I began December 2014 fading out of consciousness on an operating table while the human resource officer at my job sent me several emails to ensure that my surgery was in fact serious enough to merit taking time off work.
At the time, not only did I had a demanding international development job in a work environment that could only be described as toxic, but they put so many bureaucratic hurdles in place before I could take any sick leave that it made my recovery keenly stressful. My colleagues were petty, management was vindictive, and the hours were long with a demanding traveling schedule. By the end of that year, I decided I was going to quit my job. Nothing about what I was doing--my salary or the trajectory of my career--was worth my health or general happiness. I was tired of living only to work.
I'd been to Panama City for the first time on a work trip in 2012 and immediately felt at home. With it's booming economy, beautiful coastline and thriving diversity, Panama City reminded me of the Miami of my childhood. After a few trips, though, I realized that I wasn't immediately ready for the daily bustle of city life so soon after leaving the dark rooms and dark suits of Washington, D.C. I also needed to improve my Spanish before being thrust into the busy streets of Panama City. Instead, I chose Bocas Del Toro, a series of sparsely populated islands on the Caribbean coast with more jungle and beaches than people, as my initial entry point into Panama.
Since moving to Panama, a lot of people have asked me exactly how I did it. It was a huge leap, but I'm glad to be able to share my experience in hopes of helping others to escape jobs and environments that don't fulfill them.
Here are a few tips on how to quit your job, pack up your life, and move abroad to live the life you've always dreamed about!
1. Pick A Place That Fits Your Needs
There are many places in the world that you can go; the opportunities are endless. However, it's important to pick a place that fits your needs as well as the lifestyle you want to lead. Almost a decade after my first trip abroad, I now value being close enough to home that I can see my family when I'd like to, leaving winter behind as a distant memory, the ability to integrate in the local culture rather than the party scene, and freedom of mobility. I was certain that I wanted to be in a place that I could learn Spanish, make local friends, and safely walk to the beach whenever I pleased. I also wanted to be in a country with a thriving economy and opportunities for me to pursue a serious career if I choose to stay. Oh, and cute guys…
Did I mention cute guys already? If not, move that reason to the top of the list.
Ultimately, it's necessary to be honest with yourself about the standard of living you expect and have a sense of what you're getting into before you arrive. Date the place(s) before you commit: take a few extended trips to the place(s) you're considering moving to before making that leap. Having lived abroad before, there were things I was willing to compromise on in terms of standard of living: now constant access to wifi and 24 hour electricity--even hot showers--are no longer essential for me. However, I can distinctly remember how long I waited for the water heater to kick in and the water to get hot in my first Cairo apartment before realizing it was never going to happen. Not that day or the next, or a year later.
After much research, I picked Bocas because it fit my most important requirement: being able to learn Spanish at one of best Spanish schools in Central America located near the beach, Habla Ya Spanish Schools. Even after over a year of Spanish classes in Washington, D.C., I would have been too timid to even engage in a conversation in Spanish with a native speaker a month ago; however, I've learned more in a month at Habla Ya than I did in over a year of Spanish classes twice a week in D.C. Learning the language provides me with the basis for being able to fully integrate into Panama as well as build a career here.
2. Pick A Date
Once I'd chosen where I wanted to go, I had to choose a date that allowed me enough time to prepare for the move. The wisdom of picking a date comes down to the fact that it gives you something to look forward to. At work, I kept a post it with “November :)" stuck to my computer monitor as a reminder that this was just a “Poe sort of misery with a Frost sort of hope."
I began informing my close friends and family about my plans to move and the expected date months in advance. This might seem superfluous, but I realized that few people actually believed I was leaving. I'd remind them that I intended to move to Panama and my friends would simply smile and nod indulgently before continuing to make plans as if I would still be around! The unspoken expectation is that there will always be something holding hold you back--a cause too great or a relationship too important--and that is only true if you treat it as such. Since the night of my going away party and even now, people are still a bit surprised that I actually walked away from it all and moved.
3. Get Your Finances In Order
The perception is that people who choose to move abroad make that decision brashly, this couldn't be farther from the truth. My life experiences have made me a firm believer in the financial independence of women, especially women of color. Before I moved abroad, I diversified my portfolio: I invested some of my money in stocks, bought rental property to generate some passive income, and then kept some money in my savings as a cushion for my move. It's a misconception that you have to wait until you make a certain amount of money to invest, save, or buy property. Depending on your state or lender, there are a multitude of resources available to help first time homeowners buy a home with nothing down or only a small percentage down payment.
"You don't have to wait until you make a certain amount of money to invest, save, or buy property."
Websites like WiseBanyan help you make strategic investments based on your needs. Ultimately, what type of financial planning works for you depends entirely on your needs, your income, and how risk adverse you are. However, one thing that I would strongly recommend is setting up a separate bank account just to save for the move. Having a percentage of my salary automatically deposited into a separate account each month prevented me from spending that money elsewhere and allowed me to set goals and monitor my progress via Mint.
4. Do What You Want To Do
Decide how you want to use your education, skills, and interests abroad. Certain people have jobs that they can do anywhere or skills that are globally in demand. Despite the idea that living abroad is something only for the wealthy or retirees, there are a variety of way to go abroad for an extended period of time and have the cost either completely or partially covered, or make a living doing that something that interests you. Some examples are the Peace Corps, Boren Fellowship, Jobattical, U.N. Jobs, U.N. Volunteers, Help Stay, and Help Exchange. There are also many opportunities to teach English abroad in places like Vietnam, Spain, South Korea, and Chile. Additionally, if there is a particular organization you are interested in working for, contact them personally to see if your background matches their needs. It's important to do the legwork to get your plans in order months in advance so that you have an opportunity to meet deadlines, and change your plans if necessary.
After having such a grueling work schedule for so many years, I knew that I wanted to define my professional success in my own terms in this new chapter. For me, this meant placing more value on the impact of what I'm doing, the joy it brings me, opportunities to grow, and the flexibility of my schedule rather than how much I make and the title on my business cards. Rather, I wanted to focus on learning Spanish, and invest time in improving my writing and photography skills. With that in mind, I chose to not immediately “get a job" in the traditional sense. I saved up enough to live frugally for at least three months, but wanted to make my savings last for as long as possible. I began looking for opportunities to volunteer my time in exchange for Spanish classes months before I intended to move. Luckily, my skills matched the current needs of Habla Ya and we were able to work out a deal for me to assist them with marketing and social media for three months in exchange for Spanish lessons and living accommodations. Once I get my Spanish to at least a conversational level, I'll feel more comfortable job hunting in Panama City or elsewhere.
5. Make New Friends
A big part of moving abroad is making a fresh start, which often means leaving your old friends behind. Many people worry about not being able to make new friends abroad and expend a lot of energy in reaching into their social circles to find out if their sister's neighbor's best friend from sixth grade knows anyone who lives in the country they're interested in.
While I did have a few people put me in touch with their friends in Panama City, I didn't know a soul when I landed in Bocas. Because learning Spanish is important to me, I wanted to avoid the cliquish “expat bubble" of English speakers that is often an inevitable consequence of being connected with friends of friends beforehand. Instead, I've stepped outside my comfort zone and joined in on group activities and taken classes at Bocas Fight Club to meet local people. I regularly stop and make conversation with shop owners or people around my neighborhood in order to get to know my new community. I also asked the administrative staff at Habla Ya to recommend someone to be my language exchange partner. Immediately, a staffer paired me up with his sister, Kimmy. Realizing that we have some of the same interests, she and I now spend some nights conversing in Spanish then in English about music, dating, life, and our respective families. Interestingly enough, I doubt I would have met her if I didn't take make the conscious decision to prioritize fostering relationships with local people. However, I still spend some time with expats for the ease of speaking English occasionally without making them my primary social network.
6. Pack Light
Some people get rid of everything. I, on the other hand, was happy to give my couch to a guy from Vermont who'd just moved to D.C., but I wasn't willing to part with my shoe collection, artwork, or a hand painted dresser I once made an ex-boyfriend drive three hours into Virginia to buy for me. I decided what to pack and what to keep based on whether or not I'd be happy to pay for this item to be shipped to me internationally one day. Based on this criteria, I gave away certain things immediately and sold others. MakeSpace dropped off storage bins for me to pack up the rest and conveniently came to pick them up and store them for me. No hassle. I left D.C. with just two suitcases (and, unfortunately, not enough sunscreen).
7. Finally, just Go
Why are you still reading this?! Go out there and make it happen!
France Francois is a writer and world traveler currently learning Spanish at Habla Ya in Panama. Read about her travels and adventures redefining what it means to be black and abroad on her blog or follow her on Twitter: @frenchieglobal
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Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Sex & The New Year: Single Women Get Candid About Their 2025 Intimacy Goals
Fail to plan, plan to fail. It is certainly a saying that all of us have heard at one point or another; however, when it comes to sex, specifically, and definitely when it comes to women who aren’t married or in a serious relationship, I’m not so sure that plans are encouraged as much as they probably should be. I don’t just mean planning to get tested with partners or planning to use birth control — hopefully, those things are a given (right?).
What I mean is, if you are someone who likes to sit down and come up with resolutions for the new year, when it comes to your sex life, what exactly are you resolving to do? What sex-related goals do you actually have? Because if you don’t know and you kind of just let life “happen to you,” the way you end 2025 may not be the way you planned…because there never was a plan in place.
All of this is why I decided to ask 10 single women to pause, ponder, and then produce a semi-formal sex plan that they would be willing to share with y’all. Although a few of them were taken aback by my request at first, by the time they gave me their answer, each woman found it to be something that they would be doing annually moving forward — because, like everything else in life, knowing what you want out of sex, for yourself, is essential. And you certainly increase your chances of getting what you desire…when there is a plan in place.
*Middle names are always used in these types of interview pieces so that individuals can speak freely*
1. Hannah. 28.
Giphy“Girl, my sex plan is to stop having sex with my ex-fiancé. When we broke off our engagement 16 months ago, I’m not sure if either of us thought that we’d keep having sex like we were still together. But who wants to keep racking up bodies or risking getting an STD? Plus, the sex with him? I have never had it so good and so consistent. But when you asked me about putting a ‘sex plan’ together, and I really thought about how our relationship has no future — I accept that I need to let that last part of us go. Otherwise, I could date someone and still be having sex with my ex. I’m not going to tell him [her ex] about my plan until after our date on New Year’s Eve. Don’t judge me. I’m a work in progress!”
Shellie here: Check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”
2. Alexie. 34.
Giphy“I’m gonna have me some multiple orgasms, dammit! I am so tired of reading about them and not being able to relate. I think women have been conditioned to think that even getting one is something that we should be grateful for — you know, kind of like that Salt-N-Pepa brag about getting knocked out for the night after one ‘shot.’ No ma’am. I wanna know what it’s like to cum, pause, cum again, pause, and cum again. I’m going to make that my mission for the entire year. I’ll let you know how it goes.”
Shellie here: Check out “How To Have Mind-Blowing Multiple Orgasms. Tonight, Chile.”
3. Thalia. 27.
Giphy“I want to learn how to enjoy oral sex more — not giving, receiving. I’ve always liked the power that comes from giving a man head, but I haven’t met a guy who makes receiving it feel as good as my girlfriends talk about. Whenever it happens to me, I feel annoyed; it’s almost like a dog is licking on me or something. Everything just feels wet, sloppy, and aimless. I’ve got a guy friend who says that he can get me what I’m after. I’m considering him because I’ll be damned if I’m out here giving out all this good head, and I end up dying not knowing what everyone else is even talking about!”
Shellie here: Check out “Sooo...What If You HATE Oral?” and “Okay. So, This Is Why Oral Sex Is Probably Not Satisfying You (Fully).” and (just in case) “How To Preserve Your Friendship After BAD Casual Sex”
4. Icelynne. 30.
Giphy“‘Get over a man by getting under a different man’ is some bullsh-t. All you do is up your body count. The guy I’ve been seeing, the kissing is good but the sex isn’t that great, but I really like him. In the past, I would just move on, but now that you ask me to come up with a plan — I think the plan is to try and make sex better. You get older, and you realize that sometimes you ‘click’ immediately with someone, and sometimes, you need to be more patient. It’s not that the sex is bad, it’s just that I’m used to good sex being easier. Learning to talk about my needs and working with someone to meet them — that’s the plan for next year.”
Shellie here: Check out “Do You Lie About Your Body Count? Here's Why You Shouldn't.,” “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed” and “Is There REALLY Such A Thing As 'Bad Sex'?”
5. Gabriella. 45.
Giphy“I’m sick of reading about all of the different kinds of orgasms that you can have and barely knowing what a [clitoral] one feels like. If I can have a nipple orgasm, then I’m going to have one. And I can have one by myself? In my sleep? [Shellie here: Yes, sleep orgasms are an actual thing] And what’s this, you can come just from someone kissing you, right? What the f-ck?! I’m on mission to be able to say that I’ve had every type of orgasm there is. The interviewing process for this mission is about to be so funny, too. I already know.”
Shellie here: Check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”
6. Terrika. 33.
Giphy“I’m leaving faking orgasms in my rearview mirror. It doesn’t help anything. All it does is make men think that they’ve accomplished something that they haven’t and make me resent them for doing it. I hate to say it, but I’ve been acting like I’ve cum for so long that I can’t even remember the last time that I’ve had a real orgasm — oh, yes, I can, and it was two damn years ago! I think because I like sex, even if I don’t cum, is why I’ve put up with it for so long. I’m not getting any younger, and I need to make sure I end up with a man where I don’t have to do any pretending. 2025 is going to be my year. I am speaking it into existence!”
Shellie here: Check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP” and “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not”
7. Persephone. 38.
Giphy“I want to experience sexcations all over the world. I find it fascinating how much sex gets better for me whenever I’m in a new environment. If that can happen just with a different hotel or an Airbnb, I can only imagine what it would be like to make love in London, Cape Town, or Barcelona. It’s also sexy to get to know someone better in a different space. I met a guy [last year], and our connection is strong. We’ve been talking about stamping our passports together. We haven’t had sex yet. I think an international sexcation being our first time, would be perfect for the new year.”
Shellie here: Check out “Married Couples, It's Time For A Sexcation!” and “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”
8. Evelyn. 29.
Giphy“I want to know what ‘making love’ feels like. Is that weird to say? Coming into sex, I was what my friends say is a ‘late bloomer’ because I didn’t have sex until my junior year [of college]. It wasn’t random, but it wasn’t with a guy who I loved — well, I loved him as a friend and still do, but it wasn’t a romantic type of thing. I was curious and trusted him to try it out. I don’t regret that, but since, there have only been a few others, and the pattern has been the same: sex with friends and nothing mind-blowing. [In 2025], I want to wait until I’m in a serious relationship and then have sex. I keep hearing that love-making is the best. I have no clue. Would like to know.”
Shellie here: “Unforgettable: 10 Men Open Up About That 'One Experience' They'll Never Forget”
9. Tamiko. 41.
“I want to take a break [from sex]. During my marriage, we had so many sex problems that once we divorced, I definitely made up for lost time. It was mostly because I felt like I was being ‘sexually gaslit’ by my husband — like I couldn’t get the sex that I was after, and it was my fault. Now that I know that it wasn’t a ‘me problem,’ it was an ‘us issue,’ and I’ve gotten all of my ‘itches scratched,’ I’m ready to learn some other things that make me tick outside of the bedroom. I’m not necessarily declaring abstinence for a year, but I am done with my nothing-more-than-sex quest. Next time, it will be someone who gets me excited in more than just the bed.”
Shellie here: Check out “I've Been Abstinent For 12 Years. Here's How.” and “6 Genuine Signs You're Making An Emotional Connection With Your Sex Partner”
10. Lana. 51.
Giphy“My plan is to be more open-minded — not so much when it comes to my standards for a partner but the things that I’m willing to do sexually. I’m not the most conservative person on the planet, but when it’s always in the back of your mind that you can get pregnant, that can make you more cautious. I’m on the tail end of menopause now, so I suddenly feel more adventurous. With a steady sex partner, I’m ready to try whatever and do whatever. Sex that exceeds anything I’ve done before…that is my 2025 plan, girl. Let’s go!”
Shellie here: Check out “What Having Sex After Menopause Is Like, According To 10 Women”
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Featured image by Bob Thomas/Getty Images