We live in a time where seemingly overnight celebrities pop up on social media, leaving us to question where we all stand in our personal journeys.
Social media has skewed the millennial perspective of success. We falsely believe that by taking an inch, we deserve a mile and our version of success fits that formula. The allure of the overnight success story is one that taunts us mere mortals who wonder why with all the rise and grinds we do on a daily, we haven't been met with the same results.
The truth about success is that it is not instant and it is never overnight.
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Amanda Seales is a true testament of this. Although she's been in the game for over 10 years, as a actress, stand up comedian, VJ and a stint as ½ of the duo Floetry. she's just now reaping the rewards of her labor with a breakout role in HBO's Insecure, as well as performing in comedy houses as an opener for Chris Rock and more.
On Thursday, we met up with Amanda and a few of our favs on the red carpet at the 11th annual Essence Black Women in Hollywood Awards and they dropped major gems on success and what it takes to have a long-lasting career. When asked about the false perception of overnight success, Amanda told us:
"This game is so much about stamina. It's not just about talent. A lot of us got talent, it's definitely not about being cute. We are all cute. The game-changer is who can last, through the trials, tribulations, the self-doubt, the fails. The misdirects, you think you are going in this direction and it's like 'uh ha! Got you b-tch' That's really where you find out who has it."
"I think a lot of folks don't understand that it's not a diss to your talent to have to continue to work to get people to know," she added. "When we talk about knowing your worth, it's not just about knowing how to not get undersold, it's also about knowing how to not oversell. Know where you are in the marketplace."
Amanda even touched on how she views her success, which she likened to an on-point analogy of a plane ready for lift off. "I'm at the airport. Like, I'm in the terminal. You know what? I'm at the gate. I was in TSA just like, 'Not there yet, huh?' Now we are at the gate, and we are ready to board because I have not taken off yet. Y'all haven't seen nothing."
New York Times best-selling author Luvvie Ajuyi, who was a blogger for over 10 years before snagging a major book deal followed by a TV deal with Shonda Rhimes also had some strong words of advice for anyone seeking instant gratification in their career:
"There is no instant. I am a 12-year overnight success. There is no instant, you have to work at it. There is literally no shortcut that is going to guarantee that you will stay there. You have to practice your craft, you have to learn some lessons along the way (hard ones), and then hope for the best."
Representation, or lack thereof, has led to a Renaissance of Black Women in media and we are here for it. Access to social media offers more leverage to millennial Black female creative professionals than ever before. Tessa Thompson reminded us on the red carpet that the road to success is not easy, and if we don't see a lane for ourselves, create our own.
"When you look at all of the women that are being honored today for example, all of us had a long road to get here and the road continues after this day. I would say the thing that's so exciting about millennials now that we work in a time where if you want to make something, make it and put it online. That's what Issa Rae did. And did it for many years before Insecure happened. I think if you see a void. If you are not seeing yourself in media, then put yourself there."
Real success takes time.
And the women at the Essence Black Women in Hollywood luncheon are symbols of perseverance, standing as pillars that exemplify the hard work, drive, and dedication that propelled their careers forward and to the top. Each woman is a titan in her own right, moving mountains and breaking through glass ceilings, showing the world what bosses do.
Watch our red carpet coverage of the Essence Black Women In Hollywood Luncheon below:
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
