We have a rare occurrence happening at the end of August, and that is the Super Blue Moon in Pisces. This Full Moon is rare because it is a Full Moon, Supermoon, and Blue Moon all in one, and is the biggest Full Moon of the year. The phrase, “Once every Blue Moon,” comes from this moon cycle, as it signifies the second Full Moon in one month, the first one being on August 1st in Aquarius.
What Is a Blue Moon?
Blue Moons are a symbol of spiritual and emotional renewal and a time when you gain the insight you have been looking for. A Blue Moon like this won’t occur again until 2032, so this is the time to do the inner work and experience a true refresh in your life.
Nourish your world, let go of what doesn’t serve, and reconnect to your dreams.
When is the Super Blue Moon of 2023?
The Super Blue Moon will be occurring on August 30th at 9:35 p.m. EST. Because the Super Blue Moon occurs in the water sign Pisces, this time will be an emotional one for the collective. Full Moons in general, are more focused on acceptance, letting go, and bringing attention to the gratitude in your life. This Super Blue Moon is awakening the heart and transforming what happens moving forward. With the Sun and Mercury retrograde currently in Virgo, opposite of where the Super Moon and Saturn will be, we are being asked to find our balance between what’s working and what hasn’t been and to create more space for emotional blessings and stability to enter.
This is a good time to declutter, open the heart, focus on gratitude, and be more vulnerable with others. Light a candle, be near a body of water, create art, and do the things that bring you closer to the universe.
There is strength in your emotions if you honor them rather than let them overwhelm you, and this Super Blue Moon is a rite of passage to the next phase of your dreams. With Mercury and Venus both in retrograde right now, things aren’t as clear as we’d like them to be; this Supermoon is a helping hand and the insight that makes all the difference. Don’t get discouraged. Move on to better.
Read below to see how this Super Blue Moon will be affecting you. Look at your sun and rising sign for deeper insight.
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What the Blue Super Moon of 2023 Has in Store for Your Sign
ARIES
This Super Blue Moon for you, Aries, is a time to slow down. The Supermoon will be occurring at the very bottom of your chart, giving you the space needed to experience an emotional renewal. You are doing a lot of contemplating, and you are opening your eyes to the past, present, and future and how they are all intertwining for you now. Own your voice, and trust your intuition. You do not have to hide your truth for the comfort of anyone else, and you are free to communicate, honor your peace of mind, and create boundaries where needed.
TAURUS
Life comes full circle for you during this Blue Moon, Taurus. This Blue Moon is a chance for you to take a look around and to accept and process the joy and inner discovery you have found as of late. There is emotional fulfillment, support, and friendship in your life, and you are getting the opportunity to see that all a little clearer right now. Jupiter, the planet of blessings and expansion, has been in your sign since May and goes retrograde a few days after the Supermoon. Take this time to let things come together once and for all before you have to take a few steps back again.
GEMINI
You are moving through a time of transformation this Supermoon, Gemini. Things are changing, and your guidance for this time is to flow with them rather than to fight this change. Know that what is falling apart for you right now is showing the cracks that need to be mended in your life so that you can walk on more solid ground and loving foundations. Career and professional life are experiencing some shake-ups, and it’s time to let go of one dream to build a new one that feels more freeing and fulfilling for you now.
CANCER
This Supermoon is happening in a fellow water sign, giving you an extra boost of magic and positive energy in your life. This time for you is about finding your balance between the adventures you want to go on and the newfound stability and safety in your life, Cancer. Know that you can do both and have it all and that sometimes the big adventure is doing something fun in the environments you are comfortable in, with the people you are comfortable with. Inspiration is high for you right now, and you have the power to decide what you do with it.
LEO
You are moving on to bigger and better things, Leo. This Super Blue Moon is an emotionally heightened time for you and one where you are looking at the commitments, intimacy, and vulnerability in your life. Your emotions are transforming, and you are going through a rebirth. Overall, this Full Moon for you is about moving forward and away from what’s been holding you back from living your truth and honoring your happiness. Notice what partnerships enlighten and inspire you and which ones leave you feeling more drained. Know that there is love on the other side of the fear you are walking away from right now.
VIRGO
This Super Blue Moon is all about aligning with harmony, Virgo. You are receiving the blessings, love, and peace that you have been looking for, and there is a good balance in your life this Full Moon. With the Sun currently in your sign and the Moon in your opposite sign, Pisces, relationship matters are becoming clearer to you now, and the work that you have been putting in is coming full circle for you. Honor what’s leaving your life and what is coming in, and notice how everything works out for your highest good, even when you are least expecting it.
LIBRA
Honor your divine intuition, and make the decisions that resonate with your heart, Libra. You are letting go of the past and recognizing that what you are letting go of is being replaced with something better. This Super Moon for you is about taking care of your health and well-being, taking care of your responsibilities, and supporting yourself regardless of who is by your side. You have the power to move forward, and you are divinely protected as you do. Listen to your heart and your mind, and notice the gift you are in this life, Libra.
SCORPIO
This Supermoon is a chance to let go of any heaviness you have been carrying in your life, Scorpio. You are getting an opportunity to regroup and lighten your load so that you can move forward with less emotional baggage than before. You are nearing the end of an important cycle in your life, and this Super Moon for you is a time of closure, culmination, and moving into your happiness. Get creative with where life is headed, take note of the spark you have found, and trust that the paths you are paving in your life right now will show fruition for you in the future.
SAGITTARIUS
This Super Blue Moon, for you, is about trusting the divine timing of your life and where things stand right now, Sagittarius. There can be some impatience you are feeling in your life around the time of the Full Moon, and you are being asked to trust that everything is unfolding exactly how it is meant to, in the timing it is meant to as well. A little bit more faith in the universe is required now as you wait for more answers to come and for the path to clear. Focus on the healing you can do now and on gaining a renewed perspective.
CAPRICORN
Your strength is needed during this Supermoon, Capricorn. Important revelations are coming in, but there could be some harsh reality checks you are experiencing in the process. Give yourself the time and space to connect to your heart and the duality that is showing in your life, and know that magic will come from this. Communication is key right now as you dive deeper into what is really going on in your mind, body, and soul. Use your inner compass to move you forward, and stand your ground when it comes to what matters to you most.
AQUARIUS
It’s time to invest in yourself, Aquarius. This Super Blue Moon is highlighting where you have been feeling stuck and what limitations you may be putting on yourself both consciously and unconsciously. The energy that is flowing through your life now is helping you to create breakthroughs by recognizing some of the mirrors of the life experiences you have been through recently. By getting to the bottom of things, honoring your self-worth, and planning accordingly, you can unleash your true potential. Financial matters are more pressing now, but you have the power within you to turn this into a blessing.
PISCES
The rarest Full Moon of 2023 is in your sign, and this is fitting for the rare type of energy you are, Pisces. This Super Blue Moon is a time of your blessings falling down on your lap and when you can finally take a deep breath of relief. Life is coming full circle, and you are loving what you are seeing right now. Write down lists of gratitude, congratulate yourself for how far you have come, and look in the mirror with more appreciation. The spotlight is on you right now, and you are free to be who you are or who you want to be.
This is a self-fulfilling and abundant time for you, Pisces. You are worth it.
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2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
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The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
GIF by Kim's ConvenienceGiphyWhereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
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1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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