Having too much of anything can end up being a bad thing, but is that true when it comes to love? As we grow into responsible adults, we're taught to eat, drink, and spend in moderation, but when it comes to relationships, we tend to unapologetically and recklessly indulge to no end; and despite popular belief, this fact doesn't just apply to women. According to Common in his recent interview with The Breakfast Club, men can be love addicts too.
The rapper recently released a memoir, Let Love Have The Last Word, detailing both the physical and emotional traumas that he's faced in his life, including but not limited to emotional abuse and molestation. Like many black men in America, Common had been burdened with unsurmountable psychological damage that he knew could only be fixed from the inside-out.
After acknowledging his need to seek professional help, the rapper was confronted with some previously unknown truths about himself. In the interview, Common opened up about a former addiction, one that unlike most people, wasn't dependent on illegal substances or alcohol. Common explained that his drug of choice was love. He told the TBC hosts that he wasn't even aware of his unhealthy habit until his therapist brought it to his attention.
"The pattern I found myself in—and my therapist broke it down—was the feeling of being in love and that honeymoon period. I was addicted to that feeling."
The 47-year-old rapper clarified that his dependency wasn't on sex, but on the intense emotional connection that he had built with former partners. Common explained that he was able to find a temporary fix in each new woman he had fallen for, but his rock bottom came when it was time to do the real work in a relationship. He explained:
"When that feeling would go away and the real part of the relationships came, I was like, 'OK. Do I want this or not?' I wasn't ready to do the work."
The Chicago native said that his affinity to love and leave wasn't because he didn't care about the women he had fallen for, but more so because he wasn't willing to be introspective and acknowledge his own faults.
"I obviously care for the person, but when things got tough and it was time to work through stuff, I wasn't willing to work through it."
In the past, Common had a very public relationship and equally public split from political commentator, Angela Rye. While they both have been tight-lipped about the split, they claim to remain friends and were recently seen at the Potter's House Dallas enjoying a sermon from T.D. Jakes side-by-side in the pews but you didn't hear it from me.
According to Common, he's currently "dating" and hoping to finally break free of his pattern of strictly conditional love. He even got some advice from fellow Chicago native, Michelle Obama on how to snag a true gem. Our forever First Lady explained to the rapper that perfection can tend to be our worst enemy:
"She said basically that sometimes when you're looking for the right person, you're not always looking for perfection because you're not perfect. You gotta be able to look at someone and see all the great qualities and the things that you may not have; you allow them to be who they are."
If you're looking to slide into Common's DMs and shoot your shot, he told Stephen Colbert that a woman has to have these qualifications to make the cut:
"I love people who are caring, loving, just openhearted. I like intelligent but fun people. I like people who treat other people well. And I like a woman who challenges me, who challenges me to grow. She helps me to grow and I help her to grow. We support each other and we can go out and do good in the world and have fun. Have a good glass of wine."
Sounds a lot like our girl Angela to me, but I digress.
Check out Common's full interview with The Breakfast Club below!
Common On Finding Love, Forgiveness, Relationship Advice From Michelle Obama + His New Bookwww.youtube.com
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Venus moves into Scorpio on December 4, and Venus in Scorpio makes love more intimate, passionate, and intense. Venus will be in Scorpio until December 29, and it’s about overcoming fears in love, allowing more intimacy and connection with one another, and not being afraid to take some risks if it means following your heart and giving your emotions a voice. Neptune goes direct in Pisces on December 6, after being retrograde since June, and this will allow emotions, creative ventures, and spirituality to become clearer and easier to grasp for the collective.
Neptune in Pisces brings emotions to the surface, and it also brings things into perspective, especially how important having faith in yourself is.
What December 2023 Has In Store For Your Zodiac
On December 12, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius aligning with the sun, and this New Moon is an expansive, fortunate, and inspiring one. This is a good time of the month to set your intentions for your future, to think big, and to go big. The following day, on December 13, Mercury officially goes retrograde in Capricorn, and this is the last Mercury retrograde of the year. This Mercury retrograde is about taking things slow, not rushing your process, and focusing on where you want to build for yourself financially. Mercury will be Retrograde in Capricorn until December 23, when it finishes its retrograde motion in Sagittarius until January 1, 2024. Mercury retrograde in Sag for a week is allowing you to see the full picture.
Capricorn season begins on December 21, and this is the type of stable and grounding energy we need as the year comes to a close. On December 26, there is a Full Moon in Cancer, and finding your balance between love and practicality is needed.
This Full Moon is the Cold Moon of the year, and emotions are high as renewal and reflection come into play as the year ends. Before the end of the month, both Chiron and Jupiter go direct, allowing spontaneity, abundance, healing, and opportunity to take place. This year has been heavy, and by the end of December, there is a chance to take a deep breath of relief.
ARIES
This month is all about your healing journey, Aries. You have been through significant ups and downs this year, and it’s all coming together to create a fresh start for you. Your wisdom has grown, your mind has seen what it needed to see, and you are ready to use what you now know to move forward. The New Moon happening this month will be in your 9th house of the mind, and mid-December is a good time to plant the seeds for where you want to illuminate your mind.
Mercury goes retrograde this month, and for you, this retrograde will be occurring in an area of your chart having to do with your career. With Mercury retro here, it’s best to use the rest of the year to rest, gain clarity, and take your wins with the losses. The most significant transit for you happening this month is Chrion going direct in your sign on December 26, after being retrograde since July of this year. Now that Chiron is direct in Aries, your healing, your wounds, and your growth are finally getting the recognition and support they need.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is a month of tapping into your inner abundance, Taurus. This is a fortuitous month for you, and some pleasant surprises and developments are in store for you. Financially, you are seeing previous plans and efforts come to fruition, and your financial status is developing. With Venus entering Scorpio at the beginning of the month and entering your 7th house of love, you are not only benefiting financially this month, but your relationships and love life are also experiencing a boost of positive energy thanks to Venus.
With Mercury going retrograde in an area of your chart having to do with travel, the higher mind, and adventure, December is not the best month for travel plans, and it’s best to stick to your safe places as the year comes to a close. The good news, however, is that Jupiter goes direct in your sign on Dec. 30, after being in retrograde for the past three months. With Jupiter, the planet of blessings, now direct and in your sign until May 2024, you are moving into some of the luckiest months in your life in over a decade.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
This month is all about balance and living in harmony, Gemini. You are flowing well with the energy of the month, and there is a lot to be grateful for and a lot of people who are grateful for you. This is a powerful month for manifesting your dreams, and you are exactly where you need to be right now. Although Mercury, your ruling planet, will be going retrograde this month, it’s happening in an area of your chart that is allowing you to heal and move on for good on things that have been feeling restrictive and limiting for you. You are finding your power.
The New Moon of the month is happening on Dec. 12, and it’s occurring in your sister sign, Sagittarius. With a New Moon in your opposite sign, it’s hitting close to home when it comes to your love life, and you are seeing new beginnings romantically this month. On Dec. 26, the Full Moon comes to fruition, and this Full Moon is closing a chapter when it comes to your financial world, and you are getting a return on the investments you have been making this year.
Overall, December is a month of giving and receiving freely, and finding your synergy through the life changes you are moving through.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is all about your vision, Cancer. You are feeling inspired this month, and are meeting the universe halfway. You have been putting the pieces of the puzzle together in your life, and are finding that one good thing is leading into another. With Venus moving into your 5th house of happiness and romance at the beginning of the month, you have this good energy with you throughout December. This is free-spirit energy that you are tapping into this month, and you are taking some brave steps forward.
On Dec. 13, Mercury goes retrograde in your opposite sign, Capricorn, and your relationships are the focus right now. This isn’t the best time to start a new relationship, but it is a good time to go over your strengths and weaknesses in love, and where you can tap into more of your inner power here. The Full Moon of the month will be in your sign on Dec. 26, and this is the Cold Moon of the year. The end of December for you is about letting go and releasing the weight that has been on your shoulders so that you can move forward into the abundance that awaits next year with more freedom.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
This is a passionate and exciting month for you, Leo. Although you are starting anew in many ways this month, you still need some time to think things through and come up with the best plan for yourself. With Mercury going retrograde in your 6th house this month, taking care of your mind, body, and soul is key to getting through the rest of this year, and health matters should be taken more seriously right now. Overall, however, your creativity is inspiring, and you are focused on where your passions are right now.
The Full Moon happening at the end of the month is occurring in your 12th house of closure and healing, and you are leaving the year in quiet contemplation. Endings are presenting themselves, but don’t get so caught up in what’s leaving your life that you miss what is entering. As December ends, Chiron goes direct in Aries, and this is good news for your travel plans, for checking off things on your bucket list, and for pursuing interests of the mind.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
Happy outcomes are in store for you as the year comes to a close, Virgo. This year has been a full circle moment for you, and through the growth and change that has taken place, you find yourself now in a better position than when you began the year. December is all about claiming your peace and your power, and about living in your happiness. The month begins with Venus moving into your 3rd house of communication, and this is a good month to get the recognition and reinforcements that you have been looking for, and for having life-changing conversations with others.
Neptune goes direct in your 7th house of love on Dec. 6, after being retrograde here since June of this year, and your relationships become clearer to you now. Neptune in the 7th house makes love dreamy and allows you to explore the magic in your love life altogether. Your ruling planet, Mercury, goes retrograde on the 13th and will be retrograde in another love area of your chart. For you, this means defining and redefining your sense of happiness and love until it fits into who you are and where you see yourself.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is all about trusting your instincts, Libra. If something feels off - it probably is. Remember that this month, as you open new doors and close old ones, and focus on your intentions right now. This month may feel longer to you than it is, as you are moving through a long journey of clarity that has been much needed. With Venus moving into your 2nd house of income and values at the beginning of the month, you are thinking about your priorities right now, what is worth your time and energy, and what is more draining than fulfilling both financially and emotionally.
Confidence is everything as you move through December, and you are being guided to tap into yours, as well as into your divine intuition. The New Moon on the 12th of the month is helping you clear the air, and you are getting the answers you have been looking for. With Mercury going retrograde on Dec. 13 in an area of your chart having to do with stability and the home, you could be moving through some changes with family and home life as the year ends, and foundations are shifting so that stronger ones can be built.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
December is about perspective, Scorpio, and you are getting the chance to see yours in a new light. There is an opening coming into your life this month, but it may take some effort on your part to notice these new doors that are opening and the support that is there for you. You could be traveling this month, and this energy is helping you open your eyes to the gifts that are surrounding you. Venus enters your sign on Dec. 4 where she will be until Dec. 29, and love is moving into your life in a new and powerful way.
The New Moon of the month is happening in your 2nd house of income, and this is a good time of the month to set your intentions for your finances, investments, and self-confidence. It’s not just about wanting right now, it’s about believing that what you want is already yours and that you are worthy of it. Before the month ends, Jupiter goes direct in your 7th house of love, and any challenges you have been moving through romantically or financially over the past couple of months are that of the past as you enter 2024 with more space within to love and experience blessings here.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
December begins in Sagittarius Season, and you are taking in all that has occurred for you, not just this season but this year in general. This year has been a little heavier for you, and by the time December hits, you are ready to take it slow, ease into the new year, and give yourself time to accept and learn from what’s happened this year. With Venus in your 12th house for most of this month, before it enters your sign, you are truly moving through a time of healing the heart, closing the door on the past, and experiencing enlightenment in your life.
Mercury goes retrograde in Capricorn this month on the 13th and moves into your sign on the 23rd. With Mercury retrograde in your sign, you need some time to develop your plans and to see them through, and you are the only one who can give yourself that time right now. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign, and you get to move into 2024 with love on your side and with more positive energy flowing through your life and your heart.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
Dreams are coming true for you in December, and this month is all about believing in a miracle because you deserve one Capricorn. Support is in your life in all areas, and you get to experience how good life can get when you get out of your own way and allow the blessings to enter. Mercury moves into your sign on Dec. 1, right as the month begins, and then goes retrograde here for ten days starting Dec. 13. Mercury retrograde in your sign isn’t necessarily what you want to see as the year ends, yet you will find that this one is more so empowering rather than hindering.
Capricorn season officially begins on Dec. 21, and it’s your time to shine, beautiful. Capricorn season for you this year is a chance at a fresh start, and it’s here to remind you just how worthy you are of all that you have been seeking. There is true beauty in your life this month, and it’s coming from within you. On Dec. 26, the Full Moon occurs in your opposite sign, and you get to see love come full circle, and as the hope that you have had here, leads you to victory.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is a month of growth, Aquarius. You are financially experiencing significant gains this month, and you are also being seen as the valuable, intelligent, and talented being that you are. Although responsibilities seem to be piling up as opportunities do, you have the energy and skills to see them through. On Dec. 12, there is a New Moon in your 11th house of hopes and dreams, and this is a good time for seeing your manifestations appear and for feeling closer to your community and friendships along the way.
Mercury goes retrograde in your house of closure this month, and you are ridding yourself of any negative belief systems that have been keeping you away from experiencing personal abundance. Remember that healing can take you places that regret can’t, and give yourself more grace during this time. The Full Moon of the month happens on Dec. 26, and this Full Moon is giving you clarity on your work life, health, and daily routine and allowing you to see the outcomes of what has been working for you.
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PISCES
This month is moving fast for you, Pisces. There is so much to do, to be, and to learn, and you are doing it all happily. This is a month of opportunity for you, and a month where one thing falls into place beautifully after the other. The most significant transit that is happening for you in December, is Neptune moving direct in your sign after being retrograde for the past six months. Now that Neptune is direct, you can see yourself, your gifts, and your inner power more clearly.
Mercury goes retrograde in an area of your chart having to do with manifestation, and patience is needed as you allow your intentions to come into full bloom. The key this month is to not rush things, and rather to enjoy the pace that life is taking you on right now, trusting that it’s all happening exactly how it is supposed to. Jupiter goes direct on the 30th before the year ends, and for you, this means less confusion and misunderstandings in your life, and more support and open communication.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
