“It just means you was really, really small and you got big or you was really, really big and you got small. Either way, it means change."
Those were the words of my first boyfriend after expressing my fear of undressing in front of him. Around that time my stretch marks were fresh - the color of dark cinnamon - and nothing sweet to the taste of my own self-confidence. All the girls my age still had their baby-smooth skin and I was a walking case study for cocoa butter. I felt ugly and ashamed of my marks. My mother had stretch marks on her stomach after two children; I was sixteen and had just barely found out how a tampon worked.
Fast forward to 2017, when stretch marks are going through an unexpected glow-up.
Supermodel Lais Ribeiro infamously flaunted not only a bra that could outbid my student loans but her stretch marks on the Victoria's Secret runway. Missguided, a top brand in fast fashion, has declared that they are ceasing the of Photoshop to hide stretch marks on their models' bodies. This past fall, Victoria's Secret released an untouched photoshoot of Jasmine Tookes revealing her own stretch marks. Plus-size model Lucija Lugomer fully embraced her stretch marks and talked about her journey to self-acceptance. Model and Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi posted a photo of herself earlier this month with her stretch marks in full view. All of these posts were garnished with hype and praise. Why?
Why are stretch marks - these reminders of our growth and existence - receiving so much viral attention? But then again, why shouldn't they?
via Instagram (@victoriassecret_passion)
The main problem, of course, is lack of representation. A rule of thumb: if it has to become a hashtag, it's because there's a need being called out. Body positivity is a movement that is taking over the internet simply because there aren't enough images of “normal" bodies in mainstream media.
When we think of the culture of beauty and high-fashion, we are conditioned to believe that imperfection isn't even supposed to exist. Between photo-editing and filters and apps that smooth our complexions with the touch of a button, we're constantly exposed to everyone else's idea of beauty. Out of this perfection-focused era comes a new one, in which women are recognizing the need to normalize their flaws and take matters into their own hands in beautiful ways.
In the same space of praise, I recognize the bittersweet reality that representation of such “oddities" is scarce. I'm hopeful that we will normalize the celebration of the woman's body in all forms, shapes, sizes, and marks alike so much that it becomes like breathing. I'm calling out a beauty revolution. I'm taking the initiative to look at these viral posts as a head nod in the direction of change in the way we view “flaws."
Call them what you will: tiger stripes, battle wounds, growth lines, marks on the tree.
Our scars have stories. They are reminders that we are superwomen and subject to our gravity here on earth.
Stretch marks are not a trend, but a sentiment of humanism that keeps us connected by embracing the nature of life. This should be viral and celebrated - to the point it becomes second nature. Embracing every inch, every line, every crevice of ourselves is what forms the nucleus of revolution. There is magic hidden in our perceived flaws that's dying to unfold, and I believe that those of us who were touched by the viral posts of stretch marks know it, too.
If the recent posts weren't enough of a reminder, I hope you know your scars are beautiful. I hope you know that your beauty doesn't have to harmonize with the ideals of others to be validated. I hope you know that you are not alone as you look in the mirror and wish for your outer thighs to get a clean slate.
Let the marks be reminders of how we stretched to love others and grew into the woman we were called to be.
For this beauty revolution I can only ask that you plant a seed in your wound and turn it into wisdom for the next woman to indulge. Allow others to reimagine the era of struggle they went through as a time of reformation and revolution, to reach a self that they had lost touch with in the fire of their pain. Remind yourself and remind others of their beauty. Being ourselves is the only beauty standard we need to abide by, and I hope every time women do this it goes viral. Cocoa butter kisses to our beautifully stretch-marked selves.
Are you learning to embrace your stretch marks or other body "flaws"? Share your experience with self-acceptance in the comments.
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While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Sherri recognized a need in her community and decided to act on it. Today, she is not only a thriving entrepreneur but also a published author, business coach, and motivational speaker.
Additionally, her daughter is following in her entrepreneurial footsteps. Together, they are the dynamic duo behind the Offices at Dogwood Park. Within this building, Sherri and Janaya operate their Success Suite, offering cost-effective conference rooms and business suites for emerging entrepreneurs.
Janaya also runs her own business, Belle Lux Day Spa, which occupies a quarter of the building and exemplifies the family's entrepreneurial spirit.
Sherri J’s journey was far from easy, and throughout this process, she’s learned a great deal about the childcare industry, money management, and the power of determination. She shared a bit of her journey with us in today's Money Talks.
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On how she got started:
"Well, I fell pregnant very early in life, at 14 years old. That's what molded me and the rest of my life. I had to learn responsibility very, very early. I had to be a mother all while balancing being a teenager, trying to find and learn myself. Having that type of responsibility at such an early age gave me a quicker start at life.
"Anyway, my daughter's father’s side of the family was into childcare. I had to work for them to kind of earn my keep and to take care of this new child that I had sprung on everybody. So in working for her father's side of the family, I learned the childcare industry – really unbeknownst to me. I was kind of being molded into being the person that I am today. Then I decided I wanted to step out on faith and try to open my own childcare center; I did that by 24. Long story short, that's what got me to where I am today."
On her initial relationship with money:
"I didn't have the option or experience to be good with money. I didn't know anything about it. My mom was just the average everyday working woman trying to make ends meet. I didn't know what a wealthy lifestyle was. I didn't know what having money looked or felt like. I think I got my first understanding of it when I met his family and saw what they had. That's when I knew we didn't have money."
On stepping out on her own:
"I was very scared because, at this time, I was working as an executive assistant to the principal for [the] Atlanta Public School System. So I was making maybe $35,000 in my early twenties. I had always been in corporate America. I worked for Wachovia Bank (Wells Fargo) and H&R Block and felt like I had gotten a good job at the school system.
"I mean, 16 years ago, $35,000 was a lot of money for a 21-year-old. But I knew that I wanted to always be a resource for my daughter, and even on $35,000, I was barely making ends meet. I had enough to pay my rent, my little car note, and maybe buy some McDonald's here and there."
On using her taxes for startup money:
"When I made the decision to jump into childcare, I had saved three years' worth of tax returns. At the time, I was getting between a $2,500 to $4,000 return. And one year, I just decided not to spend it. Also, I was saving like $100 out of each check. For two years, I ended up with about $5,000 – so that was my startup. I literally just buckled down and decided not to waste the money."
"When I made the decision to jump into childcare, I had saved three years' worth of tax returns. At the time, I was getting between a $2,500 to $4,000 return. And one year, I just decided not to spend it... For two years, I ended up with about $5,000 – so that was my startup. I literally just buckled down and decided not to waste the money."
On her favorite splurges:
"Sadly, I do not splurge. I like cars so when I want a new car, I'm going to get one. But that's not all the time. You know? I really don’t do much for myself. Everything I do is always for other people. My life is really 'complex-simplicity.' But for my 40th birthday last year, I threw a huge party and went to Turkey. That was the beginning of me doing more for myself. Oh, and property! I’m responsible, but I’ll buy a property in a minute."
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On money-lessons she learned the hard way:
"I was never taught budgeting, so I had to figure it out on my own. And honestly, most Black people are counting and spending their money before they get it. So mentally, they know exactly what they do and don't have.
"Childcare is fast money. If you set up shop in the right location, you can go from $0 to $40,000 quickly. And this happened so early on in my business and so fast that I was out having fun, spending all this money, but I wasn't growing the business that I started.
"You gotta think, I went from getting around $1,200 every two weeks to $8,000. But I learned very, very quickly that I couldn't be gone on vacation 24/7 because no one was running or growing the business. And so it wasn't until that $8,000 a week was $2,500 a week, then $1,800 a week, that I realized I didn’t have as many kids to care for!"
"Childcare is fast money. If you set up shop in the right location, you can go from $0 to $40,000 quickly. And this happened so early on in my business and so fast that I was out having fun, spending all this money, but I wasn't growing the business that I started."
On real estate and passive income:
"I'm a licensed Realtor in both Georgia and Florida, and I became licensed in both states because I invest in real estate. I own the buildings for all my childcare centers outright, with no mortgages. I also own the buildings for any business I operate; I don't rent from anyone. My investment portfolio is focused on real estate because it consistently gains value, and you can always generate income from it.
"Whether you choose to start a business or rent it out, real estate offers flexibility. If you need to access funds, real estate allows for that too. I always recommend investing in real estate because it has worked well for me."
On a final, personal money-saving tip:
"I would say, if your business is a heavy cash flow business, meaning you get a lot of cash but also accept credit cards, checks, and etc., save the cash that you do not need. Put that cash in savings, don’t ride around with it. That way you don’t think twice about spending it."
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