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Before You Quit Dating Altogether: Have You Ever Tried 'Vision Board Dating' Before?
Once upon a time, while I was on the internet looking for ways to inspire some of my couple clients to keep things both stimulating and exciting in their relationship, I stumbled upon an article on vision boards for couples. After reading through it, I found it to be so fresh and fun that I recommended it to a few people; it seemed to work like a charm.
Then, as I reflected on the countless amount of Instagram and TikTok posts that I’ve seen from single women who basically say that dating is trash and they are starting to lose all hope, I thought about what would happen if they decided to put a twist on the whole couples vision board thing and started vision board dating instead.
And just how in the heck do you “vision board date”? I’m so happy that you would ask. The method to the madness is this: since it’s been reported that a little over 80 percent of small business owners who create vision boards are able to achieve at least half of their own goals, and a little over 75 percent of those same business owners say that vision boards have helped them get to exactly where they envisioned — who says that the same practice can’t bring similar results to one’s dating life? Your dating life?
So, if you’re teetering on becoming hella cynical and not going on any dates in the foreseeable future, humor me and at least read through this first. It could be the “map” that ultimately gets you to where you want to go — as far as dating is concerned.
What Is a Vision Board?
Vision boards are proof that manifesting isn't passive, it's quite active.
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Okay, I’m not starting from this place to come off as patronizing or condescending; meaning, I get that most of you probably know what a vision board is. However, I do think that I should cover the bases, just so that we’re all on the same page about what you can expect from making one for yourself — because contrary to popular belief, there’s no so-called magic in it. Vision boards are all about manifestation, yes — but honestly, manifestation isn’t exactly “magical” either.
Vision boards aren’t based on that passive kind of manifesting that I’ve heard far too many people speak on — you know what I mean, “I’m not going to actively date anymore. I’m going to sit in my bedroom and ‘manifest’ a husband.” Chile, manifesting isn’t passive; it’s quite active. The word speaks to “perceiving something (or one) with a clarity of understanding” and then “proving beyond a shadow of a doubt” that what you saw was indeed the truth. Some synonyms for "manifesting" include "bold," "demonstrate," "reveal," "unmistakable," and "materialize."
So, when it comes to vision boards, they are a tangible tool that helps you do all of the things that I just said. You literally get a collection of images and/or objects together and arrange them in such a way that you are able to better focus on what it is that you want to, well, manifest. The things on your vision board help you to get clarity on what you want and then help you to put a plan into motion, so that you can prove, mostly to yourself, that what you desire is indeed possible.
Traditionally, vision boards are made by clipping out pictures or words and putting them on something like a corkboard or foam board; however, thanks to technology, you can also create a digital vision board, whether it’s through something like Canva (here) or an app (here).
If you want to learn more about how to create a vision board from scratch, check out our article, “Here's How To Take Your Vision Board To The Next Level.”
How Can You Apply Vision Boards to Your Dating Journey?
Before you get started with your vision board dating, ask yourself the important questions.
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Okay, so now that we’ve gotten vision boards, in general, out of the way, how can you apply the overall concept to your dating life? Well, in order to get started, here are some questions that you should ask yourself:
- What kind of man would you like to date?
- What types of things do you enjoy doing?
- What things would you like you and him to have in common?
- What is an ideal first date to you?
- What’s your idea of a dream date?
- What dates speak to your love language?
- Where are some places that you’ve always wanted to go?
- What are both your short as well as your long-term goals when it comes to dating?
- What are some words that you want to apply to your overall dating experience?
- What would you like to learn about yourself from dating during this season of your life?
Now, based on those 10 things/themes, find words, pictures, quotes, poetry — anything that you can either tack onto a physical board or you can copy and paste onto your digital vision board. Then, commit to spending 30 minutes a week looking at the board, adding to the board, and/or meditating on the board.
Why should meditation become a part of the process? It’s because there is scientific research that supports the fact that consistent and long-term meditation can literally “rewire your brain” by creating new neural connections. As a result, you will be able to reduce your stress levels, release negativity, and bring a greater sense of gratitude into your space.
Something else that meditation is able to do is help you to get rid of any self-doubt that you may have — and all of this can definitely help, greatly when it comes to improving your dating life.
Five Strong Benefits of Vision Board Dating
Vision board dating comes with its fair share of benefits.
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Aight, so even though I think that some surefire benefits of vision board dating have already been provided, I do want to touch on a few more points before you click off of here and create a dating vision board of your own (because that’s exactly what you’re gonna do…right?).
Some other reasons why you should vision board date as soon as possible?
1. Vision board dating can tame your “negativity bias.” It’s something we all have; it’s a natural inclination to see the negative side of things instead of the positive. This is something to take seriously because just like negativity can kill a relationship, it can also hinder you from getting one in the first place. For one thing, there’s research that says negativity can create anxiety levels; that can make it difficult to effectively communicate with others — and without communication, there is no real connection.
2. Vision board dating fuels your imagination. Albert Einstein once said, "Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions." You know, imagining things doesn’t get the full respect that it truly deserves. Research backs that it can help with making you a more curious person, it can help you to socially interact better with others, and it can also help you to become a better problem-solver. So, if you’re sick of lackluster dating experiences, imagine more. If you want to be more open to blind dates and hook-ups from friends, imagine more. If you want to meet your “the one” sooner than later — imagine more.
3. Vision board dating can help to “end the hamster wheel.” What I mean by that is, if you keep basically dating the same kind of man just in a different body, creating a board that isn’t just about your type or preference but is also about knowing who is good FOR you (check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?”) can help you to break that pattern. Find quotes that speak to who is holistically good for you; don’t just clip pictures of those who look good to you. Feel me? Next point.
4. Vision board dating can help you to “raise your own bar.” I don’t mean being unrealistic in your dating expectations; I mean that it can be fun for you to be like, “I really like day trips. I would love to do a couple of road trips to check out some sites with someone this year” and then you specify the sites on your board. It can also help you to clearly articulate some of your desires instead of always putting the pressure on the guy to try and read your mind in order to get you what you want.
5. Vision board dating is how you can reach your ultimate goal(s). Whether this year is all about dating better than you ever have before or ending the year with your own locked-in bae, if you take vision board dating seriously and literally, it can help you to reach those goals as you hone in on exactly what you desire and then meditate on those things. The reason why I say that is because reaching a goal consists, in part, of creating a plan — and a vision board helps you to do just that.
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You know, there’s a survey that says that back in 2022, as much as 61 percent of people found dating to be overwhelming. Overwhelmed is about feeling inundated, if not flat-out defeated. And oftentimes, overthinking, dwelling in the past, or putting too much pressure on yourself can lead to feeling overwhelmed when it comes to dating.
Calm those emotions by getting it all out on your vision board.
Because you know what they say: “If you build it, he will come.” #wink
Now get off of this thing and get to creating, sis. And definitely keep us posted!
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Featured image by mihailomilovanovic/Getty Images
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."