2023 ends with Mercury in retrograde, and with the events of the year, this makes a lot of sense. Healing is needed, new ground must be built, and chapters are closing that have been lost in the chaos. The end of the year may feel a little heavier as we work on releasing the strong bonds that have been holding us back from living out our dreams and true potential.
When Is the Final Mercury Retrograde of 2023?
Mercury enters Capricorn on Dec. 1 and goes retrograde on Dec. 13. Mercury retrograde then moves into Sagittarius on Dec. 23, where it will finish its retrograde motion until Jan. 1, 2024. Mercury wants to send a message at the end of this year, and the message, “Get things together before the new year because you can’t bring old energy into new blessings.”
Read: Your December 2023 Horoscopes Are All About Fresh Starts And Pushing Boundaries
Mercury Retrograde December 2023 & Its Meaning
Mercury retrograde happens a few times every year and throughout different signs and modalities. This year, Mercury’s retrogrades were giving earth signs a run for their money, as its transits were in these signs this year. This Mercury retrograde transit is a little different, as it moves into a fire sign at the end of its transit, signifying a shift being made before the year ends.
Use this Mercury retrograde to put the past behind you, to get things in order, especially financially, and to be a little more responsible. This is not the most favorable time to sign contracts, travel without planning thoroughly, overcommit, or rush things.
Mercury retrograde is overall a time to gain inspiration, rest more, refocus your thoughts, and give yourself time to stand on new ground.
Read below to see how this Mercury Retrograde transit will be affecting you. Read for your sun sign and rising sign.
What the Final Mercury Retrograde of 2023 Has in Store for Your Sign
Getty ImagesWhat the Final Mercury Retrograde of 2023 Has in Store for Your Sign
ARIES
Career and professional matters come into focus for you during this Mercury retrograde, and you are thinking all about your long-term goals right now, Aries. It’s about being okay with cheering yourself on for a while, with or without that same recognition from others. Know that what you have accomplished for yourself is just as worthy of support, and it will come when it needs to. Honor your skills and your talents, be willing to learn more, and continue to expect and believe in your blessings in life.
With the energy of this Mercury retrograde, you could be experiencing some misunderstandings with authority figures, clients, or peers in your working environment. Feelings of not being understood or appreciated for the work you are doing can come up for you during this time, and you are seeking some stability and assurance in your career right now. Patience and discernment at work are necessary, and you’ll want to go over the work you produce thoroughly during this time.
This Mercury retro ends with the energy moving into your 9th house, and your mind is somewhere else entirely by the end of the year, which helps you relax without putting too much pressure on yourself.
TAURUS
This Mercury retrograde for you, Taurus, is about taking things slow, enjoying your time, and not rushing plans or adventures. You may be feeling a little more restless during this transit, but use this time to get your body moving rather than lead towards impulsion. With this Mercury retrograde occurring in your 9th house of adventure, travel, and the higher mind, there is a sense of needing some more downtime to reflect and understand what your inner world has been guiding you towards without the chatter of others. This isn’t the best time to travel, but it is a good time to explore in ways that you can.
Know that plans change and paths detour, but they are often blessings in disguise rather than true hindrances to our lives. Through the experiences you’ve encountered so far this year, a new perspective has been born, and you are looking at your beliefs, truths, and values right now. At the end of this transit, Mercury retro will be helping you bring things into focus financially, and some of the inspirations and adventures you were musing over at the beginning of this transit are moving through the planning stages now.
GEMINI
This Mercury retrograde for you, is a transformative experience, Gemini. Mercury retrogrades always hit a little closer to home for you since Mercury is your chart ruler, but this one is especially being felt as it’s happening in your 8th house of depth, rebirth, sensuality, and intimacy. Mercury will be bringing the focus on where your energy has been spent and if it’s benefiting you and your empowerment in life, or limiting you.
It’s about asking for what you need within your close partnerships, commitments, and within your financial world, and knowing that you deserve just that.
Once Mercury goes direct on Jan. 1, 2024, you are going to feel more clarity and empowerment in your life and feel like you have cleared the way for more blessings to enter. However, before Mercury goes direct, it will briefly move into Sagittarius, your sister sign, and relationship matters are once again being brought up for you to clear and understand for the better. This transit is about breaking down the walls you’ve had around your mind and allowing a new perspective to be born.
CANCER
Mercury will be retrograde in your opposite sign, Capricorn, making this retrograde transit about your relationships in life, Cancer. You are focused on where the love has been and where you still want it to grow, and it’s about being patient with your efforts. You could be experiencing some miscommunications within your one-on-one partnerships during this transit, and will be understanding your own mirror and triggers better. Relationship dynamics are shifting, trust that they will shift into a better position for love to thrive.
The end of this transit involved Mercury moving into your 6th house of health, work, and daily routine, and this is the energy you are re-working in your life as the year comes to an end. Old health concerns may reappear during this time so that you can get another chance at greater health, healing, and understanding of your body. Overall, you are finding a way to create new, beneficial systems in your life during this transit.
LEO
Taking care of your health and honoring your time and energy is a priority right now, Leo. With this Mercury retrograde, this is a good time to strengthen a skill, dive into a subject you want to know more about, and put a little more focus on your overall well-being. You especially value being of service right now and will have the energy to get things done, but be careful with errors and double-check your work thoroughly.
Once Mercury goes direct on Jan. 1, 2024, you are going to start seeing more improvements at work, forward movement with projects, and more balance with your peers and within your everyday life. Before Mercury retro comes to a close, however, it moves into your 5th house of romance for a brief period, and your heart may be a little more confused as the year ends. Be careful with smoke and mirrors appearing as fate, and know that romance that takes its time to develop is just as valuable to you right now.
VIRGO
This Mercury retrograde transit for you has to do with love, romance, and your sense of happiness in life right now. You may be finding that things that once made you happy are a little lackluster now, and you are moving through a journey of listening to your heart more. If you haven’t been prioritizing your happiness, hobbies, or leisure time, this matter will be becoming more pressing for you now.
Any limitations you have been feeling creatively and romantically come up at this time to be reviewed, healed, and understood better.
Once Mercury goes direct from this transit you will have a better understanding of what makes you happy, making it easier for you to create those spaces. The end of this Mercury retrograde for you is all about the home, and you are entering 2024 with some new ideas about your home life, emotional world, and sense of stability, and you will be breaking new ground in the new year, Virgo.
LIBRA
Mercury retrograde for you right now is all about getting back to the basics and being more practical, Libra. Spending time with family and loved ones is where your mind is right now, but also may be what’s causing you the disruption. You are taking a look at your foundations, where you are feeling that support in your life, and where you want to continue to grow your roots. Your emotional well-being is a priority, and your safe spaces are where to be to get through this.
Your stability in life and how you feel grounded in it all are in focus right now, and this is a good time to declutter, finish that home project, and bring peace into the home and surroundings. The end of this Mercury retro involves how you have been communicating, and some people from the past may be coming in for some last words. Think things through, honor your truth, and communicate from the heart.
SCORPIO
Mercury retrograde will be moving through your house of communication, and miscommunications and misunderstandings with others are more likely now. The influence for you during this transit is about overcoming previous communication challenges and seeing what has been blocking you from feeling heard or connected to others. You could be taking things a little more personally during this Mercury retrograde, and giving yourself more patience, love, and self-acceptance is needed now.
This will be an inspiring time for you, nonetheless, and journaling and writing are favored right now. The second half of this Mercury retro will be in your 2nd house of finances, and with the mental clarity you have been working towards as of late; you are now looking to see this clear focus in your finances, earnings, and earning potentials. This Mercury retrograde for you overall is about strengthening your confidence in yourself in it all, Scorpio.
SAGITTARIUS
Mercury retrograde will be putting things into focus financially for you, Sagittarius. With this being the last Mercury retrograde of the year, you are taking a look at your entire financial journey this year, and recreating new goals for yourself moving forward. You may be seeing some errors in your spending or may need to spend a little more at the end of the year, and financially, you are going through a certain closure right now.
Overall, this has to do with your values and how worthy you see yourself as living the abundant life of your dreams.
You are focusing more on the giving and receiving in your life during this time and finding greater balance here. On Dec. 23, Mercury enters your sign until Jan. 7, 2024, and will be direct on Jan. 1, 2024. Mercury in Sag is a firecracker, and anything will be less than settled during this time, but the fire that is burning is leading you to a clearer path.
CAPRICORN
Mercury retrograde begins in your sign and in your 1st house of self, Capricorn. This Mercury retrograde transit may feel a little more intense for you than most, but it will also feel more personally empowering for you as well with the way it impacts your chart. This is the type for you to take a look at the entire year that’s been, to decide on what this means for you, and to stand by your authentic truths. Don’t doubt your progress right now, and trust that your path is right for you because it is yours alone.
This Mercury retrograde for you overall is about being consistent with your personal growth and about getting your ducks in a row. On Dec. 23, Mercury retro leaves your sign and enters Sag, and you get to walk into the new year with a little less weight on your shoulders and your heart. You are seeing closures as this transit comes to an end; you are letting go of the past for good.
AQUARIUS
Life is coming full circle for you this Mercury retrograde as you close one door and prepare to walk through a new one. You may be feeling a little more emotional and in tune with your inner world during this transit, as it’s occurring at the very bottom of your chart, where everything is hidden, including the things you may necessarily not want to bring up.
This isn’t the time to entertain the past or see things better than they were, but it is the time to accept, process, and heal from them. What’s being brought up for you now is doing so so that you can experience an emotional renewal in your life, and this is the time to give yourself the space to process and heal. By the end of this transit, Mercury moves into the house your sign rules over, and you get a little push to rewrite your story and create your future.
PISCES
Mercury goes retrograde in an area of your chart having to do with friendships, community, and your hopes and dreams, and you could be feeling a lack of inspiration in your life for the time being. This doesn’t mean it isn’t there; you may just have to look a little harder to see it.
This Mercury Retrograde is allowing you to re-think some of your long-term goals to see if they still apply to you now and is helping you really examine and get the full picture.
Friendships could be experiencing a shift, but the strong ones will make it with you into the new year. Past goals, future goals, and their progress all come up for review for you during this time, and this allows you to see where you can put more intention and effort into them.
The end of this transit involves Mercury moving into your 10th house of career, and you are ending the year looking to bring things to fruition in your professional and social worlds.
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2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
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The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
GIF by Kim's ConvenienceGiphyWhereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
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1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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