The end of the year is usually about closure, but with the dance of the stars happening, there is a sense of a fresh start happening now as well. On December 1, Mercury enters the earth sign Capricorn, and it’s about grounding yourself in the growth and perspective that has been gained this year. Mercury in Capricorn is practical, but it also believes in the best of the best, signifying a time of standing your ground in the things you want and believe in right now.
Venus moves into Scorpio on December 4, and Venus in Scorpio makes love more intimate, passionate, and intense. Venus will be in Scorpio until December 29, and it’s about overcoming fears in love, allowing more intimacy and connection with one another, and not being afraid to take some risks if it means following your heart and giving your emotions a voice. Neptune goes direct in Pisces on December 6, after being retrograde since June, and this will allow emotions, creative ventures, and spirituality to become clearer and easier to grasp for the collective.
Neptune in Pisces brings emotions to the surface, and it also brings things into perspective, especially how important having faith in yourself is.
What December 2023 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
On December 12, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius aligning with the sun, and this New Moon is an expansive, fortunate, and inspiring one. This is a good time of the month to set your intentions for your future, to think big, and to go big. The following day, on December 13, Mercury officially goes retrograde in Capricorn, and this is the last Mercury retrograde of the year. This Mercury retrograde is about taking things slow, not rushing your process, and focusing on where you want to build for yourself financially. Mercury will be Retrograde in Capricorn until December 23, when it finishes its retrograde motion in Sagittarius until January 1, 2024. Mercury retrograde in Sag for a week is allowing you to see the full picture.
Capricorn season begins on December 21, and this is the type of stable and grounding energy we need as the year comes to a close. On December 26, there is a Full Moon in Cancer, and finding your balance between love and practicality is needed.
This Full Moon is the Cold Moon of the year, and emotions are high as renewal and reflection come into play as the year ends. Before the end of the month, both Chiron and Jupiter go direct, allowing spontaneity, abundance, healing, and opportunity to take place. This year has been heavy, and by the end of December, there is a chance to take a deep breath of relief.
ARIES
This month is all about your healing journey, Aries. You have been through significant ups and downs this year, and it’s all coming together to create a fresh start for you. Your wisdom has grown, your mind has seen what it needed to see, and you are ready to use what you now know to move forward. The New Moon happening this month will be in your 9th house of the mind, and mid-December is a good time to plant the seeds for where you want to illuminate your mind.
Mercury goes retrograde this month, and for you, this retrograde will be occurring in an area of your chart having to do with your career. With Mercury retro here, it’s best to use the rest of the year to rest, gain clarity, and take your wins with the losses. The most significant transit for you happening this month is Chrion going direct in your sign on December 26, after being retrograde since July of this year. Now that Chiron is direct in Aries, your healing, your wounds, and your growth are finally getting the recognition and support they need.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is a month of tapping into your inner abundance, Taurus. This is a fortuitous month for you, and some pleasant surprises and developments are in store for you. Financially, you are seeing previous plans and efforts come to fruition, and your financial status is developing. With Venus entering Scorpio at the beginning of the month and entering your 7th house of love, you are not only benefiting financially this month, but your relationships and love life are also experiencing a boost of positive energy thanks to Venus.
With Mercury going retrograde in an area of your chart having to do with travel, the higher mind, and adventure, December is not the best month for travel plans, and it’s best to stick to your safe places as the year comes to a close. The good news, however, is that Jupiter goes direct in your sign on Dec. 30, after being in retrograde for the past three months. With Jupiter, the planet of blessings, now direct and in your sign until May 2024, you are moving into some of the luckiest months in your life in over a decade.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
This month is all about balance and living in harmony, Gemini. You are flowing well with the energy of the month, and there is a lot to be grateful for and a lot of people who are grateful for you. This is a powerful month for manifesting your dreams, and you are exactly where you need to be right now. Although Mercury, your ruling planet, will be going retrograde this month, it’s happening in an area of your chart that is allowing you to heal and move on for good on things that have been feeling restrictive and limiting for you. You are finding your power.
The New Moon of the month is happening on Dec. 12, and it’s occurring in your sister sign, Sagittarius. With a New Moon in your opposite sign, it’s hitting close to home when it comes to your love life, and you are seeing new beginnings romantically this month. On Dec. 26, the Full Moon comes to fruition, and this Full Moon is closing a chapter when it comes to your financial world, and you are getting a return on the investments you have been making this year.
Overall, December is a month of giving and receiving freely, and finding your synergy through the life changes you are moving through.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is all about your vision, Cancer. You are feeling inspired this month, and are meeting the universe halfway. You have been putting the pieces of the puzzle together in your life, and are finding that one good thing is leading into another. With Venus moving into your 5th house of happiness and romance at the beginning of the month, you have this good energy with you throughout December. This is free-spirit energy that you are tapping into this month, and you are taking some brave steps forward.
On Dec. 13, Mercury goes retrograde in your opposite sign, Capricorn, and your relationships are the focus right now. This isn’t the best time to start a new relationship, but it is a good time to go over your strengths and weaknesses in love, and where you can tap into more of your inner power here. The Full Moon of the month will be in your sign on Dec. 26, and this is the Cold Moon of the year. The end of December for you is about letting go and releasing the weight that has been on your shoulders so that you can move forward into the abundance that awaits next year with more freedom.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
This is a passionate and exciting month for you, Leo. Although you are starting anew in many ways this month, you still need some time to think things through and come up with the best plan for yourself. With Mercury going retrograde in your 6th house this month, taking care of your mind, body, and soul is key to getting through the rest of this year, and health matters should be taken more seriously right now. Overall, however, your creativity is inspiring, and you are focused on where your passions are right now.
The Full Moon happening at the end of the month is occurring in your 12th house of closure and healing, and you are leaving the year in quiet contemplation. Endings are presenting themselves, but don’t get so caught up in what’s leaving your life that you miss what is entering. As December ends, Chiron goes direct in Aries, and this is good news for your travel plans, for checking off things on your bucket list, and for pursuing interests of the mind.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
Happy outcomes are in store for you as the year comes to a close, Virgo. This year has been a full circle moment for you, and through the growth and change that has taken place, you find yourself now in a better position than when you began the year. December is all about claiming your peace and your power, and about living in your happiness. The month begins with Venus moving into your 3rd house of communication, and this is a good month to get the recognition and reinforcements that you have been looking for, and for having life-changing conversations with others.
Neptune goes direct in your 7th house of love on Dec. 6, after being retrograde here since June of this year, and your relationships become clearer to you now. Neptune in the 7th house makes love dreamy and allows you to explore the magic in your love life altogether. Your ruling planet, Mercury, goes retrograde on the 13th and will be retrograde in another love area of your chart. For you, this means defining and redefining your sense of happiness and love until it fits into who you are and where you see yourself.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is all about trusting your instincts, Libra. If something feels off - it probably is. Remember that this month, as you open new doors and close old ones, and focus on your intentions right now. This month may feel longer to you than it is, as you are moving through a long journey of clarity that has been much needed. With Venus moving into your 2nd house of income and values at the beginning of the month, you are thinking about your priorities right now, what is worth your time and energy, and what is more draining than fulfilling both financially and emotionally.
Confidence is everything as you move through December, and you are being guided to tap into yours, as well as into your divine intuition. The New Moon on the 12th of the month is helping you clear the air, and you are getting the answers you have been looking for. With Mercury going retrograde on Dec. 13 in an area of your chart having to do with stability and the home, you could be moving through some changes with family and home life as the year ends, and foundations are shifting so that stronger ones can be built.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
December is about perspective, Scorpio, and you are getting the chance to see yours in a new light. There is an opening coming into your life this month, but it may take some effort on your part to notice these new doors that are opening and the support that is there for you. You could be traveling this month, and this energy is helping you open your eyes to the gifts that are surrounding you. Venus enters your sign on Dec. 4 where she will be until Dec. 29, and love is moving into your life in a new and powerful way.
The New Moon of the month is happening in your 2nd house of income, and this is a good time of the month to set your intentions for your finances, investments, and self-confidence. It’s not just about wanting right now, it’s about believing that what you want is already yours and that you are worthy of it. Before the month ends, Jupiter goes direct in your 7th house of love, and any challenges you have been moving through romantically or financially over the past couple of months are that of the past as you enter 2024 with more space within to love and experience blessings here.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
December begins in Sagittarius Season, and you are taking in all that has occurred for you, not just this season but this year in general. This year has been a little heavier for you, and by the time December hits, you are ready to take it slow, ease into the new year, and give yourself time to accept and learn from what’s happened this year. With Venus in your 12th house for most of this month, before it enters your sign, you are truly moving through a time of healing the heart, closing the door on the past, and experiencing enlightenment in your life.
Mercury goes retrograde in Capricorn this month on the 13th and moves into your sign on the 23rd. With Mercury retrograde in your sign, you need some time to develop your plans and to see them through, and you are the only one who can give yourself that time right now. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign, and you get to move into 2024 with love on your side and with more positive energy flowing through your life and your heart.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
Dreams are coming true for you in December, and this month is all about believing in a miracle because you deserve one Capricorn. Support is in your life in all areas, and you get to experience how good life can get when you get out of your own way and allow the blessings to enter. Mercury moves into your sign on Dec. 1, right as the month begins, and then goes retrograde here for ten days starting Dec. 13. Mercury retrograde in your sign isn’t necessarily what you want to see as the year ends, yet you will find that this one is more so empowering rather than hindering.
Capricorn season officially begins on Dec. 21, and it’s your time to shine, beautiful. Capricorn season for you this year is a chance at a fresh start, and it’s here to remind you just how worthy you are of all that you have been seeking. There is true beauty in your life this month, and it’s coming from within you. On Dec. 26, the Full Moon occurs in your opposite sign, and you get to see love come full circle, and as the hope that you have had here, leads you to victory.
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is a month of growth, Aquarius. You are financially experiencing significant gains this month, and you are also being seen as the valuable, intelligent, and talented being that you are. Although responsibilities seem to be piling up as opportunities do, you have the energy and skills to see them through. On Dec. 12, there is a New Moon in your 11th house of hopes and dreams, and this is a good time for seeing your manifestations appear and for feeling closer to your community and friendships along the way.
Mercury goes retrograde in your house of closure this month, and you are ridding yourself of any negative belief systems that have been keeping you away from experiencing personal abundance. Remember that healing can take you places that regret can’t, and give yourself more grace during this time. The Full Moon of the month happens on Dec. 26, and this Full Moon is giving you clarity on your work life, health, and daily routine and allowing you to see the outcomes of what has been working for you.
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PISCES
This month is moving fast for you, Pisces. There is so much to do, to be, and to learn, and you are doing it all happily. This is a month of opportunity for you, and a month where one thing falls into place beautifully after the other. The most significant transit that is happening for you in December, is Neptune moving direct in your sign after being retrograde for the past six months. Now that Neptune is direct, you can see yourself, your gifts, and your inner power more clearly.
Mercury goes retrograde in an area of your chart having to do with manifestation, and patience is needed as you allow your intentions to come into full bloom. The key this month is to not rush things, and rather to enjoy the pace that life is taking you on right now, trusting that it’s all happening exactly how it is supposed to. Jupiter goes direct on the 30th before the year ends, and for you, this means less confusion and misunderstandings in your life, and more support and open communication.
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2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
GIF by Kim's ConvenienceGiphyWhereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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