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After My Divorce, I Packed My Sh*t & Moved To Korea
As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is Rocky's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
It was another performance, another night in Seoul. Here I was, on stage, dancing in super tight latex bottoms that had my tiger stripes on full display, and wondering how I had gotten to that point. My group and I were performing at a nightclub that night as we would often do. I remember looking over and seeing a couple watching nearby. The guy was really into my performance—his girlfriend, not so much.
Anyway, these particular latex bottoms showed part of my butt cheek, which made me so self-conscious about even setting foot on stage. But this was the performance that I signed up for, so I went for it. I gave it all that I had. The audience loved me.
Suddenly, the girlfriend got upset, and the couple left the club.
To be honest, I was so confused by her reaction. Like, sis, I'm working. But this night, like so many others, jump-started a clear understanding of how much of an impact that we can have on others. Here I was, extremely insecure about my own body, and unknowingly inducing such a strong reaction from the strangers I was showing it to.
If you haven't figured it out yet, no, I'm not a stripper, I'm a burlesque dancer in the depths of Seoul, Korea. I've been doing this for years, actually, and I'm one of the best in the industry. I started on a whim and used it as a means to make money and get acclimated to performing.
Photo Courtesy of Erockfor
I've lived in Korea off and on since 2014, initially to teach English. Basically, I was broke and needed a source of income because my bills were piling up. Relocating for a career became my plan of action.
My aim wasn't to move to Seoul to pursue music. It was to get myself out of debt.
I got married at the young age of 23, and I'll be the first to say that both of us were too young to have made that decision. We weren't compatible at all. We fought all the time about everything—big and small. It was abusive, even—something I've never said out loud before. Nothing about my marriage felt right.
A couple years into it, I started a translation business and was fortunate to see it do well during its beginning stages. One month, I made $6,000, which is major to a married 20-something. I felt on top of the world. Because of my success, I was willing to stay in the relationship even though it brought me zero joy. This caused me to put every ounce of my focus into my business and making money. Then, when my business started failing (my main client didn't need as much work anymore), I was stripped of everything I had relied on to bring me joy.
I was confronted with how miserable my living situation was. I was also broke again, which made everything worse.
So, in 2014, I took my little booty and boarded a plane to Seoul. I didn't have a plan whatsoever, and ultimately, I was just running to escape my bad relationship and financial woes.
It was the bravest thing I had ever done, even though I had no clue I was brave.
Life In Seoul
I'm of Cameroonian descent, born and raised in Montreal, Canada. So, although I stand out, a new culture never phased me. When I arrived, I got so caught up in pursuing "realistic" careers, that I put my music on hold and decided to publish a poetry book while working as an English teacher, writer, and translator.
I remember the first negative review I got on it too. It was my first attempt at creativity outside of my usual burlesque performances, and I was so crushed—in tears, even. Eventually, I developed a thicker skin.
I can't be everyone's cup of tea.
Also, lots of people simply try to project how they feel about themselves onto you. It's rarely personal, so I stopped taking it that way.
Another tough lesson.
Anyway, Korea is an amazing place once you become familiar. The dating is terrible, though, and I've had more weird run-ins than I care to count. But I also learned the importance of having confidence in myself. I mean, you have to be confident to live abroad—whether you're aware of that confidence or not. It's hard being away from my family. It isn't always the most fun thing, but, I'm happy I chose this path.
Okay, getting back on track with my story: one day, out of the blue, I decided I was done with just getting by. Singing makes me so freaking happy, I couldn't imagine doing anything else.
It was time.
The Birth of Erockfor
When converting to a full-time artist, I knew I didn't want to release music to crickets. By this time, I had built a platform as a poet (from my book release), and I knew I could rely on it to gradually test the waters. The plan was to pull a switch on them, like surprise! I'm a singer now! Well I always have been, but hopefully y'all will still rock with me! I mean, I do music for the love of it, but I also have to be able to sustain myself, so I've had to learn how to sell myself.
And self-belief is a superpower.
You can make great music, but what's your story? I've had to become clear on what my story is.
View this post on InstagramA post shared by erockfor (rocky) 록키 🎤 (@erockfor) on Aug 12, 2019 at 8:52am PDT
Now, I'm in a good space. I've been covered by various publications, and I've somehow managed to gain a crazy amount of support from Korean millennials. I've been compared to Macy Gray, Cyndi Lauper, Erykah Badu and Amy Winehouse—which vocally, it definitely makes sense. I've also been exploring more Afrobeats. It's important for me to have that element of my heritage present in my music, as well as exploring different genres. Montreal is an extremely multicultural city so I have so many influences.
My music represents me perfectly and other first-gen kids who grew up in big cities.
Legacy, Legacy, Legacy
I believe in healing and taking the utmost care of my being. I meditate, I make holy water (which I bless myself, spray all over my apartment and drink), and I do yoga. I look over my intentions for 2020. I remind myself that my great-grandma was a high priestess and that I'm named after her. I recently got into stoicism, so I try to see the opportunity in everything and try to observe things objectively. I'm also very spiritual. I protect myself with mantras, which can act as spells.
Mantras are magic.
It's not lost on me how amazing it is to be able to travel and live life abroad. When I was a kid, my family couldn't afford it—it just wasn't my reality. But because higher learning is really affordable in Montreal, I was able to pay for my education just by working at coffee shops or restaurants and freelancing as a writer. My undergrad experience is the reason I was able to teach in Korea in the first place. When I was choosing a country to teach in, the fact that there was a community of black women definitely swayed me. I've gotten messages from black women asking me how I was able to teach here or sing and act here. I think it's important to tell your full story, as much as you feel comfortable to do so. Representation is important and I'm happy to show that a first-gen Canadian of Cameroonian descent can pursue a blossoming singing career all the way in Seoul.
At one point, I said I'd be content only singing in cafes or bars. And that's fine if it's not coming from a place of fear. But it was, and I was afraid of my potential in failing. Now, I see stadiums and award shows in my future. Why not? Ladies, let's go for it. Build on your skills. Never disqualify yourself, ever. Just try.
You may watch Erockfor's latest visual for "How Will I Know" here. You can also follow her on Instagram for her latest updates.
If you have a story you'd like to share, but aren't sure about how to put it into words, contact us at submissions@xonecole.com with the subject "As Told To" for your story to be featured.
Featured image courtesy of Erockfor
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."