What Not To Say To Someone With Generalized Anxiety Disorder
I've personally struggled with anxiety for most of my adult life.
I've also suffered from bouts of depression.
I first noticed it during my senior year of college. I was anxious about everything from my classes, the retail job I hated, my apparent inability to maintain healthy relationships, and anything else you could think of. While all of that was racking my brain, just the thought of taking the next steps into adulthood would leave me clutching my knees in defeat on my apartment floor. I never really talked about it with anyone back then. I just concluded I was a sorry excuse for an adult and I dropped out during the second trimester of my senior year thinking this would alleviate some of my mental anguish.
I was wrong. It only added to list I had created about how I was failing at life and my anxiety was at an all-time high. I say all this to say that you never truly know the severity of what people are going through, especially as it relates to mental health. Anyone who has struggled with mental health issues, be it short-lived or a lasting condition, has probably had someone express doubt or indifference to their condition. Below are just a few of the unfair generalizations people with mental health issues experience.
"You're Being Dramatic"
I had a friend in high school who used to have anxiety attacks. I always thought she was a little on the dramatic side, so I figured this was just a part of the package. I'd eventually realize how judgmental I was being. Fast forward to my 20's, life was happening, and not how I planned. Eventually, my circumstances overwhelmed me and I had my first anxiety attack.
It started out as a normal day. I was standing at the sink washing dishes, quietly fighting with my ruminating thoughts. From time to time, I'd glance at my two little ones playing in the hall. They had such a pure, happy and worry-free existence. I felt unworthy to be in their presence. "I'm such a sh**ty mom," I said to myself. In an effort to calm myself, I attempted to take a deep breath.
Nothing.
I tried to take another breath. Nothing. It was like I had a cap on how much oxygen my lungs could take in. I started getting dizzy. I rushed past my toddlers, oblivious to my condition, grabbing at my legs for hugs. I clambered to sit down on my living room couch. Tears began to stream as I hurried to call my mom. In a defeated breath, I struggled to explain what was happening. My parents quickly arrived and my dad whisked me to the ER while my mom stayed home with my little ones.
It was terrifying. I felt like I couldn't breathe, and every time I fought to take a breath, I felt like I was draining what little energy I had left. I was super lightheaded and I just felt (as dramatic as it sounds) this sense of doom. After a trip to the ER, I was given a clean slate of physical health. After another visit to the same ER for the same symptoms, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and was told to follow up with my regular doctor and a therapist/counselor.
Although I didn't do it right away, I noticed the benefits of talking to someone immediately.
"Pray It Away"
I can't remember the last time I set foot in a church, but my relationship with God has done nothing less than thrive. I won't say it has been a perfect road but it has made me seek my own relationship with God on my terms. I understand wanting to congregate with like-minded souls. That's beautiful. But the hypocrisy and judgemental air that exists in a lot of congregations makes me less than enthused to wake up early Sunday morning, drape myself in my Sunday's best and head on to church. I realized I could find solace in singing my favorite spiritual songs, reading from my devotionals and having a one-on-one time with God.
This has made me view myself as more spiritual than religious. I will say I am a believer in the power of pray. I understand that a talk with God can do wonders. But I also believe that some people want another human being to talk to. Someone that walks this earth and sees and experiences the surroundings like they do. I believe that God places people in our lives for a reason.
Some people are blessed with an exceptional ability to understand, sympathize, and help us find solutions to our mental, emotional, and physical struggles.
I've been in a place before where the thoughts are so loud that you need to see, hear and feel someone physically. Whether it be a hug while you cry. An empathetic ear to listen to your troubles. A human gaze to see your pain. Rather than saying, "God will fix it, they'll be fine," ask God how you can help someone. Take the time to let someone know you are there should they need you.
"It Will Pass"
True. To an extent.
An event or moment will pass because technically you can't live in a moment forever. Moments end. Some of those endings feel like a defeat. Some of those endings are traumatizing. Some of those endings bring about lingering negative side effects that need to be addressed and worked out. This takes time.
While some people can do this without assistance, others may need to seek help. There is absolutely no shame in that.
I expressed all that to say this: don't judge. You never know what someone is dealing with. You never know what someone has been through. Brave faces can hide a tortured mind. If you are struggling with mental health issues, please take the time to talk to someone. Whether it be a trusted close friend, family member, a doctor, therapist, or counselor. Show up for yourself and your mental well-being.
Your life is too precious.
If you are someone you know is suicidal please reach out to someone you trust or The National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. They also have a chat-room you can use to speak with someone.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Ray is a wife, stay-at-home mom of two amazing little beings, and an impassioned freelance writer. After personal struggles with anxiety and depression, she combined her passion for writing with a cause close to her heart: mental health. She is currently working on launching her self-care blog, Tea and Fluffy Things.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Why We'll Probably Never Hear Lupita Nyong'o Share Her Relationship With The World
Lupita Nyong'o is sharing a transparent look into her life after a recent breakup.
In a cover story for NET-A-PORTER, the A Quiet Place: Day One star shed light on the significant heartbreak she experienced following the end of her relationship with ex-boyfriend and TV host, Selema Masekela.
As a public figure, Nyong'o, 39, sought to divulge the news of the breakup in hopes of presenting a more authentic perspective on the pain that follows a separation.
"I was living in a lot of pain and heartbreak," she told the publication. "I looked at the environment of my social media and thought I don’t want to be a part of this illusion that everything is always coming up roses. Surely there is a lesson for me to learn in this, and I just want to be real about it."
The Black Panther star went on to explain that her choice to be transparent with her fans about her breakup came from the certainty she felt after ending the relationship. “In my mind, when I shared my relationship status with the world, it was because I felt sure about it,” she said.
While she didn’t know how the news would land with her fans, she found relief in knowing she wasn’t alone in her experience.
“I knew how it could be interpreted; I knew it would have a life of its own,” she reflects. “But then I started to see the comments and people were being so loving and supportive. The ones that moved me the most were other people sharing their pain and their heartbreak.”
Nyong'o and Masekela went Instagram official in December 2022, publicly announcing their relationship in a couple's video. In October 2023, Nyong'o took to her personal Instagram account to share the news of her breakup in her caption, writing, "At this moment, it is necessary for me to share a personal truth and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer trust.”
She continued the vulnerable note, "I find myself in a season of heartbreak because of a love suddenly and devastatingly extinguished by deception. I am tempted to run into the shadows and hide, only to return to the light when I have regained my strength enough for me to say, 'Whatever, my life is better this way.' But I am reminded that the magnitude of the pain I am feeling is equal to the measure of my capacity for love."
These days, Nyong'o tells NET-A-PORTER that she is prioritizing profound self-discovery that extends beyond her career. She notes having a deliberate and unhurried approach to understanding herself.
She also alludes to keeping her relationships private moving forward after noting it was "very, very sage" of her not to talk about her private life professionally in the days before her last relationship. "I'm going back to those days by the way," Nyong'o shares of her reinstated boundaries around her personal life.
Earlier this month, Nyong'o made headlines alongside her new boyfriend actor Joshua Jackson. Nyong'o and Jackson went through public splits from their respective SOs in October 2023, with the latter splitting from his long-time partner Jodie Turner-Smith following her divorce filing from the Dawson's Creek alum.
The pair have been spotted together as early as December 2023, but nothing screamed "couple" quite as loudly as their recent getaway to Mexico for Nyong'o's 41st birthday featuring passionate displays of affection.
"Our purpose in life is to love. And so you have to get back in it," she tells the outlet, seemingly alluding to her budding new romance.
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Featured image by Taylor Hill/Getty Images