The Act Of Surrender Connected Me To God Parts Of Myself

Reintroduce yourself to yourself


A significant part of my journey has been finding my way to healing. I looked for signs in activities or other people to tell me that I would be better soon. I relied on finding that one hobby, that one job, or that one true love so that I could forget about what I was holding on to. But that's the point, the pain I felt was still there.

The truth is, when I depended on people or activities to keep me distracted, it just led to disappointment.

When I was tired of being disappointed, I was ready to give up. However, while "giving up" is frowned upon, so is letting go of control. Ultimately, it took stopping and being present in the moment to find my way back to me. I had to realize I had zero control at all. I couldn't continue to live in the past or the future, I had to live in the now. That is the act of surrender.

Of course, everyone's surrendering is different, but from my experience, surrender has taught me three lessons that I needed to take myself to higher levels.

1.Get Uncomfortable As Hell

awkward erm GIF by Dyo Giphy

Whether you are busy in your 9-5, trying to find your next passion, or simply lack interest in anything your life currently offers, you might be in a routine rut. You've become familiar with what feels good to you and what you have tolerated. You've become so content with specific environments and people that you have created your own sense of "normal". To put it in three words, you are comfortable.

Well, let me tell you, surrendering is going to be one of the most uncomfortable things you are going to experience in your damn life.

Growing up, I was the good girl who followed the rules, and trying new things was not something I looked for often. Why? Because I was comfortable. Fast forward to 15 years later; I still enjoyed being comfortable until I didn't. What people don't tell you is that surrendering is not something you do to clear your mind and go back to old habits, surrendering is a wake-up call. It is instability at its finest. It is a way for you to reintroduce yourself to yourself.

2.All Questions Do Not Need Answer

music video question GIF Giphy

Once you begin to feel how uncomfortable unraveling yourself can be, questions start to come up. You even start having conversations with yourself. You begin to question parts of your childhood, your family, how you react to situations, who is in your inner circle, your love life, why certain things just so happen to keep repeating themselves, etc.

However, you will learn that through surrendering, it is not about getting all the answers; it's about letting go of all the questions. Sometimes if we don't understand something or see a logical explanation for it, our anxiety takes over and we fear not knowing. If I feel "not knowing" is a threat to my well-being in a way, I become obsessed with finding answers. Well, surrendering is a way to shut all that shit down. Imagine my little curious self saying, "Wait, so the answer to this question is that there is no answer?"

Having unanswered questions is part of the imbalance. When you get to a point where there is no need to have answers, you can accept the mysteries of what life entails. You can accept that it is no longer your responsibility to understand everything. You can follow the WHAT, while not understanding the WHY. And that is OK.

3.Commit To Yourself

Happy Dance GIF by SHAVONE. Giphy

You are the only one in this experience right now. You only have you to depend on, and that is the scary part. As you become more aware of who you are, you have to choose to have faith in your tomorrow self while working on your today self, who is still as lost as yesterday's self. Surrendering is about taking those unanswered questions and being present in the moment.

To resurface your purpose and redefine yourself, you must believe in the amazingness that already lives within you. You are not striving to find what makes you great, but watering what has already been planted. Surrendering is going to help you tap into the God parts of you and connect you to your powerful abilities that were suppressed from the outside world.

When I decided to commit to myself, it became unmatched to any other relationship I made in the future. Why? Because when you "give up" on expectations while never giving up on yourself, that is where the magic of surrendering lies. Will there be times when you feel like you have failed at surrendering? Yes. Will you still give yourself permission to get back up and surrender again? Absolutely.

When you get to that day, after learning everything that your own surrendering has taught you, you will look back and say to yourself, "This was the best decision I have ever made!"

Featured image by Shutterstock

You know what? Sometimes, you've got to push a few coins aside and determine in your mind that you're going to invest into your sex life (if you had a sex jar, this would be easier to do, by the way. You can read more about what that is all about here). If you're someone who is totally down to do that, but you don't have a clue where to begin, boy have you come to the right place! Between the joy of being a writer who sometimes gets samples sent to me, the constant research that I do for the couples I work with and having folks shout-out certain items semi-often, I've compiled a list of 12 sex-related items that may seem random AF (a pun is kind of intended there) and, at the same time, can make sex so much better between you and your partner. Where's your pad at? You're definitely gonna wanna take note.

Keep reading... Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.

Recently, I was talking to a friend of mine about someone who once told me that they had an annual week-long summer rendezvous that lasted for over 15 years with someone else. Yep — this individual would meet up with another person who lived in a different state, solely to have sex for a week straight, and then return to their city as if nothing ever happened. According to them, the only reason why this ritual romp eventually came to an end is because the other person decided to get serious about someone else; however, it wasn't until it ended that the person who told me the story realized how attached they actually had become to their sex partner (a cautionary tale). After I completed my lil' tale, my friend simply said, "Oh, I do that s — t every cuffing season. There are some people who I only talk to around this time of year, we f — k around and then that's that until the season comes around again."

Keep reading... Show less

How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks about love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.

When it comes to sexuality, there have always been societal limitations centered on what is "acceptable." However, with more honest conversations about how fluid sexuality and sexual expression can be, now there are so many more opportunities for self-exploration and taking back ownership of our identities again. One couple that is living their truth and being sexual beings unapologetically while living and loving their lives are Jasmine Johnson and King Noire.

Keep reading... Show less

I'm so excited because one of my favorite unscripted shows is back. OWN's Ready to Love is a dating series that follows professionals over 30, looking for long-lasting relationships. Hosted by Nephew Tommy, it follows singles who desire true connections and are grouped together to find them.

Keep reading... Show less

Social media influencer and actress Tabitha Brown has garnered viral fame through her inspirational and vegan videos on Instagram, thanks to her cheerful personality and infectious smile. Now, she is entering a new phase in her life as an author. The 42-year-old released Feeding the Soul on Sept. 28 and recently shared an emotional video of herself after finding out her book was number one on the New York Times Best Sellers list.

Keep reading... Show less
Exclusive Interviews

Jill Scott Talks Balance, 'Highway To Heaven' & Not Burning Herself Out To Produce

In this exclusive, the actress dishes on executive producing the reboot, and balancing business and motherhood.

Latest Posts