

Burned out. Stressed. Just all-around unfulfilled at times. From the outside, looking in, my life was great. I was a lawyer, I had my own apartment, my car was paid for, and I was personal training on the side. I was taking trips and, to others, I was #goals. But your girl was tired.
I always had the desire to move abroad, but I didn't know how people would react and I didn't know what steps to take to do so. I knew that practicing law abroad was out because I would need to take an overly expensive exam to do so. I was good on that.
I had several friends that moved abroad after college to teach English in Asia. Again, this was right after college when most people are still trying to figure out life but still put money in their pockets. So, it made sense. But what about someone who has been in their career for the last 7 years? A career that you put so much time, money, and effort trying to get?
I knew I would get several side-eyes for my decision, but I could no longer stand to be in the rat race that I was in. After lots of research, praying, and chatting with friends who had done it—I knew it was what I wanted to do.
I settled on going to South Korea because I didn't have a teaching degree that other countries require and they had the best benefits package for those without credentials. Yes, it was a significant pay cut from what I was used to but the cost of living made it worth it. Plus, my apartment, utilities, and healthcare were covered, which was something I definitely wouldn't get at my regular job. I would make about $2,000 each month plus receive a nice pension for each year that I carried out a contract.
I initially went through a recruiter, but that didn't work out. I posted in a Black expats in Korea Facebook group, asking if anyone had any other leads and, minutes later, another woman messaged me about a program she was working for that had a great reputation. I reached out to the rep and somehow, someway within weeks I was hired to become an English teacher in Korea.
It took some time to explain this to my mother, mostly because she's never been one to understand my need to travel the world, but after a few months, it clicked that my mind was made up and nothing could stop me from going. Lucky for me, the time that I would need to be in Korea to start was right around the same time that my lease was up at my apartment. Talk about divine order.
I officially left the states on July 20, 2017.
I was anxious, nervous, and excited. So many emotions were running through me all at once. I had watched several YouTube videos to get an idea of the Black experience there, but I took it with a grain of salt because each experience is what you make it. I was assigned to teach in two elementary schools in a city about an hour outside of Seoul. I instantly connected with the kids and knew that I was where I was supposed to be.
Sure, there were rough days and the language barrier was tough but prior to going, I spent time on my own learning their language too so that I could show them that me being there wasn't a one-sided thing; it was for us all to learn from each other.
During my one year abroad, I was truly my happiest self. I was refreshed and glowing. I traveled often, bonded with an amazing group of Black women who kept me sane, and learned more about who I was as a person.
The plan was to stay longer than a year, however, I had a minor situation with a racist business owner that left a bad taste in my mouth. This happened around the time that we had to give notice if we would renew our contract. As things go, I was over the situation within days but it was too late to change my decision.
I moved back to the States on August 8, 2018. I've been back a little over a year now. I miss my life abroad often. While I'm not 100% back in the rat race I was in before, I miss the freedom and peace of mind that I had while being there. Not having to worry about bills, or keeping up with the latest styles and trends. I could unapologetically be myself there.
I am making the most of my time at home, but I also see myself making a move abroad again. Something keeps calling me back and I just can't stay away!
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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Self-Validation, No Meals After 5 P.M. & The Wellness Rituals That Helped Lizzo Take Her Power Back
Don't let the "weight release" fool you, Lizzo's transformation wasn't just physical. It was spiritual, emotional, and deeply personal. In her Women's Health cover story, the "Good As Hell" artist opened up about the low point that became the catalyst for radical change in her life, inside and out.
In the summer of 2023, Lizzo found herself at the center of what she calls painful allegations when some of her former dancers filed a lawsuit against her. The 37-year-old singer has denied their claims, and though she has experienced "backlash my entire career," going through such legal woes coupled with public scrutiny proved to be detrimental to her mental health, leading her to one of the darkest periods of her life.
She told Women's Health, "I got very paranoid and isolated. I wasn’t even talking to my therapist. I wasn’t present. I wasn’t open. I wasn’t myself anymore."
After spending months in isolation, Lizzo, whose real name is Melissa Viviane Jefferson, decided to go to a tour stop on the Renaissance World Tour. She was nervous that the public would shun her, boo her, or reject her, but instead, she was embraced. It shifted something in her and after feeling so in the dark, she saw the light again. "It made me feel like, wow, maybe I don’t want to die," she shared with Women's Health.
"That was the kick-starter to me being like, ‘Okay, Melissa, get your ass in gear and take your f*cking life back.’"
Her first step in Operation Get Your Life Back? Cutting out the external noise. She gave her team total control of her social media and stopped looking at comments. "My validation was from external sources, people telling me they loved me, or that I look good, and accepting me," she explained. "But if that’s all I’m getting my validation from, when it changes—and it will, because people are not always going to like you—what happens? Where are you going to get your love from?"
Lizzo continued, "I can convince myself that I’m beautiful, my body fine, no matter how big or small. But reminding myself that you can’t let others tell you who you are—that was hard work."
Lizzo started going to therapy again, she started practicing quigong meditation, reading books, journaling, and doing sound baths. She released unhealthy relationships, drank echinacea tea, and began incorporating Pilates as a means to "feel sacred" and "be gentle" with herself.
But what many have interpreted as a "weight loss transformation" after she popped out sharing she met her "weight release" goal earlier this year, Lizzo has clarified that it has been something deeper for her than the aesthetic of a smaller body. "I wanted to be big-girl skinny," she told the mag. "Every big girl knows what I’m talking about. Big-girl skinny is 250 pounds." According to her, it was her back issues that inspired her to take the physical part of her wellness journey seriously.
I DID IT! #weightrelease
@lizzo I DID IT! #weightrelease
Through her friend Kelly Rowland, she linked up with her now-trainer Marvin Telp and developed a fitness regimen that prioritized strength and intention. Her weekly schedule now includes moves like single-leg deadlifts, reverse flies, and lateral lunges, along with infrared sauna sessions and cardio. Add to that a change in eating habits after realizing her vegan diet no longer served her (to be fair, she wasn't doing the vegan thing the "healthiest" way).
All the meat substitutes, bread, cashew cheese, and soy left her bloated and lightheaded, so now she's switched things up a bit to fill the nutritional gaps. When it comes to diet, it's heavy on the protein and vegetables for Lizzo. A typical day eating looks like scrambled eggs and cauliflower hash browns for breakfast, Thai chicken salad or lettuce wraps for lunch, and turkey meatloaf with greens for dinner.
She also has a strict cutoff of no meals after 5 p.m. to support her GERD and give her body the time it needs before bed to digest her food sans the acid reflux. Of her relationship with food and wellness, she told Women's Health, "There's a balance. I think that's what true health is."
Read Lizzo's full cover story with Women's Health here.
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