

I realized I had issues, issues about a year ago when I was on my therapist's couch and she asked me if I was thinking about harming myself. I've used charm, wit, and charisma to mask my inner turmoil since middle school, so without skipping a beat, I said, "Even if I was thinking about harming myself, I couldn't because I have to be at work on Monday at 9 a.m." I've been seeing her for the past 10 years, and she's helped me navigate through toxic environments---some I was born into and some I've created myself.
With the help of therapy, I have been able to graduate from college, become financially independent, and thrive in the professional world.(All of these experiences required me to shut myself down emotionally. It's like for the past 10 years I've been living my life on low-battery mode, and when I get burned out, I recharge to about 10% and keep going.
My therapist knows me well enough to know that at the moment, I needed her to laugh with me because if I started crying, I would probably suffocate. That Monday, she placed me on a medical leave of absence from work for six months due to depression, anxiety, and exhaustion. She saved my life.
Around the same time, a friend of mine referred me to an energy healer. I figured, hey, at this point, as long as I am not doing some devil shit, I have nothing to lose. Plus, a guy that was supposed to be my dick appointment/antidepressant ghosted me. (Yes, I know my priorities were all messed up, but where do you think I get this material?)
At the very least, the healer would be able to read the cards and tell me if he was coming back. I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown and didn't have the energy to go hunting for penis.
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I put my deposit down, called in, and gave her my full name and birthday. I heard cards shuffling and for 45 minutes she read me for filth, mentioning people, places, and things that only I would know. I was shooketh, yet comforted. During my first reading, I walked away with two important messages: I am a very powerful woman, and my grandma is pissed because I'm not still enough for her to reach me spiritually. Wow.
My grandmother raised me to have a high vibration and a deep respect for the spirit world, and she nurtured my creativity and empathic abilities. She basically was the Mary Poppins to my whole family. When sickle cell anemia took her at 60 years old, my life drastically changed for the worse. Her house was my safe haven from the hostile and high conflict environment I was born into, and where I could be my creative quirky self. She missed my first kiss, my first abusive relationship, my first heartbreak---even a devastating rape I endured.
I'd retreated so far within myself that if you handed me an invisible cloak, I would have kissed your feet like you just handed me $10 million. I hated myself, and I hated life without her here. Period.
So, here I am with this energy healer telling me my grandma is mad at me because I'm too anxious to receive insight and messages from her and to see the universe working in my favor.
No shit.
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By the time I got off that call, my wig was on a 90-degree tilt and I felt overwhelmed by all the messages I received. I then felt a sense of peace wash over me that no prescription or shot of alcohol could give me over the years.
The healer was able to remind me that I have ancestors on the other side guiding me. They aren't sitting up in heaven sipping wine and watching me as if I were on a surveillance camera. They are actually helping me navigate and trying their best to push me to my highest self, working very hard behind the scenes to assist.
I spent so much time aching in agony, feeling like I'll be alone and misunderstood for the rest of my life, only to find out that's simply untrue. There is another side---in this lifetime and the next---and by harming myself I would be robbing myself of the opportunity of experiencing the magic of it.
I wish I could tell you that as soon as I hung up the phone my credit score went up 50 points, my husband appeared out of thin air, and I became a millionaire with abs. Nope. Working with this energy healer made me have to face my shadow head on. Consciously, I have reached a level of depth but now I have to make my life reflect my healing instead of my surface-level comfort zone.
I had to call myself out for my shallow self-care regimen, my surface level version of self-love, the shallow relationships I participated in, the way I worked myself into a depression. I've had to re-evaluate my current position in my own life, have some very hard conversations, and watch towers fall. Without God, my support system, and my energy healer, it would seem like my world was falling apart, but I know better.
My world is being renovated. It is under construction.
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The most important thing seeking spiritual guidance from an energy healer helped me with was connecting back to myself and my life's path.
I am a performer who yields high results. It's a gift and a curse because when people are used to you yielding high results, they are often not concerned about your well-being. They often wonder where you get the energy and they just want to consume and utilize it. If you don't recognize your own power, value, and magic in this lifetime, someone else will else will suck you dry and accuse you of liking it. This is why self-care and self-love is so important. Meditation, prayer, nature walks, dream journaling are all the self-care practices that come second nature to me because it is now intentional.
Find your own flow! Right now mine is a tsunami which is often misunderstood because I have to pull back, retreat, and recharge but when I come, it's not to play, it's to flood. The investment that I made into seeking spiritual advice has allowed me to live in a vibration of gratitude that is healing and restorative. The most beautiful souls gravitate toward me because I walk in my power even when stumbling. It is God's gift, and I am just a vessel.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.
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Originally published on January 8, 2020
New Jersey native creating a life that she loves while living in gratitude. She loves using beauty, and fashion to create a balanced lifestyle while prioritizing wellness. A devoted fur mom, and a full-time lover of laughter. She is out for revenge against the darkness by being light, taking her own advice, traveling the world, and letting you know that you are so lit! Connect with her via IG @iamzaniah and please visit Zaniahsworld.com
Your February 2025 Horoscopes Are All About Self-Love & Soulful Alignment
Explore your sign’s 2025 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
February is a coming together, as a culmination of community and abundance is evident. Some significant planets go direct this month after being retrograde since this past year, and we can finally take a deep breath. We walk into the month in Aquarius season, and the focus during this time is on coming together with the people you resonate with on a soul level, opening your heart to love, and gaining perspective in the process. When the Sun is in Aquarius, everything feels more electrified and inspiring, and this is one of the best months of the year to manifest and set your intentions.On Feb. 4, Venus enters Aries, Jupiter goes direct in Gemini, and the energy and passion return. Venus in Aries is fiery, dynamic, and puts self-love first. While Venus is in Aries for the entire month, February is all about going after the things you want in love, and trusting that you will be supported here. Jupiter goes direct on the same day after being retrograde since Oct. 9, and we can see our blessings manifest more effortlessly now, especially regarding communication matters, networking, short travels, education, and the mind. Jupiter finishes its Gemini transit on Jun. 9, so over the next few months, this is a good time to expand your mind and your vision, get creative, and meet new people.
What February 2025 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
The Full Moon of February occurs in Leo on the 12th, and this is the Snow Moon of the year. This Full Moon brings emotions to the surface and creates self-clarity and honesty in the process. This Full Moon is a time to let go of old versions or ideas of yourself that don’t align with who you are today and to focus on what feels authentic and empowering for you right now.
On Valentine's Day, Mercury enters Pisces until Mar. 3, and the mind is on love right now.
While Mercury is in Pisces, we speak in words of poetry and spirituality, and mental connections turn into romantic ones. This is a beautiful energy to walk into on the day of love, signifying an urge to be around people who truly understand you right now.
Pisces season begins on Feb. 18, and we move into a time of closure, healing, creativity, and introspection. On Feb. 23, Mars goes direct in Cancer after being retrograde here since Jan. 6, and being retrograde in general since Dec. 6. With Mars now direct, there is more energy and direction at our disposal, and less confusion on where to go from here. Mars will be direct in Cancer until Apr. 18, and there is a lot of love, support, and intuition to be felt right now. Mars in Cancer supports others while also cherishing boundaries, and this is a good time to feel more stability in matters of the home and heart.
We end the month with a New Moon in Pisces on Feb. 27, and this is a time of magic, dreams coming to fruition, and romance in the air.
A New Moon in Pisces reminds us that what has been lost always comes back around in a new form, and helps us see what our heart is grateful for right now. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for the future and to dream the dream. Overall, February is an inspiring and enlightening month, and your heart is the one leading the way right now.
Read for your Sun and Rising Sign below to see what February has in store for you.
ARIES
February is all about love for you, Aries. You are thriving within relationship matters as Venus is in your sign for most of this month. Venus moves into Aries on Feb. 4 and will be here until Mar. 27, however, Venus will be going retrograde in your sign on Mar. 1. So, use February to walk into some new beginnings in love, but remember to take your time with things here as well. You are overall feeling more reciprocity, support, and positive recognition now, and self-love is key this month.
On Feb. 12, we have a Full Moon in fellow fire sign Leo, and this Full Moon occurs in your 5th house of romance.
This is a beautiful Full Moon for seeing love bloom and for experiencing a sense of fulfillment that brings you closer to another. Before the month ends, Mars goes direct after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with the home, family, close loved ones, and emotional stability. With Mars now direct here, new foundations can be built in your world, and you feel more supported and secure as you end the month.
TAURUS
This month is a time to reflect, accept, and move into your new beginning, Taurus. There is a lot to process this month, and with the Sun in your 10th house for most of February, a lot of your focus right now is on your goals, purpose, and life path. The Full Moon happening mid-month is an opportunity for you to see things clearer in the home, and to create space for more support and nourishment here. You are letting go of what is weighing you down or making your emotional world feel more difficult to process this month.
Mercury enters your 11th house of hope, community, friendship, and manifestation on Valentine’s Day this year, and you move into a time of inspiration. You are thinking of all the things that make you feel empowered, loved, and in tune, and it’s time to create more of this energy around yourself. We have a New Moon in this same area of your chart before the month ends on Feb. 27, and you are ready to look forward in life rather than at the past of what could have been.
Overall, this month is about listening to your heart and spending more time taking care of yourself.
GEMINI
February is a chance to take a break, Gemini. You need more time to process and prepare for what’s ahead of you, and you are taking the time to do so this month. February begins with Jupiter going direct in your sign after being retrograde here since Oct. 9. Jupiter, the planet of blessings, will be direct in your sign until Jun. 9, and won’t be here again for another decade. This is your opportunity to set intentions, focus on your dreams, and make some important achievements happen.
Extra good luck and support from the universe are with you now, and the key for you is to let things come to you naturally through patience and dedication.
On Feb. 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and some important culminations are coming through in matters of the mind. You are coming to some conclusions about something, and it’s changing your perspective overall. Before the month ends we have a New Moon in an area of your life having to do with your career, professional world, and reputation, and this is a good time to set your intentions for what goals you want to see through right now.
CANCER
February is a month of enlightenment, Cancer. You are aligned with the path you are walking on right now, and everything is starting to make a little more sense to your heart. This month we have a Full Moon in your 12th house of closure, and you are moving away from an emotionally heavy space. You are letting go of a lot of what has kept you conflicted, and there is a sense of peace that is being obtained in the process. This is your month of inspiring others through your resilience and gift of forgiveness.
Mars goes direct in your sign on Feb. 23 after being retrograde here since Jan. 6. With Mars retrograde in your sign since we began the year, there has been a lot for you to reflect on and emotionally process, and you are seeing yourself and your life with a new perspective and passion. Mars will be in Cancer until Apr. 18, and this is the time to take action on the things that you haven’t been ready to move forward with these past few months. On Feb. 27, we have a New Moon in Pisces, and you are leaving the month in the mood for an adventure.
This is the time to get out of your comfort zone, travel, or do something fun.
LEO
February is about protecting your energy and what you are bringing to fruition in your life, Leo. With a Full Moon in your sign mid-month, you are moving through a time of culmination, release, and inner clarity, and there is a lot to reflect on right now. You are recognizing your need to create boundaries from those who don’t serve you or your life path and are focusing on the things that feel good for you.
With the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month as well, you are gaining clarity on the relationships you want to move forward with, and where you need to create more space.
Venus is in Aries and in your 5th house of romance, self-expression, creativity, and joy for most of the month, and your heart is yearning for some excitement. When it comes to love in February, opportunities are coming to the surface for you to get out of your head and into your heart, heed the call. At the end of the month, Mars goes direct in your 12th house of closure, and you are moving into a breakthrough. You end February with less weight on your shoulders and more energy to just be.
VIRGO
Trust your intuition this month, Virgo. February is a month of getting organized, gaining clarity, and feeling purposeful. With Jupiter going direct in your 10th house at the start of the month, blessings follow through regarding your career and professional world. The intentions you have been setting and going over these past few months, are coming to fruition for you now, and you are being recognized and supported for your efforts here. This is a month of feeling a level up in your life, and like you are where you want to be.
Mars goes direct on Feb. 23, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with friendship, community, and your hopes and dreams over the past month or so. With Mars now direct in Cancer, it’s easier for you to feel hopeful and to see and experience the magic in life. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in your sister sign Pisces on Feb. 27, and love takes on a new beginning. This New Moon is one of the best of the year for you to set your intentions for love, and trust where your heart is being called to right now.
LIBRA
February is all about perspective and the intentions you are setting in your life through the thoughts you are thinking, Libra. The Sun is in your house of romance and Venus is in your house of partnership for most of the month, and there is a lot to look forward to right now. New developments are coming to fruition within your relationships, and you are reaping what you have sown, feeling grateful for what has come to fruition for you.
This is a beautiful month for travel, moving forward in your partnerships, and feeling more commitment and support in doing so.
With Jupiter also going direct this month, your home life and foundations see improvements and expansion. Anywhere you have been feeling limited here is being lifted for you now, and you are able to breathe and think bigger about what is possible for you and your sense of stability in life. The Full Moon happening on Feb. 12, is a chance for you to connect with the people who inspire you, and to let go of anything that doesn’t feel authentic to who you are today or how you feel about things.
SCORPIO
February is a month of feeling loved, Scorpio. Everything's coming together for you exactly how you have envisioned it, and with the Sun in your house of family, support, and foundations, you are feeling closer to your loved ones in the process. We have a Full Moon in your 10th house of career in mid-February, and culminations are coming through in your professional world, as recognition for your efforts and hard work are here for you now. This Full Moon is about taking the time to congratulate yourself for how far you have come and to feel gratitude for your progress in life.
On Feb. 23, Mars goes direct in fellow water sign Cancer, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with travel, adventure, spirituality, and education over the past month or so. With Mars now direct, travel plans follow through and it’s easier for you to see the bigger picture. The New Moon of the month takes place on Feb. 27, and this is a beautiful time for you to experience joy and pleasure. You are ending the month by making your inner child happy, showing up, and connecting with the love that surrounds you now.
SAGITTARIUS
This month is a transition month for you, Sagittarius. You are moving on from what has been, and a few of you may even be moving physically or traveling during this time. This is a month of getting into new energy and letting things go where it is needed. February begins with your ruling planet Jupiter going direct after being retrograde since last fall, and you are able to experience more of the blessings in love that you have been looking for.
Love turns a new page this month, and it’s because you are no longer settling for things that don’t align with what you want for yourself or your future.
On Feb. 12, a Full Moon is happening in an area of your life that has to do with your passion, inspiration, travel ventures, and perspective, and you are getting the full picture right now. This Full Moon is about accepting the truths that have come to the surface and following through on plans that you have had for yourself. Mars goes direct in your 8th house of transformation on Feb. 23, and you end the month experiencing a personal breakthrough. A lot is changing for you in February, and you are the one leading these efforts forward because you are owning the life you deserve.
CAPRICORN
A new month is here, and you are looking forward to all of the new experiences you are about to get into, Capricorn. February is an inspiring, passionate, and eye-opening month for you and you are making a lot of progress. With the Sun in your 2nd house of finances, values, and self-confidence for most of the month, you are spending a lot of your time developing new plans and intentions for yourself, especially financially. Mid-month we have a Full Moon in your 8th house of shared resources, and the support that you need to thrive and expand financially right now is becoming clearer to you.
Towards the end of the month, Mars goes direct in your sister sign Cancer, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with love, partnership, and harmony over the past month or so. With Mars moving forward again, so are you in love, and your relationship dynamics feel a little more balanced and empowered for you. On Feb. 27, we have a New Moon in Pisces to close out the month, and this New Moon for you is all about setting your intentions regarding communication, networking, and the ideas you want to build off of right now.
AQUARIUS
Your season is here, and everything is falling into place for you now, Aquarius. This is a month of feeling a positive culmination of everything you have been working towards, and seeing the rewards for your efforts. With the Sun in your sign until the 18th, all eyes are on you and you are focused on your personal goals, investments, and self-courage. Jupiter goes direct as we begin the month, turning things around for you in love and helping you see things with a new perspective here.
Blessings and understanding within relationship matters bloom for you now, and you can finally take a break from the confusion here.
With Venus in your 11th house of friendship for most of February, this is the month for connecting with the people who you resonate with on a soul level and giving your heart more time to enjoy the company. The Full Moon happening mid-month occurs in your opposite sign, highlighting your romantic life and sense of partnership. Love comes full circle as you let go of the past here and see the gifts of the partnerships you have been building in your life.
PISCES
February is your month of abundance and opportunities, Pisces. There is a lot to tend to this month, but you have the empowerment and passion to do so. Jupiter goes direct in your 4th house as the month begins, and you are feeling stronger foundations emotionally and within the home right now. Progress is being made in the spaces that are close to the heart, and you are feeling the blessings of support and stability in your life. The Full Moon happening on Feb. 12, is about letting go of unhealthy daily routines or habits and giving yourself more space to figure out what feels right for you.
On Valentine's Day this year, Mercury enters your sign, and your mind is focused on love, understanding, and connection. The conversations you are having now are fulfilling your heart and inspiring you, and you are gaining clarity in relationship matters as well. Pisces season officially begins on Feb. 18, and it’s your time to shine, to love, and to be loved in return.
Before the month ends we have a New Moon in Pisces on Feb. 27, and this is one of the best times of the year for you to set your personal intentions, manifest, and reinvent yourself.
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It's still silk press season, so if you've been wanting to find ways to make the style last, look no further than this article. As a natural girlie, I've had my fair share of silk presses, but unfortunately, I've struggled with the style's longevity. After talking to my stylist and doing some research, I realized it could be many reasons why it doesn't last.
One reason is, I don't straighten my hair often, so it's technically not "heat trained." Another reason, I would put oil in my hair to keep it smooth, but my stylist told me putting oil on the hair when it's pressed is a big no-no because it makes it kink up. Not only that, wrapping the hair doesn't always help because you're distributing the natural oils on your scalp throughout your hair, which also contributes to kinkiness. The more you know!
I've made it my mission to make my silk presses last longer and I've watched a few of these YouTube videos to learn a few tricks. Below, check out how these YouTubers keep their silk presses intact.
Simone Nicole
Tip: Try dry shampoo.
Cool Calm Curly
Tip: Try pin curling the hair.
Mariel Amada
Tip: Try a hair net/ doobie wrap.
_Madam J
Tip: Try flexi rods.
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