4 Ways To Navigate A Toxic Workplace Hub
If you're like me, you have repeatedly pinned a popular Sigmund Freud quote, "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a**holes."
After two years of working for a public health non-profit, I've come to terms that I may be just employed smack in the middle of a toxic hub. I'm willing to bet most of my colleagues feel the same way I do: unmotivated and going through the motions.
If you Google "toxic workplace," about 33,000,000 results (I swear this one by Entrepreneur was written about my job) confirm that you're not crazy even if your place of employment actually feels like a psychiatric ward.
Toxic hubs can exist anywhere there is dysfunction, disorder, and people who feel depressed and powerless. What allows the toxicity to fester is when people enter a place where negative traits like narcissism, selfishness, and lack of empathy run rampant and begin to feel like the norm because that place itself becomes defined by its toxicity.
I've been working professionally long enough to realize that every work environment won't be a place you look forward to going to each day. However, as an adult with a mortgage, student loan repayments, and a spouse and child who like having health insurance with low copays, you recognize those bills don't care if you go skipping to work every day or hide in a bathroom stall, as long as they get paid.
The truth is, toxic energy within the workplace has had me hitting my turn signal on the daily.
There are people that I physically avoid in order to keep my energy level at it's best. I can wait a few extra minutes for coffee if it means I'll avoid bumping into Monica from reception, who viciously judges everyone's summer wardrobe. Jason from Finance? You go ahead and take this elevator alone so I can avoid you nervously doing the two step around your words because you're afraid you're going to offend me by default because I'm Black.
Admittedly, the toxic energy is a little easier to deal with now that I have a decade under my professional belt. There's something great that happens in your thirties: you become increasingly comfortable with the knowledge that certain people, places, and things are not for you.
In my commitment to being more self-aware and take accountability, when I find myself repeatedly frustrated with people's behavior, I take a step back to realize how I'm contributing to the problem.
My belief has always been that it can't be everyone collectively who has the problem, so it has to be me. But what I've also come to realize is that there very well may be toxic hubs in your in life, whether it's a workplace, a certain group of friends, or even your favorite hair salon, that bring out the worst in people.
For whatever reason, birds of a depressed or even angry feather, flock together, and all of the sage and rose quartz crystals in the world are sometimes not enough to diffuse the negative energy.
So what can you do if you find yourself in a toxic hub? Some toxic hubs are unavoidable, but here are some tips for being surrounded by an abyss of bad energy without allowing the abyss to stare back into you:
Run Away Fast As You Can
In the words of the incumbent Tyrant of Toxicity himself, Kanye West, if you find yourself in a environment that seems to pulsate on drama, anger, and unhappiness, don't place pressure on yourself to be a martyr or Martin Luther King Jr. trying to be a beacon of light for lost souls. If you're able to, have all the dreams you want from afar. Remember, cycles of toxicity in a certain place have more than likely been around for a long time and are more likely to change you before you change them.
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Writer, sexual health superhero, and #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoy curator regularly featured on @Madamenoire. Toya can usually be found in between her earbuds, listening to trap music and refreshing her browser for concert tickets. Tweet her @thetruetsharee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage