The Founder Of Therapy For Black Girls Gives Us A Beginner's Guide To Therapy
With the rise in mental health awareness, now more than ever, Black girls are exploring therapy as a wellness outlet. Once a very taboo topic (and still is, depending on who you're talking to), therapy and mental health have really become a topic of discussion in our community, and for good reason, too. I have personally experienced the transformative power of therapy and the power of having someone to talk to about everything from bad breakups to childhood moments, self-care practices, and more.
For some reason, we still hold on to this idea that seeking therapy is a substitution for staying positive or having a strong foundation in a Higher being, when honestly, that's just not true.
Trust me, I get it – stepping out of your comfort zone and looking for someone to talk to who you've never met is extremely daunting, especially if you're the first person in your family or friends to try it. Who tells a stranger their business? What do you even talk about with the therapist? When I first started therapy, there were many days I just sat and made what felt like surface-level conversation, until one day my guard came down and the real work began. And truly, if you can push yourself to just try it, you'll greatly see a difference in the short- and long-term.
Dr. Joy Bradford
To understand more about therapy and the perks of pushing yourself out of comfort to explore it, I spoke with Dr. Joy Bradford, an Atlanta-based psychologist prominently known as the founder of Therapy For Black Girls, an online resource and podcast that explores various topics that promote therapy and self-care.
"Some of the common reasons people come to therapy are changes in mood that significantly interfere with their lives, major transitions or losses, and assistance with having healthier relationships," Dr. Joy said. "Therapy can be helpful in these instances because you can speak with an objective party about your concerns and have a space to talk through solutions that may be helpful and patterns you may be enacting that are resulting in you feeling a certain way."
Read on as Dr. Joy walks us through the ins and outs about therapy, its cost, who to go to, and how to start:
On Who Should Consider Therapy:
"I think everyone could likely benefit from therapy at some point in their lives. I think therapy should be an obvious choice if you're noticing changes that significantly impact your typical activities of daily living (i.e. your ability to go to or function at school/work or your ability to take care of things like hygiene, dress, etc.). But I also think that therapy can be helpful in instances where you realize your relationships aren't reciprocal, or if you realize you overextend yourself in the interest of making others happy, or if you realize that you can't follow through with plans regardless of repeated efforts to do so, or if you find yourself actively avoiding places or people because you're worried about what people will say or what will happen when you get there."
On The Negative Stigma Attached To Therapy:
"I think historically it has not been ok for women of color to show any signs of weakness, especially Black women who are supposed to be Teflon and devoid of emotion. I think the strong religious and faith presence in many communities of color have resulted in people thinking that prayer was enough or that indicating you had a mental health concern somehow signified a weakened faith relationship. Additionally, I think there has rightfully been a real mistrust for medical professionals in our communities which makes people less likely to seek out help even when they feel they might need it."
On Common Misconceptions About Therapists:
"Some common misconceptions about therapists are that they are just 'paid friends,' that therapy won't help because it's just talking, and that if you try one therapist and it doesn't work, that means therapy just isn't for you. The truth is, that you may need to try a couple of different therapists before you find one that's really a good fit for you."
On The Importance Of Black Female Therapists:
"I don't personally think that it's a requirement for women of color to have a therapist that is another woman or person of color. But my experience has been that Black women tend to want to work with another woman of color. So, if that feels important to you and increases the likelihood that you will make an appointment to see someone who can help, then you should absolutely seek that out. This was the major reason I decided to create the therapist directory because I continued hearing Black women say they had difficulty finding other Black women and women of color to work with."
On What To Consider Pre-Therapy:
"I think it's important to consider what your priorities will be in participating in therapy. If cost is a major concern and you definitely want to use your insurance, you should start by calling your insurance company or getting on their website and getting a list of therapists who are covered by your plan. After that, you want to look for people who have specialities in the area you're struggling with. You also want to consider whether similarities in things like race/ethnicity, gender presentation, sexual orientation, or faith background are important. As I mentioned earlier, if any of these areas feel super important to you in having a good fit, you should seek that out."
On The Cost of Therapy:
"Most therapists offer a free 10-15 [minute] consultation to let you ask any questions you have and to get a better feel for who they are and how they work. Be prepared for this consultation with any questions you have. If cost is a concern, I suggest looking into local colleges and universities that may have training clinics where you can get therapy at significantly lower prices because the therapists are in training. I'd also suggest look into any support or therapy groups that may be in your area. These may be free or less expensive than individual therapy."
On What To Expect During Therapy:
"You should expect to feel nervous and weird about sharing some very private info with someone who is virtually a stranger. That's normal. It doesn't mean that therapy won't work. Take notes as you call therapists and browse their webpages. Think about how you feel as you listen to them or read more about them. Do they seem like someone you could eventually be comfortable with."
Find a therapist near you via the Therapy For Black Girls directory here. And follow Dr. Joy on Twitter and Instagram.
Featured image courtesy of Dr. Joy Bradford
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Why We'll Probably Never Hear Lupita Nyong'o Share Her Relationship With The World
Lupita Nyong'o is sharing a transparent look into her life after a recent breakup.
In a cover story for NET-A-PORTER, the A Quiet Place: Day One star shed light on the significant heartbreak she experienced following the end of her relationship with ex-boyfriend and TV host, Selema Masekela.
As a public figure, Nyong'o, 39, sought to divulge the news of the breakup in hopes of presenting a more authentic perspective on the pain that follows a separation.
"I was living in a lot of pain and heartbreak," she told the publication. "I looked at the environment of my social media and thought I don’t want to be a part of this illusion that everything is always coming up roses. Surely there is a lesson for me to learn in this, and I just want to be real about it."
The Black Panther star went on to explain that her choice to be transparent with her fans about her breakup came from the certainty she felt after ending the relationship. “In my mind, when I shared my relationship status with the world, it was because I felt sure about it,” she said.
While she didn’t know how the news would land with her fans, she found relief in knowing she wasn’t alone in her experience.
“I knew how it could be interpreted; I knew it would have a life of its own,” she reflects. “But then I started to see the comments and people were being so loving and supportive. The ones that moved me the most were other people sharing their pain and their heartbreak.”
Nyong'o and Masekela went Instagram official in December 2022, publicly announcing their relationship in a couple's video. In October 2023, Nyong'o took to her personal Instagram account to share the news of her breakup in her caption, writing, "At this moment, it is necessary for me to share a personal truth and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer trust.”
She continued the vulnerable note, "I find myself in a season of heartbreak because of a love suddenly and devastatingly extinguished by deception. I am tempted to run into the shadows and hide, only to return to the light when I have regained my strength enough for me to say, 'Whatever, my life is better this way.' But I am reminded that the magnitude of the pain I am feeling is equal to the measure of my capacity for love."
These days, Nyong'o tells NET-A-PORTER that she is prioritizing profound self-discovery that extends beyond her career. She notes having a deliberate and unhurried approach to understanding herself.
She also alludes to keeping her relationships private moving forward after noting it was "very, very sage" of her not to talk about her private life professionally in the days before her last relationship. "I'm going back to those days by the way," Nyong'o shares of her reinstated boundaries around her personal life.
Earlier this month, Nyong'o made headlines alongside her new boyfriend actor Joshua Jackson. Nyong'o and Jackson went through public splits from their respective SOs in October 2023, with the latter splitting from his long-time partner Jodie Turner-Smith following her divorce filing from the Dawson's Creek alum.
The pair have been spotted together as early as December 2023, but nothing screamed "couple" quite as loudly as their recent getaway to Mexico for Nyong'o's 41st birthday featuring passionate displays of affection.
"Our purpose in life is to love. And so you have to get back in it," she tells the outlet, seemingly alluding to her budding new romance.
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Featured image by Taylor Hill/Getty Images