How Wellness Enthusiasts Approach Productivity Differently
At the top of most people's list of goals is normally the usual culprit: I want to be more productive and focused. I want to get more stuff done this year. So many of my girlfriends usually send themselves into a "life hack frenzy" – Googling every productivity solution known to mankind. This usually starts with a week of "results" and ends with a forgotten goal and a return to old habits. What if the key to maximizing productivity was rethinking our approach? While so many of us think we can hack our way to optimizing our output, we oftentimes forget about the bigger picture.
Productivity is a mindset. It's a lifestyle. It's part of the wellness journey. If we're open to finding the connections between productivity and our overall physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional states, defining and achieving "productivity" on an individual level doesn't have to be as difficult. Scroll through to learn how some of your favorite wellness enthusiasts approach productivity. They share their favorite strategies, tips, and techniques that can help you along your own journey to a better you!
Note: Answers have been edited for length and clarity.
Create Patterns & Lists.
Photo Credit: Lydia Hudgens
Courtesy of Jessamyn Stanley
Jessamyn Stanley, Yoga Teacher & Writer - @mynameisjessamyn
"If you don't take care of every piece of yourself, you won't be able to be all that you can be. I have patterns. In the morning, I wake up and make my bed. That's a core part of closing out the time that I was in my bed. Then I have time with myself, even if it's just five minutes of mindful breathing. I usually do some sort of yoga and meditation practice and another type of physical exercise, whether it's cardio, weight training…it has to be time that is not for anything else. It's something that grounds me in myself.
Being able to let it be fluid is a key part. I allow it to morph and change depending on where I am and how much time I have. There may come a day when the [situation will change] and before you know it, the pattern is gone. You can say, 'It's okay for it to be how it is today. It's okay for me to miss a day. Oh, I don't have my usual hour, I got 30 minutes, that's fine.' I'm not running a short race. I'm running the marathon of life.
I also believe in making lists so that you can see the things you're trying to accomplish. Put different sized things on the list so you can constantly be checking things off. Even if it's just a small thing – it's totally on the list. It's right next to the big thing. That makes the big thing seem more attainable."
Recommended books: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, Becoming by Michelle Obama
"I'm not running a short race. I'm running the marathon of life."
Focus On Positive Energy.
Dade Shelby, Yoga Instructor & Trainer - @dade2shelby
"Everything is a journey. [Productivity] is something I'm always working toward. I never have it completely figured out. It's good to have a practice or routine that helps brings you back to where you need to be.
Daily, when I encounter bad energy, I never transfer that to the next place. If I have a bad morning and I'm headed to work, I sit in my car for a few minutes and breathe. I listen to music or sounds that will bring me back to a peaceful state. I meditate for three minutes to bring myself down and not bring bad energy from one place to the next.
[An activity like] yoga clears your mind. It's a non-impact way to start doing things. If physicality is the issue, it's a good intro back into that. Mentally, it brings you into a peaceful mindstate where you can think more clearly and get your thoughts straightened out. Spiritually, it brings you back to the source - whatever that source is for [you]."
Recommended books: The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield, Light On Yoga by B.K.S Iyengar, Wheels of Life by Anodea Judith
Identify Your Triggers.
Photo Credit: Jasper Soloff
Courtesy of Emilia Ortiz
Emilia Ortiz, Bruja & Spiritual Advisor - @ethereal.1
"Identify what's causing you to be out of balance as an individual. When you are more balanced, you are able to function at a higher rate, perform better, and tap into your best qualities. Start with three (at most) that you want to address. Start with baby steps of working on your mindfulness in these areas of your everyday life. Figure out what is causing you to feel stressed or imbalanced so you can be more in the present, rather than be all over the place and focused on the past and future.
How do I best perform? I'm big on taking breaks and acknowledging when I need to take a break. I recognize that I do well under slight pressure but I don't do well when I procrastinate and put everything to the last minute. Recognize what your productivity rate is and what's best for you as far as lighting a fire under your ass and time frame. Accept and embrace that.
Don't listen to what everyone is saying about no distractions or needing background music to focus. Find your groove. You don't have to listen to what every guru has said. We're all telling you what has worked for us, but these things are guidelines. They don't have to be set in stone rules."
Recommended book: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
"Recognize what your productivity rate is and what's best for you as far as lighting a fire under your ass and time frame. Accept and embrace that."
Use Food As Fuel.
Courtesy of Tierra Burrell
Tierra Burrell, Holistic Health Consultant & Entrepreneur - @tierragoesgreen
"Food is the fuel. The same way technology gives us information. Food is our internal technology. Typically in the morning, people may grab coffee, bagel or bowl of fruit.
Think: what is nature's programming? The fruit is the only thing. Nature's programming helps your brain function. It also allows your creativity, cognitive health, and imagination to take place in beautiful ways without any of the business programming.
Drink water. Water is the filtration system of life. It's the system that the Earth runs on. It's important that we get in alignment with nature. In the mornings, get a big bowl of fruit, a big smoothie or a big bowl of oatmeal. What's the point of building a brand or getting your dream job if your health is deteriorating?
Use turmeric. It is anti-inflammatory and also a brain booster. It helps balance, mindfulness, thought process and productivity. If you're sitting in an office all day and don't get to move as you should, it's great to use turmeric for brain and joint health. It's great for prevention."
Recommended books and supplements: Sleep Smarter by Shawn Stevenson, Vegucation Over Medication by Dr. Bobby Prince, TierraGoesGreen supplements
Seek Alignment.
Photo Credit: Pete Schiazza
Courtesy of Dr. Chelsea Jackson Roberts
Dr. Chelsea Jackson Roberts, Educator & Yoga Teacher - @chelsealovesyoga
"A lot of people say hustle hard or keep going until you're exhausted. I personally don't believe in that. One of the first principles of the Yoga Sutra is nonviolence and non-harmony. You can use yoga as a way to keep from harming yourself in the process of trying to be and do everything that we want to do in this lifetime.
Yoga allows me to pause, reflect, and be quiet and listen to my own intuition. It allows me to reconnect with myself. I can feel connection to whatever is out of alignment in my life. I'm typically not in the best or most optimal space to create if I'm not feeling balanced within my life. It's a great way for me to do a self-check, especially if I am reaching a point of burnout or need to say no to someone who is asking me to do something that I want to do but don't have the bandwidth or the rest to make it happen.
I recommend Yoganidra by Tracee Stanley - which is a practice of going between meditation and deep relaxation. This is good if you are looking to use yoga as a deep relaxation tool.
My go-to posture is Shavasana aka "Corspe's Porse". It's one of the hardest postures because it's easy for us to get caught up in our day-to-day. Shavasana is a way to reconnect to how we're feeling and what's going on in our bodies, hearts, and minds."
Recommended: Every Body Yoga by Jessamyn Stanley
Set A Timer.
Photo Credit: Phil Provencio
Courtesy of Robyn Warren
Robyn Warren, Health Coach & Educator - @geekgirlstrong
"Sometimes I set a one hour timer for responding to emails, taking a break to play video games, or working on that big project that needs to be broken down into parts. Once that time is up, it is also time to move on. You can use a timer to dictate when you are allowed to check inboxes, texts, social media, etc. Try hacking your phone. Try putting time limits on certain apps, putting your phone on grayscale, and/or just putting it out of your reach."
Originally published on February 27, 2019
Featured image courtesy of Dr. Chelsea Jackson Roberts
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Rana Campbell is a Princeton University graduate, storyteller, content marketing strategist, and the founder and host of Dreams In Drive - a weekly podcast that teaches you how to take your dreams from PARK to DRIVE. She loves teaching others how to use their life stories to inspire action within oneself and others. Connect with her on Instagram @rainshineluv or @dreamsindrive.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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Feature image by fizkes/ Getty Images