Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
The month of love is here, and that’s exactly what energy February is bringing. February 2024 is an emotionally fulfilling month, as there is less chaos in the stars and more room to stabilize and get grounded. Matters of the heart come into perspective, and there are new beginnings taking place in love this month. With all planets direct and no retrogrades, this is the time of the year to set intentions, manifest, and go after your dreams. This is a month to get moving on the things you want and to consider where your heart stands right now. February is bringing in some new energy in love and when it comes to your hopes and dreams in life overall.
February 2024 Monthly Horoscopes: General Overview
The month begins in Aquarius Season, and with a New Moon in Aquarius on February 9. This New Moon is a potent time to manifest, as Aquarius rules your vision, your goals, and everything possible for you in life. The hope is high, and this is not the time to shy away from your interests or what makes you uniquely you. February is teaching us how to shine authentically and to accept love while doing so.
Mars enters Aquarius on Feb. 13, bringing in even more air sign energy, and this is facilitating some room for growth. Mars in Aquarius is insightful, revolutionary, open-minded, and inspiring, and with Mars here until the end of March, changes and shake-ups are happening over the next month.
What February 2024 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
Venus enters Aquarius on Feb. 16, and love needs more space to breathe for the time being. Venus in Aquarius seeks freedom, acceptance, and friendship in love, and relationships take on a more progressive tone in this energy. While Venus is in Aquarius until Mar. 11, it is a time to connect with new people, expand your mind and your heart, and learn something new about love. Pisces Season officially begins on Feb. 18, and this water energy is much needed to help us feel into the next steps ahead.
Pisces Season is a time of emotional clarity, romance, dreaming the dream, and getting creative with life. Mercury moves into Pisces on Feb. 23 as well, and creativity is heightened for the time being. Mercury in Pisces is also good energy to manifest in, and February overall is a time when a lot of positive change is possible.
The Full Moon of the month occurs on Feb. 24, and this is a Full Snow Moon in Virgo. Virgo Moons are always a time to get things together, regroup, heal, get organized, and take care of yourself or another. There is something therapeutic about this Full Moon, and it’s a good time to declutter, clean your space, let go of the excess, and get back to you. February overall is a month of getting grounded, and moving closer to love.
Read ahead for your sun sign and rising sign below to see what February 2024 has in store for you.
ARIES
ARIESKyra Jay for xoNecoleFebruary for you is about walking away from the past, Aries. You are doing some healing this month as you take a look at where the emotional baggage in your life has been weighing you down and where you want to feel more freedom in your life. The New Moon in Aquarius on Feb. 9 is opening your eyes to what is possible for you in life and love, and you are making some important decisions and changes as the month begins.
Mars moves into your 11th house of hopes and dreams on Feb. 13, and you are moving through February passionate about your vision and what you are manifesting for yourself right now. There is a lot of hope in the air for you this month, and this energy is helping you let go of the things that weren’t resonating with you but that you were holding onto out of fear or regret. You are creating a new path for yourself this month and are letting go of what no longer serves you.
TAURUS
TAURUSKyra Jay for xoNecoleFebruary is bringing things to fruition for you, Taurus. This is an exciting and fulfilling month as you see some past goals and intentions manifest for you, and you are finally able to feel grounded in your accomplishments. This is a month when you are feeling the success in your life, and you are showing yourself just how powerful you and your mind are. You are ready to experience life to the fullest, and you are accepting new opportunities wholeheartedly right now.
Mars moves into your 9th house of adventure on Feb. 13, and you could be traveling this month or finding yourself in some exciting new places. The Full Moon of the month is happening in fellow earth sign, Virgo, and is occurring in your 5th house of romance on Feb. 24. This is a good time to gain clarity of the heart and to seek gratitude for the love that has come full circle for you. Ask yourself, at the end of the month, where do you feel happy and cherished in life, and how can you be around that energy more?
GEMINI
GEMINIKyra Jay for xoNecoleYou are aligning with the divine feminine, remaining open, and listening to your heart this month, Gemini. With the Sun in a fellow air sign for most of the month, you are flowing well with the energy of February, and it’s highlighting the love in your life. Vesta goes direct in your sign on Feb. 8, after being in retrograde since November of last year. Vesta will be in your sign until the end of March, and over the next few months, you are going to be learning more about yourself, gaining some renewed inspiration, and experiencing greater self-acceptance and love.
The New Moon on Feb. 9 is a good time to express yourself and what is inspiring you right now, embark on a new journey, travel, and connect with new people. You are feeling the love in your life and within your interactions with others, and there is a lot of relationship growth taking place for you in February. Overall, this is a month of opening your mind, honoring your spirit, and coming together in love.
CANCER
CANCERKyra Jay for xoNecoleThings are heating up for you in February, and you are feeling the passion and rebirth in your life, Cancer. Everything is moving forward for you in new ways right now, and you are the one leading this progression and positive energy. You are ready to fulfill some of your dreams and to be confident and courageous in doing so, and you are putting your past fears aside this month.
The New Moon on Feb. 9 is helping you see a new beginning within your commitments, shared finances, and intimacy in life, and this is a good time to set intentions for where you want to be able to spend more of your time and energy. What transformation is inspiring you right now, and how can you open a new door emotionally? At the end of the month, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and the clarity you have been seeking is coming into clear view. The end of February is a good time to meditate, gain peace of mind, and communicate how you have been feeling with a trusted soul.
LEO
LEOKyra Jay for xoNecoleThings are turning around for you in February, and they are turning around for the better, Leo. This is a month of reflection, romance, and clarity as you turn a new page and accept the growth that has come from it. With the Sun in your opposite sign for most of this month, your focus is more so on relationship matters in February, and this is one of the best times of the year for you for love. The New Moon on the 9th is creating a new beginning in your love life, and this is a good time to focus on what you want to manifest for yourself romantically over the next year.
On Feb. 13, Mars enters your 7th house of love as well, and there is a good balance between what you are putting out there and what you are receiving in return in love. You are craving more connection and romance in your life right now, and this is a month when you want to be around others more than being alone. On Feb. 18, the Sun moves into an area of your chart having to do with rebirth, and you leave the month on a transformative, yet hopeful tone.
VIRGO
VIRGOKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is all about honoring your time and energy, deciding wisely, and allowing yourself to just be, Virgo. Overworking is something that is always more likely for you than most, but this month, you are being guided to prioritize and find new ways to bring in more self-care and rest into your life so that you feel balanced and grounded no matter what. The Sun is in your 6th house of health for most of the month, and you are focused on creating a good daily routine for the year and taking care of your well-being.
The Sun moves into your opposite sign, Pisces, on Feb. 18, and relationship matters are heightened for you now. During Pisces Season, you experience the benefits and growth in love, and this is a good time for you romantically. The Virgo Full Moon of the year is happening this month on Feb. 24, and you are closing a major chapter in your life at the end of February. The spotlight is on you as the month ends, and you are fueling your desire to reach your goals with patience and integrity and aligning more with what you want out of life.
LIBRA
LIBRAKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is about trusting yourself and what your intuition is telling you right now, Libra. Follow your gut instincts and listen to your heart, so that you are never misguided. The Sun is in your house of happiness for most of the month, and you are focused here. You are looking for some more freedom, joy, and excitement in your life and are seeing where that may have been taken away from you recently. This is your month to change directions and move forward toward your happiness.
The New Moon on Feb. 9 will be in this romantic area of your chart as well, and you are getting an opportunity at a fresh start in February. The beginning of the month is a good time to set intentions from the heart for what you want to spend more time doing over the next month, and where you want to express and share more of yourself. Remember that you are loved just by being you, and you don’t have to change who you are for anyone to love you.
SCORPIO
SCORPIOKyra Jay for xoNecoleFebruary is about connection, collaboration, strength, and dedication, Scorpio. This is the month to work on passion projects or the things you want to see thrive right now and to give yourself the encouragement to do so. You have been working hard on bringing your dreams to fruition, and people are coming in to help you reach your success. With the Sun in your 4th house of home and family this month, you are also taking more time out for family and loved ones, and feeling a sense of renewal in the home.
The Sun moves into fellow water sign Pisces on Feb. 18 and enters an area of your chart having to do with your personal happiness. Pisces Season brings joy into your life and is a time when you come out of your shell more and have some more fun. The Full Moon of the month is happening on Feb. 24 in your house of friendships, and this is another more relationship-focused area of your chart that is seeing growth take place this month. In February, you are connecting, creating, and loving.
SAGITTARIUS
SAGITTARIUSKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is about taking a look at the options that are presenting themselves and moving towards where you feel the most inspired, Sagittarius. New opportunities in love and life are coming to fruition for you, but it may be hard to decide what and who to choose from. Pallas enters your sign on Feb. 6 until May 16, and you are being guided to use the wisdom you have gained to expand your life for the better, to remain optimistic, and to focus on the bigger picture.
The New Moon of the month is happening on Feb. 9, and this is a mentally fulfilling and transformative Full Moon for you. You are gaining clarity, having important conversations, and being truly heard. Speak from the heart this month and expect to be met halfway. At the end of the month, there is a Full Moon in your 10th house of career, and you are seeing some goals, and past projects come full circle. At the end of February, you are claiming your success.
CAPRICORN
CAPRICORNKyra Jay for xoNecoleFebruary is about speaking your mind, letting go of what doesn’t serve, investing wisely, and seeking clarity, Capricorn. Mercury is in your sign the first week of the month, and you enter February focused on the details. You are looking to execute your vision this month- and are being brave in doing so. Mercury moves into Aquarius on Feb. 5 and moves into your 2nd house, and the focus turns to your finances. Mercury in this area of your chart this month can help you create a long-term plan, organize your finances, make investments, and expand your income.
On Feb. 24, there is a Full Moon in your fellow earth sign, Virgo, and you are flowing well with the energy and culminations of this Full Moon. Clarity is heightened, and you are fueling your more adventurous spirit right now. Revelations are coming to the surface for you this month, but these are surprises and insights that are making you happy and creating new possibilities for yourself and your future.
AQUARIUS
AQUARIUSKyra Jay for xoNecoleYour season is here, and the light and healing are shining on you this month, Aquarius. A lot of the energy of the month is in your sign, and with this added pressure, you may need more time to rest, reflect, and rejuvenate in February. The month begins with the Sun and Pluto in your sign and with Mercury entering on the 5th. Mercury in Aquarius communicates well, and this is your opportunity to communicate your needs and to give yourself a fresh start mentally.
The New Moon of the month is happening in your sign on Feb. 9, and this is a time to create a personal new beginning for yourself. When you choose yourself and choose your peace, you make it harder for anyone to disrupt that. On Feb. 13, Mars enters your sign as well, and you have a lot of energy at your disposal mid-month and until the end of March. On Feb. 16, Venus enters Aquarius, where she will be until Mar. 11, and you get to experience the fruition and acceptance of love moving forward. Relationship matters are highlighted, and this is one of the best months for your love life.
PISCES
PISCES
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleFebruary is a time of connection, romance, growth in relationships, and harmony. You are balanced and in tune with the energy of the month and are experiencing some positive fruitions and positive new beginnings. The month begins with the Sun in your 12th house of closure, and you are moving through the month, letting go and getting inspired for what is to come. Your dream life is especially heightened in February, so make sure you are thinking over the guidance you receive from them.
Pisces Season begins on Feb. 18, and it’s your time to shine! This Pisces Season is a time of love for you, and also a time when you are feeling the support and nourishment in your life. You give so much to others that it’s time for you to receive that same energy as well. On Feb. 24, there is a Full Moon in your 7th house of love and partnership, and you are ending the month with the same romantic, hopeful, and courageous energy you started it with.
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RELATED
July 2025 Astrology Overview
Uranus Enters Gemini
Uranus makes an important transit this month and enters Gemini on July 7 after being in Taurus since 2018. Uranus in Gemini is a wildcard, and anything can happen during this time. With Uranus being the planet of change, upheaval, and breakthrough, and Gemini being the sign of communication, there is a new opening appearing in life, especially regarding creative and business matters.
A few days later, we have a Full Moon in Capricorn, grounding all the energy we have experienced the past month. This Full Moon is about creating space for more security, understanding, and purpose to enter your life, and to own your power in creating your dreams.
Saturn Goes Retrograde, Then Mercury
Saturn goes Retrograde on July 13 until November 27, and Saturn Retrograde brings a push towards growth, but also examines what has been restricting you from doing so. With Saturn currently in Aries, you may be feeling more challenged in standing up for yourself and your beliefs and owning your growth. It’s about reminding yourself how far you have come and knowing that things can get better for you at any moment.
A few days later, we have Mercury going retrograde in Leo, and this Mercury Retrograde is also feeling more personal. It’s about examining how you express yourself and live in your confidence, and overcoming miscommunication with others by showing up exactly as you are authentically.
Leo Season Begins, Chiron Goes Retrograde & Venus Enters Cancer
Leo Season officially begins on July 22, bringing more sunshine after the emotional waters of Cancer Season. Even though we are in Retrograde Season now, with the Sun in Leo, we find the power to overcome even the most trying times. On July 24, we have a New Moon in Leo, making this a powerful New Moon to set intentions for your inner power, creativity, hobbies, self-expression, and where you want to shine in life. Chiron goes retrograde on July 30, and Venus enters Cancer on the same day, and we leave July, entering a new door in love.
One that is more healing and passionate than before. Overall, July is a month of closure and one that is creating the new ground for more purpose, excitement, and love to grow. Keep reading for your Sun, Moon, and rising sign below to see what July has in store for you.
Jump to Your Sign
Aries | Taurus | Gemini | Cancer | Leo | Virgo | Libra | Scorpio | Sagittarius | Capricorn | Aquarius | Pisces
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleA lot of things are brought to your attention this month, Aries. Neptune entered your sign this year for some time to come, and this month Neptune goes retrograde in Aries until the end of October. For you, this means you need some more time to process, understand yourself and your emotional world better, and you are clearing the fog. You are entering Retrograde Season with a deep inner clarity, but also an understanding that your healing doesn’t need to be rushed.
Mid-month, Saturn goes retrograde in Aries until September 1, and it’s important not to be hard on yourself right now. You have a strong urge to transform your life this month, but things may not be happening as quickly with the retrogrades in your sign. On July 30, Chiron also goes retrograde in Aries until 2026, and you end the month in introspection, with the need to take care of your health more. This month is a reminder that you can make plans, but divine timing will always have a say.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is a month of closure for you, Taurus. You begin the month with Uranus going retrograde in your 2nd house of income, and it’s a good time to prepare for a rainy day. Uranus is going to be shifting the dynamics in your life when it comes to your financial investments, earnings, and sense of stability, and it’s time to open your mind to what is possible for you and your abundance in life. You are learning to be fearless when it comes to owning your authenticity, and knowing that who you are is unique and worthy of love.
On July 10, we have a Full Moon happening in your 9th house, creating an opportunity for travel plans to follow through, or you just feeling more adventurous in general. Mid-month is about letting go of old belief systems that don’t resonate with your heart, and clearing the way for the new to be built in your life. You end the month with Chiron retrograde in your 12th house of endings, and you are learning through what is transforming in your life.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleYou are a powerhouse this month, Gemini. This is a month of achievement, success, and growing more deeply into your power. We begin the month with Venus entering your sign from July 4 until July 30, and love is taking you to new heights. This is a good month for making relationship developments, and for being received well. You are growing in your inner confidence and self-love, and this is creating more harmony in your partnerships as well.
One of the most important astrological transits of the year happens for you this month, and that is Uranus entering your sign on July 7, where it will remain until 2033. With Uranus now being in your sign, you are entering a journey of freedom, rebellion, self-expression, breakthrough, and immense change. You are dancing to the beat of your own drum and will be surprising others by how much life changes for you over the next eight or so years. We end the month with Mercury going retrograde in your 3rd house of communication, remember to think things through as you close out the month.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is a month of communication, creativity, and self-expression, Cancer. Cancer Season is here for you, and you are moving through the month claiming your power, speaking from the heart, and balancing your needs with others’ needs in your life. The Full Moon of the month on July 10 is your opportunity to let go of anything that has been weighing you down in your close partnerships, and to create room for more stable, committed, and fulfilling love to enter.
On July 24, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be happening in your 2nd house of income, abundance, and self-worth. You are evaluating how you want to show up and ask for what you need, and are preparing for a financial breakthrough. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for your financial world and to see new ways to create a stronger foundation for yourself here. We end the month with Venus entering your sign from July 30 until August 25, and love feels a little more intense, passionate, and purposeful now.
Your guidance for the month overall is to know that you are the magnet for the things you want in your life, and that you have the power to rise above and claim them.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleJoy is what this month is about for you, Leo. You are entering a fulfilling time in your life, where everything comes together for you better than you have ever imagined it to. Mercury goes retrograde in your sign this month from July 18 - August 11, but it’s not stopping you from enjoying your life and living out your truth. You are moving through this Retrograde fearlessly and learning more about yourself in the process.
Leo Season officially begins on July 18, and it’s your time to shine your light, Leo. With the Sun in Leo, you feel like your authentic self is being recognized and loved, and you are healing from a space of feeling like you have to do it all alone. A few days later, we have a Leo New Moon on July 24, and this is the time to set your intentions for your future and for how you want to show up in the world moving forward. July is your month of fulfillment through growth, compassion, and community, and for feeling like you have everything you need.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is all about perspective, Virgo. You are getting inspired this month, creating new plans for your life, and owning an adventurous side to yourself. With the Sun in your 11th house of aspirations for most of the month, July is a great time to manifest your dreams and to feel more powerful in creating your reality. Some Virgos could be traveling this month and seeing previous plans through, and you are gaining clarity on a lot of aspects of your life by doing things in a new way right now.
Your ruling planet, Mercury, goes retrograde this month and will be retrograding through an area of your life that has to do with healing, closure, spirituality, and your dream world. Pay attention to the messages you are receiving during this time, because they are guiding you towards your healing and personal empowerment. The New Moon on July 24 will also be highlighting your need to close one chapter of your life and begin another, and you are closing out the month with a new perspective in your heart and soul.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a month of fulfillment for you, Libra. A lot of things are falling into place for you in July, and you are owning your freedom and independence right now. Uranus enters your 9th house of travel at the beginning of the month, and you are entering a new journey in your life where you do things in your own way and when you break free of the status quo. You are growing so much mentally this year, and July is when the work you have done internally is being reflected externally.
On July 10, we have a Full Moon in your 4th house of home, family, stability, and emotional harmony, and you are finding your balance. This is a Full Moon of forgiveness, and one where you are recognizing the power in self-care and taking care of your inner world. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Leo, and you are seeing a breakthrough happen within your friendships, community, and support system. You have some exciting opportunities coming your way this month, and you are living life in your own way and on your own terms.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is about protecting your energy, Scorpio. You have been setting your intentions and creating the life you dream of, and it’s important to create boundaries from those who don’t understand your vision or support you right now. With Uranus moving out of your 7th house of love and entering your 8th house of transformation, after changing things up in your relationships for the past eight years, you are ready to break free from old pain, experiences, or uneasiness in love.
Mercury goes retrograde this month on July 18, and will be retrograde in your house of career. This is the time to take a step back, go over your goals, and give life time to catch up to your dreams. The New Moon on July 24 will be activating this same area of your life, and you are getting glimpses of what is possible for you and your sense of success as you end the month. Overall, your main message this month is to not give up on who you are and what you are building towards, and to know that you are on the right path.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a powerful month of growth for you, Sagittarius. You have the Midas Touch, and you are creating abundance in your life. With Venus and Uranus moving into your 7th house of love, partnership, harmony, and wealth, there are a lot of new opportunities coming your way right now. You are someone who is out-of-the-box and does things their own way, and this energy is serving you well right now and making you a magnet for new opportunities to enter your life.
Mid-month, we have a Full Moon in your 2nd house of abundance and self-worth, and you are feeling more appreciation and value in your life. Previous financial intentions and plans are coming to fruition for you now, and you are ready to let go of the self-doubt of it all. At the end of the month, we have a New Moon in fellow fire sign Leo, and this New Moon is asking you to take more creative risks and to trust that you are on the right path, even if it looks different than others. If it feels right for you, it probably is, Sag.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleEverything comes to fruition for you this month, Capricorn. July is your month of achievement, closure, and claiming your power, and you are doing so confidently. The Sun is in your house of love and partnership for most of the month, and July creates a space of happiness and commitment within your close relationships. On July 10, we have a Full Moon in Capricorn, and life comes full circle for you. Everything you have been building in your life over the past year is being reflected to you now, and you are feeling a lot of gratitude for where life is today.
Mid-month, your ruling planet Saturn, goes retrograde, and this is shifting the energy in the home. Whatever dynamics that have felt a little shaky for you in the home or with family are being addressed now, and you are learning the importance of healing your inner world and doing the work internally. With a New Moon in your 8th house of transformation to end the month, you are getting a little more vulnerable in July, and it’s surprising others, but even yourself. This is your month of closing one door in your life in peace, and seeing a new one bloom in the process.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is about taking things slow and thinking things through, Aquarius. Relationship dynamics in your life could be causing some challenges or confusion, and it’s best to choose your battles wisely right now. With the Sun in your house of health and daily rituals for most of the month, it’s important to take care of your well-being before you try to fix anything else. On July 10, we have a Full Moon in your 12th house of healing, closure, and spirituality, and this is a good time to reflect on everything you want to let go of in your life right now and what you no longer want to carry forward with you into your new beginnings.
Saturn, one of your ruling planets, goes Retrograde in your house of communication this month, and over the next few months, you are going to be learning about the power of your words. Make sure you are only speaking of things you want to bring forth into existence, and be careful with jumping to assumptions right now. Before the month ends, Mercury goes Retrograde in your 7th house of love, and your heart is seeking forgiveness. Know that you can find clarity during this time by being honest with yourself and your heart.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleThere is a lot to process this month, and your mind is healing, Pisces. July is your month of overcoming past challenges and letting go of habits and routines that don’t serve you in the long run. Neptune, one of your ruling planets, goes Retrograde this month, and will be bringing your attention to your values and income world during this time. This transit is allowing you to gain clarity on your financial reality, establish greater self-worth and confidence, and get inspired by what is possible for you and your sense of abundance in life.
On July 18, Mercury goes retrograde in your 6th house of health, and you are ready to let go of the daily rituals or working routines that have been limiting your personal growth in some way. It’s time to examine what your body, mind, and soul are asking for right now, and to have the power to let go of what doesn’t resonate with your overall well-being. Before the month ends, Chiron goes retrograde in your 2nd house as well, joining Neptune, and there is a lot of healing to be done this month.
You are being asked to see yourself as a powerful, worthy, and loved being you are, and to know that you deserve to feel good about your life and to feel secure in what you are building for yourself and your future.
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On the student tip, something that my mother’s husband taught me many years ago actually took me a while to personally apply to my life. Oh, but once I did, I found it to be a real gem: “Shellie, have two confidants in your life. They shouldn’t be your friends, and once you lose them, don’t replace them.”
While this pearl of wisdom might sound quite odd on the surface, I’m thinking that by the time you read all of this, you’ll be able to see just how much of a winning life hack it can actually be.
What Is a Confidant (and Why Aren’t They Always Friends)?
What Is a Confidant?
GiphyTell me something — do you have a confidant? I mean, someone who is strictly that and nothing else. Just so you are crystal clear about where I am coming from, a confidant is someone who you share secrets and private matters with. And although synonyms for the word include ones like acquaintance (acquaintance?!), companion and pal, there is really only one (other) synonym that I will cosign on when it comes to a role that is as significantly essential as a confidant: intimate.
And although intimate does mean things like “characterized by or involving warm friendship or a personally close or familiar association or feeling,” today we’re going to focus on this definition: “very private; closely personal.”
Something that is private is personal — oftentimes deeply personal at that. It’s the kind of information that, in the wrong hands, could hurt or harm you. And that’s why you have to be extremely careful about who you share private matters with.
And although you might think that it’s natural to assume that if someone is your friend — hell, sometimes even a good friend — they should automatically be where your secrets and private matter.
5 Reasons a Confidant-Only Dynamic Works So Well
The Benefits of Having a Confidant Who Isn’t Your “Friend”
GiphyTrust me, I will be the first person to say that friendships aren’t created equal and some are much closer than others (check out “Always Remember That Friendships Have 'Levels' To Them,” “What's The 'Five Friendship Theory' All About?” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?”). Because of that, of course, there are some people who know more about you than others do. Shoot, a couple of my friends and I are tight as all get out and still there are things that they tell their therapist that they don’t tell me — whether it’s right away or period.
Why? Because sometimes you need to be able to say something and not only know, without a doubt, that it will stay right where you left it but you won’t hurt someone’s feelings, be inundated with unsolicited advice or opinions and/or that it will be “held against you” later on. And that’s what makes a confidant-only individual so awesome — they can provide all of these things for you, free of charge. I’ll expound further.
1. Confidants provide an unconditional safe space.
I have a confidant. We’ve known each other for almost three decades at this point and we do care about each other deeply. However, about 12 years ago, after I shared what my mother’s husband said to me with her, we made the decision to shift into the role of being mutual confidants. It’s been awesome because we can say the deepest, ugliest, most shocking (and sometimes just pettiest) stuff to each other about…whatever, without judgment, fear or any level of uncomfortableness — and boy, that is more wonderful than you might realize. Y’all, just knowing that there is someone around and available who you can go to about any and everything and it will remain in the vault…forever? Unconditionally and no matter what? Priceless.
2. Confidants don’t require multitasking.
One of my favorite people in the world, we are extremely close and we both know a ton about each other. Still, because we are friends, there are times when we have hurt each other’s feelings or even been low-key offended and it’s because friendships have (and should) have a set of expectations that can cause hearing certain things to be difficult. With a confidant, though, because they signed up to hear whatever, you don’t find yourself having to “edit” or tiptoe around something. If you need to say it…SAY IT.
They get that their position is to be a sounding board and so, while you should be grateful for the relationship and treat them like you are, they don’t tend to need kid gloves; they don’t take things personally because they know that it’s not about them…AT ALL. It’s about you needing to share something or get a release. No more. No less.
3. The boundaries are clear — and firm.
Sometimes, with friendships/relationships, things can get complicated because folks feel like they have a right to say or do certain things based on the longevity of the dynamic or how emotionally invested they are — and boy, when boundaries get crossed, that can cause all types of issues. With a confidant, for the most part, things are crystal clear. For instance, when my confidant and I decided that we were going to serve that role for each other, we agreed that it could be any time of the day, that we would ask each other if we wanted advice/information/insight or not (more on that in a sec) and even if we stopped being confidants, whatever was discussed would never go past each other.
Hmph. Even if you have to go back to your high school days, I’m willing to bet that there is a former friend who didn’t have this kind of integrity when it came to some of what they knew about you when you were still cool with them. You see, true confidants aren’t interested in getting their “lick backs.” Their investment isn’t so complex that they emotionally even want to. In fact, I’m not sure if there is any dynamic that I have that is more clear about its purpose than the one that I have with my confidant. The limits are uncomplicated and respected. Period.
4. They are awesome stress reducers.
I don’t do social media and my life is quite peaceful because of it. However, there are studies which state that people (especially women) find that sharing intel on social media platforms helps to reduce their stress levels. That said, I’m also sure it’s not a surprise that research also says that having a reliable support system can decrease stress levels as well. However, what you may not know is there is also data which says that if you suppress your secrets, it can ultimately cause you to feel disingenuous and isolated. Not only that but secret-keeping can also increase your tension levels, invoke feelings of shame (depending on what the secret is) and heighten levels of anxiety and depression.
I’d venture to say that a big part of this is because we are relational beings and when we keep things to ourselves, it can cause us to overthink and/or beat ourselves up. Meanwhile, getting things out can make us feel seen and accepted. A confidant can make this happen. In fact, other studies reveal that having a confidant can make you better at resolving conflicts, exerting emotional control, coping with challenges, being more mentally resilient and being more positive and content overall.
5. You can get advice — or not.
Last one. Something that I’ve gotten into the habit of doing when it comes to the person who I am an (officiant) confidant to is asking, before they even say anything, “Do you want me to listen or do you want me to say something about ‘it’?” Listen, I know me and I’ve also heard A LOT of off-the-wall stuff from this individual over the years; therefore, I need to brace for if they just need a sounding board or someone to help them “solve” a/the matter.
With friends and other loved ones, sometimes they don’t have the self-control to be quiet — not just in the moment but period. Confidants agree to say nothing, perhaps forever, on a matter…if that is what “their” person so desires. I’m telling you a confidant who is just that? They are literal godsends.
Do Confidant Relationships Have an Expiration Date?
Do Confidant Relationships Ever “Expire”?
Andre 3000 GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you were paying close attention to what my mother’s husband said, he not only advised having a low number of confidants but not replacing them once you lose them as well. I remember when one of his died; he was absolutely heartbroken. And yet, I get what he meant: his secrets went to eternal rest right along with this confidant which gave him a lot of peace.
And that’s why I think that it you should do some real pondering, praying and even vetting to a certain extent before selecting an official confidant because it needs to be someone who is committed for the long haul to be your ear…because this level of involvement — being willing to hold such sacred information close? You can’t be fickle with that type of dynamic. You pretty much need to take on the stance of “once a confidant, always a confidant.” My confidant and I are just that. No matter what, a human vault for one another, we shall remain.
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You know, an author by the name of Michael Bassey Johnson once said something that is semi-terrifying and yet another great reason to have a confidant in your life: “Sometimes your dearest friend whom you reveal most of your secrets to becomes so deadly and unfriendly without knowing that they were not really your friend.” Goodness.
The very private side of you, science says that you need someone to share it with.
So, treat yourself to a confidant. A safe place to be totally yourself without expectation.
How dope is that?
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