Energy Vampire Sucking You Dry? Here's How To Spot & Confront Draining Relationships
Have you ever spent an extended amount of time around someone, and after returning to your own space, you realize, “Wow, I’m drained”? Or maybe there’s a friend that can’t help but rehash the same situation, sucking the life out of your time together. From our family to co-workers and even friends, we can find ourselves in dynamics with people who seem to zap the emotional or mental energy out of those around us. And if you can relate, you may have come across an "energy vampire."
What Is an “Energy Vampire"?
Individuals who exhibit behaviors such as constant complaining, negativity, or an insatiable need for attention, are typically associated with the term energy vampires.
“An energy vampire is a person who tends to leave the people they come across and interact with feeling emotionally drained after said interaction, often due to a consistently expressed, perhaps overly pessimistic perspective,” Dr. Byron Young, a Child, Adolescent & Adult Psychiatrist and Selfmade Mental Health Expert tells xoNecole.
“These people not only have a very ‘woe-is-me’ attitude but often share it and ask those around them to engage with that pessimistic or heavy attitude,” he adds.
When identifying the traits of an energy vampire, you may find yourself feeling the effects of their presence before actually identifying them as such. “They sometimes look to others to hold their emotional baggage or to offer a kinder perspective than the one they have, placing their emotional healing work on the shoulders of others,” Dr. Young says.
What Causes Energy Vampire Behavior?
It may be easy to label a person exhibiting energy-draining behavior as “intentionally self-centered” or self-victimizing, but recognizing the complexity of their backgrounds from a place of empathy could be an effective approach.
“These individuals often want folks to join them in their difficult perspective or are reaching for others to give empathy and sympathy as a way to feel cared for,” Dr. Young shares. “These folks can often struggle with self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.”
While Dr. Young doesn’t fully agree with the terminology around the term “vampire” due to it being “somewhat dehumanizing language,” he emphasizes that a more nuanced understanding of those displaying these characteristics may be more appropriate.
“There is an underlying emotional health or boundary-setting issue in the folks being drained by said vampire, as things like anxiety or deep introversion are common reasons people might feel drained by another person, energy vampire or not,” he says. “I think those who struggle with setting boundaries with others due to a myriad of reasons may be more susceptible to creating energy vampire situations where they may not have to.”
He also notes that individuals exhibiting energy vampire tendencies may have underlying personality pathology.
“At the most extreme levels, many of these individuals may suffer from personality pathology. Particularly disorders like Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder,” he says.
How To Spot the Signs of an Energy Vampire
It’s safe to say that being in the presence of an energy vampire can be draining, which can result in emotional and mental exhaustion from prolonged interactions. While these individuals may not necessarily be aware of their impact on others, noticing the behavior can be a productive first step in confronting it.
“I think the first step is reflecting and scanning how you feel after spending time with a person like that,” he says, “Asking yourself, 'Is this pattern a way I often feel after interacting with people in general?’ can highlight if there is perhaps some self-work to be done.”
How To Protect Your Energy From Energy Vampires
If consistent patterns of emotional heaviness or a sense of being emotionally drained emerge after interacting with a specific individual, it may be time to set boundaries, practice self-care, and foster open communication to deal with energy vampires in personal and professional dynamics. Dr. Young recommends the following:
1. Prioritize Your Emotional Well-Being:
“Making sure that you are taking care of yourself emotionally and working on your own self-esteem or anxiety struggles is key. The airplane analogy of ‘putting your mask on before others’ is so often a helpful framework to live by.”
2. Set Healthy Boundaries:
“Unfortunately, our society often rewards those who impede on boundaries. There is such a fear or setting that are reinforced for a myriad of reasons, including the patriarchy, and that truly has to change. Setting boundaries has to be a way we value our own humanity, dignity, and self-respect.”
3. Create Healthy Distance:
“If our boundaries and expression of our needs in any relationship are not met, we must have the courage to create healthy distance from those relationships that don’t serve us or are deleterious to our own sense of wellness, no matter who the person is.”
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Feature image by Peter Griffith/ Getty Images
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Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Rechelle Dennis Talks Working With Family, Burnout & Girls United Disruptor Summit
When a Black woman dreams, she dreams big, and Rechelle Dennis is no exception. As the co-creator of Essence Girls United, a Gen-Z platform, it’s clear she’s focused not just on sustaining the platform’s success but also on taking it to new heights through partnerships, innovative programs, or fresh ways to engage and uplift the community.
Her vision is all about creating more impactful opportunities for young Black women to thrive, which is also a vision she shares with her sister and co-worker, Sophia.
Sister, Sister
We love a good sister duo, and Rechelle’s working relationship with Sophia is the perfect example of how to keep family first while building something amazing. I couldn’t help but ask her what it’s like to work so closely with her sister—because, let’s face it, business and family can get tricky. Rechelle gives xoNecole the tea on how they make it work, keep things fun, and maintain that special bond.
“Sophia and I are very different but very similar at the same time. We're both very strong-headed. Sophia is definitely the more creative and outgoing one, while I am very much of a workaholic," Rechelle tells us. "I'm very reserved when you meet me, but once you get to know me and the layers come off, you're gonna think I'm insane in a good way."
She continues, "It's like any relationship. You understand what their strengths and weaknesses are, and then you just lean into that. You just meet people where they're at and find a way to work with each other and to where everybody is or feels like they're bringing the best to whatever it is you're building or doing. We’re also able to challenge each other and come knowing that we're both trying to get to the best possible outcome."
Staying Grounded and Self-Care Vibes
We know that life can get real busy, and as a self-proclaimed workaholic, Rechelle juggles a lot. Balancing work, family, and personal time is a challenge many of us face, as burnout can happen. Rechelle shares some of her go-to practices for avoiding burnout and making sure she stays centered in her hectic schedule.
“How do I avoid burnout? I've been asking myself a lot lately. Burnout is something that happens to everybody, and I feel like I've never really addressed it. I think that's also something that I'm still learning myself because that's how I'm wired, is to always be on," she explains.
"What I've realized and what I've done more is having more of that internal dialogue with myself and putting the phone down. TikTok is gonna wait. Instagram is gonna wait. You just gotta soak in your bath and maybe text your friend. It sounds kind of toxic, but not talking to anybody."
She continues, "I'm very clear when I know my social battery is exhausted. I know when it's time for me to leave a party or an event. I also know when to make space when I have to go to an event. I'm going to just sit in my room quietly and then prepare for this. I think it's also just about knowing yourself and knowing when to Irish exit. It's really important to know yourself or just spend time getting to know yourself.”
Gearing Up for What’s Next
With Saturday’s Girls United Disruptor Summit around the corner, the excitement is real. “I think the goal is, as always, continuing to strengthen and pour into our community and provide as much value as possible," she says.
The summit also provides mentorship opportunities for young Black women and professionals in various industries. "It's giving people those opportunities, the ability to live their wildest dreams, and step into that next era," she says.
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Feature image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images