Recently, I was talking to a woman in her early 30s about how much she basically hates this time of year: “It feels like everything focuses on couples-only and while I’m happy for people who’ve found love, why is there never anything that puts singles into the spotlight?” If you think that’s all in her head, it’s not. This is reportedly the time of year when the most engagements go down — and since Valentine’s Day is just a few weeks away too…yeah, she’s got a solid point.
She’s private and so I won’t shout her out by name. I’ll just say that the 12 tips that I’m about to share were written with her in mind. That being said, if you’re also a single woman, please hear me when I say that you deserve to be just as excited about what is to come as anyone else. And with the right frame of mind and plans in place, you can do just that.
Wanna start 2024 off right? No worries. I got you.
1. Open an Account That’s Strictly for Travel
If travel in 2024 is important to you, open a bank account exclusively for it.
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These folks on social media who are demanding travel from people they are dating? Let me do you a solid and just say that I’ve had my fair share of wives state they wish that, rather than putting their life on hold and assuming that they would get to see the world with their husband, they had done it as single women. Some say it’s because they married someone who hates traveling (that’s not a “character flaw;” it’s merely a preference, by the way). Some say it’s because their husband doesn’t enjoy the same places or activities that they do. Some say it’s because, once marriage happened, money and time weren’t as accessible as it once was.
You know what they say — there’s no time like the present. If there are a few places that you want to see, what are you waiting for? Tomorrow isn’t promised…neither is you meeting “the one” should tomorrow arrive. Bottom line, if you’ve got the money, book a trip for 2024 NOW. If you don’t, open up a savings account that’s devoted to nothing but travel and then reward yourself with a trip, no matter what, this time next year. If the latter point sounds good yet you don’t know how to begin, many financial experts say that you should open up a travel fund in a high-yield savings account. You can read more about how to do just that here.
2. Assemble Your “Purpose Posse”
The worst thing that you can ever do is prioritize anyone or anything before your purpose. The reason why I say that is because your purpose is the literal reason why you exist. That’s why I’ve written articles for the platform like “5 Signs You Are Living Your True Purpose,” “Please Stop Picking People Who Don't 'Fit' Your Purpose” and “How To Handle ‘Purpose Fatigue.’” Anyway, if there’s one mistake that I see a lot of people make, especially before selecting a spouse, it’s not getting clear on what their purpose is and/or not devoting enough time to fulfilling their purpose. And that’s why I constantly recommend that people get their own purpose posse together. Back in the day, a posse was a group of people whom law enforcement assembled to take down some bad guys. These days, it’s pivoted to be a group of folks who are focused on a particular aim or goal.
Listen, it’s taken me a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to realize that, for years, I had family, friends, and even randoms in my space who weren’t for my purpose, they were actually against it and/or competing with it. Because I didn’t get that, I was spending a lot of time being distracted or debating about my calling or I was healing from some foolishness that those people said or did. No more, my friends. My circle is super tight and very private, and all are “on call” to help me with my purpose because they all respect it (as I do the same for them). If you can’t say the same thing about your peeps — now would be the time to do some serious shifting around and, if need be, switching up.
3. Date Yourself
Date yourself because no one knows you like you know you.
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Another social media debate that needs a break is the price tag that should go on a date. All of this transactional foolishness (check out “Guess What? Dating Was Never Supposed To Be Transactional.”) — can we please leave it in the past, moving forward? Because, if ever the golden rule (“do unto others as you would have them do unto you”) needed to be applied, it would be when it comes to spending time with someone in order to see if there is a true connection or not. Besides, something that can “take the edge off” while also giving you a sense of graciousness with others is if you are intentional about dating yourself (check out “Masterdating: A TikTok Dating Trend That We Should Totally Get Behind”).
For instance, something that I did this year was take myself to see live concerts — and boy, did I have a ball! Maybe it’s the ambivert (or Gemini) in me yet nothing felt awkward about it at all. I liked dressing up, meeting new people, and coming and going on my own terms. At the same time, going on those outings reminded me to show respect and gratitude when guys do take me out (even just my male friends) because tickets to my local symphony center ain’t cheap, chile. All the way around, self-dating is a good practice because the level of self-confidence that rises in you, along with the freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want? It prepares you for dating others in a way that nothing else can because you know yourself differently by doing it.
4. Release Your Exes. Fully.
A self-proclaimed master mindset coach by the name of Kathrin Zenkina once said something that I really like: “You have to create space; you have to remove something; you have to break something down in your life, in order to bring in the new.” Now, for some of y’all, this is gonna be a “gloves off” question but…if you’re wondering where your next-and-perhaps-final man is and you’re still pining over your ex (which includes incessantly talking about him, good or bad), if you are still messing with your ex, if you’re low-key stalking him on his socials or even if you’re still just really bitter about your ex — why would any good man want to put up with that kind of baggage on a good day and drama on a bad one?
Money-branching is indeed a thing. Technically, it’s when you pursue other potential relationships while you’re still in one; however, I think that emotional monkey-branching exists and needs to be brought to the forefront more too. I’m telling you, a good man is a whole man and a whole man wants a whole woman…and no woman is whole while pieces of her heart are still caught up in other people.
You know, it’s wild that it was all the way back in 2015 that I went on my “Get My Heart Pieces Back” tour (check out “Why Every Woman Should Go On A 'Get Your Heart Pieces Back' Tour” and “Let's Finally 'Spring Clean' ALL Of Our Exes Out Of Our Lives, Shall We?”) and it really was one of the best things that I’ve ever done to this day. The main reason why is, that it’s hard to really look at someone new with “fresh eyes” when you’ve still got residue or rose-colored glasses from someone “old.” If that stung a bit, then you’re exactly who I’m talking to. Yeah, let next year be the year that you do whatever needs to be done to fully release your ex — let them go, mind, body, and spirit, so that the universe can do what it’s gonna do.
Even if it brings them back, you’ll both need to be different people. And for that to happen, a season of full separation is usually needed and required.
5. Give Yourself a "Make-Under"
One of 2024's biggest beauty trends is minimalism.
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I’ve shared before that, one of the best compliments I’ve ever heard was when a guy in a mall here, said to me in passing, “That’s for remembering what you look like.” (#BARS) I knew what he meant because I only wear mascara and lip color, easily 97 percent of the time — and a lot of men have told me that they find the natural look on women to be so alluring; refreshing even.
Now before some of y’all get triggered by saying that you don’t want to do anything “for a man” — understood. I do think, though, that devoting, at least a couple of days a week, to going all-natural (or at least looking that way — check out “How To Flawlessly Achieve The ‘No Makeup’ Makeup Look” and “8 Solid Reasons To Go Make-Up Free At Least Once A Week”) will help you to feel more comfortable in your own skin. It can also give you the space to determine what look you actually like as opposed to what culture is cramming down everyone’s throat.
Plus, one of the biggest beauty trends in 2024 is taking the minimalist approach, so figuring out how “less is more” can get you to learn more about what works for you could prove to be great as it relates to skincare, hair care and how you define beauty, for yourself, overall.
6. Learn Something New Once a Month
Since I’m a marriage life coach, I’m constantly reading stuff on personal development. On BetterUp’s site, I recently checked out an article that talked about all of the benefits that come with learning new things. Some of the points that it mentioned are new things can sharpen your skills, make you more flexible and open-minded and it can help you to become more empathetic towards others. Personally, I think it can help to make life more exhilarating too.
So, why not commit to learning at least one new thing a month? It could be by reading a book or watching a documentary on a particular topic, taking a class on something that you currently know nothing about, or being proactive when it comes to learning more about or doing something that you’ve never done before.
A self-improvement entrepreneur by the name of Paul J. Meyer once said, “Imagine something new or you will only go where you have been.” And since every day is spanking new, wouldn’t it be a shame to live your life in a “circle” (which is more like a hamster wheel) than a “line” (which is forward movement)? Make some major strides in your personal growth in 2024 by choosing to do and experience some newness — persons, places, things, and ideas.
7. Forgive
Being in a state of unforgiveness isn't the flex you think it is.
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I know people who brag about not forgiving others. I don’t think that’s a flex at all. For one thing, there are too many studies that reveal that it’s actually bad for your health to remain in a state of unforgivingness (read more about that here). Another thing to keep in mind is it’s pretty arrogant to hold unforgivingness over someone’s head being that you’re not perfect either which means that you will need someone to extend that same kind of mercy to you…sooner than later. And finally, if you want to really move past something (or one) and not allow what happened to influence your future decisions — yes, forgive.
There are far too many folks out here who are, quite frankly, bitter as literal hell and it’s all because they are so stuck in the past and who they didn’t forgive that it alters how they deal with…shoot, pretty much everything in the here and now.
Listen, I’ve had some real doozies in my life happen and although it has been hella tempting to not forgive someone thinking that it will hurt them if I don’t — for the sake of inner peace and not having to dodge folks should I run into them somewhere, I have chosen to forgive anyway. Now as far as possible reconciliation goes, true repentance has to happen on their end because repairing what has been broken isn’t just one me. However, there is not one person at this stage in my life who I am mad at or “scared” to encounter because I have accepted that the past can’t change (one definition of forgiveness) and I have pardoned the offense (another definition of forgiveness) so that I can get on with my life.
Are there consequences for what I forgave? Yep. Am I still giving them power over me that they don’t deserve, though? NOPE.
8. Apologize
Some of y’all aren’t going to like this — still, it must be said. While in an interview several months back, someone asked me why I thought it was so hard for a lot of women to apologize. My answer: “Ask them the last time their own mama apologized to them or they saw her apologize to their dad.” Learning to say “I’m sorry” is literally a learned behavior and unfortunately, a lot of us didn’t have it modeled and so we suck at doing it now. However, just because that might be the reason, there is no excuse not to do it.
Apologizing means that you are taking accountability for your actions. Apologizing means that you have a level of humility to see where you’ve either done something wrong or hurt someone’s feelings. Apologizing means that you’re far more interested in bringing peace to a dynamic than being right all of the time. Apologizing is where the big kids play. And if you really want to be stellar at it, you will also strive to make amends (check out “Heads Up: It's NOT An Apology If An Amends Isn't Made”) which means that you want to right the wrong of your behavior.
Justifying, deflecting, making excuses — that’s all a sign of emotional immaturity. You grow when you see where you could have/should have done better and you own it. Then you address it. Then you do better the next time. People who apologize are people who can be trusted with other people’s thoughts and feelings because they are willing to own their ish. If you want to become a better individual, learn to apologize more — and better.
9. Reacquaint Yourself with the Word “Single”
Being single is what you make it. Literally.
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Even though I work in the field of marriage, I am a single woman and quite fond of the demographic; that’s why I’ve written articles for the platform like “Single Women: Yes, You Are Qualified To Talk About Relationships,” “10 Bona Fide Benefits Of Being Single,” “If You're Not In Love With Being Single, Ask Yourself These 6 Questions,” “Yes. Married Folks Need Single Friends (Male And Female).” and yes, “10 Words That'll Make You Totally Rethink The Word 'Single.'”
When it comes to this particular point, when you get a chance, please spend some time on that last one. Why? Well, the reality is that, reportedly, by 2030, 45 percent of women in this country will be single. There are so many factors that play into why that is the case. For now, I’ll just say that whether you think that is awesome or it’s got you low-key freaking out that you’ll never leave that particular demographic, if your current relational status is indeed “single,” make sure that you get how vast and awesome that is by taking in all of what it means to be…SINGLE.
For instance, one of my favorite synonyms for single is “exclusive.” To be exclusive is to be “belonging to a particular individual.” Think of it like a rare diamond. You’re not costume jewelry — you’re rare and it would take someone with a good eye for exquisiteness to have you in their life. This means that you’re not “lonely”…you’re just…exclusive. See what I mean? #wink
10. Choose to See Aging Differently
Y’all…this aging thing. I’m starting to respect what the elders go through more than I ever have because there's nothing like seeing signs of your mind wanting to do something that your body just isn’t in the mood for (energy levels included). And while we’re here, perimenopause? WHAT THE HELL? I used to be someone who could set my watch on, not just the day but the time of day of my cycle, and now? It’s freestylin’ like a mutha, sometimes I’m kicking my sheets off at night (and I keep my house at around 68 degrees) and my physician is like, “I mean…sorry.”
At the same time, though, there is an unmatched wisdom and calm that have come over me that I never had in my 20s, was struggling with in my 30s, and have become a sensei (wax on, wax off) within my 40s; the kind that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. And in that space, I’m learning how to take things as they come with more grace, to not try and change what I can’t, to be more proactive about my health, and to truly embrace being in the present.
Y’all, in a culture that wants to keep people “forever young,” remember that even Scripture says that “The silver-haired head is a crown of glory, If it is found in the way of righteousness.” (Proverbs 16:31 — NKJV) Whether it’s a ticking clock that you fear (check out “Tick Tock: How To Get Over The Fear Of Your Biological Clock”), a certain place you thought you would be by now or you just hate the idea of aging, period — remember that there were a ton of people who started 2023 out with us who are no longer among us. Aging is a sign that you still have purpose that has gone unfulfilled and what an honor to still have more time to fulfill it. Embrace aging. Don’t fight it.
11. Say “Yes” More Often
In 2024, usher in new growth by saying "yes" more often.
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I am indeed a quirky one because, even though the holidays ain’t my thing, I will find myself on my couch, wrapped up in a big ass cable knit blanket, with some hot chocolate, watching a few Christmas movies. One that I saw this year was theChristmas of Yes. Long story short, the main character had a bit of a negativity bias (check out “7 Signs You Have A Toxic Relationship...With Yourself”) and so she was challenged to go the entire holiday season saying “yes” to every opportunity that came her way.
Now listen, I’m not out here saying that you should be running rogue with no discernment; at the same time, though, think about what possibilities would be open to you if you were less critical, more flexible, and super willing to try new things. So yeah, purpose in your mind in the new year that if there’s one thing that you will do more often, both personally as well as professionally, it is to say “yes.”
Say “yes” to the blind date.
Say “yes” to a concert of a genre that “ain’t your thing.”
Say “yes” to an assignment that intimidates you.
The universe tends to be more open to giving things to those who don’t shoot down options left and right. If you don’t commit to anything else on this list in 2024, say “yes” to this one (pun intended).
12. See Marriage As a Blessing Instead of a Mission
I recently watched an IG post of a woman who met a guy online who lived in another state. 12 days later, he flew in to meet her and this woman decided to surprise (which was more like shock) him and propose. Bless her heart — and not for the reason you might think. My main “SMDH” was because she doesn’t truly know anyone in 12 days, I don’t care how many conversations she’s had—and so, what it gave off was that she doesn’t want to be committed to the man so much as marriage is a goal for her. For a lot of people who have sought me out for counsel, in hindsight, they can relate.
Listen, contrary to popular assumption, not all women want to be married (check out “Single-Minded: So, What If You Like Dating But DON’T Desire Marriage?”) and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, I have MAD RESPECT for people who know they don’t want marriage and/or children and then live their life accordingly as opposed to going against their better judgment and then bringing others into their regret (especially kids).
However, for those who do — please decide this year that it’s not about the ring, wedding, or even relational status. Men are not like “add water and stir.” Wait for the one who makes your life so much better as a result of being in it. And in the meantime, make sure that your world, as a single woman, is so unbelievable that he feels almost like he’s “wreckin’ your flow” to be there. Feel me? I really hope that you do.
Marriage is beautiful. I advocate for it on a daily basis. Yet it’s not a goal to reach; it’s a blessing to have. Live your life fully and let it add to you…when the time is right.
BONUS: Do You NEED “It”? Or Merely WANT “It”?
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It’s the ultimate hack — learning the difference between what you need and what you want. I don’t mean from a needy space (“Are You In Love Or Are You In Need?”) because that typically speaks to inner voids that must be filled, oftentimes with the help of a life coach or therapist. No, what I mean is, look over the different areas of your life and really ponder what you NEED in 2024 vs. what you WANT in 2024, and then prioritize the needs before the wants. For instance, I NEED to get a retirement fund together, while I WANT to go…to a certain place for my milestone birthday. If the goal of the fund is set by June, cool. If not, it’ll have to wait.
Far too often, we romanticize out of our needs because of what we want — and it proves to ultimately be counterproductive whether it’s tied to a relationship, a job move, a money-related decision, or anything else. And so, you prepare to step into 2024 and put what’s essential over what you like.
At the end of the day, while it might feel like a sacrifice at first, usually prioritizing your needs frees you up to enjoy what you want — not immediately but when the time is better suitable.
It might not sound like “fun” yet it is mature. And it can put you on solid footing for 2024 and beyond.
And with ALL of this said (whew) — Happy (Almost) New Year, y’all!
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
We have less than 40 days left in 2024, and while I'm not one to rush goals just because it's the end of the year, it can be fun to challenge yourself to think about ways you'll close out this year big.
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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The List Of Golden Globes Awards Nominees Has Dropped: Who's Nominated & Who Got Snubbed
The Golden Globes started the week off with a bang announcing the 2025 nominees and per usual we are rooting for everybody Black.
The film Emilia Pérez, featuring Zoe Saldaña, leads the Golden Globe nominations with 10 nominations, while The Brutalist has seven. For television, The Bear received the most nominations with five, followed by Only Murders in the Building and Shōgunwith four each. Before we celebrate our people, we must also acknowledge the snubs.
The Golden Globes, and other award organizations, have faced criticism for overlooking Black-led films, particularly after it was revealed in 2021 that the voting body lacked Black representation.
The Hollywood Foreign Press Association, despite recent efforts to diversify, has faced criticism for overlooking acclaimed performances by Black actresses. This year, Marianne Jean-Baptiste and Danielle Deadwyler were notably absent from the nominees, despite their award-winning roles in Hard Truths and The Piano Lesson, respectively. Danielle's omission marks the second time she has been snubbed by the Globes for a critically acclaimed performance.
Give our girl her things — she more than deserves them!
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
According to the Golden Globes, “In 2023, UCLA highlighted that Black actors make up 14.8% and 16.2% of all theatrical and streaming roles. However, we’ve seen many success stories that have inspired multiple generations. Black people in the entertainment industry have seen great strides in advancement in the creative arts that have helped evolve our everyday reality.”
And like my therapist always reminds me: two things can be true at once. Yes, Black thespians are represented more in the entertainment industry AND we still have lots of work to do as we fully live out the dreams of our ancestors.
The 82nd ceremony will be broadcast on January 5 on CBS and Paramount+. Find the full list of Black nominees below, including the category for which they are nominated:
Film
- Cynthia Erivo (Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy) for her role in Wicked
- Zendaya (Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy) for her role in Challengers
- Colman Domingo (Best Performance by a Male Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama) for his role in Sing Sing
- Denzel Washington (Best Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role) for his role in Gladiator II
- Zoe Saldaña (Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture) for her role in Emilia Pérez
- Kris Bowers (Best Original Score) for the film The Wild Robot
Television
- Donald Glover (Best Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Series) for his role inMr. and Mrs. Smith
- Quinta Brunson (Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy) for her role in Abbott Elementary
- Ayo Edebiri (Best Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy) for her role in The Bear
- Jamie Foxx (Best Performance in Stand-Up Comedy on Television) for Jamie Foxx: What Had Happened Was
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Featured image by Emma McIntyre/Getty Images for Academy Museum of Motion Pictures