapy, and a solid support system, I'd have gone bat-crazy by now! However, having these three things and setting clear intentions for myself daily, weekly, and monthly have kept me sane. There is no secret superpower or helpful trick. You just have to commit to doing so every single day."
The Role Mindfulness & Intention Have Played In Her Career:
Photo Courtesy of Amber Guyton
"The further I grow in my career, the more I realize that empathy, self-awareness, and other soft skills just aren't as common among adults and professionals as it should be. We are all human, make mistakes, and fall short. Being able to see your own faults and areas of improvement is truly a gift and one that everyone should embrace. When you're your worst critic, you never let up on yourself. Those impossible expectations you set for yourself daily, you also impose on everyone around you, and girl, that's not healthy.
"Give yourself grace and remember that you're only human. There, too, is value in your imperfections and weaknesses."
"This type of mindfulness, honesty, and vulnerability has made me a better friend, daughter, team leader, business owner and mentor. It's helped me grow up and be a better woman. Most of all, it's kept me from burning out, because delegation, taking breaks, and setting boundaries are not only a form of self-care, but they also enable you to fill the cups of others as your own overflows."
Her Intention Of The Moment:
"Interrupt anxiety with gratitude. It's so easy to allow depression, anxiety, worry, self-doubt, imposter syndrome, or any dose of negativity to disrupt your mood and shift your mindset and emotions. Whenever this happens to me (which is pretty often), I just remind myself of all the things I have to be grateful for. OK sure, this hiccup happened on a work project or your colleague isn't pulling his weight. But you love your job. You have a job. You are gainfully employed and the good outweighs the bad. Your ancestors would be so proud of all you have and all you've achieved. You are their wildest dream and that could only be possible here as you stand on their shoulders. You've had some hard days, but nothing is too hard for God.
"Don't allow this five-minute problem to ruin the next five hours of your day. Don't allow another human being to make you think less of your own soul. Concentrate on the positive so the temporary negativity won't consume you. There is always something to be grateful for."
For more of Amber, follow her on Instagram @blessedlittlebungalow.
Crystal Renee' Hayslett: Actress, Creative Director, Producer
Photo by Kayla Madonna of Madonna Studios
Courtesy of Crystal Renee' Hayslett
Her Mindful Morning Routine:
"Each morning, I make a conscious effort to take a moment to pray, meditate, and write in my 'I Am' journal. The front of the journal states, 'I am grateful. I am joyful. I am abundant. I am successful. I am worthy.' It's a constant reminder that whatever you say you are, it will begin to manifest in your life. Once I'm done, I get a good workout in, make breakfast, and it's time to get going!"
Her Intention Of The Moment:
"I like to set daily intentions since we are in a constant state of evolution and growth. My intention at the moment is to be more present. It's so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you miss how beautiful your life really is."
The Importance Of Practicing Mindfulness:
"Practicing mindfulness helps you see things for what they are, and with that, you can have a much better handle on life. When you're mindful of others, you don't take things personally. You are able to show empathy and support, instead of taking everything personally.
"When you're mindful in life, you understand that everything happens for a reason and it's always for a greater good. There is so much peace in mindfulness."
The Role Mindfulness Has Played In Her Career:
"Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I take a moment to remember when I asked God to enlarge my territory. When I remember what I asked for, a sense of responsibility comes over me. I also find comfort in knowing that if my plate is feeling heavy, it's because He knows I can handle it."
For more of Crystal, follow her on Instagram @luvcrystalrenee.
Her Mindful Morning Routine:
"'You reap what you sow.' My mother drilled in my head growing up. This has transferred into almost every aspect of my life. I'm a Virgo, so I used to sow seeds of anxious planning and sleepless nights filled with busy work, so guess what I reaped? Days filled with anxiety and fatigue. For the past two to three years, I have made great efforts to start my day with peace and intentions of self-growth, and I have noticed a superior change in my mood and productivity level.
"I started praying twice a day. For the year of 2020, I made the new year resolution of praying once in the morning as soon as I wake up, and once at night before hitting the sack. I've noticed that I have become more grateful for the things I already have, less anxious in the morning, and more excited to start the day.
"What they say is true: When you look good, you feel good. So I stopped checking emails and rushing to take my dogs out as soon as I broke my sleep in the mornings. Taking care of yourself first in the morning is a form of self-care. Take care of your skin, do your hair, put on something cute to wear, put on your favorite perfume, and I promise you'll feel more excited to then be more productive. Your dogs and kids and those emails can wait five minutes."
"Exercise and stretching have been shown to decrease anxiety. Stretching to my favorite music, or something a little more relaxing, like classical music, and/or a quick ab workout in the morning add to my zen factor throughout the day. Release those endorphins and stress and you'll feel like a million bucks. I promise."
Setting Her Intentions:
Photo courtesy of Dr. Andrea Alexander
"For a good portion of my post-residency life, I have lived by the phrase, 'If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.' Intending to simply be mindful, is not enough. We must plan to act on it. I set daily intentions for myself. Because every new day is a chance to make another chance. Why wait a week or a month to make changes in your life? I'm a fan for setting out to better yourself daily.
"One way to accomplish daily intention-setting is asking to meet your goals and asking to be productive during morning prayer. Every time I have asked to be productive, I more often than not, have been. Ask and you shall receive. An organized and itemized to-do list also contributes to me meeting my intentions for the day. Let's face it, we all get busy, and we all forget things. Use technology to your advantage by making a to-do list on your phone, and keep it updated. You'll inevitably be carrying it around with you all day and this will be a reminder to be great and productive throughout the day.
"Speak positivity into the day as well. The tongue is powerful, and if you speak greatness and speak meeting your daily intentions and goals into existence, I promise you will."
The Role Mindfulness & Intention Have Played In Her Career:
"Listen, I don't want to brag, but there is a reason why I'm known as the doctor who stays calm during high-stress times. It's because I have taken it upon myself to implement that as above. When I was in residency, I was surrounded by a good number of negative people, some who didn't believe in me. (This feeling is inevitable as a black physician, unfortunately). It really messed with my self-confidence, and for a lack of better terms, I felt like shit. Getting into therapy after residency and practicing more self-care helped me to regain my confidence. I feel amazing now.
"Those around me trust my judgment because my decision isn't based off of a snappy emotional decision, but rather, it comes from a place of calm decision-making and self-confidence. This is why I say self-care is more than applying a face mask and lighting a scented candle. Actively going to therapy, praying, practicing gratefulness, and speaking positivity all changed my life from the inside-out. These are the most important ways to practice self-care.
"I stay present in the moment by reminding myself that I have the proper training to complete any task at hand. I also remind myself that I serve an amazing and powerful God who is capable of carrying me through even the scariest of situations."
For more of Andrea, follow her on Instagram @paging.dr.dre
Monique Doughty, BSN: RN, Self Love + Mindset Coach, Speaker, Entrepreneur
Photo courtesy of Monique Doughty
On Mindful Morning Routines:
"How we start our day drastically affects how we will feel throughout the day. Our feelings and emotions paint the picture of how we see reality, and creating positive feelings will improve the quality of your day."
"Check-in with yourself before checking in with the world. It's a natural response for us to grab our phones immediately upon waking up, check our emails, and check social media. Unfortunately, this pattern allows us to become disconnected from ourselves, our own feelings, and needs. Take a few moments to start your day, asking yourself: 'What would make today great?' Before responding or contacting anyone by phone, email, or social media, ask yourself: 'Am I open for business?' In my 6 Weeks to Self-Love Coaching program, all of my clients learn how to gracefully set boundaries with others and this starts with self-awareness of our own needs. By asking yourself, 'Am I open for business?' you are assessing yourself to know if you are ready to receive from others and to give to others.
"Honoring your own needs by sleeping a little longer, not responding to that work email just yet, or even deciding to put your phone on Do Not Disturb, improves mood, relationships, and overall wellness."
"Drink something warm! Warm water and lemon or lime in the morning jump-starts your metabolism and it makes you feel more energized. Warm drinks are nourishing and comforting. If you are into presentation, pour it up in your favorite mug and sip slowly. Talk to yourself and talk to God. If we want those we encounter to be kind to us, we must first start a kind conversation with ourselves. It takes strength to find compassion for yourself and having a higher power to trust in, will allow you to feel supported. Look yourself in the mirror and say: 'I am strong. I am loved. I am enough.'
"Be gentle with yourself. Some mornings you will fall off the routine you established, but love yourself back to your mindful practices instead of feeling guilty."
Setting Her Intentions:
"I set intentions for myself not at any particular moment or time frame but more so when I am approaching things that require great actions from me. In 2020, that can just be getting out of bed; it's been a challenging year, setting clear intentions has been my saving grace.
"Intentions are the thoughts that create the action and they really determine the outcome of a situation. Before I speak to a group of people, I set the intention to speak my truth and to spread light to others. I encourage your readers to set intentions for their relationships, workdays, and moments that they want to approach in their lives with grace."
The Role Mindfulness & Intention Have Played In Her Career:
"I redesigned my lifestyle and career to lead a more mindful life. I created freedom and flexibility. I worked as a critical-care nurse for eight years on the night shift. I did everything in my power to prepare myself for my work with critically ill people in various ICUs around the country. During my career as a nurse, I would take long periods of time off to travel and really pour into myself through spirituality and self-love practices. By allowing myself this time off, I realized that I really prefer to work remotely and the hospital was not the best place for me to help others. I now have a career that meets my lifestyle needs.
"Often, we believe that we have to fit our lives to our career, but to create a fulfilling life, we must create a career that meets our life."
For more of Monique, follow her on Instagram @iamnursemo.
Khat Brim: CEO & Co-owner of Hair AreUs, Beauty & Lifestyle Content Creator
Photo courtesy of Khat Brim
Her Mindful Morning Routine
"For me, having a mindful morning starts, number one, the night before. I like to create an intentional schedule by listing out my work commitments and my personal to-do list by its level of priority and importance. Once I know what to expect for the day ahead, I wake up with more enthusiasm and guidance to conquer the day. Second, practicing becoming an early riser is helping tremendously with my morning mindfulness. When I'm in the bed lights out before 10pm, I wake up feeling so refreshed and extremely energized, allowing me more time to enjoy a cup of tea, a morning meditation or workout and or just a few extra moments of quiet time instead of feeling so rushed out the door.
"I'm loving this practice as it's been keeping me full of gratitude and in tune with my higher purpose. It's a very soulful practice."
Setting Her Intentions:
"I try to make setting my intentions as a daily habit in everything I do. I truly feel like setting my intentions allows me to keep a clear understanding of what I intend to accomplish and feel, or how to be of service to others throughout my day-to-day life. Setting my intentions also keeps me aligned with my purpose and my reason why I'm doing what I'm doing."
Her Intention Of The Moment:
"The intentions I have for myself at the current moment is to be fully present in the now—meaning to be consciously present in the moment. Many times we are so detached to what is happening right under our noses or around us that we miss out on the present moment and seeing life's small gifts. There's so much power and enlightenment in learning this approach. I use the book, The Power of the Now by Eckhart Tolle, as a day-to-day guide for helping me find the importance of living in the present moment."
The Role Mindfulness & Intention Has Played In Her Life & Career:
"For me, practicing mindfulness in my personal life and career has honestly allowed me to have a more fluid mindset. It keeps me open to change, more calm, and an overall more peaceful person. These characteristics become very useful when life and career can become demanding. It allows me to stop myself in my tracks before becoming overwhelmed. It's almost like I can see anxiety and stress in slow motion, allowing me just enough time to be formless and adjust to its energy.
"One of my favorite quotes is by Bruce Lee: 'Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle, and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.'"
For more of Khat, follow her on Instagram @khatbrim & @hairareus.
Featured image courtesy of Monique Doughty
Originally published on November 16, 2020
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On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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