Before You Marry Him, Check Out His Relationships With Other Folks
There's a spiritual sistah (that's what I call someone I like but we're not exactly friends) who, whenever we see each other, we talk about how much of a bullet that I dodged that she didn't. Without getting into too much detail (because you never really know who reads internet copy, do you?), there are a few times when I got mad cool with someone while they were dating a relative of someone I was seeing. Well, in this case, I broke up with my boyfriend while "she" ended up marrying one of his relatives.
Her husband? He's another article for another time (chile…CHILE). But what she and I can both vouch for is a part of the reason why he is so, let's go with the word "challenging" is, in a nutshell, his family is cray-cray (meaning toxic). So are some of the other people in his world. So yeah, in many ways, not marrying his relative was such a blessing. If for no other reason than dodging all of the constant familial drama.
My spiritual sistah is not alone, though. A good friend of mine—one who is totally in love with her husband—tells me, in the form of a warning, at least once a week to really investigate a man's family before jumping the broom with him. Long story short, her husband has such an unhealthy relationship with his mother that it can be really difficult to tell who is the top priority in his life (for the record, it's supposed to be his wife).
As a marriage life coach, I'd hate for you to put a ring on your finger and then wonder what kind of Twilight Zone you are in all due to your hubby's other relationships; ones that you didn't pay nearly enough attention to before marrying him. So, before even contemplating saying "I do", take out a moment—or two or 10—to see what his connections are like with the following 10 dynamics. I can assure that you'll be close to floored by how much the pre-work could spare you so much regret on the back-end.
His Relationship with His Mom
There are some sayings that seem to stick, even if they aren't the best kind of advice to take. Take "How a man treats his mama is how he'll treat you", for example. In theory, that should be accurate but listen, I have counseled more than my fair share of couples who are at their wit's end all because the husband puts his mom before his wife (emotionally, financially and otherwise). I also know some single men who are so "devoted" to their moms (which typically means that their moms are also either manipulative or controlling) that they have no clue how to have a healthy (or lasting) relationship with another woman.
So no. I wouldn't say that just because a man adores his mom that you'll automatically be treated like royalty. My personal opinion is to watch more than if he treats her well. Also pay attention to if there are established boundaries, mutual respect, if she loves him like a son while treating him like her man and if he can make decisions without always needing her input or agreement. If that is the case, mom did a pretty good job of preparing him for a wife. If not…at the very least, push pause. A long hard pause.
His Relationship with His Dad
I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I am not the one who co-signs on single mothers who say, "I am the mother and the father" to their kids. You may be a supermom, but you were not created to be your child's father—that's their father's job. That said, I remember once hearing that a man is his child's first understanding of God in the sense that the Bible describes God as our Father (Matthew 6:9). I like that because the Most High is presented as someone who loves us, provides for us and protects us.
Where am I going with this? I know some very phenomenal men who have emotional and commitment issues out of the wazoo; it starts with the fact that they didn't have a relationship with their dad. As a result, they learned the hard (or wrong) way about how to be a man and/or how to treat a woman.
I'll be the first to say that just because someone had both of their parents in their life, that doesn't mean they had the best example of adulthood or intimacy. At the same time, what I will also say is it's important to put just as much effort into learning about a man's relationship with his father as his mother. A man by the name of Frank A. Clark once said, "A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be." A man has to be around—and then active as a parent—in order for that to happen.
His Relationship with His Siblings
There's something very special and endearing about the relationship people have with their brothers and sisters. That is, if the relationship is healthy. The reason why this is something you should pay close attention to is that some people allow their older siblings to come really close to controlling their life, while other people want to spend darn near every hour of every waking day with one or more of their siblings. Then there are the siblings who are uber nosey or the siblings who feel like your partner should have more allegiance to them than to you. Oh, and let's not forget the families where, there is so much dysfunction among siblings that, if your man doesn't know how to say "back up" or "no", all you're gonna do is bring a boatload of stress into your life if you choose to marry him.
A lot of people know that it's a good idea to not ignore the relationship their partner has with their parents. But don't underestimate the drama that can come from someone who has an unhealthy relationship with their siblings as well.
His Relationship with His Best Friend
Another unpopular opinion? I'm not big on married people referring to someone other than their spouse as their "best friend". It's because I'm big on words and if you're choosing to share your life, heart and body with someone for the rest of your life, they definitely should be your friend and I'd think that would put them into the best spot being that best means "of the highest quality, excellence, or standing" and "most advantageous, suitable, or desirable". That doesn't mean that your former besties aren't still special. I just think that they become good/close friends after you say "I do".
Whether you agree with me or not, still here's a word of caution. Watch how close a man you're dating is with their BFF before marrying him. Just like a man's parents, sometimes besties hold more weight and influence than they should and if, for some reason, they are not very fond of you, that can wreak all kinds of havoc.
The first example that comes to mind right here is LeToya Luckett's "Back to Life" video. If you've never seen it, LeToya's man (in the video) has a female best friend who not-so-low-key has feelings for him. It ultimately breaks LeToya and her boyfriend up.
A good best friend wants their best friend to find love. They will make necessary adjustments in order for that to happen. Make sure that when it comes to your man and his BFF—whether it's male or female—that that is exactly what's happening between the two of them.
His Relationship with His Female Friends
Personally, I think it's healthy for married people to not only have friends, but friends of the opposite sex. Getting another person who is the same gender as your spouse's perspective on things can be super beneficial and even time-consuming. The key is to make sure that the female friends "in question" respect your relationship, have no romantic history (or that it's resolved romantic history that you are fully aware of and OK with) and that you have access to them in some form or fashion.
If everything is on the up and up, even if you and your man's female friends aren't exactly buddies while you're dating, you will know who they are, they'll make you feel comfortable in your presence and they will have no problem interacting with you, when he's around and when he's not.
If you're already seeing flags in these areas, he needs to handle it. These are not the kinds of things that will automatically go away once he is your husband and you are his wife.
His Relationship with His Pastor
I'll be the first one to say that just because someone goes to church, that doesn't mean they have the healthiest relationship with God or just because someone doesn't, that doesn't mean they and the Lord aren't in a good place. If you read online news (cough, cough), you'll see PLENTY of examples of churches and leaders in them who could stand some therapy and time in the pews rather than in the pulpit.
So, when I say that you should pay attention to your man's relationship with this pastor (or worship head if he's not a Christian), by no means am I saying that he has to have one. What I am saying is, if he does, pay attention to how he speaks about the leadership. Is he receptive? Does he humble himself to messages that personally apply? Or does it seem like he's bucking the pastor and his church at every turn? The flip side to this coin is does he respect this pastor or does he treat him like an idol? Does he refer to him in certain situations or does he not know how to make a decision without his pastor's input? Does he worship at a certain church or does he basically live there?
With the first set of questions that I asked, it could show signs of your man having a really hard time dealing with authoritative figures. And yeah, be leery of anyone who always wants to lead but can never seem to be led. With the second, your man may not know that having a relationship with God doesn't mean that you have to put your all and everything into a church (especially ahead of your own family). Either way, you're in for quite the bumpy ride of you underestimate all of what I just shared.
His Relationship with His Exes
Why is this one on the list? In part, because of an article that was featured on our site a couple of years ago—"Why Staying Friends with an Ex Is Okay (& Healthy)". I know some people who are still friends with one or more of their exes, so I'm not knocking it. So long as the past remains in the past, do your thing.
Now, I will say that the word "friend" is a big one to me, so I don't give a ton of folks—male or female—that title. And, because of the sacredness of it, I'm not really out here trying to be friends with someone who's seen me naked and heard me have an orgasm. Intimacy was once shared and most of my exes are still as fine as when I left them; therefore, firm boundaries must be set. Still, I do strive to remain at peace and to be able to hug them if I see them in the mall (only two get the death stare these days). We're cool.
But no matter what side of the fence you're on about keeping exes in your life, I do think it's worth mentioning that you should pay attention to (and ask questions when and where needed) your man's relationship with his ex(es). Are they close or just social media connected? Does he plan on them coming to his wedding someday? Why did he break up with her/them and are there still some unresolved feelings?
I'll be real with y'all. I think a part of the reason why I'm still single is because I had some heart pieces that certain exes still had a hold of. It's working at a disadvantage (and that's putting it lightly) to enter into something serious with someone who is still unresolved, on any level, with one or more of their exes. Don't assume. Discuss it.
His Relationship with His Co-Workers
Years ago, I went to someone premarital classes for singles at a local church. The requirement was that you couldn't be in a relationship in order to attend them because they wanted us to look at relationships without romanticizing them based on the situation we were currently in. Anyway, a lot of what was shared was straight up common sense concepts like, "If a man doesn't show up to work on time, why would you expect him to come home on time?" (I'm sayin'.)
Unless your man works at home, he's probably dealing with an office full of people during most of his waking hours. Does he respect his employer by being responsible? Does he get along well with his co-workers? (Has he ever dated any of his co-workers?) Does he take pride in his work? Shoot, does he enjoy his profession? Don't underestimate how a man's professional life rolls over into his personal life. If he's consistently dissatisfied during business hours, it's pretty unrealistic to expect him to soar when he's off of the clock.
His Relationship with His Enemies
There's a Catholic writer from back in the day by the name of G.K. Chesterton who said something that is oh so true—"The Bible tells us to love our neighbors and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people." Sometimes the people we love the most get on our last nerve; sometimes, at the same time.
That's not the kind of "enemy" I'm referring to. What I'm saying is pay attention to what he says about people he's had big issues with. Does he hold grudges? Is he vindictive or even just plain ole' petty (you might be surprised by how many men are; I personally know more than a few)? Does he tend to take the violent approach? Maybe he suppresses and then explodes on everyone around him, but who he's actually mad at.
Just like you can tell a lot about a man by how he treats the people he likes, you can tell a ton about that same man based on if he's able to forgive, release matters and be chill (have boundaries but still be chill) in an enemy's presence.
If you sleep on this particular point, you might end up being caught totally off guard if he falls out with one of your family members or, God forbid, the two of you end things. Just sayin'.
His Relationship with Himself
A while back, I penned a post on the site entitled "6 Signs You Love A Man (Who Doesn't Love Himself)". If I could print it off and send it to every single woman (who desires to be in a relationship with a man), I would. I'll be the first to say that I know some pretty amazing men who would be HORRIBLE HUSBANDS (and yes, I am yelling that!); it's all because they are not in touch enough with themselves to be out here trying to lead and protect another human being.
The article I backlinked touches on how to know if a man doesn't love himself. Signs that a man does include he's open and honest; he practices self-forgiveness; he's not afraid to ask for what it he wants—personally or professionally; he makes his spiritual growth and development a top priority; he understands the power and purpose of intimacy—both inside and outside of the bedroom; he doesn't tolerate toxicity within himself or others; he has lasting friendships; he knows how to be alone (and enjoy it); he's not afraid of love; he's confident without being arrogant; he embraces life—you get the gist.
It all boils down to this—I don't care how wonderful a man appears to be. Before you jump a broom with him, make sure that he loves his God and himself and that he makes a concerted effort to cultivate lasting intimacy with both on a daily basis. Because a man is not even close to being marriage material with you until he is healthy and happy within himself and with his Creator. You can take that to the bank, baby.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
The Reality Of Living With Severe Asthma – As Told by 2 Women On Their Disease Journey
This post is in partnership with Amgen.
The seemingly simple task of taking a breath is something most of us don’t think twice about. But for people who live with severe asthma, breathing does not always come easily. Asthma, a chronic respiratory condition that inflames and narrows the airways in the lungs, affects millions of people worldwide – 5-10% of which live with severe asthma. Severe asthma is a chronic and lifelong condition that is unpredictable and can be difficult to manage. Though often invisible to the rest of the world, severe asthma is a not-so-silent companion for those who live with it, often interrupting schedules and impacting day-to-day life.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘Do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
Not too long ago, someone asked me why I write about sex so much. The simple answer is I think it’s a part of my purpose, and since I believe that, I don’t question it much. Sex is something that I find to be special, sacred, wonderful, profound, incomparable, and very necessary — all of those things, not just a few. And since studying it, researching it, writing about it, and talking about it all come so naturally to me, I’m pretty sure it’s what I’ll be doing for the rest of my life, in some capacity. Because when something is so wonderful as sex, why wouldn’t you want to “share the wealth” on the things that you come to learn?
Take orgasms, for example. If there’s one thing that I want every single human to experience, more than just once, in this lifetime, it’s that. Because if there’s one thing that will blow your mind, in a way that nothing else ever can or will, it’s climaxing — especially when you’re doing it with someone who you truly care about. And that’s why, I make it my mission to learn as much as I can about the, what many would consider, pinnacle of the sexual experience.
And since there are so many different types of orgasms to choose from, I want to make you aware of one that you may not have heard of before: the hands-free orgasm. While it might sound impossible to achieve, I’m thinking in a few moments, you’ll totally get why it’s absolutely not.
The Connection Between Your Brain and Sexual Pleasure
No matter how much you might read about the role of genitalia as it directly relates to sex, there is no way around the fact that your largest sex organ is actually your brain. There is data for days about it. Okay, but even if you already knew that, have you ever stopped to consider why that is indeed the case?
For starters, the most profound and relevant sex hormones and chemicals — ones like amphetamines, dopamine, and norepinephrine (as well as several others)— are produced in your brain. Another reason is that what you think about your sex partner and how you feel about what you think, these two things also play a pivotal role in sexual attraction and levels of sexual pleasure — and this includes things like how emotionally connected you feel, how well the two of you communicate (check out “Are You A Good Sexual Communicator? You Sure?”), if you feel safe in each other’s presence and if the two of you are committed to meeting each other’s needs, both inside and outside of the bedroom.
In fact, this is a big part of what separates humans from other mammals when it comes to how we process sex; it’s not just instinctive…there are mental and emotional factors that heavily come into play, too.
Now put a pin in that, and let’s keep building on this thing.
How To Have an Orgasm: The Four Stages of Orgasm
GiphyA few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “How Can You Know For Sure That You've Had An Orgasm?.” The reason why is that, since so few women have vaginal orgasms (which are not to be mistaken for clitoral ones, by the way), I thought it was important for women to know what it feels like (as best as I can describe it in print) what climaxing actually feels like. That being said, in order to lay down some more foundation for this whole “hands-free orgasm” thing, let’s briefly touch on what an orgasm is.
Although sex experts tend to disagree on whether there are four or five stages in an orgasm, for the sake of time and space, let’s go with four:
Excitement: this is when your muscles tense up, your heart races, natural lubrication transpires, your nipples become erect, and blood flows down to your genital region
Plateau: this is when muscle tension increases, your heart rate and breathing intensify, your clitoris literally retracts, you become wetter, and muscle spasms begin
Orgasm: this is when your heart rate and blood pressure are at their peak, muscles within your body begin to contract (including your vagina), a flow of lubrication comes forth, there’s a lot of sexual tension, and typically your partner ejaculates
Resolution: this is when everything in your body starts to slow down, you feel release and satisfaction and oftentimes fatigue (by the way, it’s science that causes men to feel sleepy at this point; it’s due to oxytocin and vasopressin being released which increases the production of melatonin)
From a strictly physical standpoint, this is what goes down whenever you have an orgasm — whether alone or with someone else. It’s important to keep all of this in mind as we transition into what a hands-free orgasm is all about.
The Hands-Free Orgasm: How To Climax Without Touch
As you can see from this subject heading, there is technically more than one kind of a hands-free orgasm: one is the literal kind, and the other falls under more of a technicality. I’ll get into what I mean by the second one in just a moment.
Okay, so the first type of hands-free orgasm is rooted in tantric sex. A few years ago, another writer for the platform penned, “Elevate Your Pleasure With The Transformative Power Of Tantric Sex” which can help you to gain a bit more clarity about it all. For now, I’ll just say that the word “tantra” is a Sanskrit one that means “to weave.” At the end of the day, tantra is all about interweaving yourself, sexually, with another individual, so that you both can have an elevated sexual experience — one that goes beyond simply…cumming.
Since a huge part of tantra is about breathing deeply and being in a meditative state (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”) in order to make all of that happen, tantra is a reminder that your mind and spirit play a pivotal role in sex — not just your body.
And so, it is the belief that if you get really still, stay very present, and follow certain deep breathing exercises while being in a meditative state that focuses either on your sexual fantasies or your partner, it can cause you to, at the very least, have a deep tingling sensation all throughout your body (similar to what edging feels like) or that you will have an orgasm altogether (maybe not the first time you try this technique out but eventually).
And just what kind of breathing can make that happen? LOL. Actually, if you put “breath work for sex” into your favorite search engine, you’ll find quite a few articles on the topic. One that I found to be very helpful is on Lionness’s site; it’s entitled, “The Art of Breathing: Using Breathing Exercises For Better Sex.”
And so, since you don’t need someone else’s help to breathe or meditate, I’m sure you get how you can totally make all of this happen on your own. All you need is to create a romantic and extremely comfortable atmosphere, maybe put on some sexy music, add a scent that will tap into your sexual stimulation side as you’re inhaling and exhaling (like vanilla, jasmine, cinnamon, lavender, rose, or patchouli), get into a position where you can comfortably rock your hips and — get to breathing, chile. Deep. Calculated. Rhythmic breathing.
If you do all of this and pay close attention to how your body responds, you will probably notice that you are literally shifting into one or even all phases of an orgasm — without a single touch (hey, try it before you doubt it!).
How To Have a Hands-Free Orgasm With Touch
GiphyRemember how I said that another type of hands-free orgasm is a technicality? What I meant by that is, technically, if you achieve an orgasm without using your hands — or someone else’s — you just had a hands-free orgasm. This means that a sex toy can give you a hands-free orgasm. Your partner’s mouth can give you a hands-free orgasm. Hell, dry humping can give you a hands-free orgasm. Because, so long as you are sexually stimulated without the assistance of your hands or someone else’s and you then climaxed as a direct result, you just had one.
Clearly, this type of hands-free orgasm isn’t nearly as impressive as the other one that we just discussed. Still, it does deserve a bit of a shout-out because if you’re trying to master orgasms or find different ways to stimulate your partner, as they learn more about how to stimulate you in return, bringing hands-free orgasms into the mix can help you to achieve both missions.
Also, when it comes to this particular spin on the hands-free orgasm, it’s a reminder that you don’t have to always resort to the obvious (like fingering, for example) to “get the job done.”
Find other ways to stimulate erogenous zones, participate in foreplay that is a bit “off-script” (check out “Mental Foreplay Hacks That Ultimately Takes Intercourse To New Levels”), and get each other off without immediately relying on hands to make it happen — it all can introduce you to a new world of sexual pleasure if you’re open to giving it a shot.
Finally, Here Are the Benefits of Mastering Both Techniques
Beyond sheer intrigue, you might wonder why you would want to attempt one or both types of hands-free orgasms when “the old-fashioned way” has been working just fine. Okay, let’s take water play, for example. If you or your partner use a portable or detachable shower head in order to stimulate you (because again, that wouldn’t be using any hands), aside from the experience being pretty erotic all on its own, it can teach you and/or your partner different things about how your body responds to certain temperatures, types of stimuli, different amount of pressure, etc. Without the automatic go-to of hands, you/they are forced to hone in on you in a way that requires a deeper amount of intention and concentration — and that’s always a good thing.
Another form of a hands-free orgasm is the sensation that you might feel while doing kegels. Tightening up your pelvic walls can definitely sexually arouse you (especially if you’re fantasizing at the time). And girrrl, learning how to “grip him” during penetrative sex because you’ve mastered how to control your muscles down below. That’s an orgasm like no other and also qualifies as a hands-free orgasm!
At the end of the day, like pretty much any other orgasm that there is (and there are several), a hands-free orgasm is all about learning more about you and your partner and applying what you’ve learned in order to enhance your sexual encounters with one another.
And if you’re able to get to the point where you can do that, hell, not just without the use of your hands but any type of touch at all? You’ll be absolutely (sexually) unstoppable! (Pardon the pun)…hands down.
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