Imma tell y’all what — it seems like not one week goes by when I don’t see some sort of so-called term that has me like, “What in the world?” For instance, when I first stumbled upon “self-partnering,” honestly, I laughed. Then shared it with some other single people as well as married folks I know. And I kid you not, every individual was like, “What the heck does that mean?” When I told them that it was yet, one more way to seemingly define single living, basically everyone’s follow-up was, “Oh, brother.”
Why can’t (more) singles just be single and be okay with that? Good Lord. Why does there need to be some sort of relational play-on-words to make it sound like we’re with someone — even if we’re not?
Now masterdating? Even though it’s not even close to being a “real” word, it’s something that also brought a laugh outta me — although it was then followed by a genuine smile. The laugh because I almost immediately caught the play-on-words. The smile was due to the intention behind it all.
If you’re not familiar with what masterdating is and you’re curious about why you should even care, take a few moments to at least skim through what it’s about and why I think participating, as a single person, is a pretty cool (and effective) concept.
@knotlukas Masturdate: a date w oneself
What’s Masterdating All About?
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Masterdating. Okay, so let the word marinate for just a moment. What does it sound like? Yeah…exactly. And since a huge part of masturbation centers around self-pleasure, it’s cool to explore how “self-dating” could produce similar (as far as pleasure is concerned in a broader sense) results. Because masterdating is all about spending quality time with yourself, pampering yourself, treating yourself— and yes, taking yourself out on dates.
Any of you who may think that masterdating is a consolation prize — and a pitiful one at that — for not being able to go out with another human being or get that dream $200 first date that social media was all in a tizzy about last year (bookmark that) — personally, I think that you’re the demographic who needs to try out masterdating first and the most. Why? Off top, I’ll share my three good reasons.
3 Reasons To Strongly Consider Masterdating
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1. It’s an intimate way to get to know yourself better. I’ve been working with couples for a pretty long time at this point and if there’s a pattern that I see arise, OFTEN, it’s that two people are oftentimes so busy trying to “find their person” that they didn’t even know who they were. As a direct result, they found themselves in a relationship with someone who only complemented the “kiddie pool version” of who they were.
That’s why it can be so beneficial to spend time getting to know yourself on the “deep end” of things: what makes you tick, what your passions are, what you want most out of life, what are your interests beyond obvious things — and masterdating can help you to discover all of this. Whether it’s traveling alone or taking out a weekend to drink some wine and journal, the more you get to know yourself, the clearer you’ll be about who complements you on a romantic and friendship level.
2. It will definitely help to boost your confidence levels. I guess since I’m an ambivert, I don’t really get why people freak out at the mere thought of going to a restaurant or movie alone. Personally, I think it requires a helluva lot more energy and gumption to wait around and plan stuff with other people (#Elmoshrug). However, whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, there’s no way around the fact that the more comfortable you get with doing things alone, the more your confidence levels will increase — no, soar — because of it.
One article that I read on the topic said that doing things alone can make you more creative, improve your mental health, and help you to be totally okay with being alone (so that you’re not “needy” for other people’s attention). A psychotherapist from a New York Times article on the benefits of spending time alone said, “Getting better at identifying moments when we need solitude to recharge and reflect can help us better handle negative emotions and experiences, like stress and burnout.” And when you’re able to stare negativity in its face without flinching, how could that not make you bolder, more self-secure, and hopeful about your life?
3. It will teach you to value your time more effectively. In every facet of your world, you’re gonna operate from a healthier place if you’re operating from a “full cup” rather than an empty one. When it comes to this topic, think about it — if you’re constantly waiting on someone to call you to go out or wishing for a dream date with some guy, all you’re doing is wasting precious time that you could be spending taking a cooking class or hell, hiring a chef to make you dinner at your own home.
Indeed, waiting has two sides to it: when it’s in the form of patience, it is indeed a virtue, yet when it’s wrapped up in the notion that you’re not really living life unless you have an audience…it is totally working against you. Choose wisely.
10 Solo Date Ideas To Help You To “Master” Masterdating
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So, what if you’re someone who has either never considered actually masterdating before or you don’t really know what to do beyond dinner and the movies? Here are a few ideas to consider:
1. Attend a workshop or masterclass that you’re interested in. If there’s something that you’ve always wanted to learn, sign up for a workshop or masterclass. The cool thing about this option is there are probably some in your city, as well as some that you can find online (like here) that are convenient and affordable.
2. Binge-read at a local coffee shop. Aside from their coziness and oftentimes inviting scents, I once read that a lot of us gravitate to coffee shops because we can be around people without having to actually socialize with them. So, if you want to “hang out” while still being able to enjoy a bit of solitude, take a book that you’ve been trying to finish to a local coffee shop, order your favorite latte, and sit in a big-ass comfy chair. Usually, you can sit there for hours, and the staff will be just fine with it (another bonus).
3. Have a spa day in the next town. You can never go wrong with a spa day. And while going with a friend can be fun, sometimes there’s too much talking transpiring to be able to fully chill out and relax. So, go off of the grid, get a change of scenery, and hit up a spa in the next city (or town). There are lots of studies out here supporting that day trips or “daycations” can actually be really good for your long-term health and well-being.
4. See a community play. Some of the best solo dates that I’ve ever been on consisted of taking in some of the local arts in my city. What’s really cool about this particular option is, oftentimes, they are extremely inexpensive, if not totally free of charge (in exchange for making a donation or putting money into a tip jar).
5. Plan a trip. Whenever people say something along the lines of, “If you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed,” I know that they low-key have some (additional) healing to do from past disappointments. There’s simply too much intel out here to support that anticipation (of good stuff) makes us more motivated and optimistic, keeps our dopamine levels up, and makes life more exciting overall.
Since traveling alone is more cost-effective, gives you the freedom to do whatever you want (when you want), and increases the possibility of meeting new people and having new experiences on your journey — why not devote a day this weekend to planning a solo trip? All the way around, it’s good for you.
6. Try your hand at your own “$200 date.” Uh-huh. Roll your eyes if you want to, but it’s real easy to talk left about how a man should be able to just drop $200 like it’s nothing…until you actually try to do it. So yes, while taking yourself out on this type of date could serve as a bit of a reality check, it can also “scratch the itch” of waiting on some dude to do it for you. It’s also way less emotionally draining because, at least when you’re taking your own self out, it’s guaranteed that you’ll enjoy the company…right?
7. DIY some pampering. When you get a chance, check out “5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself,” “Want To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.,” “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” and “When's The Last Time You Actually Pampered Your Vagina?” The bottom line here is pampering is all about, not mere self-maintenance; it’s all about treating yourself to levels of EXTREME SELF-INDULGENCE. So, if nothing else tickles your fancy on this list, at least consider doing that, chile.
8. Feed your creativity. Something that I used to be really good at is art. That said, one of my goddaughters is insanely talented, so she has reminded me to tap back into it. Also, a big part of what got me into the writing world is poetry; I actually used to be a house poet at a local spot. Sometimes, my best quality time moments with myself have been revisiting these creative sides of me — and this is definitely easier to do (and enjoy) alone.
9. Try some stargazing. When’s the last time you took a blanket into your backyard, laid down on it, and just stared at the stars for hours on end? While some say that stargazing can teach you to be mindful, others say that being in that form of nature reduces stress, while others believe that looking up at the universe at night can increase your attention span. All solid reasons to give it a shot, if you ask me.
10. DO. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. Let me tell you something that nobody will ever be able to make me feel bad about: doing absolutely nothing. I’ve got data to back me up. Good Housekeeping shares that doing nothing can help you decide how you want to respond or react to certain things. I like howThe Guardian says that taking this approach helps you to regain control of what you give your attention to.
TIME magazine says that it can ultimately make you more productive.BBC offers up that it can help you tap into your ingenuity.Henry Ford Health says that it can make you kinder and a better problem-solver. So, if you want to invest in yourself, do nothing sometimes.
Closing Thoughts from the Lovely Javicia Leslie
While some of y'all may know Javicia Leslie from being the former Batwoman, I discovered her back in the day from the indie series Chef Julian (and yes, "Julian" was right to say that "Mo" looks like Tatyana Ali...the real ones know). Sometimes I'll hop on her IG to see what she's got going on and this story popped up within a few hours of me penning this...so, I took it as hella confirmation.
TREAT YO SELF. WAIT FOR NO ONE.
WAIT FOR NO ONE. TREAT YO SELF.
RINSE AND REPEAT.
_____
Sooo…what kind of masterdating plans do you have for this coming weekend? While going out with others has its perks, hanging out with yourself has a ton of ‘em too. Enjoy!
No…for real. ENJOY!
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'Bel-Air' Actress Jazlyn Martin On Her Ongoing Identity Crisis And Its Influence On Her Creative Journey
Jazlyn Martin is a triple-threat performer known most for her role as Jackie on Peacock’sBel-Air. Her character’s fiery personality and questionable decisions have led to a few shocking moments in the series and quite a bit of convo on social media.
Now, I’ll be honest: as an avid TV-lover, I was well-prepared to hop on Zoom and jump into all the chatter around Bel-Air and her characters’ decisions. But after listening to her new EP Identity Crisis, I knew there was a lot more to talk about as well. During this exclusive conversation with xoNecole, Jazlyn Martin delved into the challenging journey she’s faced surrounding her identity, newfound fame, and family influence, and how it all plays a part in her art. Check it out!
xoNecole: So I know that your father is in the entertainment world, but when did you realize you shared the same passion?
Jazlyn Martin: I think it was very early on. I was a child who was full of attitude and fearlessness that would go after anything I wanted. I believe seeing my dad pursue music made me realize it was possible. I just had this hunger and fire, and my parents consciously fed and nurtured that - they are always all super supportive of whatever I do. So very, very early on, I was like, I'm meant to do this. And I just was like, I'm a star, and I know I'm a star.
xoN: Actually, let's talk about your family. What are some of your most important values, and how have your family and heritage played a part in shaping those values?
Jazlyn: I mean, my mom is like an angel; she's so graceful and kind, and I've had to work hard to get there. When I was young, I was very abrasive, headstrong, and stubborn. Whereas my mom gives an immense amount of grace in the way she carries herself. I had to learn that.
I think being strong is something I’ve always had. My parents always joke that they don't know where my personality came from. Because my dad is shy and timid and my mom is kind, and I'm a fireball. But my Dad always asked the important industry questions like, “Why do you want to do this?” And that instilled some purpose into me. It really carried me to keep going because it's so easy to be discouraged in this field, but that drive has helped me push through all of the challenges.
xoN: I bet. I have such a respect for actors and the way you all navigate the industry. Speaking of, let’s dig into “Bel-Air.” Were you a fan of the show? Did you have to go back and watch the episodes?
Jazlyn: So I actually did watch the show which is crazy because sometimes I don’t. I saw it was a reboot and was like, ‘Oh no, not another one.’ But I watched the first three episodes, realized how good it was, and ended up watching the whole season. I became a fan, and then a few months later, I booked the role!
I think the imagination is such a beautiful and powerful tool, and I feel like if you create something in your mind, it happens. It's a crazy thing, but I really just created Jackie's world - the house she grew up in, her parents leaving her, and everything. I created why she fell in love with dance. I really came at it from a human approach. If I see it, then the audience can see it.
xoN: Yeah, background plays into so much of how we deal with things, how we interact with people, and everything. And I feel like Jackie gets a lot of backlash. Like, we’ve all had a “Jackie Moment” to be real.
Jazlyn: She gets so much backlash! I just encourage people to give her grace and see the God in her because I do think she tells a lot of Black and brown girls' stories. People project on her, saying she’s too ratchet or hood, and I’m like does that mean she’s not loveable?
We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her. Because she’s helped me extend empathy to people I don't necessarily want to or don't think deserve to have it. But she's 17, she's figuring it out, and she doesn't have parents. Like, that's such a huge factor.
"We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her."
xoN: You mentioned how your character is viewed, which digs a bit into identity. So I want to talk a little bit about some of the emotional songs on your EP “Identity Crisis.” What inspired the track “Perfect?”
Jazlyn: When I was creating “Perfect,” I already had the EP title. So I kind of mapped out, like, the different conflicts I had in my head and categorized them into seven songs, and so one of my identity crises was being perfect. Because I feel like a lot of men tend to put women on pedestals. They're expected to be perfect - especially when you’re in the limelight. You know, you can't slip up. You can't say the wrong thing. Cancel culture is such a huge thing. And I just wanted to encourage people to give people grace to be themselves because that's not an easy thing to do.
I just wanted to take down this facade that I’m perfect because I never pretended to be. I never wanted to be. I think that's something people have placed on me, that I have it all figured out, I think I just carry it well, but that doesn't mean it's not heavy. I just wanted to be very vulnerable and honest. I think people think “perfect” is a compliment, but I think it's a cage because it doesn't allow room for error. It doesn't allow for you to be human and mess up and fail and take risks. So I just wanted to encourage grace.
xoN: Do you ever feel like you went through an identity crisis?
Jazlyn: I go through one constantly. Growing up, I didn't really have one. But I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just “other.” That was an identity crisis in itself.
Also, being introduced to a level of fame has been interesting, too. I think we all go through identity crises all the time because we’re evolving and changing. It’s beautiful, but it’s also scary; you see yourself this one way, and then something happens, and there’s a shift. So yeah, I think it’s something we all go through but no one talks about.
"I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just 'other.'"
xoN: I love that. And I know Hispanic Heritage Month is coming up, and you'll be speaking at the New York Latino Film Festival. Talk to me about what that moment means to you and what you hope to bring to the event. *Editor’s note: The interview was conducted before Hispanic Heritage Month began.
Jazlyn: I’m bringing some Afro-Latino-ness! I always grew up seeing Latinos being represented in a very specific way—very Spanish, not very Indigenous looking. So I'm really excited to bring the Black experience, with the Latino experience, to the stage because that's something a lot of people don't know exists.
People are always like, “Are you Black or Latina?” Well, I'm both! We were just dropped off in different parts. I’m excited to speak on that and highlight how prevalent anti-Blackness is within Latino communities. A lot of Afro-Latinos have faced an identity crisis because of it, including myself. It sometimes feels like you’re supposed to hate the other half of who you are.
For me, I held onto that little Black girl inside. I refused to let her go. And that’s what I want to represent when I speak—resilience and acceptance of our full selves. I’m also looking forward to meeting fellow Latino people, especially Afro-Latinos, and sharing our stories. It’s not a narrative that gets much attention, and I’m excited to represent.
xoN: I’m excited for you! Finally, with all the praise and recognition you’re receiving now, what has it been like to transition from working in music, dance, and acting to now being in the spotlight? How have you embraced this new level of fame?
Jazlyn: Um, it's overwhelming. I think that's the best word. Sometimes, I'm joyful, because I'm giving back to the community. People resonate with Jackie's stories and see themselves in her, which I think is the biggest compliment to me. But then sometimes, you know, I feel sad because I'm like, ‘Damn, I'm not doing enough,’ like I should be doing more. It's crazy, the industry is so fast-paced that you don't really try to celebrate wins. It's just a transition, an identity crisis of the like.
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20 Years Ago, I Wrote A Book. 20 Years Later, I've Published A '2.0 Version' Of It.
There is a Chinese Proverb that, when you hit a milestone birthday like I did this year, it will hit you like a ton of bricks: “Enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think.” Lawd, ain’t that the truth. Anyway, whenever people ask me how I celebrated, anyone who really knows me knows that I am a true ambivert who almost throws up in my mouth at the mere thought of a big birthday bash. That’s why I decided to do one-on-one lunches and dinners with friends. I am in the process of booking a couple of trips, and I decided to write a follow-up to my first book.
Y’all, if you want to see how fast time is moving and also how much you are progressing, look at children or go back and read some of your journal entries from back in the day. As far as the journals go, that can be a really solid practice if you’re ever feeling stagnant or stuck because, believe you me, if you are intentional about evolution and transformation, reading who and where you were once upon and time vs. where and who you are now will showcase it for you, live and in living color. And honestly, that is what the sequel to my first book has done for me.
After I completed it, I realized that it was the best birthday present — both to me and for me.
Because so many of you have been kind enough to contact me to see when I am penning another book, that’s why I’ve written this article — Inside of Me 2.0. My Story. With a 20-Year Lens.is officially available as of this month. That was definitely on purpose because I was going to either release it on my birthday (June) or during Rosh Hashanah (the new year that I observe, which was October 2-4 this year) and preferably in the month of October, which is my late father’s birthday month (if/when you read the book, it’ll all make sense). This year, it all played out perfectly.
Twenty years wasn’t yesterday by any stretch of the imagination (listen…). And so, if you’re not familiar with my work as an author and you’re curious before purchasing my latest read, I totally get it. Here are a few things about Inside of Me and Inside of Me 2.0 that, hopefully, will get you to make a $12.99 or $7 e-book investment. C’mon. Mama needs a new set of Pumas. #wink
Inside Of Me...20 Years Ago.
'Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love and Redemption'
Twenty damn years ago. To give you some perspective, the movie The Notebookcame out in 2004. Usher’s LPConfessions came out in 2004 (“Superstar” definitely should’ve been an official single, and “That’s What It’s Made For” is low-key one of the most sexually irresponsible songs to date, chile). The online review site Yelp (that is pure chaos, by the way — LOL) made its debut in 2004. Bill Clinton’s autobiographyMy Lifecame out in 2004 — and it just happened to be the same month (and year) that my first book (which was also an autobiography of sorts) did.
Oh,Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love and Redemption. Some fun facts include the fact that:
*My brother actually chose the name (well, the “Inside of Me” part).
*Although I had no hand in the design (although it did turn out to be pretty stellar, if I do say so myself), a friend of mine by the name of Cole Warren (no relation) took the cover shot (the design team overlooked giving her photo credit, so there ya go, Cole).
*One of the best vocalists of our time (if you’ve been to a live show of hers, you know that I’m not exaggerating), India.Arie penned the foreword because we happened to be each other’s first “official” celebrity interview (I still have a copy of her demo from her debut LP somewhere): me as the journalist and her as the feature. We stayed in touch via email for a few years after that. There are typos in the foreword because she sent it handwritten right when we were about to literally go to press, and there was no time to edit it without it costing thousands of dollars more (real talk).
*I call the first Inside of Me my “sexual autobiography” because, although it wasn’t exactly planned to play out this way, a lot of what was consuming me in my 20s was sex and relationships. Hmph. I guess that’s why when Karrine Steffans’s (who now goes by Elisabeth Ovesen) first book, Confessions of a Video Vixen (which came out in 2005), was released, some folks said that I was the “Christian Superhead” (chile). Yeah, not even close, although I do get the comparison in the sense that both books were pretty candid — in some ways, mine even more so, since I was a Christian (at the time), and yet I was so open about my sex life and the consequences that came from it. Yeah, that was pretty taboo back then.
*Who published the book is a former publishing company that also produces the Christian pop culture magazineRelevant. I used to be a columnist for it. Kyle Chowning, Cara Baker (I think she’s married with a different name now), and yes, even Cameron Strang were really good to me there; thank you.
*People often ask me how to get a publishing deal; I’m not sure what to tell them because all of the deals that I’ve gotten (which are two; my third book, I took a different route…more on that in a sec) were offered to me.
*Every book that I’ve written has taken about six weeks to do it from start to finish (don’t ask me why; it just always plays out that way).
*Although my immediate family came and celebrated at my book signing party that I hosted at an art gallery here in Nashville when my book was released, while I was actually penning it, my mother didn’t speak to me for six months because she wasn’t supportive of the content that I was writing. I had a lot of fear back then, so if you ask me, it was a pretty tame version of everything that I went through. I am pretty fearless now (do with that what you will).
*Also, the “main men” in the book were not blindsided; I made sure that the fathers of my aborted children heard their specific chapters prior to publishing — not because I needed their approval but because I know what being caught totally off guard feels like, and I didn’t want to do that to them. They all said that they were fine with my perspective even if it wasn’t 100 percent their own (understood).
*I had a publicist who did a pretty good job promoting the book. I even had an Oprah (show) invite, although I turned it down because they wanted me to spend a considerable amount of the interview discussing something that wasn’t difficult for me, yet I knew it would be for someone close to me, so I declined. I have no regrets.
*I didn’t plan to pen a sequel at the time of releasing the first book, and certainly not one 20 years later. Not back then. Yet there is something about 20 biblically representing “perfection in waiting” and my also processing who I was as a woman at 29 (when I wrote my first book) and who I, well, now, was as a woman at 49 (when I wrote most of the follow-up) that made it all seem like the right time and occasion.
Inside of Me...Now.
'Inside of Me 2.0. My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'
Although it might sound like a shameless plug, if you haven’t read the first book, you might want to before copping the second one: Inside of Me 2.0. My Story. With a 20-Year Lens. I think the second offering will make a lot of sense even if you don’t…I’m just saying if you want some real context, the first is a great reference point.
So, what’s different about this book? I mean, for starters, I am 20 years older.
As far as the book itself goes, I decided to self-publish and also create an imprint to create more books moving forward. Listen, I’ve been published before, twice, and although the bragging rights (and advance) can be (initially) cool, if you want to make some real money, you’d need to be a bestseller. Not to mention the fact that self-publishing comes with so many options now; I mean, the distribution for this book is as vast as my previous other ones (Pure Heart: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Integrityis the second book; I’m not as emotionally attached to it, though). Plus, the book industry isn’t what it used to be, and neither are bookstores, for that matter (SMDH).
Another reason why I decided to self-publish is I wanted complete control from the design to the content, and this route gave me that. The book is green because I like what green represents (health, growth, balance, wisdom, and renewal, for starters). I put my picture on the back because I got the affirmation that my self-esteem needed at the time via my picture being on the front with the first book (I’m good).
I didn’t want anyone to write the foreword or reviews for the cover because, well, it’s my story — I don’t really need anyone to validate my own experience. I also didn’t want an editing team that would constantly ask me, “Are you sure you want to say that like that?” — all of these are traditional routes for books, and traditional, I am not.
The content. Well…not a ton of sex has been had over the past 20 years (which is wild to even hear myself say), and so, a sexual autobiography, again, this is not. Looking back on both books, I get that the first one was about a lot of what I did while my second covers a lot of ground concerning why I did it. As far as the ground that I chose to cover, I’ve been asked what surprised, even me, and I’d have to say that it’s got a heavy narcissism theme to it. I grew up in a religious home, and a child of an entertainment industry leader, and narcissism abounds in both of those realms. I do quite a bit of unpacking regarding all of that.
There is also quite a bit of closure in this book — closure that includes the explanation(s) of why. The tone is pretty unapologetic because, as I said earlier, I still had some fear while writing my first book. Now I love myself more (love casts out fear), and so the fear is virtually nonexistent. That’s why this book is more along the lines of, “I mean, if you didn’t want me to write about it, why did you do it?” along with some “And you still should be grateful that some mercy was factored in” sprinkled throughout.
Yeah, Inside of Me 2.0 consists of a lot of what one chapter addresses in its title — learning the differences between who PTSD Shellie was and who the Real Shellie now is. Just like a lot of the content that is featured on this platform, there is no shortage of spiritual and biblical references to emphasize some points; however, it’s not a Christian book by any stretch because I wouldn’t consider myself to be a Christian — anymore. I like how John 8:31-32 is where Christ said that his followers were his disciples. I also like that his disciples were pretty unconventional and off the chain (re-read about Peter sometime). All of that tracks for me.
Something else? I didn’t expect Inside of Me 2.0 to be longer than Inside of Me — it’s around 30 pages more, though. I guess it’s that way because I explain, in detail, where I stand spiritually, where I am when it comes to my family (chile), and the resolves that I now have as it relates to relationships — romantic, platonic, and otherwise. I don’t talk a lot about sex because there isn’t a lot to say on the personal front (#Elmoshrug). If you come to this site, I’m never short of ideas on the topic, though…so…there’s that.
Press. I keep getting asked about that. I dunno, y’all. I haven’t had any social media for what, 15 years now, and I still don’t want (or miss) it. I am in the process of building a website along a theme that I am passionate about (more on that to come). I am also open to doing some interviews as they come, and I think I might hop on a podcast platform, just so people can hear the tree fall in the forest (if you catch my drift); however, I didn’t write this book for attention or fame.
I wrote it because A) I’m a writer; it’s like breathing; B) Inside of Me needed some documented resolution, and now it has that; C) my dad never had a voice for his pain, and I wanted to be his mouthpiece now that he is no longer here; D) there are certain questions that I get asked fairly often that I felt a book could answer all in one sitting, and E) it was time. Twenty years — perfection in waiting — says so.
Photo Credit: Sam Simpkins
Welp. That’s about it, y’all. Oh, one more thing because some people have already asked me this too. What is my arm tat about? Feathers symbolize spiritual evolution, honor, wisdom, power, and femininity. I have five stars that represent my four aborted children and Perez (check the dedication for an explanation about him). Moon and stars symbolize the balance of masculine and feminine energy. The Hebrew letters spell out Perez, which means “breakthrough” in Hebrew.
You know, back in the late 90s, there were some Jamaican women who came to a church that I visited who did an altar call for anyone who wanted clarity. As one of them walked past me, she came back and said, “Books! Books! Lots of books!” I guess I’m just out here confirming what she spoke over me. Following the flow of it all.
If you’re willing to support that, I’d 1000 percent appreciate it.
From the inside (pun intended)…out.
Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens is now available on platforms includingAmazon,Barnes & Noble, Ingram, etc., and will be available on e-book sites including Apple iBookstore, Google Play, Nook, and others by the end of October 2024.
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Featured image by Sam Simpkins